I like that it has been a confidence building experience for dd1 (junior). Dd1 was unexpectedly dumped by boyfriend of a year about two months ago. So it was great for her bruised confidence to be asked to the senior prom by a boy who is very popular among the female population of her big public school. At the same time, I can see this as a stressful, maybe even confidence sapping, experience for some kids.
I most dislike that it hugely distracts the kids from their studies. Especially for the juniors, the timing coincides with all their major tests – the SATs/ACTs, AP exams, and SAT subject tests. Dd1 agreed to postpone all her prom prep activities until after her last AP exam (calc bc) two days ago. But I am sure she was distracted at times when she could have been studying for her exams… all the juicy gossip!
I also dislike the expenses. She is going to both the junior prom and the senior prom. I am estimating $800-$1k.
I also find the whole concept a bit anachronistic and unnecessary for the schools to be sponsoring. I mean, do our teens really need the school’s “encouragement” in setting up their own romantic lives?
I do like the idea of one last school party but dislike how mandatory it feels. My son’s STEM school is 2/3 boys, most heading into engineering and CS. It will be thinly attended. Theirs is scheduled for June after most of the testing. He asked two different girls, got turned down twice (both had dates, more than a month away), and has decided to skip it. It’s a shame because he is a social kid and an incredible dancer.
Other school dances have been so lame that he didn’t really want to go anyway, would rather go to the local HS prom but doesn’t know very many of the girls there. Him being a cheapskate, it never seemed to him like a good allocation of $300.
That, and making promposals more elaborate than most marriage proposals.
There are more things I dislike about prom than things I like.
Like: I am happy to see that more kids are going in groups with friends rather than one-on-one. I think it makes the whole experience more relaxing and takes some of the pressure off of those who go with dates. I also like that many schools are doing after-prom parties to try to make it a safer event, and discourage the private parties that are often not supervised.
Dislike: So many things to list… I hate that prom has become such an over-done event and so expensive. The cost of proms has become ridiculous and cost-prohibitive to so many kids. Nobody should ever be left out because they can’t afford it. Call me old-fashioned, but I vote to go back to the days of decorating the high school gym. It can be done very elaborately and made very special. Prom can easily reach hundreds of dollars-even thousands-by the time tickets, clothing, limos, dinners, after-parties, etc. are added up. I hate that some kids feel that if they are not invited to prom or included in a group that they are missing some life-changing event. It might be a confidence booster for those who snag an invitation, but for many other kids who are not able to go it can be a real blow to their egos. I hate the huge “promposals” that have become more popular. Talk about pressure! Every year, I hate hearing about at least one fatal accident resulting from prom-goers drinking and driving. I guess I am just not a prom fan. To be transparent, I did go to senior prom my junior year, but turned down an invite my senior year as I just didn’t enjoy it. Of my 4 kids, all went to at least 1 prom- DS1 and DS2 loved proms and went with dates, but always in a large group. DD1 went to one and absolutely hated it. Organised a party at out house her senior year for other prom-haters. DD2 thought they were just OK. All of our kids had to pay for their own prom. Also, while I like the idea of organised after prom parties, my kids all thought they were boring. oh well.
Dislike from personal experience: the hype and the expectation from the “adults” of my high school world - mother, friends’ mothers, teachers, teenage mentors - that this would be a fun activity. No, not my style or interest. And, I didn’t like that several girls in my circa mid-1970’s class felt pressured into ending up in motel rooms with boys that they didn’t even particularly like. My mother would have been horrified at this, but probably wouldn’t have believed it - the age of innocence? I did attend as a junior, refused as a senior.
My Ds both went with groups of friends instead of dates. This was very common at their school. As each student could invite as a date one student from another school or class, the planning around invites was to make sure the entire multi-grade groups could go together. I know there were limos involved for some groups, but minivans were also a popular choice.
It’s just a dance. Dances are fun. Sometimes it’s fun to dress up with the kids you’ve known all yoru life and have grown up with…sort of a coming of age thing. A nice beautiful party to remember everyone looking their best and having a few sentimental moments. Doesn’t have to cost a thousand dollars. My kiddo got a retro dress on Ebay for $25 and looked incredible. Got a ton of compliments. Took grandma out and bought new sparkly shoes. Borrowed a beautiful pendent. Got some books and consulted sites about hair and makeup and had fun with a girlfriend. The girls also made boutonnieres for the guys with little pheasant feathers and baby roses…prettier than you could buy, and a fraction of the cost. It’s not about confidence and esteem and gossip and spending money, it’s about relationships and enjoying people who you might not ever see again…and taking stock in that moment, in your roots…before you move on to the great unknown. That’s what it was like for us, anyway.
One thing I didn’t like: I’m on Long Island and our prom is always at this fancy place in Manhattan (ultra swanky, my boyfriend just went to a celebrity event there with Meryl Streep and other A+ listers, which means it was also very expensive). Everyone has to end up taking a limo to the place. That made it very difficult for people who didn’t have a core group of friends to go limo riding with. If the prom was local, on Long Island, they could’ve just driven / been dropped off, but what were they going to do, take the train to the city by themselves? There was so much pressure to do it the “right” way - have a date, be part of a group where everyone has a date and can take those pictures of the couples all together at someone’s house and then all take a limo together - that anyone who didn’t have that social luxury was excluded.
What I like: Especially these days, with all the pressure on kids, that they have an event that should be fun and not about the seriousness of their future, and a time to enjoy being with each other.
What I don’t like, never liked: The whole getting a date for the prom. I kind of like the idea of going in groups, it takes away the whole stigma of not being asked/finding a date, kids have enough ego crushing without that.
The fanciness of the prom venues. When I was in high school back in the dark ages, it was expensive, but these days it seems common they are based around emulating high society or something, with the cost of the tickets alone going into the mid to upper end of the hundreds range, and then there is the pressure to have the right outfit (guys have it easy with tuxes), then the whole showing off with renting limos, etc, etc…it seems to me it is turning like so many other things into upstaging other people, and that is sad. There is already so much competitiveness, why does a social event have to turn into that, too? (and yes, it was in my day, too, the who got asked by who, etc).
Then, too, which went on in my day but I here is more common, the after the prom things, there were always parties, but now it seems like even those have become elaborate with a hierarchy of who can go where (and I will admit upfront, that is what I have heard about locally with the kids I have talked to or parents I talk to) and unlike that I recall, the parties were kind of on the QT, so at least kids weren’t publicly asked “were you invited to X’s party” and having to answer. Obviously kids often found out about the parties they weren’t invited to, if any at all, but there was no public element to it.
My Friend: “I don’t even know if J is going to the prom.”
Me: “Hasn’t she been dating A for, like, 2 years now?”
Friend: “Yes, but he hasn’t promposed.”
Seriously, if you are dating someone for 2 years and are talking about prom-related activities, do you really need to be promposed to? I don’t think J cared, but her mother was adamant.
The ticket to D’s senior prom is $140 per person. If you pay for your date, and add in everything else (dress, shoes, nails, limo, flower) it adds up to some serious money.
What everyone else said. Way overrated and overhyped and very much at the wrong time of year due to AP exams. But D17 is going with her new boyfriend so she is excited. I think she will have a good time. But she asked me the other day, “I’m going over to X’s on the day of the prom to get ready at her house, do you want to go and help me? I know this isn’t a wedding or anything, but I thought I’d ask?”. While I thought it was sweet of her to ask me (and I told her that), I bluntly told her that no, I had no interest in going over to her friends house to help her get ready for the prom and to make chit chat with X’s mom. That I would be happy to help her do her hair, etc, but at our house. It’s her event, not mine (even though I helped her pick out a dress, bought it for her, took her to buy the accessories etc). I’m done. She was telling me about her group’s quest to find a nice place to take pictures. I suggested in front of the split rail fence across from the neighborhood soccer field, LOL! (I would have suggested our front yard, but my DH killed the weeds a couple of weeks ago and we have a bunch of bare spots and it looks like he#%. First world problems. And finally, no, she is not staying out all night. That’s just a dumb idea - nothing good happens in the wee hours of the morning.
Mine was underwhelming, back in the day when you needed a date to go.
My kids’ experience was good. They went in big friendship groups. Some kids had dates, some didn’t. The numbers of boys and girls didn’t match. The outfits were more varied. Some expensive dresses, some simple but nice ones, a few homemade (cosplayers). Some boys in rented tuxes, others in school-owned orchestra/band tuxes. It felt more like a big end of the year party. I had the impression that kids made an effort to include everyone in their broad circle of friends. That felt good.
The after parties left a more mixed impression. There were some big, alcohol fueled blow outs with little adult supervision, often held at hotels. But there were also some smaller, more low key events that felt like a farewell. (Kids here don’t have grad parties; graduation is a family event.) One kid held an after party here at our house. About twenty kids came and some stayed all night. These were nerds, so board games and dance contests (that video game) instead of drinking and sex. Other kid went to someone else’s house where I suspect there was some drinking, but strangely enough some parents stayed and hung out, too. (Parents who had become good friends with other parents.)
I don’t like the expense or the feeling the prom has to be held off campus. I do worry that some kids don’t have a group to go with. As inclusive as prom feels to me, an outsider and a parent, I am sure there are kids who aren’t in band or a sport or a group and so don’t feel a part of things.
I don’t mind the promposals, but the ones here aren’t too extravagant.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with attending prom but I think for me the issues relate to expectations.
A student should feel free to go without a date if they prefer to go with a group of friends. One should spend the amount they are comfortable with and should not feel that they have to spend a $1000 on prom. It is not necessary.
There are many ways to lower costs. The students need to set reasonable expectations.
Yes it is nice to have the expensive dress but is there an option that is just as nice but not as costly? Is it necessary to rent a limo or get that manicure and pedicure with professional hair and makeup? I don’t really care for the promposals.
The point of prom is to dress up like adults and have a fun evening with friends you’ve known a long time. It’s nice to have a few pictures of everyone dressed up and have a good time after all the stress of college applications and academics.
I don’t feel tuxedos, corsages, and limos are necessary. A guy can wear a nice suit and tie and a girl can where a nice dress and still go out for dinner and dancing at prom. I also don’t care for the after parties. Prom doesn’t have to be an all night event.
Prom was one of several events that took place for seniors so it was not the primary focus of celebrating senior year.
I know I said that I like that the prom has been a confidence booster for DD1. And I am truly happy for her.
But, on the whole, I actually really dislike the pressure to have a date. Some girls do go with other girls, but that is definitely not going to put you at the top of the HS social totem pole. And that’s why two of DD1’s friends are actually going with their ex’s…who dumped them! I just can’t imagine that being fun, going with someone who just recently broke your heart! And who is likely to flirt with other girls at the prom, right in your face!
On the other hand, these girls CHOSE to do so – they thought it more important to hold on to their spots on the social totem pole rather than to just enjoy themselves. I am glad DD1 never asked to go with her ex. I would have said no.
Although I can see the merit in having a big-deal social event at the end of high school, I’m appalled by the fact that it’s connected with dating – which is something that should be unrelated to school – and by the amount of money that kids end up spending. I also don’t like the fact that it gets turned into a marathon all-night event, which often leads to exhausted kids driving – something that can be dangerous even if there’s no alcohol involved.
OK, what I don’t like about prom is that I just got into a ridiculous argument with my D who was offended that, on Prom Eve, I was not sufficiently excited about the upcoming occasion. She asked me if she should paint her bitten to the quick nails (which will be covered by some lovely long opera gloves) and I just said, oh probably. Then she said “Well I’ve painted my toenails!”. And I said, “Oh really, good.” And then she tore into me and said, “You do realize that X’s mom is making her get up at 8am tomorrow to go get her hair, face and nails done! You could show some more excitement about it!”. So when I told her that I had already invested lots of time, money, and effort into the event: driving her 45 minutes to the mall and spending 3 hours helping her pick out a dress, taking her to buy the shoes, helping her find someplace to get the dress altered, searching online and finding the opera gloves she wanted, going to help her pick out a really nice gold necklace (real gold, but nothing expensive), doing an online search for a nice outdoor place for her group to take photos, taking her to a craft store so she could get the stuff to make her date a homemade and personalized boutonniere, finally successfully getting her to try spray tanning to even out her soccer tan (turned out well and she’s glad she listened to me), … she told me it wasn’t about how much money we spent on her (!!!) - it was that I should be more excited and at least fake it. I again, told her that yes, it was about all the time and money we spent on her and that it wasn’t my event to be excited about - it was hers. I mean, I’ve gone far and above what my mother did for me - which was to pay for a cheap dress and then complain about it. Am I allowed to be upset with her for her lack of appreciation? And yes, I was very enthusiastic during the dress and accessories search and pretty much everything else. But now, that she has everything she needs, I think it’s now her thing, not mine. I really hope she has a good time (and I think she will), but it just seems like her expectations are way too high for the event and my participation in it.
@MaineLonghorn LOL! So maybe I’m the exception to the rule?^ Maybe D will lay off me if I tell her I want to go with her!! (But probably not - she’d probably love to have me there to adore her in all her glory from the corner of the room).
