<p>I’m a female freshman in college. I was raised by my parents to work hard and to value education highly. I don’t drink, I don’t party, and I study a lot. I don’t believe in pre-marital sex (for religous reasons and cultural reasons). </p>
<p>On the college forum, I come off as an alien to other college students for having these beliefs and I don’t understand why.</p>
<p>Stand by your convictions and worry not about what others here think…they are irrelevant to your life and what you hold dear.</p>
<p>You are much like my daughter.</p>
<p>It doesn’t matter what we think of you smurfette although I will say I’m impressed! You need to be true to yourself and your values. No you are not the norm among college age students in the U.S. but you should be confident in who you are, what you believe in and not worry about what other students think. I’m sure there are many other students who feel the same way you do. </p>
<p>I would try and be nonjudgemental about other students and hopefully they will be nonjudgemental towards you.</p>
<p>I’m a student (who drinks, parties, and studies). I know a lot of college students who don’t drink or party, but they recognize that the majority of college students do participate in those things, and they don’t condescend to those who do drink/party. No one has any problem with them, and certainly no one sees them as alien. If you don’t recognize that most college students do drink/etc., then that would make you come across as different since you would be naive of something that’s pretty much common knowledge. The fact that you don’t participate alone shouldn’t be particularly interesting new news for college students. Anyone who does see you as alien for that isn’t worthy of your time or attention.</p>
<p>I know. I’m just know that if I did a lot of things that other girls do here on campus, my parents would be very disappointed in me and I would feel very ashamed. </p>
<p>I do have fun here, but that doesn’t involve casual sex, partying, or drinking.</p>
<p>I know that a lot of people here at my university participate in all that, but it seems like if you don’t participate in it also, you’re looked down for it or seen as being a prude or too old-fashioned to be in college.</p>
<p>Of course do not do anything that you would feel ashamed of. You’re not hurting anyone. Just live the way that you believe is right for you.</p>
<p>Be true to yourself. It sounds trite, but it really is the best advice.</p>
<p>Anyone who would look down upon you for being yourself, especially when that means having high moral values and good sense, isn’t worthy of giving a second thought to. You also need to realize there are others with similar convictions as yours at your school. I think most people, including the partiers, will be open-minded enough to respect your perspective although you may end up with less in common with them if their lives revolve around the partying. This is just the way it goes but you can find others with similar convictions as yours to hang with. A live and let live attitude is a good one to adopt.</p>
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<p>Pretty much the way a fair number of people viewed me in college back in the mid-70s. Mrs. WashDad, too, for that matter. Some of their reaction is a juvenile desire to shock you for being “naive.” What a hoot – just because you choose not to participate in the bacchanalia doesn’t mean you are naive. Some of their reaction is a desire to have you sanction their behavior. There’s a pretty good chance that at least some of your fellow students are somewhat ashamed of their behavior and your refusal to participate is a reminder to them of the errors of their ways. Another possibility is that a lot of drunks just always want others to be drunks, too. It’s just the way someone who drinks a lot can get, and they can be very critical of someone who won’t go along. </p>
<p>In any event, those who criticize your choices are (generally speaking) guilty of exactly the same sort of hypocritical judgmental behavior of which they are accusing you. Hypocrisy is just as common in the “socially liberal” part of the population is as it is among the “socially conservative.” It’s just that they grant themselves the privelege of choosing to behave any way they want, while ridiculing your choices. (The best sort of social liberals don’t behave this way, just as the best sort of social conservatives don’t either.)</p>
<p>In short, they’re idiots. They’re hypocrites. They’re intellectually dishonest. I strongly suggest you ignore them and follow your own internal compass. It sounds to me like you are pretty squared away. Illegitimi non carborundum.</p>
<p>All that matters is that you’re happy. If you “value education highly” and that means you refuse to drink and party, you’ve achieved your goals much better than the “work hard, play hard” types have done…because the latter usually ends up as just “play hard and deride those who are working hard.”</p>
<p>But I wouldn’t say people who drink and party are “idiots,” “hypocrites,” or “intellectually dishonest.” In fact, most of my partying friends genuinely try to show me a good time because they don’t want me to become taken over by my tunnel vision (work, work, work, education is god). Sometimes I too am guilty of a superiority complex…I tell them I was raised to work hard and value education highly. Does that make having good fun somehow morally inferior and worth looking down upon as base and idiotic? Not really, but sometimes I catch myself looking down upon people who are having fun, as if to justify the fact that I have holed myself up. Recently I’ve decided to live and let live and to take a walk on the other side once in a while.</p>
<p>Just tell them that you respect their right to make their own decisions, and you hope they respect YOUR right to do the same.</p>
<p>Most people who encouraged me to drink in college meant well, I think. They wanted me to have fun, but their efforts were misguided. As it happens, drinking and partying are NOT fun for me, just as, say, tap dancing is not fun for some people. I like tap dancing, but that doesn’t mean everyone does, so I wouldn’t force it on someone. </p>
<p>It can be tough. The good news is that after college, most “real” adults don’t bug each other about stuff like this. I’m 26, and I have a glass of wine with friends sometimes (I like small amounts of alcohol in a relaxing environment; still don’t like partying per se), and I have a friend who prefers not to imbibe at all. No one gives her a hard time for ordering a coke.</p>
<p>I doubt you’re going to find a parent on this forum who would say “Loosen up, would you?”</p>
<p>While admiring your many fine qualities, let me leave you with the old saying “Don’t just be good, be good for something”.</p>
<p>Smurfette:</p>
<p>I would echo what others are saying about being true to yourself. But there is something I would add.</p>
<p>It is certainly possible to be attacked for no reason. Others who may feel guilty about their own behavior can attack you because your very refusal to participate in those things that make them guilty angers them. That is not and cannot be your fault.</p>
<p>But there is another kind of attack that is, really, a counterattack. It is not uncommon for people who live stoic lifestyles to give out signals of disapproval towards other who are more, shall we say, epicurian. Those signals are an attack, and people who give them off are often subject to counterattacks.</p>
<p>So, let me suggest that you take a good, hard, close look at your own attitudes and behaviors for signs that you are not being attacked, but counterattacked.</p>
<p>I don’t scold others for what they do because essentially, it’s their life. In my mind I disaprove, but I’m not their mother, so I don’t say it out loud. (And, it’s really none of my business).</p>
<p>Thanks for all the reassurances, though. :)</p>
<p>You sound fine to me…like my own daughters. Keep up the good work.</p>
<p>:)</p>
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<p>Just for the record, neither did I, although I would say the overlap between binge drinkers, alcoholics, drug abusers, and idiots is pretty substantial.</p>
<p>smurfette:</p>
<p>I would be very proud if you were my daughter.</p>
<p>smurf,</p>
<p>As one who has sparred a bit with you, the things you list aren’t the reason you get some heat. I didn’t know any of those things, nor did I care about them. I even gave you a pass for going to MSU. 
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<p>Some of the heat you received was for your political viewpoints at least from me. You are still pretty young and speaking in absolutes and 100% certainty will get you in corners. No point of view is 100% correct, even mine. </p>
<p>As a young person you have a chance to learn, whereas some of the folks here are truly unhappy people, maybe even myself, as we engauge in silly political back and forth. My hope for you and some of the other younger posters is that you listen to why someone might disagree with your pov and see if they have a point. Learning to listen is something alot of us older folks have forgotten. You can tell when that occurs by the name calling and loss of topic. Remember, just because the other person can’t think outside of their own world, doesn’t or shouldn’t trap you in yours. </p>
<p>Remember the qualities you listed, don’t necessarily make you a better person than someone who takes part in those things.</p>
<p>smurf… Re: “I don’t understand why…”<br>
If you’d like more support/understanding/unity with peers you might find that by descibing what you DO and LIKE rather than what you DON’T DO and don’t like. If you define yourself by who you’re not, you automatically alienate those who are not of a like mind. That’s just fine if that’s your intent, but if you’re looking for commonalities…</p>
<p>Opie-
Yes, I have a lot to learn and I want to learn. But it’s not people on CC who have criticized me for my beliefs regarding activities on campus, it’s people here at MSU. Your point is well taken though. </p>
<p>jasmom-
I’m not looking for commonalities, I’m just trying to understand why my beliefs are represented by few college students. Why is it so bad to not want to play beer pong (I didn’t even know what that was until I got here on campus), but instead watch a movie with the girls in the lounge? </p>
<p>The reason I asked in this forum, is because you are all parents and I want your perspective on this. You have college aged kids and I want to know your perspective on this. Also, some (if not all) of you have gone to college and know firsthand about this, so this is why I am seeking to understand this.</p>