<p>Once the novelty of beer pong wears off you’ll probably find plenty of girls (and boys) who are happy to watch movies in their pjs. The smell of fresh popcorn or baked cookies is a particularly effective attractant. Just don’t make it “us v. them”, or the couch may stay pretty empty.</p>
<p>smurfette:</p>
<p>I hear you. And good for you for not saying to people that you think they are not living correctly. My only advice would be to make sure it doesn’t show up in your face, your body language, or your tone of voice. Most people who are thinking something are not good at keeping it from showing to others.</p>
<p>I like to party, but I also spend a number of nights hanging out and watching movies or going into the city. You can try to get some people on your floor together for a movie sometime. I think promoting a “girls’ night” would be great. Get popcorn, chick flicks, nail polish, and relax for the night. Every girl is up for that every once in a while. Another approach is to get a movie or activity going that will be over by 11:00 or 12:00 so that people can go to that and then go out to a party if they want to. I think you’ll find a number of students who don’t want to go out afterward and want to stay and hang out.</p>
<p>hey smurfette i feel your pain. i don’t drink, or party, or have sex. i’m only a senior in high school though. it has become the mission of some of my friends to get me to drink but i refuse. i know it seems like you’re the only person on the planet with morals but stick to it.</p>
<p>Oh heaven forbid if some students may intuit a bit of disapproval from someone if they are behaving like idiots–yes, idiots–because they are bombed out of their minds, falling down drunk on the street, falling out of windows, endangering others’ lives by driving drunk, spreading std’s, causing taxpayers time and money for alcohol poisoning admittance to the hospital, vomiting in the hallways, defecating and urinating in public places, and overall just making life miserable for the kids who may have a bit more maturity than that. </p>
<p>If anyone thinks we live in an era in which it is less frowned upon to engage in these activities than to <em>judge</em>them, they are correct.</p>
<p>Did it ever occur to anyone that some of these kids may be crying out loud for just a wee bit of “judgment,” which just might show someone gives a damn.</p>
<p>hereshoping:</p>
<p>It’s not a matter of what should be, but what is. The OP is complaining of feeling ostracized. One possible explanation (and it’s only possible) is that she is sending out signals that cause others to retaliate. IF this is the case, she doesn’t have to do anything about it. But IF this is the case and she wants to be treated better, she would be well advised to change the signals she may be sending, even if unconsciously.</p>
<p>Sorry. I live in the real world.</p>
<p>I didn’t post what I did to get in a fight with you, Tarhunt. I posted it because the OP asked for parents’ perspectives. Actually, I thought she stated she was having fun, but was questioning the partying culture. If other kids are “retaliating” because they don’t like the <em>perceived</em> judgment, who wants them as friends anyway? Look for others to befriend. My post simply offered my perspective, as an adult, as you offered yours. I am personally amazed at how dismissive so many parents are of what goes on. The binge drinking is far beyond what it was in our day. Kids are dying, or coming close in many cases, and many parents just seem to yawn–oh well, we did it. Actually, we didn’t <em>all</em> do it. And our kids don’t <em>all</em> do it. And we, too, lived, and live, in the “real” world.</p>
<p>Please don’t fight. I never meant for my post to cause an argument. </p>
<p>People have tried to sway me into going to frat parties and drink, but I said no and they really wouldn’t leave me alone about it. I’ve also been told that this is the best time of my life, but I don’t want to spend it by partying. I want to try new things (like trying to get my research paper published in a national magazine), and get involved on campus. </p>
<p>Yes, I do have fun here. I’m involved with the College Republicans and I’m thinking about going and hearing Tom Tancredo speak here. (Once in a lifetime event). Also, I hang out with the girls on my floor by watching movies in the lounge and we’re planning on doing that again after finals are over. I want to learn how to play the piano in the lounge and learn how to play chess. And, I am 3 steps closer to getting my group’s research paper published in Psi Chi (or another psychology undergrad magazine). How awesome is that?!</p>
<p>And yes, I am questioning the partying culture. If you’re into it, all the best for you. But, I don’t see the fun in getting drunk and getting into messy situations. </p>
<p>I just wanted to know what you guys thought about all of this. I don’t want to be attacked, and I don’t want anyone else to be attacked.</p>
<p>“And yes, I am questioning the partying culture. If you’re into it, all the best for you. But, I don’t see the fun in getting drunk and getting into messy situations”</p>
<p>Smurf you can always drink bottled water. Smile and just tell em it upsets your stomach to drink or it clashes with your medications. Not everyone who parties gets that drunk or messy.
Except for the politics, you sound a bit like my D. She goes, but goes for a bit and heads back after a while. Brings her bottled water and enjoys the people for a while and when she feels like heading out she leaves. </p>
<p>Remember some people are mean with or without alcohol. It isn’t a catlyst that turns everyone nasty, some folks don’t need booze to be mean. You might actually be missing out on some different friendships by dismissing too quickly those that are a bit different than yourself. Consider it a learning opportunity about human nature.</p>
<p>opie-</p>
<p>Thanks for the advice! 
And the politics…well, people can change political parties anytime they want. I have been a conservative since I was a sophomore in high school (when I started to care about politics), but that may change 10 years down the road.</p>
<p>smurfette:</p>
<p>In your original post, you stated that “you come off as an alien.” As a psychologist, the word “alien” seems … significant. If you are being treated poorly by other students, to the point of alienation, then there may be reasons outside the fact that you have different values from those of many of your peers.</p>
<p>The idea that you may be alienated simply because of your values doesn’t ring true to me. It’s possible, of course, but unlikely. I merely suggested a place to look for a reason. I didn’t suggest that I know this to be the case.</p>
<p>One of my sons is an athlete and he decided years ago not to put anything foreign or unhealthy into his body. When asked to take drugs or alcohol, his answer is just a shrug and a “Nah. Doesn’t really interest me.” And then people leave him alone and it’s never a problem again.</p>
<p>
Let’s hope not. :)</p>
<p>I don’t see any of our financial advisors, doctors, dentists, offering advice on the board. For some reason, our resident psychologists seem compelled to do so. Dangerous, and silly, it seems to me, to extract such <em>significance</em> from the choice of <em>one word.</em></p>
<p>Tancredo = my man. :)</p>
<p>Tarhunt-</p>
<p>I find your post interesting since you are a psychologist. 
I am taking psych 101 right now, and I’m going to take cognitive psychology with the same professor (a rarity in a large university). </p>
<p>Maybe this psychological term will explain my post: Peer Pressure (Asch’s conformity test most likely spawned this term). :D</p>
<p>Just don’t post any advice on CC, smurfette. It’ll get you in trouble with some of us. ;)</p>
<p>what!? I shouldn’t follow in the footsteps of tarhunt? ;)</p>
<p>Tarhunt-
I didn’t mean alienation as in isolation. I meant alien as in “you’re weird, stay away from me”. Just to clarify.</p>
<p>“Dangerous, and silly, it seems to me, to extract such <em>significance</em> from the choice of *one word”</p>
<p>liberal?
Conservative?
Abortion?
Homosexual?</p>
<p>HMMMM I don’t know HH, I think you’ve exacted some significance from a word or two on this forum…</p>
<p>I don’t think TH was doing anymore or less than anyone else here by asking the question to look within oneself when this situation occurs. I don’t see the putdown that you might here… could you point it out?</p>
<p>I do not enter into the Ann Landers zone. ;)</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Well, hereshoping, I suspect that if I were a physician and someone came on this board complaining of a physical problem, and I recognized that the problem is a symptom of some medical condition, I would suggest looking into some possibilities. Which is what I’ve done here. No diagnosis, just possibilities.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>“You’re weird, stay away from me” isn’t an isolating statement? Someone facing those signaling “stay away from me” doesn’t feel alienated? Or doesn’t feel alienated enough to post on a board like this one looking for affirmation?</p>
<p>OK. Maybe.</p>
<p>If you’re interested in pursuing peer pressure, perhaps for a paper, you might ask your professor for some suggested reading on the many studies on how people change their perceptions when put among people they disagree with. It’s fascinating stuff. And if you want to go back to or near the beginning, you might check into Fritz Heider’s work on consistency.</p>