<p>It seems to me like there is a prevailing attitude of not drinking = not fun among 99.9% of college students. You can tell people that you don’t want to go around having sex with random people, and sometimes they agree with you, sometimes they think you’ve already got a boyfriend/girlfriend, sometimes they think you’re a prude, whatever, but they don’t really care much. Same with drugs…they might go on a bit about how, really, alcohol is worse than weed and, really, it should be legal and, really, you shouldn’t look down on people for using it, and so on…but in the end they don’t really care either way. </p>
<p>But if you don’t drink, my god, well why the hell not? What’s wrong with you? Haven’t you ever tried it? You can’t knock it until you try it! Come to a party with me next week, you don’t even have to get really drunk, just a little bit. But why not? Oh god, you’re so boring, don’t you ever like to have fun? On and on and on, I swear every time I tell someone that I don’t drink, it ends up as some kind of argument. And it’s not like I go around parading the fact, I only mention it if it’s necessary. I don’t get why it’s such a big deal, either. Oh, people will tell you they don’t care at all but you find yourself excluded from their weekend plans (all of which involve drinking) just the same. Some people mentioned watching movies at home instead…but you can’t sit and watch movies without drinking, don’t you see? Who does that? Pleeaaase. No one does that! Why would you even suggest such a thing? It obviously won’t be any fun unless everyone has alcohol to sip. </p>
<p>I can certainly see why someone would feel alienated, but I have a feeling it’s one of those ‘you have to experience it to get it’ type things.</p>
<p>Smurfette, you posted that you are a freshman; I would advise taking the long range view; don’t take any of it too seriously just now. A lot of the people you are observing now, and who are observing you, will change a LOT over the next few months and certainly even moreso over the next couple of years. This is your future network and support system (at least I think that’s how it’s supposed to work) so it does make some sense to work to invest in relationships, if you can do so without compromising your choices and decisions. </p>
<p>Some of them may start off very focused on parties and socializing, etc., and they will outgrow it quickly and become more mature and focused. Others will be serious students AND serious partiers; still others will engage heavily into the party scene and perhaps never quite get out of it until well past graduation time. Still others won’t even venture into a party of any kind until junior year or so - my daughter’s very best friend is such a person. Probably others still will not party or go to class or do much of anything else - hopefully very few of those lol. </p>
<p>I think you’ll see a lot of dramatic change even without the parties and drinking - finishing the final year, my daughter has friends and peers who entered college as very serious, committed athletes, who nearly all to a person dropped their sports to focus on academics and to explore new interests; serious, committed academics who have somehow morphed into athletes; committed doctors in waiting who ditched the sciences to graduate in arts and are going on to grad programs in sociology - I could give you a million examples, but, bottom line, hundreds of students she knows either as high school friends or new college friends, not a one of them is coming out of college the same person with the same interests, goals, social preferences, etc. as they entered (the terrific news is all of them 100% improved and matured in numerous ways), and so I think first few months of freshman year is too soon to worry about these details. </p>
<p>What’s really going to be very interesting is how it all looks to you in 10 years…and even in 20 years…the wildest partiers may well end up in highly conservative corporate environments, and be embarrassed beyond belief if anyone reminds them of their behavior at college etc.</p>
<p>I do know where you’re coming from. I’m a graduate student and I don’t much party, I barely drink, I don’t have sex (never met the right person, not a religious stance), and you better believe I work hard. And while graduate students are somewhat more accepting than their younger counterparts there are many, many people who think I’m very, very weird and, in fact, that there is something wrong with me. Especially the sex thing becomes perceived as stranger and stranger the older you get. I’m not a conservative (very much the opposite) and I’m an atheist so people see no “reason” for my behavior, which perplexes them all the more. But I’m old enough now that it no longer bothers me and I know I’m not alone, I have classmates who are in the same and similar positions. There isn’t any magic way to make people understand (and I was very unhappy as an undergrad because I didn’t fit in) but it does get better.</p>
<p>Smurfette- Here are some more ideas.</p>
<p>Back in the days of legal 18 year olds I never paid for the beer because I would try a bit of about a 1/4 cup; I still don’t like the taste. The girls down the hall would not let me try their “special” brownies even though I love chocolate… Goodie two shoes that I was (am?) I wouldn’t slide down the ancient Science Hall fire escape on a weekend night. I spent the night in a guy’s room, with several friends just talking and listening to wierd music. You have to be yourself. I tell my son to “keep it legal”. </p>
<p>Using the “keep it legal” rule try to expand your comfort zone. Religion and politics are two areas college campuses are great for outside the classroom learning, do question your childhood training and keep/discard what makes sense to you, not what would disapoint your parents- internal, not external locus of control (you may find the majority of your decisions match your parent’s expectations). This is your big chance to experiment with who you can/want to be in a relatively safe and private (away from family and the real world) environment. Some/many students go overboard with this new freedom and will calm down, as other posters state. Don’t be overly concerned about the opinions of your classmates/dormmates as they don’t know any more than you do about how to do things. You’re being exposed to a lot you were protected from as a child, part of the college experience is learning how to deal with a wider world. Finally, don’t worry about being different- everyone is!</p>