<p>If your child came home one day and said that they will/did enlist in some area of the U.S. Military?</p>
<p>I’d like to see some responses from parents before I share my own personal experience.</p>
<p>It would depend upon the kid and whether the decision was made out of a sense of commitment or if it was some sort of dramatic gesture (like if the person seemed to be doing it because of a failed relationship, or something like that).</p>
<p>obviously, thumbs-up to the former and GREAT caution and much counseling in the latter instance.</p>
<p>I have known several young people who seemed to be drifting a bit and for whom their decision to join the armed forces has resulted in tremendous gains in discipline, character, self-esteem and demeanor.</p>
<p>I am interested to hear your personal experience. I hope all is well.</p>
<p>My first question would be - why? If they had sound reasons and thought it through then I’d support them.</p>
<p>What ucsd<em>ucla</em>dad said.</p>
<p>If it were a complete and total surprise to me, I would be upset (sort of like if he/she’d eloped with someone I’d never met).</p>
<p>I’d like to think that if one of my children were headed in this direction, I’d have sensed it before they took an irrevocable step.</p>
<p>I’d agree with ucsd<em>ucla</em>dad. Joining the military should be a decision that is thought through. If they have sensible reasons and the motivation to go through with it, I’d say “go for it.” If it is an act inspired more through rebelliousness or despiration, a LOT of discussion and more research is needed before making a final decision.</p>
<p>One of the greatest things my parents did for me was give me the choice of what I felt was best. If I had truly wanted to be a politician, soldier, artist, or garbageman; they would have supported it, as long as they knew I wanted it and had good reasons. They also took the approach of saying, “I want you to do your best” but did not place minimums or limits on that. I think that gave me the confidence and internal motivation to do what I thought I needed to.</p>
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<p>I have a 13-year-old son who says this all the time! He is obsessed with the military; it is his passion. Granted, there is a good chance he will grow out of this desire, but if not, I will support him knowing he has researched it and felt the desire for a very long time.</p>
<p>My parents would probably ask me when I’d been body-snatched. XD</p>
<p>Is this a student who is in the throes of deciding where to go to college, and then morphing it into a decision of <em>whether</em> to go to college? I have seen that phenomenon, where it is a case of fear of rejection/failure leading a kid to look toward enlistment.</p>
<p>I won’t bother to go into the story if it’s not relevant here.</p>
<p>I noticed a Marine Corps recruiting ad this week that seemed to be trying to play on the dynamic jmmom identifies. One of the tag lines: “We don’t take applications. We only take commitments.” The ad never mentioned college applications explicitly at all, but the whole tenor was “Would you rather let a bunch of academic dorks judge you and reject you, or would you rather do something cool?”</p>
<p>Jmmom, I’d like to hear your story. </p>
<p>My situation is more, go to college first(Rotc), then military after.</p>
<p>I always thought I’d rent “Saving Private Ryan” so he’d have some idea of the horrors of war. Both of my brothers enlisted in the Navy during the Vietnam war–one got out as a conscientious objector and the other one says he’d like to sue the government for false advertising. I have high regard for our troops, but I would hope every young person would go in with eyes wide open. My father was seriously wounded in the D-Day invasion, with a permanent disability.</p>
<p>I have read and watched/heard many stories of the brutality of war. It still does not really deter me, I may have to learn the hard way. Although Catch-22 stopped me from wanting to go into the military for a few months, but I thought about it and I still want to go.</p>
<p>In my son’s case, this would be totally impossible; come to think of it, it would be impossible for my daughter, too. We all support the troops, the human beings who comprise “the troops” without reservation. Gov’t. policies are something else.</p>
<p>DS was recruited for army band because of interest in music (leave aside that he plays the violin!) Recruiter said, “But son, you can play for the prez.” DS said, “I gotta say, that doesn’t get me off.” I must say, I have never heard him say that vulgarity, so I was surprised.</p>
<p>Well, the recruiter said, “If you mean prez. Bush, I don’t like him either, man.” Funny.</p>
<p>This did happen to a friend. When everyone else was going off to college, he went to Marine boot camp, if that’s what Marines call it. She was terrified that he could be shipped to Iraq. He got the detail of being one of two Marines standing just outside the White House. She couldn’t be prouder.</p>
<p>Well, dank… the story may or may not be of interest. It is just of a kid… great kid, not a great student. Quite decent SATs (1200ish), slacker GPA at a good school (maybe 2.8). Part way through the fall of senior year, he came home and announced to parents that he was thinking of/going to enlist in the marines (I believe there was a recruiter on his hs campus). Hit the parents in the solar plexus… they really felt college was what he needed to move him forward toward success in life. They also feared greatly for what might happen to him if became one of our “boots on the ground.” </p>
<p>They really didn’t know how to handle it. They tried to talk to him about what they saw as the realities of military life vs. possible romanticized view of it. They tried to strike a balance between that and letting him know they would support whatever he chose (although they hoped against hope…)</p>
<p>I knew and know this kid very very well. I suspected that he was looking toward the marines as a way of gaining some control. Decide you want to enlist in the marines = enlist in the marines. Decide you want to go to xyz colleges with his stats = maybe you will and maybe you won’t (because maybe they’ll take you and maybe they won’t). </p>
<p>Time passed. I think I turned out to be right in this case. Kid had very poor admissions results (bad list, imo), but did get into flagship state U, where he is now. Thin ice academically. But this is a kid whose strengths will <em>never</em> be academic, but who does have a darn good EQ (if you ask me). Will probably be quite successful in any number of careers (and he is thinking of one now) where academic smarts/credentials are not the key success factors. Where people skills are.</p>
<p>Who knows whether enlistment might have been a good, bad, or medium outcome for him? Like I say, just one story. What I saw as the possible relevance to the OP question was that sometimes kids look to the military option as a way of having more control over their future (in one way) than the unknowns of the college admissions option.</p>
<p>I echo what many here have said. 1st and foremost, is it a rational decision? If so, I would not only support them, but think very highly of them making such a decision. Remember, if it wasn’t for the men and women serving, many of the freedoms we take for granted, like this massive freedom of speech, wouldn’t be available to us.</p>
<p>Now, having said all that, there are a few points I probably should qualify. 1st; is choosing the military an “Option” they are choosing, or a LACK of options and therefor not many other choices. There are many people who join the military because they don’t have a lot of other choices. i.e. “C” student in high school; lack of money for college; has no idea what they want to do after graduating high school; really wants to get away from mom and dad; etc… Not that these people won’t do well and serve our country proudly, but the motivation to join is different. </p>
<p>Then there are those that have always had a deep commitment to join the military. My son is one of those. Now granted, my spending 21 years in the Air Force may have had some influence on that, but it didn’t on my daughter and definitely isn’t something I was encouraging. Either way, it is something he has wanted for many years.</p>
<p>The thing I want for my children are OPTIONS. If they have options, then they have power. If my daughter graduates college next year with her double major then she has options. If she chooses to be the manager at Burger King, then more power to her. At least she chose it because she wanted to and didn’t have any other options. The same with my son. He is 4.0gpa student. Has been his entire school life since 1st grade. Class ranking of #1. Kicked butt on the ACT/SAT, is in the IB program. Varsity letter football and soccer 10th, 11th, and 12th grades. Bla Bla Bla.</p>
<p>He is being offered acceptance to USC, Michigan State, University of Wyoming, Tulane, Cornell, Boston College, and a host of others. Some of these; 3; have offered full ride academic scholarships. Yet, he is still wanting to join the military. I suggested then to him that he at least apply to the Air Force Academy. Not that I have anything against being an enlisted person; I was; but when you’ve got the grades and such that he does, it would in my opinion to waste that talent and level of achievement going into the military as an enlisted person, that only requires a H.S. diploma or GED. He definitely liked the idea of the academy. He had his entire application completed within 45 days. We are hoping to hear something from the academy in the next week or two. An academy appointment definitely requires the type of grades and such that his has achieved. With only 1300 slots a year, and a total school population of approximately 4000 students, it is actually more difficult to get into than many of the Ivy leage and west coast ivy schools.</p>
<p>I only bring this up because, depending if your son is still in high school or is already in college, you might be able to determine his motivation and find options for him. I.e. If he’s in High school, depending on his grades, he might be interested in going to college on an ROTC scholarship which would allow him to attend some of the best colleges in the country. Get an education. And then serve his country. If he’s already in college, you could suggest that if he finishes up college, he can go into the military through OTS and become an officer. Much higher level of responsibility and pay. Of course, he could finish college and still want to be an enlisted person instead of an officer. The college degree at least gives him options. </p>
<p>As parents, that’s all we can do for our kids. Give them options. If you try and tell them what to do, they will rebel. If you don’t support them, you may very well lose a relationship. But, they are still very young kids most of the time. Even if they are 18,19,20 years old. Many times, they don’t always know what their options are. If the kid is pre-high school, and the military is of interest to them, then that is a great motivator. Explain the positives of the different academies and then let them know that they could go for that. Of course, they better be sitting on about a 3.8gpa or higher with good SAT/ACT to back them up. Might motivate them into trying harder. Of course, not everyone gets into the academy, and that’s why rotc is a good option. Same results, but you go to a regular college/university and it too is paid for by the government.</p>
<p>Anyway, find out the motivation. Find out if it’s a viable choice of his. Congratulate him on making such a selfless choice. But then sit down and start talking about different military options. I did the enlisted thing; and all that money for them to pay for my college. They weren’t lying; but with the military being a full time job, it took me 10 years to finish my AAS degree. Another 10 to finish my B.S degree. And another couple years after that to finish my 3rd degree. I would have loved to have had someone give me these other options prior to high school. My parents told me in the 9th grade, while I had been holding straight “A’s” for many years, that we were too poor for them to send me to college. That there was no way it was going to happen. They didn’t tell me, probably didn’t know, about ROTC, academy, etc… This was the 1970’s. The only way to get to college was to have the money or be the best of the best in school and get a scholarship. I was good, but not the best of the best. They said that I would either have to pay my own way to college or just get a job like everyone else in my family did. I copped and attitude. Said screw the grades. Went through the next 4 years of high school without any other goals. Other than the military. I knew it was always something I wanted, and when my parents took the idea of college away from me in the 9th grade, I decided that the military would be a great choice. I would have liked to have known the option of going to college first and then the military. Oh well. No regrets.</p>
<p>Hopefully you can sit with him and discuss all of his options. Help him to understand the best way to achieve what it is he is looking for. Definitely don’t give the impression of the military as being some substandard place where people go who don’t have other options. The truth is, the military is made up of some of the smartest kids from high school. They don’t take H.S. drop outs. This isn’t pre-vietnam with a draft or people choosing the military over jail. Plus, the military is the only reason we are free to do what we do today. Of course, there are those that look through the world with rose colored glasses and assume that the world is so polite and that we don’t need a military. But that’s a different topic. Just hear him out, support him, and help him to know ALL OF HIS OPTIONS.</p>
<p>Thank you for sharing that story, Christcorp, sharing both your perspectives as a parent and as an enlistee. Hope it is helpful to the OP. It taught <em>me</em> a lot.</p>
<p>Actually, quite a few of my students in the military, going into the military, or just finished a stint in the military, have been women.</p>
<p>If the decision is focused, researched and all options weighed (including the possibility of the ultimate sacrifice) I would support my son or daughter if they chose that path. I would also hope that they would have the decency to speak with us as parents before committing.</p>
<p>Circumstances in the past have dictated, and may again dictate large scale service for our young adults. I trust it never comes to that, but if it did, and either of mine decided that their conscience dictated they enlist, I would support their choice.</p>
<p>And may the gods safeguard all who serve, now and in the future.</p>
<p>To go a bit off-topic, I am wary of some of the enticements and promises made by recruiters of all service branches, some of which are quite blantantly untrue. Mythmom brings up a great example.</p>
<p>She wrote: <ds was=“” recruited=“” for=“” army=“” band=“” because=“” of=“” interest=“” in=“” music=“” (leave=“” aside=“” that=“” he=“” plays=“” the=“” violin!)=“” recruiter=“” said,=“” “but=”" son,=“” you=“” can=“” play=“” prez.“=”"></ds></p>
<p>Interesting marketing ploy, and it is quite true. Any qualified musician can audition for any number of fine service ensembles… bands, orchestras, chamber ensembles. They may well play for the prez, or foreign dignitaries, or at numerous official functions. They may even tour, nationally and abroad. What is unmentioned in many of these recruitment scenarios is the fact that all these musicians go through the standard basic recruit training of their branch of service, and are not immune to change of assignments, front line service or being placed in harm’s way.</p>
<p>For those interested or curious, and for information purposes, the ONLY service performing organization NOT subject to basic training or change of assignment is the Marine Band, “The President’s Own” <a href=“http://www.marineband.usmc.mil/[/url]”>http://www.marineband.usmc.mil/</a>. </p>
<p>From the Marine Band’s webpage: <the enlistment=“” process=“” is=“” completed=“” at=“” the=“” applicants=“” local=“” military=“” processing=“” station.=“” a=“” standard=“” four-year=“” contract=“” signed=“” “for=”" duty=“” with=“” marine=“” band=“” only.“=”" musicians=“” are=“” permanently=“” assigned=“” and=“” may=“” not=“” be=“” transferred=“” to=“” any=“” other=“” unit=“” or=“” location.=“”> </the></p>
<p>No other service performing organization can claim this to be true. Also, selection is by audition, on a level competitive with top tier orchestras.</p>
<p>I can’t imagine a bigger nightmare.</p>