Parents: What would you do if ?

Parent Cafe
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<p>Excellent response. I should have qualified that it wasn’t only a reason guys join the military. I was just trying to illustrate dank saying make him a “Man” that it wasn’t like cheer was suggesting that it was some John Wayne approach where you have to have a gun and go shoot up all the bad guys. Many women join the military for similar reasons. I don’t know, because I’m not a woman, if those reasons made you feel that it would make you a woman. For guys, not all obviously, the sense of being part of such a team and such is a very important part of their life and growing up.</p>

<p>Obviously, you can find all those same traits in the world without joining the military. The military just happens to be one such place. For some, including women, it can be found in traditional employment. As I mentioned earlier; being in the military is a very important profession that isn’t for everyone. Yet it is important to everyone that someone does do it. Just like a doctor, policeman, fireman, priest, etc… this is very important and necessary professions, but not meant for everyone. These traits that people look for in their growth is what they need to feel whole, complete, with purpose, etc… Maybe it’s what makes someone feel like a “Man”. Maybe it’s what makes a person feel like a “Team Player”. Maybe it’s simply a way of feeling as though they are part of something that is contributing to a greater goal.</p>

<p>It is definitely not limited to any particular gender. And it can definitely be found in other places. And definitely, it isn’t something that everyone has to have. Some people are very much individualists and don’t like team environments. Some play Singles Tennis, while some prefer Baseball or Football. My apologies for making it sound like I was implying that it was only a guy thing. Just the context of dank’s comments and the fact that he is a guy is why I was trying to correlate it to becoming a man.</p>

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<p>Dank, I would take the advice about not making a big deal about it. I would try to find out why your parents are so violently opposed. I’m sure a lot of it has to do with fear and worry (very understandable), but I wonder if there is also some misunderstanding or ignorance (miscommunication perhaps) as well.</p>

<p>Sidebar:
Christcorp is right about the “those who haven’t done it won’t understand” bit. As condescending as it can sound, I have seen it and it was definitely awkward. After I completed basic and a couple months of school, I went home to visit some friends. I got into a discussion with my closest friend and his father (who was in the Army in the '80s). Throughout close to half the conversation, my friends dad would nearly instantly know what I was talking about while my close friend had that empty, confused smile. I felt really strange when I realized that my friend’s dad (who I barely knew) understood at least 80% of what I was talking about, while my best friend only got around 40% of the conversation…and it wasn’t because of the topic, because we all had a fairly large base of information about the military.</p>

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<p>I know Christcorp - I was just messin’ with you but I appreciate your last post :slight_smile: </p>

<p>Just to add on to the last comment made by Raimius:</p>

<p>I completely agree with you. I’ve seen the empty, confused smile many a time and it is saddening. There is just something about certain experiences that binds people - it even transcends generations. It’s very strange to feel such a strong connection to people you don’t know and never met before that have donned a uniform in the past.</p>

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<p>Dank, You aren’t my kid so I don’t know if what I would tell them would work for you. But based on your post I’ll try…</p>

<p>“I’ve been talking about going to the military and such for a long time. 9/11 initially sparked my interest. I have decent grades and will get into somewhere, so that is not why I want to go. To tell you the truth, I can’t put it into words the reason why I want to go, I just have felt like I should protect my country for a very long time. I also feel like it will make me a better person, not the killing part, but it will make me more of a man. I don’t really care if you guys agree with that.”</p>

<p>Fair enough, it’s a calling for you. You may see your best way to respond to that act as joining up. You aren’t the first certainly won’t be the last…</p>

<p>"So anyways, the marines were at my school the other day and I was talking to them. The second I told them I was going to be a division one athlete they started giving me shirts and all this other stuff. I did NOT sign up for anything or even leave my name. I told them I am not joining if I do decide to until I graduate college and walked away with all the cool stuff. "</p>

<p>Who wouldn’t want cool stuff. </p>

<p>"When I told them that I was considering enlisting, they freaked out. They threatened to kick me out of the house (right away) and to not pay for college(which they had always told me they would). My mom started packing some of my stuff, and was threatening me with anything she could think of.
I always thought they would be supportive, but to try and kick me out of the house while I’m still in high school took me back. "</p>

<p>I think your family dynamic is different than ours. Sounds like you have alot of drama in the household. How did you pose the question? Was it dramatic as well? </p>

<p>“I just wanted to see if any other parents would act similarly”</p>

<p>It is hard to say because you aren’t my kid. Dependin on how you brought the subject up, I might hug you or kick your backside…</p>

<p>During the first week of medschool, my s had every branch of the service come in separately and set anywhere from 35 to45k a year on the table for medschool. Facing a quarter million in medschool debt, someone offerring 170k is pretty attractive. So far he’s said no. I would venture that part of the reason is trust in leadership, not meaning the president, but command in general. Can you trust the people in charge to have YOUR best interests in mind? Can you trust em with your life? Family experiences say no, and that weighs heavily on us. </p>

<p>His Uncle is a disabled nam vet. When he does talk about his service, some issues come up that make us question the military as a choice. He was a sergent in airborne doing long range patrol. </p>

<p>In one instance his patrol came across a large mass of VC. There job was to go in the bush in small groups and find em and call in the airstrikes and get extracted. Well as he tells it, one time they came across em, radio’d it in and requested extraction. The voice on the other end of the radio “intelligence has no such consentration of the ememy in this area. YOU MUST BE WRONG!, no extraction.” They were left to sneek their way out of the area because those people with the AK47s didn’t really exist. According to intelligence.</p>

<p>Another time, during a firefight, he went out to bring in their medic who was hit. He had some issues with a soldier in his squad in the days prior. As he’s out trying to pull in the doctor, he is surrounded by tracer fire from their position. Guess who is covering awfully close to where you have to find cover from your own position? </p>

<p>For us, while we don’t like this president, he is not the driving factor in decision making about joining up. I guess the driving question would be can you trust the voice on the other end of the line? Can you trust someone who isn’t in the fight to give a rat’s behind about you? When they can take a break to pee or go to messhall, are they in the same s *** as you?</p>

<p>Maybe it’s a different era, but back then ground groups were like paper plates…disposable. It is hard for us to trust them (military) with our kid’s lives because the nature of the business they can’t. </p>

<p>So I don’t know if that’s an answer you are looking for. If my kids wanted to join, chances are they would be (because of testing) moved out of ground troops into upper levels OCS or technical schools. Then the issue would be can they command knowing that they are the guy on the other end of the radio defending military intelligence…</p>

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<p>Opie. Excellent responses. The only thing I would comment however is that the Uncle in Vietnam was in a situation that I wouldn’t classify as the norm. Yes, as in all things, there are communications problems. There are personality issues with others that you hope are protecting you. There is also times where there is friendly fire that happens.</p>

<p>All I can say, is that while these type of things can still happen, it is different and probably less likely. 1 reason is because of better communications and technology. That makes the communication issue and friendly fire a safer environment. Another reason; while I have nothing but the utmost respect for those who served in Vietnam and every other military service period, that was a time of the draft. Currently, ALL military personnel are there by choice. They aren’t there kicking and screaming with an attitude. They aren’t there only caring about their own a$$. It’s much different with an all-volunteer force.</p>

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<p>“It’s much different with an all-volunteer force.”</p>

<p>Yes and no. Thank you for not jumping on our view of things. Bottom line in choosing a military career is accepting risk as part of the deal. You are correct in stating the difference between a drafted and volunteer group. The volunteer group has accepted risk in the equations. </p>

<p>I would not talk the poster out of his decision, but I would ask him to reflect upon himslef and be sure of his choice. I think military service is honorable and in many case exactly what the person needs in their lives. I think the service has made more “men” then unmade them. Again it comes down to trusting the situation. If you can great, if you can’t that should be fine too. It doesn’t make a person better than another, just different.</p>

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<p>Exactly. that’s why I suggested the poster let it drop for now and revisit it in 4 years when he’s getting ready to graduate college. Also, that while the military is just as an important profession as a Doctor, Police, Fireman, scientist, etc… it isn’t for everyone. Just like not everyone is intended or capable of being a doctor.</p>

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<p>Christopher Hitchens has an interesting article in this month’s Vanity Fair about a young man who made this choice and why.</p>

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<p>Well, I was one of those kids. I had just graduated from college and had a good job but wanted something else so one day I went down to the recruiting stattion on Main St in my hometown and joined. I was 21 but when I went home and told my parents my father treated me like a 12 year old…he was not very happy with. Jump forward to me getting my Captains bars and he was beaming from ear to ear.
I had a wonderful experience…was in the reserves, married and pregnant when Desert Storm began so did not actually have to go to war although both my husband (a Cobra attack pilot) and I got orders to get our affairs in order in case we were called up. We both resigned our commissions shortly thereafter.
So, if my daughters (I only have girls) came to me and said they wanted to join the military they would have my blessing but ONLY if they had already finished college.</p>

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<p>Hahaha… This topic hits home for me.</p>

<p>I was 19 and visiting my parents. I remember my father and I were out having dinner and we were discussing my future about maybe becoming a lawyer (like my father). I brought up maybe going to JAG- It was a hypothetical but my father’s answer was most serious:</p>

<p>“You like your new car? You like your condo? You like your money and clothes? Yes? Then you will never be in the military”</p>

<p>That pretty much sealed it for me.</p>

<p>As serious as my situation was, many parents are open to discussion. It’s best to have an honest conversation with them BEFORE you enlist. Ultimately, it’s your decision. Some parents just have more cards to play. :P</p>

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<p>Thanks for all the responses. I don’t have time right now address every post right now, but will hopefully do it sometime this weekend.</p>