<p>I am hoping that my son will come home some day and announce he is enlisting…in the Peace Corps.</p>
<p>Now there’s a great idea!</p>
<p>Okay, I’ll give a summary, since I don’t have much time. </p>
<p>I’ve been talking about going to the military and such for a long time. 9/11 initially sparked my interest. I have decent grades and will get into somewhere, so that is not why I want to go. To tell you the truth, I can’t put it into words the reason why I want to go, I just have felt like I should protect my country for a very long time. I also feel like it will make me a better person, not the killing part, but it will make me more of a man. I don’t really care if you guys agree with that.</p>
<p>So anyways, the marines were at my school the other day and I was talking to them. The second I told them I was going to be a division one athlete they started giving me shirts and all this other stuff. I did NOT sign up for anything or even leave my name. I told them I am not joining if I do decide to until I graduate college and walked away with all the cool stuff. </p>
<p>So anyways, I was thinking about it, and I wanted to see how my parents would react about me going into the military. </p>
<p>My dad was a former Vet and my mom his heavily anti-war. </p>
<p>When I told them that I was considering enlisting, they freaked out. They threatened to kick me out of the house (right away) and to not pay for college(which they had always told me they would). My mom started packing some of my stuff, and was threatening me with anything she could think of.
I always thought they would be supportive, but to try and kick me out of the house while I’m still in high school took me back. </p>
<p>There’s more, but I have practice. Thanks for the comments and such. </p>
<p>I just wanted to see if any other parents would act similarly.</p>
<p>I have to assume that you are in high school being your parents haven’t YET paid for college. My recommendation is such: Being you have already decided to wait to join the military until AFTER you graduate college, I would let the topic drop. I wouldn’t bring it up again. It isn’t your parent’s choice. Your parents want you to have choices and have great opportunities. Their first reaction is somewhat normal. Just let it drop. They will have different opinions in the next 4 years, as well as you will have different thoughts about the military in 4 years. You may not even want it 4 years from now. Keep it as an option, goal, choice, etc… But drop it from conversation.</p>
<p>If your parents bring it up again and ask you if that is still your intentions, just say that you haven’t made up your mind 100% on anything you want to do with your future. Just that it was an option that you were thinking about. Admit that you are still young and that what you want to do “When you grow up” is going to probably change a hundred times in the next 4 years. “They will agree to that”. Then when you are getting closer to graduating, you can look more indepth into what your options and choices are.</p>
<p>If you are already in college, then the same advice applies, just change the timeline. If the parents ask again, just say you aren’t positive what you want to do. Just that there are so many possibilities and that the mature thing is to no choose anything too quickly and to not dicard an option automatically. They should respect this. Good luck,.</p>
<p>The only problem is, they don’t want to let me join a ROTC program at school (where ever I end up going to in college).</p>
<p>Well even I wouldn’t kick you out of the house, but you’d have to sleep with your eyes open so you could see me sneaking up on you with the needle and the passports. </p>
<p>Seriously, they are scared to death for you and a little bit angry too that you would do something they see as so risky. Consider going to college, try to have fun and if you feel you need to grow up, you can choose to grow up a little there too. That is your choice. You have plenty of time to join the military. Heck, by the time you graduate, the age limit will probably be 60 and I’ll be able to join too.</p>
<p>There is a difference between joining ROTC and getting an ROTC scholarship with a military comittment. You can join ROTC without them even knowing it. If you wanted to go for an ROTC scholarship however, they would know about that.</p>
<p>But either way, I am a firm believer in a certain level of respect for your parents. They have earned that respect. They raised you, paid for you, healed you when sick, etc… They have earned that respect. No big deal if you don’t join ROTC. If they are willing to pay for you to go to college, then take them up on it. They are trying to give you options and have you choose based on options and not because of a lack of options.</p>
<p>While many people join the military, academy, ROTC, etc… for many patriotic reasons, there’s also many that go because of a lack of options. Go to school, get your degree, re-evaluate your life and desires a few years from now when you are getting ready to graduate college. Then, if you still want to join the military, they will still accept you. Join with OTS and become an officer or join as an enlisted person if you like. The option will still be there. </p>
<p>The fact that your parents are paying for college means that they do in fact have some say so in your life. Again, they have earned that right. If you don’t want them to have that right, then you need to take back the reason for that right. You need to find a way to pay your own way to college. it can be ROTC scholarship or whatever. You need to be willing to take the chance at breaking your relationship with your parents. You would have to cut the ties. Personally, I don’t think that is worth it. You can go to college and still join the military after you graduate. Both you and your parents will see the world differently in 4 years. Then, if you still want it, they will have to accept the fact that you thought about this for 4 years and it isn’t a rash decision, and accept your choice; or they can not deal with it an disown you. Either way, at that time, it will be their decision to make. No different than a child saying they are gay; a white daughter wanting to marry a black man; etc…</p>
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<p>Well, that used to be true. Not anymore.</p>
<p>Christcorp posts wisely, imo. I hope his advice is helpful to you, dank.</p>
<p>Dank,
You have plenty of time to join the military. Your parents may feel differently after you’ve been to college and had some more time to mature. As a college graduate you may be able to qualify for officers training. The military needs qualified officers and men and woman who are mature enough to lead.
I have four brothers who served in the military. One of my bros. was a Marine in Viet Nam. He left a happy, bright, loving young man who had a bright future and a college education. We did not recognize the man who came home. He’s never been the same. His mind could not process the horror that he experienced and saw. This war is hell and you are too young to understand what you are contemplating.</p>
<p>See, I had the intention of waiting it out, at least until after college, but the reaction from my parents which I can’t fully describe, is just: wow. </p>
<p>I mean, I want to make my own decisions, if I have to, I’ll go to a college for free so they have no say in my life. I don’t want the whole, I paid for your college hanging over my head my entire life.</p>
<p>"Your reasons for joining sound silly and naive. You must not know many real life career soldiers. </p>
<p>Make you a man? Why do you need a gun or severe restrictions and authority to make you a man? Here you are whinging about your parent’s reactions and REGULATIONS, yet you think you will ENJOY the Army regulations and restrictions? Think again baby boy."</p>
<p>That is a version of what I said to my sons when they announced anything similar. Then I had them talk to several of the career officers and reserve officers in our family, including one General teaching at West Point. They are both in university with no plans to join any of the armed forces. If they did join, I would have them take advice from the family to try to put themselves in positions out of harm’s way in Iraq.</p>
<p>No one really understands war, regardless of age. It’s just a part of life. So you might die, “**** happens”.</p>
<p>I mean, I figured I would get a ton of parents calling me stupid. I don’t really care what you think about that, if I’m making a mistake, so be it. I wouldn’t call it whining, I don’t really care that much if I get kicked out. Please forgive me for wondering if this was a natural reaction.</p>
<p>You’re not going to change my mind, because the truth of the matter is I haven’t made it up myself.</p>
<p>dank; your reasons for joining aren’t silly nor naive. Some people just don’t understand them. That’s cool. Your parents are just trying to be protective. That’s natural. While I spent 21 years in the Air force and am retired; now doing well in the “Real World” I would have had a little problem had my son wanted to graduate high school and join the military. Not because of the risk; that is what the military is for. To risk your life so others don’t have to. I would have been upset because of all the hard work and effort he put into school. His grades, sports, etc… have been good enough to get him recruited by some very big name schools like Cornell, Michigan State, Tulane, USC, and others.</p>
<p>My son realized exactly what you are realizing now. That a college education will give him more options. The only difference with my son is that he has applied to the Air Force Academy. As such, he is committed to the Air Force for 5 years after graduation. 10 if he wants to be a pilot. The point is, you have come to the same conclusion. You do however have the advantage of not being committed to the military. You could change your mind in the next 4 years. That is a good thing. One more option after graduation.</p>
<p>Don’t feel that your parents are going to hold your college education over your head. They won’t. If there is going to be a relationship issue between you and them over the military, then it will be there whether they get you through college or not. Your parents want you to have options. Let them get you through college if they want. When you graduate, if you still want the military, they will come to accept it. They will know that this is something; “He has always wanted since he was a little kid”. They will accept that. If they don’t, then they are very selfish. But I don’t think this is the case. I think they just want you to have every possible option and opportunity available to you. </p>
<p>Take them up on college. Let the topic drop. Let them get use to you being away at school. Let them know in the back of their mind that it’s an option. Let you grow and learn more. I think you will find that in 4 years both you and your parents will be totally different people. Worry about it then. No need to stir up emotions on something so far off into the future. Trust me; your parents love you. In high school, they can bluff you and scare you. By the time you are a senior in college contemplating your future, they will know that that method is no longer an option. You’ll be fine.</p>
<p>As far as those trying to say that the military is basically the root of all evil and is going to mess you up; and that you don’t honestly know what you are wanting if that’s your choice; don’t worry about them. They will never understand what you have said here. For what it’s worth; I do understand. I had a civilian job in high school. I always wanted to join the military. I would have preferred after college, but financially that wasn’t an option for me. I enlisted out of high school. I got 2 degrees while in the Air Force. Another one since retiring. Came in right after vietnam when the military wasn’t popular. (Thank god for Ronald Regan for bringing back pride). Anyway; was involved in Libya, Berut, Panama, Gulf War (twice). Was at Kobar Towers in Saudi Arabia went it got blown up. I’ve been there, seen it, done it, got the T-shirt AND the movie rights. I know exactly where you are coming from. 4 years of college will give you a better perspective on the military. You could possibly change your mind, or it will make you that much more committed. That will make you a better Airman, Soldier, Sailor, or Marine. Good luck to you.</p>
<p>P.S. If you ever want to PM me here, feel free.</p>
<p>Christcorp,
I respect your opinion and think that you’ve done a good job advising dank. However I do not think that just because you had a positive experience in your military career that you have the right to say that others “don’t understand.” You have no way of knowing how someone else will process a war. You have no way of knowing if this young person would be a good candidate for the military or not. The desire to serve is hardly a measure of ones ability to serve, sometimes it’s just plain ignorance.</p>
<p>Christcorps advice is right on IMO.</p>
<p>dank08: I don’t have your feelings but I can empathize. I think I understand what you are talking about. It’s hard for some parents to accept that their kids are different from them and think differently. I think Christcorps analogies are apt. I come from a culture in which some people treat you as dead for marrying out of the religion. Thank goodness my parent didn’t feel that way.</p>
<p>The best part of Christcorp’s advice is that after college your parents will be able to respect your decision more, even if they don’t agree with it. They’ll think the decision was made by a man who understands consequences and not a boy. There are many ways to become a man.</p>
<p>To answer your question, I would not threaten to kick my son (or daughter) out of the house. That’ self-defeating. But they are scared because they won’t have control when you are 18, just as parents are scared their children will get killed in auto accidents or from aids. You’re so precious to us, we can’t imagine life without you. This makes us a little nuts.</p>
<p>And then, as you’ve said, your mom is anti-war (as I would basically call myself, with the proviso that agree with Christcorps that this is a somewhat naive position) she may not be able to accept that you want to throw your lot in which folks and policies she doesn’t agree with.</p>
<p>Parenting is difficult. We need to keep letting go.
Give them a hug.</p>
<p>Dank, I just want to clarify that ignorance is not stupidity. Listen to Christcorp and Mythmom. They are wise.</p>
<p>Sarahsmom; I appreciate your candor. I do have to say however, that unless you were actually in the military, then you can’t understand. My wife was married to me for about 17 of my military years. (We’re still married, just that I didn’t get married for about 4 years after joining). Even in all that time, and her being very involved in many military activities, events, functions, etc… she doesn’t even truly understand. Yes, when I would be away for months at a time, I would return and she would notice differences in my attitude. She still doesn’t understand. There are many things we have never spoken of. That’s because she doesn’t understand. </p>
<p>I have spoken to friends in the military, retired, vets, etc… who understand. So, if my wife was around it for 17 years and doesn’t understand it, then I am very safe in saying that unless you have actually been in the military and spent some time in foreign environments; not just war, but 3rd world countries, different cultures, religions, attitudes, etc… (Not as a tourist), abd with a military mission and/or attitude, then you don’t understand.</p>
<p>And while I agree 100% percent with you that I can’t possibly know how every individual in the military will handle the experience; especially of war; I can honestly say that I have a pretty good idea how most of them will handle it. Usually they handle the military in one of 4 ways. Not important what those ways are. In this case, only dank can make that determination, hopefully after college graduation, whether he wants to find out. But, I have seen thousands of soldiers and airmen in my career. I’ve seen how they handle many different situations. They handle it in different ways.</p>
<p>There are some things that just can’t be explained. This is one of them. I’m sorry, but most people, if they haven’t actually been in the military, really can’t understand a lot of it. </p>
<p>Don’t get me wrong. Dank hasn’t been in the military either and I agree that he probably doesn’t understand fully what he could be getting into. But I do understand 100% his initial reasons for wanting to join. Cheers said his reasons were silly and naive. They aren’t. Now, I don’t want to get into “this is a BOY thing”, because that’s how it will sound and it will be misunderstood. But it sort of is. I understand exactly what he’s saying. The making a “Man” out of him thing is a figure of speech. It’s what a lot of boys/men feel. It’s not about guns, war, dieing, etc… It’s about discipline, self respect, teamwork, part of something bigger than yourself, etc… The same reason many boys/men are so competitive. Why they are so into competitive team sports. (Not that girls aren’t too, just that it’s different). Anyway, it’s probably something else that I can’t explain in a way that you could fully understand. That’s not your fault, just something that I can’t explain fully. Anyway, the becoming a man thing is a metaphor. </p>
<p>But I do most definitely agree with you that I can’t possibly know if dank would do well in the military or not. Maybe yes, maybe no. I personally was more into technology, telecommunications, satellites, etc… for me, the Air Force was the place to go. I probably wouldn’t have done very well in the Marines or Army. Same the other way around. Some in the army probably wouldn’t do very well in the Air Force. But, if dank can hang in there until college is over, he will know himself better. His parents will know the more mature young man better that their son has grown into. And all of these decisions can be made with a much more well informed attitude. And I believe that both he and his parents will be able to live with whatever decision he makes then.</p>
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<p>Hey! Those are my reasons for joining too and I really don’t want to grow hair on my chest. :)</p>