<p>smiling12157,</p>
<p>Yes, of course I was being rude, that was my point. How rude to ask others’ what their SAT scores are.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>How does a math teacher’s pet get a better grade than a regular student who gets all the answers correct? (btw, I don’t know what “Discrete Math” is). I can understand this happening in an English class where the grade is heavily weighted on paper writing, but I don’t see how any class that is graded using objective tests and criteria can favor teachers’ pets.</p>
<p>younglookingmom,</p>
<p>All of that information you want can be obtained from your GC and will be much more reliable than a couple of parents’ opinions.</p>
<p>After reading this thread yesterday, I asked my kids if they thought it would be rude if someone asked them their test scores. They said that they dont mind telling people, but one daughter did see where it could be considered rude. </p>
<p>Coincidentally, a co-worker I havent seen for awhile initiated a conversation with me just this morning about the college application process and did ask about my kids ACT scores. ( I disclosed them.) Her kids are in their late 20s and she mentioned that several of her friends who had kids applying to colleges in the past couple of years were surprised that their kids supposedly with high GPAs and maybe not correspondingly high test scores were not accepted.</p>
<p>At our school, honor rolls are public knowledge. Although they are published by grading period, most staff, students and parents are aware of those students with a 4.0 or greater cumulative GPA.</p>
<p>While I love our guidance counselor, this is only her second year at our urban school, and the school she came from previously was less rigorous and has not had a history of sending kids to highly selective schools. We are just starting Naviance this year, so no help there.</p>
<p>It seems that most of my kids friends do disclose test scores among themselves. Last year, in trying to gauge a sense of which schools and scholarships my kids could/should look at, I did ask 2-3 times what someones test scores were. The responses were gracious and I was appreciative. I think it was clear that I was asking for context and not gratuitously.</p>
<p>Agree with GeminiMom.</p>
<p>@Bay, my son’s HS public HS has no Naviance. Not much help. The school’s GCs change hands often. He has a new counselor just started her job less than 10 days ago. She is son’s 3rd or 4th counselor ever since he entered HS.</p>
<p>Interesting thread, its a mini sociological study by itself. What is rude or not is definitely an individual opinion with many degrees of freedom in personal interpretation. There is no universally accepted professional standard for rude-- no absolutes. Except a ever-humanistic tendancy toward belief that our opinions are absolutely right, and those who feel differently are absolutely wrong. And rude to boot. 
</p>
<p>I wonder if the OP has found any answers here? As the great philosopher named Dorothy Gale from Kansas ultimately discovered, sometimes when you need to find the answer to a burning question coming from inside you, you don’t really need to go further than your own back yard…</p>
<p>Did it feel rude to you?</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I agree. I think the take-away is that more people think asking about others’ SAT scores is rude than not. With that knowledge, those who ask should expect to be treated as though they have done something rude, whether to their faces or behind their backs.</p>
<p>It seems that I’m an anomoly in that I’m incredibly open and honest.</p>
<p>I’ve never had anyone ask me a direct question that I haven’t provided an honest answer to and I’ve been asked some HIGHLY personal things, but I guess I just don’t understand what keeping the information private accomplishes…for that matter revealing the information doesn’t accomplish anything either, but if someone makes the effort to ask, why not just answer? I admit there have been occasions where I’ve responded, “I can’t believe you just asked me that.”, but followed with an answer to the question.</p>
<p>I find the talk of salaries interesting because last year at my performance review, I was specifically told by my supervisor that it was against company policy to discuss my salary and any increase with other employees and doing so would be cause for reprimand. Seriously? If someone wants to know how much of a raise I got or whether or not I got a bonus last year, what’s the point of keeping it secret? I always found it really ‘entertaining’ that at my last employer they would tell all employees just before annual bonuses were distributed, but then not to discuss amongst yourselves if you got one or not. If they want it to be secret, why announce that it’s time for bonuses??? But when they dictate that it be kept secret, it makes it seem that they can’t justify their decisions. If they can say, yes Sally got a raise because of X, Y, or Z or John got a bonus because he completed a specific project, then I think that most adult, professionals can accept the results. But dictating the secrecy, just makes it seem arbitrary and doesn’t seem to aid morale or having a healthy work environment.</p>
<p>As for my son’s scores, if someone were to ask, I’m sure I’d answer, but I’d let him know. If I though he wouldn’t be OK with it I’d probably direct them to ask him or tell them I needed to make sure he was OK with it first, but he did post his score on FB, so it doesn’t seem he’s being too secretive about it. And it’s not like he got a 2400… he got a 1920, which is well above average, but not worth bragging about. I believe the only person that did actually ask me about his score, was my dad, and I didn’t even hesitate before responding. In fact, I don’t think that any more rude, than me wanting to know his score.</p>
<p>I’ve never even considered asking other parents about their kids scores, but I did ask my son what other kids scored. To say that doesn’t help guage where your own kids fall is naive. If College Board didn’t release average scores, we’d have no idea what the scores meant. If colleges didn’t release average scores, we’d have no idea what schools are kids were qualified for. But it’s one thing to look at national scores, but another to look at local scores. As someone else commented, we live in a very rural area with a very small, non-competitve high school. I know how my son’s scores look on a national level, but how do his scores compare locally? Is his score just a reflection of the education he’s received. He did get 700M and was actually disappointed by it, but upon asking several other of the high achieving students at his school their scores he found that no one locally scored higher than him, perhaps the 700 is just a reflection of concepts that haven’t been presented at his school or at least concepts that were not emphasized. Finding out what other local students are scoring helps guage that.</p>
<p>What I find interesting is that we live in an extremely competive world. Our children are taught to compete almost from birth. I have a friend in NYC who is in process of trying to get their toddler into a selective pre-school. My son was exposed to competition through sports as a child and not just team against team, but who would make the all-stars team in Little League or who got to play certain positions in football. He’s been involved in choir since elementary school and even there they compete for who gets to perform solos. In band there is competition for who gets 1st chair or who gets to be drum majors, kids compete for who will get leadership roles in clubs/organizations, there is competition for who’s involved in sports teams and cheerleading, my son has competed for roles in the school play for years, there is competition for fundraising (the class/student that brings in the most ‘box tops’ gets a prize), now as he’s getting older there is competition to get jobs and competition to get into college… what in life isn’t a competition in some way? To say that you shouldn’t count anyone’s money but your own, might be sound advice, but will you be applying for the same job as those people, are you as qualified? As educated? Will you be placing a bid on the same house? Unfortunately in this world we do tend to compare ourselves to others because that’s how other people judge us… are you intelligent, wealthy, generous…people only ‘know’ by looking at you in relation to other people. </p>
<p>So, if someone asked me my son’s SAT score I’d say, “Apparently that’s a rude question, but 700M, 670CR, and his writing score kind of sucked at 550, but he did just retake them, so maybe he’ll improve a bit.”</p>
<p>But then again if someone asked my age or my weight or my salary, I’d answer that too. Keeping it secret won’t change it.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>No, it doesn’t change it, but it can prevent others from discriminating against you because of it.</p>
<p>If someone’s going to discriminate against me because of it, then that’s not somone I want to be dealing with anyway. But to each their own.</p>
<p>The problem with asking someone their ACT score is that if they decline to answer, it looks like they didn’t score well. So they are basically forced to reveal personal information whether they answer the question or not. I think it’s rude.</p>
<p>“If someone’s going to discriminate against me because of it, then that’s not somone I want to be dealing with anyway.”–>Yes, definitely.</p>
<p>Yes it is rude…
just say “it was very high, thats all I am saying”
and smile.</p>
<p>Rude unless it is your absolute best best bud in the world.</p>
<p>Keep in mind that in general you don’t ask directly “What did Johnnie do on the SAT III”… There are ways to steer the discussion to the point where if an answer is not forthcoming it does not look ‘bad’.</p>
<p>So how much do you weigh, what is your household’s income, and what medications do you take?</p>
<p>It is no one’s business! I never told anyone my D’s scores last year and that’s the way she wanted it. And they were nothing to be embarassed about!</p>
<p>Here at CC, I’m very frank about PMKjrs scores because A) he gave me permission and B) I found it helpful when other people shared scores and admission information. </p>
<p>In real life, I don’t think anyone ever asked but we told close family/friends who were following along with the application process.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I never ask about others’ scores, but when it was asked of me or my D, it was exactly as you wrote: “What were D’s SAT scores?” Rude.</p>
<p>The most appalling inquiry came from D’s ENT doc whose D was just starting the application process. When he learned that D was local, he said to her, “Oh, do you know Suzie Smith? (We did). She got a 2050 and is going to NYU. What were your SAT scores?” When D wasn’t forthcoming, he actually said, “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.” Haha what a joke, after telling us about Suzie Smith’s scores. I was proud of D for holding out and refusing to tell him.</p>
<p>If you tell one person, you should assume that everyone may find out.</p>
<p>turbo (#74) I am jumping ahead to respond without reading the intervening posts (gasp!)
I get what you are saying about context. If you are asking for help when you are in an even more confusing situation than that in which most parents of first children find themselves (and, I am not being sarcastic! I can only try to imagine how this would look to someone new to the system), a disclaimer to that effect will help a lot. You may not even need or want to know the particular student’s score.</p>