<p>I am very put off by parents who feel compelled to tell me how their child is smart, exceptionally talented, loved by their teachers, etc. etc.</p>
<p>What’s going on here?</p>
<p>I find it hard to connect with people when I can’t contribute to the bragfest.</p>
<p>fendrock-
Welcome to CC. As you are on post # 3, I assume you are a new member. You will find a lot of very helpful information on this site, and you are certainly encouraged to pick and choose what you find useful and what you do not. Most of us are selective in which threads we choose to read, as it would be overwhelming to try to read them all. Some are about students’ successes, some are about student or parent challenges, and there are a lot of discussions, shared information, what have you, on the college process. It is a shame that right off the bat you are starting a somewhat critical thread of some of the CC members. I am hopeful that you will find this a warm and inviting place, but to come out of the shoot saying negative things is a bit off-putting. I am guessing that you are not a parent. If this is the case, you can certainly read other sections besides the Parents Forum and Parents Cafe. When you come here, you will hear the parents thoughts and views. You choose.</p>
<p>
If you read further posts, what may seem like bragging often turns into a question or a concern. But it’s usually relevant to set the stage by describing a child’s strengths, to put things in perspective. I’ve been reading CC for several years, and I really can’t think of a thread dedicated to “…parents who feel compelled to tell me how their child is smart, exceptionally talented, loved by their teachers.” If you are uncomfortable with posters who do describe their children this way, you are free to ignore that thread and move on. Are you a parent? Most parents understand that even for talented, motivated, bright students there are rocky areas – many of us come here to get advice from people with similar children who have found solutions to common problems.</p>
<p>I’m thinking the OP may be referring to experiences IRL rather than here on cc? Bragging IRL can certainly be quite off-putting and one of the things some cc “regulars” have commented on is how cc allows us to show our pride in the kiddos without being insufferable braggarts. Also, as sjmom says a “brag” often turns into a concern, but is provided to set the stage.</p>
<p>Nevertheless, there is a difference between genuine heartfelt pride and obnoxious bragging, whether IRL or posting here. It’s all in the delivery.</p>
<p>Thanks, jmmom, yes, I was not referring to CC.</p>
<p>I have read quite a few posts at CC and know there are some very sensible posters here who have a good perspective and a good sense of humor, and I was looking for some suggestions as to how to make peace with this issue.</p>
<p>You can skip a offensive thread on an online forum, just as you can turn off the television, but if, say, the parent of one of your child’s friends is the culprit, you can’t very well cut them off.</p>
<p>fend, this topic has come up before here. </p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=58303[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=58303</a>
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=34043[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=34043</a></p>
<p>Speaking as the proud parent of a S who is <em>not</em> going to be applying to HYPSM or any of the Top LAC’s, I have to say that I still get a ton of very good information here. Yes, some parents are consumed with HYPSM to the exclusion of finding a good fit, but they really are in the very small minority. And, IMHO, the Parents Forum are much more sane on this topic than the students section.</p>
<p>Ooops, sorry, my post crossed paths with the clarification from the OP. Now on THAT topic, all I can say is that I would be happy to hear suggestions as well. Family can be the worst offenders, btw.</p>
<p>I deal with it the same way I would with people who brag about their cars, homes, athletic prowess, etc. I reply “wow, that’s great” and never, ever try to outdo or top them. As my dad used to say, “let it go in one ear and out the other”.</p>
<p>family can be the worst I agree
My grandmother whom I loved dearly- was very thrilled that my daughter was doing well particulary as she didn’t see how she even survived having seen her in the hospital weighing less than 2 lbs.
When she taught herself to read at 3 years- great grandma would try and get her to read for her friends- I didn’t want my daughter to “perform” so I tried to anticipate, and get her outside with great grandpa when I knew that a gaggle of ladies were on their way.
It didn’t do any good to talk to grandma to get her to stop- she was very hurt and didn’t understand. If it was just adults and she was going on- I just let it “go in one ear and out the other” smiled and nodded a lot- but I didn’t want my daughter to feel like a perfoming pony</p>
<p>Fenrock, IRL I recall going to a game with g/f and her spouse. They bragged so about their S, how he scored among top on PSAT at their private school, how they were having a film made of S’s performance in his sport to send to HYP, etc. NEVER NEVER did either one ask me how my S did on PSAT! (Nor did I offer). I’d rather see them be so enthused than to be critical of their child.
As with other parents with inflated ideas of just how their Susie or Jeff compares to other HS students, I encourage them to read CC. I try to expand their ideas of wonderful colleges and what the words reach & match mean.</p>
<p>I have always referred to this phyla of parents as “PPC"s…Parents of Perfect Children. Their assumption, of course, is that the listener will, by extension, assume they are “PP”- Perfect Parents. It is important to recognize these people in any school or social situation so that you can dismiss them, as Audiophile suggests with a quick, 'How great”, and then move on and find other genuinely interesting people to talk to. </p>
<p>This species of parents are often identifiable during 7th grade World Studies projects. While you are helping your terrific-kid-who-still-can;t-draw-a-circle make yet another canopic jar for the Egyptian tomb night, they are regaling you with how little they know about Janie’s homework because she never needs any help. A sure sign of a PPC. Of course there are others, but you know the pattern…</p>
<p>Thank goodness the world is as it is, and even these PPC’s and PP’s inevitably get their come uppance one day…the lesson just isn’t yours to teach!</p>
<p>Is your child reasonably polite and respectful to family members (this IS a teenager), kind, able to get along with peers and adults, happy and healthy? If so, count your blessings, smile and change the subject. You know how great your child is and the parents you’re describing won’t care.</p>
<p>the corrolary to the perfect parents- is when these perfect parents have friends who have kids “who have messed up bigtime” .
these kids may have flunked a class-gotten pregnant- gotten into drugs/arrested- ran away. the list is pretty long of what they could be doing.
The parents of the kids who have “issues” are then grilled-by the perfect parents - so that they won’t make the same mistakes. Because you know- if the parents are perfect- then the children will be- it is only when the parents aren’t doing their job, that the children make mistakes.
( not speaking of myself- my kids while not perfect- have not had any major crisises in their lives nock on wood)
I think it is pretty scary for perfect parents to imagine that anyone could have a life that isn’t controlled. The perfect parents usually have kids that are younger than the kids who have “issues”, and they are hoping that if they have the right map, they can avoid the mistakes that everyone else risks making.( the irony is- that from my perspective- they also are making huge mistakes- but everyone parents differently- and I don’t think anyone has th eright answers- thats why we have insurance for therapy 
)</p>
<p>Emeraldkity,</p>
<p>That reminds me of the flipside. Your own kids will tell you the truth about the PP’s kids: how they’re drinking, cutting school, drugging, etc. and their parents don’t have a clue…</p>
<p>Gads. I remember a parent-teacher conference with “perfect” S’s honors biology teacher a couple years ago. She said “oh, it’s nice to meet some of the good parents!” :eek: …huh?</p>
<p>I left thinking, “wow, I wonder what she would’ve thought about me if she’d ever had oldest S in one of her classes” Of course, provided that he ever showed up to hypothetical classes :rolleyes:</p>
<p>A woman at church who has a child older than mine never failed to tell me of his accomplishments, how many AP’s, honors, extracurriculars, sports etc etc etc. She and her husband had both gone to MIT and she said of course her DS would go there. SHe always asked me where my DS would go, etc etc. I always just kind of held my tongue - my DS is wonderful but not MIT or HYPS (and who cares).Well her pefect child is at Worcester Polytech…so careful not to brag too much.</p>
<p>bookworm – I identify with your story. It is indeed a characteristic of PPCs that they are so absorbed in telling you about said PCs that they seldom have ears to hear about other kids.</p>
<p>over30 – you are right, my child is happy and healthy, and is not bothered by all the light shining on friends who are considered PCs. It’s just that my Mother Bear instincts come out when I am left feeling that children have to be accomplished in order for parents to feel proud of them.</p>
<p>robyrm – yes, I am waiting for some of these to get their comeuppance. But this may never happen, and Schadenfreude is never pretty.</p>
<p>Re – comeuppance – I don’t think it is good for the children involved when their parents brag about them. First, they may get a swelled head, and secondly, they may get the message that they are loved for their accomplishments and their parents’ ability to garner kudos in the parenting category, not for themselves.</p>
<p>Finally, I think the bragging plays into the mistaken notion that those who can get an A with no effort are to be admired more than those who work hard for a B+ (or whatever the admired accomplishment may be).</p>
<p>One of the reasons I come to cc is because I can brag here. I couldn’t ever brag IRL. First of all, many cultures think it brings down the evil eye:). Second, everyone hates you :(.</p>
<p>But seriously, I am alway aware that any bragging has to be done with a certain awareness. First, I doubt I can take much credit for my children. They were who they were when they emerged. My success with my D was not to throw oh-she-of-the-strong-will out the window early on. My success with S was to cuddle him long enough that he outgrew most of his early fears. And to have had some decent genetics that paired reasonably well with my H’s genetics. Second, any bragging rights for a 15-year old can be fleeting, I know only too well that things change. That sorrows happen. I grew up in a golden family, four blond siblings, all precocious, a cute mom who cooked well, a tall father who spoke well. And mom and dad divorced. And the golden family and the golden home on the hill disappeared. I am hoping that my children get out of college, find good mates, find good work, contribute to society. And then bragging won’t really be appropriate, because then I would feel so fortunate I would never risk heaven’s wrath.</p>
<p>So bragging I try to do only in a moment of real pride and love for my children. And I do it only to those who won’t be shamed by it, my parents, my best friend. And oh yes, cc, because you guys can always just hit the back button and stop reading:)</p>
<p>Here I’m with jmmom:</p>
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<p>Part of the difference is in the ratio of time spent talking about your child’s accomplishments to the amount of time talking about other topics (high ratio of former to latter is obnoxious).</p>
<p>Alumother, that was really rather beautiful.</p>