Parents who host underage drinking parties

<p>I have a question for you. I’m NOT a parent who would allow underage drinking in my home, but I understand why others do it, so I’m really not trying to start a debate. I just want to know: do you have a ‘too young to drink’ age, and if so, what is it? Do the parents of the kids who are drinking at your house know that their kids are drinking?</p>

<p>The drinking age in this state is 21. No alcohol is served is given to anyone in this house unless they are 21 or older…no exceptions. So…if the kids are 21…do the parents know? I have no idea. But at least it’s legal.</p>

<p>No drinking at my house unless you are 21 or older.</p>

<p>We are hosting a dinner party for my soon to be 19 year daughter at home. There will be 5-7 girls. We will be serving wine with dinner, but will only serve it to girls that are sleeping over. These are college girls, so I would expect them to tell their parents. When my older daughter was in high school, I never served drinks to her friends without their parents present. So I guess for me, it’s under 18.</p>

<p>I say no, the parents of the kids who are drinking at the house are not aware that their kids are drinking. They probably know that their kid is there, but they don’t know what is actually going on. I say this because when I was in high school (6 yrs ago) there was a girl whose parents would allow all the kids to go to their house and drink nearly every weekend. Half of the time they would gladly supply the kids with the alcohol, even making a special trip to go out and get juniors and seniors alcohol. Of course these parents were the biggest idiots; but from my experience, most of the kids’ parents knew that they were at their house, they just didn’t know what was going on there.</p>

<p>I have never served, and never intend to serve alcohol to anyone under 21 in my home, because in my state (Cal.) I can be arrested if the underage drinker I serve is involved in an alcohol-related incident.</p>

<p>My personal feelings on the subject are different from the law, however. I am of the opinion that an adult (age 18) should be able to make his/her own decision about drinking, and if s/he will not be driving, I do not personally have a problem with it.</p>

<p>While it is legal in many states for a parent to serve their own child alcohol before age 21, is there any state where another adult can legally provide alcohol to underage kids that are not their own? I’m just asking, not pouncing on oldfort or others. We did allow our own kids at 19 and 20 to have a glass of wine with dinner for holidays - legal in our state.</p>

<p>My school hosted a parents meeting where they had a lawyer talk about the liability of serving alcohol to anyone under 21. If they then trip in your living room you can be sued for all you own.</p>

<p>Despite what they show on Gossip Girl, this pretty effectively stopped all parents from agreeing to any alcohol.</p>

<p>I don’t expect parents to agree with what we do, and I certainly respect parents for not allowing anyone under 21 to drink at their home. I don’t exactly know how every state’s law works…But recently I went to a HS graduation dinner party at a restaurant in NYC. Every server knew it was a HS graduation party because there were many speeches made, but they still served wines to everyone. Now, everyone came with their parents, so it was with parents’ consent.</p>

<p>underage drinking. How do I know? When my 20 year old is home from school he always wants the option of sleeping over when he goes to a party at their home. Why? He doesn’t want to drive.</p>

<p>Now, he’s a junior in college, and while he does NOT drink in our home, I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck. He sleeps over, and I don’t ask too many questions. He did NOT go to this home and sleep over when he was in high school.</p>

<p>In a pick-your-battles world, this isn’t one I’m going to fight. The good(?) news is that when he comes home in the fall for an internship, he’ll be 21. The main thing we have to deal with is reinforcing (over and over again) that he is a role model for his 17 year old brother who worships him. Hopefully when he is legally drinking, he will model responsibility, at least around here. If he doesn’t we’ll have to have some talks. We still won’t be serving his underage friends.</p>

<p>to dragnmom- in Ohio a hub or wife that is at least 21 may serve alcohol to their spouse, or, a legal guardian may serve alcohol to their charge.
Strictly speaking, to obey the letter of the law, if the aforementioned married couple go in a bar, they can place their order, but the server must serve both drinks to the one that’s 21. That person can then give it to the younger spouse. If the server places the drink right in front of the younger one, then Ohio says the server has served the younger one and is subject to prosecution. Don’t get me wrong, it never quite works that way but thats the law.
Ohio does not permit serving underage kids at a home party, even with each parent’s written permission(other than serving one’s own kid).</p>

<p>My son (who turned 18 in April) borrowed my car yesterday afternoon to go to a pre-graduation party hosted by a classmate he knows; apparently, a lot of kids from his class were there. When he got home, I was very surprised, and not at all happy, to hear that the girl’s parents made wine available to the kids who were still at the party by about 4 pm, and had served my son two glasses of wine. Yes, he had the excellent sense to decide, when he called me at 5:00 (by prearrangement), that he was going to wait at least three more hours before driving home to allow time for the wine to get out of his system (he’s a little kid – weighs about 115 pounds, same as me, so I had some idea of how long it would probably take), but I still thought he used poor judgment having two glasses of wine at a party he drove to – no matter how long he waited. Plus, I don’t think he’d ever had that much to drink at one time before (his usual speed, like mine, is one glass of wine at dinner a few times a year, for the last couple of years since I’ve allowed it, and some champagne at New Year’s). He admitted that it made him pretty tipsy for a while. And I thought the girl’s parents showed worse judgment. What if some other kid was there and drank their wine and didn’t have enough sense to wait a couple of hours to drive home? </p>

<p>Fortunately, so far as I know, nothing happened to anyone. But the two other graduation parties he’s planning to go to? He’s promised me (and to my knowledge, he’s never broken any kind of serious promise) that nothing like this will happen again. I may drop him off and pick him up, in any event. I’m tempted to call up the girl’s parents and give them a piece of my mind, although, of course, my threat to do so horrified my son.</p>

<p>I have never myself, so far as I can remember, served wine (I don’t keep any other kind of alcohol in my home) to anyone else’s child under 21. If their parents are present, it’s up to their parents to give them a glass if they want to. Not I.</p>

<p>When I was growing up, I don’t think I ever had anything to drink at all (neither of my parents drank) until I went to college. </p>

<p>Donna</p>

<p>Having partially grown up in Europe, I am of the mindset that our 21 drinking age is an issue and in many ways probably causes more problems than it solves. </p>

<p>However, in the US I would never ever host a party where other people’s underage children were being served alcohol. As I always say, if you need a lot of booze to get the party going then it must be a pretty crappy party.</p>

<p>When I was 18, I was legal to drink. With that in mind, I allow my child to drink in my home should she desire. (The most she ever has is a glass of wine with dinner, and even that is very rare. Heck, it’s rare that we have a glass of wine with dinner!)</p>

<p>But I will never, ever serve alcohol to an under-21 who is not my child. That one is not my decision to make.</p>

<p>Ok, but what about the parents who DO serve alcohol at parties where groups of teenagers getting drunk IS the intention? </p>

<p>I’m thinking about this because I was at a function where the kids were drinking. And mostly they were high school seniors, but a few were younger than that. And I know that my child has been to parties where the parents knew that alcohol was being served, and in fact the parents had purchased the alcohol. So I’m wondering, at these types of functions, how young is ‘too young’. And, since I’ve never been contacted by a parent to say ‘your child is coming to my house and we WILL be serving her alcohol if she wants it’, is it pretty much understood that the kids are supposed to tell their parents if alcohol is involved?</p>

<p>Hosting a party and turning a blind eye or being party to serving the under 21 year olds landed many a parent in court…you only need ONE KID who wasn’t invited or won’t stay over, leaves in his car in the wee hours when you go to bed or your back is turned… to hit a tree and you are also totally responsible. Easy for me to cite cities and parents but I won’t bother. In my neighborhood there is a “popular” Mom who went to the flagship college in our state and she still thinks she is a coed–she is attractive, social and frankly, an alcoholic but very few people get that, certainly no one under 21. She thrives on getting the youngsters ready for college by serving them and being part of the party and deludes herself that “they will drink anyway” and “they sleep here.” Yeah…except what you are going to do wrestle an 18 year old to the ground if he wants to leave the premises before breakfast. And kids are still hung over the next morning. Nephew flipped his car into a ditch on the “I will be safe if I leave at 8am plan.”<br>
I also agree that the 21 yr old limit is a loser…but nevertheless…we obey the law. I can’t guarantee our son won’t ever make a mistake behind the wheel of a car at 19 or 23…and I also do not delude myself and do not believe I will ever know if he was a Boy Scout or just lucky all these years.</p>

<p>“Parents who host, lose the most” is the big ad campaign here. </p>

<p>Two moms were prosecuted in our neighborhood. They went from being popular with some kids to very unpopular with ALL the adults. One woman has been trying to sell her house and move ever since it happened, and even transferred her kids to a private school.</p>

<p>Jude, I think your question has been covered- (post 15)</p>

<p>"Ok, but what about the parents who DO serve alcohol at parties where groups of teenagers getting drunk IS the intention? "</p>

<p>The legal aspects of serving underage kids, and also permitting underage kids, alcohol of any quantity has pretty much been covered. Although serving(furnishing) and permitting are 2 different things the penalties are about the same.
The physical risk has pretty much been covered too.
Morally, parents differ on appropriate age and circumstances.
All that has been covered. Hope this clears things up for you.</p>

<p>Nope, it wasn’t covered. I wanted to hear from the parents who DO host the parties. We ALL know it’s illegal, we all know the ramifications, and we all know that some parents do it anyway. I wanted to hear from the parents who do it anyway, and I think I asked two very specific questions for those parents… how young is to young, and do the attendees parents know their kids are drinking.</p>

<p>I doubt that those parents will post.</p>