Ages ago, my dad tried to force my brother into being an engineer. My dad saw the income potential, always wanted to be an engineer himself…a story as old as time. In his mind he justified this intrusion into my brother’s life as looking out for his security. “If I’m paying for it…you’re going to listen to me” Ugh.
My brother hated the program and quit,
Yes, my bro did have the math and science talent for engineering, but it wasn’t what he wanted and it ended up being a terrible waste of money and a source of serious hard feelings between them.
He eventually went back to school for computer science on his own dime, and did what he originally wanted to do…and graduated with honors. He loves his job with the federal government, and has done very, very well for himself.
Why do parents do this?
Has anyone ever known this sort of thing to work out in the end?
Maybe dad was pretty right. Computer Science isn’t that different than engineering. Maybe the problem was your brother wasn’t ready for college not that dad didn’t have good advice.
My best friend still has a grudge against his parents who only paid for an engineering degree and pulled funding when he switched to something else. (Mind you, they paid for his brother’s PoliSci degree in full.)
Bad bad bad if parents pick majors. Sure the kid may end up in something that pays well, but the heart isn’t in it and they will never do as well as if they went into something that the loved. Always will be second fiddle and miserable.
My parents picked mine, I would never do that to my children even though I didn’t know what to do so I didn’t complaint and in hindsight they made the right choice considering limited available opportunities.
Imho picking a major right out of high school at an age of 18 isn’t the ideal time. I wonder why don’t we give students to study subjects to be a well functioning and well evolved adult until 21, before commuting to a profession for life.
My father had terrible advice and didn’t listen. My brother was in love with computers and deserved a chance at his own dream. This was in the early 80’s when computer science was a new emerging field. My brother could see a future that my father could not.
Dad’s stubborn inability to let his son live his own life destroyed their relationship for almost a decade. It was extremely sad to witness.
They reconciled before Dad died, but their relationship really suffered and so much time was lost.
As a parent, putting conditions on your support of your child’s dream is like putting conditions on your love and trust. It takes a serious toll on your relationship.
We ask our kids to trust us for 18 years. We ask them to listen to us and value our perspective.
When they become adults, it’s time to return the favor.
Family finances tend to get in the way. Many students cannot afford to extend schooling beyond what it already is before they earn money in their career-track jobs. Also, high school is theoretically supposed to be where one learns enough to be a well functioning and well evolved adult, though in reality, most colleges see high school as not being sufficient in this respect (since most colleges do have some general education requirements, although typically less than three full academic years’ worth).
The financially-based time constraint on choosing a college major (or other career path out of high school) is disadvantageous for someone who has not yet decided what s/he wants to do. Unfortunately, many of the possible choices at this stage close off other choices or make them more difficult to get into.
Then just extend highschool time by adding two years of community college style classes so by the time students go to real college, they are able to make more informed decisions.
Do you mean that students will start as college frosh at age 20, or that students will start (transfer) as college juniors after taking college frosh/soph level courses at a community college? The former would extend the students’ financial dependency on parents for another two years; the latter is already an option in many states.
Some people are mature enough to know what they want at 18, others never grow up. Some make the right choices at any age, others… don’t. And than there are many individuals who fall in the middle. Some of them would do well to listen to their parents.
“Prodding” happens much more often in immigrant families, especially when the parents can hardly support themselves. I also see the same trend in many lower-to-middle class minority families. Trusting a kid who does not know what he/she wants with this sum of money is literally a First World Problem. If they can afford it, more power to them.
@deb922 : uh, yes, yes it is. Current Comp Sci major. While I’m buddies with many engineering majors (we all take the calculus series), my curriculum diverges sharply from theirs at the beginning of junior year. We all have the same background, yes, but I don’t want to be an engineer and vice versa for my engineering buddies.
@Dustyfeathers …LOL! You forgot to add accountant to that list! My Dad said “you can be a doctor, a lawyer, an engineer (like him) or an accountant. I’m not paying for a degree in walking.” I had no passion or idea what I wanted to be and was decent at math so I got my accounting degree. He was also someone you didn’t argue with. However, he had a soft spot with his kids so I know I really could have done what I wanted.
@cupoftea …funny you should say that about immigrant families. My Dad was an immigrant, but came over to go to college, he was very motivated his whole life.
However, by saying that and he was intimidating, I never tried to figure out what i wanted to do and that’s a shame. I disliked business school and got dismal grades.
But…I’m a hard worker and did well in my career…well enough to have been able to support my family if need be. I was no star, but solid. Accounting gave me a trade that I could always find a job. It was later in life that I realized he was protecting me to take care of myself and not be dependent on a man. I get it and I’m thankful for it.
But, I know what it is not feel like your great at something, just trudging along, so I don’t do that to my kids, but try to help them find something that suits their personalities.
Way back in 1984 my older sister picked my college major for me! I was young, immature and clueless. Her pick was perfect! I loved the coursework, it was a springboard for the masters and what I learned still serves me well today. Too funny!