Your parents may think that you won’t put in the effort to write good essays if you apply to a safety so do this…
Get your apps into the top schools as soon as you can, including applying to some EA and an ED school. Let them see that you worked hard on the apps/essays. Then, once those are submitted, apply to a safety or two…either with your own money or with theirs if they agree. They may agree to pay for those apps since your top apps are already in and the work was put in.
You parents must know that, being Asian, you are at a big disadvantage, especially if you are male. You may have the perfect package, and the probability of getting rejected by all elite schools is not insiginificant.
Many parents who have immigrated from India or China and other countries, truly believe college is not worth it unless it is a prestigious school (internationally famous) like an Ivy, Stanford or MIT.
I know one family whose kid applied to Ivies and UVA and “only” got into UVA. And the parents are not letting the kid go to UVA.
This is a cultural divide, and one that cannot be bridged from a Western perspective until the parents understand our culture. Looking at all the kids on CC who “dream” of Harvard does not show our culture to be much better, in some regards. Granted, we don’t have a rigidly defined class system - though we do have a class system, which is never talked about.
To the OP, I am so sorry you are in this bind. The best way to deal with this, as I implied, is to try to somehow get your parents educated on the many top colleges they may never have heard of. You could start with the “little Ivies.” Google it. Tufts, Williams, Amherst, Middlebury, Bates, Bowdoin, Colby, CT College, Wesleyan- I have left some out I think. Also the Colleges that Change Lives website.
Some of the UC’s are also prestigious and excellent so perhaps they can learn more about that.
Get some help from a guidance counselor and if that doesn’t work, try to find a therapist who will impress your parents. Psychology Today has a great find a therapist site.
You are a humble and likable person, it is clear, and actually, if your essays and life activities reflect that, please do apply to wherever you want. You never know. But plan on going wherever you get in!!!
“Would they consider McGill in Montreal sufficiently ‘prestigious?’”
I have no idea what OP’s parents would say. However, McGill is certainly well known and highly respected on a worldwide basis. I have had government ministers from small distant countries quiz me about McGill when they found out I was originally from Montreal and had relatives who went there.
“and admissions are based entirely on statistics.”
Yup, and OP’s statistics are superb. I still expect OP to get into one of the top schools in California (such as UCB and/or UCLA), but admissions in the US does go beyond statistics which makes predictions slightly uncertain for the really top US schools.
@compmom Does that mean the “only-accepted-to-UVA” kid is not going to college at all?
Yes, gap year to try again. Unbelievable. We actually know another family like this. These families tend to be like this with all their kids. If one is not academically viable for admission then they get them to sports or something else that will get them in. One family even bought a second house so the kid could go to a high school with a high admit rate to an Ivy. These are immigrant families or families with one immigrant parent but have been in the US a long time.
Apply to an automatic full ride safety for the worst case scenario, since otherwise, you will be on your own as a high school graduate with no way of funding college.
UCLA and UCB are top schools by most people’s standard. Apparently your parents don’t know much about the US universities and colleges. Any schools ranked in top 100 are very good schools and are probably better than the No 1 school in the country where they came from. Soon or later you have to break away from what their controlling mindset if you want to have a meaningful life of your own, or they would want to decide who you marry and what type of career you should pursue.
If I were you, I would pretend “fine, then I am not going to college” to parents, but I would still prepare all the necessary documents (recommendation letters, application essays, CA applications, and common app, transcripts…) necessary for those colleges you want to apply (reach, match, and safety) right before the application deadlines. Your parents are playing a game of dare, and they have been winning up to now, so they think by threatening you either the ivies (prestigious ones) or none, they can tap the full potential out of you. But it is not a healthy way in motivate an already high achieving you. If you can put on the face that you are ready to move out and go to the community college after graduating from high school (but still preparing to apply all the colleges with showing to them), by the time in December/January when the deadlines are approaching, your parents would give in and be ecstatic on whatever colleges you apply and later accepted.
That is probably an exaggeration. Asian countries with colleges within the top 100 in the world in QS ranking includes Singapore, Japan, South Korean, China, Taiwan, and Hong Kong. Many of them have more than 1 college within the top 100 in the world. The #100 college in US is likely ranked around 150-200 in the world. It would be safer to say “any schools ranked in the top 20 (in US) are better than the No 1 school in the country where they came from”.
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I know one family whose kid applied to Ivies and UVA and “only” got into UVA. And the parents are not letting the kid go to UVA.
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Omg…so what’s next? The child stays home and sits on the couch?
We see stories similar to this every year, and not just for undergrad. We see students whose parents only want them to go to a “top med school” and limit their app lists.
I don’t know if this exists already, but maybe it’s time for members of the Asian community (and any other ethnic group that has this strict “top schools only” mindset) to speak out, write blogs, provide data, etc, and help educate these new/newish immigrants who just don’t understand how higher education works here in the US…and how you can be successful even if you graduated from a good local school.
I think you need to enlist outside help to educate your parents on US college options and relative excellence or prestige (not always the same thing of course).
Good luck!
@billcsho I might exaggerated a bit for not knowing which Asian country(ies) the OP’s parents came from in the first place, but UCLA, USC, and UCB definite are better than the No.1 college in many Asian countries. In my memory, I think UCB was once ranked 7th in the US many years ago.
@mom2collegekids I happened to be an Asian immigrant moved to the US three decades ago after serving the military service in the country I came from. I had a junior college (AA) from that country. I went to a community college, then transfer to a four year adult college (night school), later I went on to a top ten ranked university for an MBA degree (the school was top 10 rank but the business was still very new at that time). For being able to compare the classes offered and the quality of each (community college, local university, top ten university), I see no difference of education that these school provided to me. The community college and local university some time even provided me more value/knowledge than the top ten university due to their small class size and the many instructors who were practitioners in their fields. As long as if the students want to learn, work hard, and try to be graduate in the top 5%, 10%, or even 20%, they should got a very good jobs from the education route they choose.
Because my own experience, I did not want to push my kid as other Asian parents in my community would do by enrolling their kids in preparatory classes for magnet school entrance exams, ACT/SAT exams in a young age, and extracurricular activities designed to boost chance to top schools. I think giving your own kids a healthy childhood is more important to their mental health than starting the rat race so early.
@amNotarobot No doubt UCB and UCLA are very good schools and are better than most colleges in Asian countries. Depending on which ranking, they are among the top 35 in the world and within the top 20 or so in US (not just in the top 100). Nevertheless, there are 3-5 colleges in Asia (Singapore, Hong Kong, China, and Japan) ranked higher than them in QS. Of course, QS is just one of the ranking lists available. Different lists have different sets of parameters and different weights on even the same parameters.
Can your high school counselors strongly advise your parent to include other UC’s in the application too, like Davis or Irvine? Do you have a UC favorite that has your major and maybe a special program? I don’t think it would be a lie to tell your parents that counselors strongly advise all students to apply to at least 2 other UC’s along with UCLA and Cal.
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like Davis or Irvine? Do you have a UC favorite that has your major and maybe a special program? I don’t think it would be a lie to tell your parents that counselors strongly advise all students to apply to at least 2 other UC’s along with UCLA and Cal.
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There are actually some Calif schools that are requiring their students to apply to at least one true safety. don’t know if that’s because Calif admissions are so unpredictable or if it’s because these schools have had to deal with fall-out of students who got rejected everywhere because their parents only allowed apps to tippy top schools.
There’s a Newsweek article from about a decade ago called 25 New Ivies. It’s sort of a stupid article, but it might convince your parents to broaden their scope! http://www.newsweek.com/americas-25-new-elite-ivies-108771
I’d pay the fee yourself for a couple of safer schools that you also think will be affordable (not NYU). Just to make sure you have options. If you get in someplace higher ranked, then no problem. I think your parents will back down if you get shutout of the higher ranked schools.
Your guidance counselor may be able to talk some sense into them.
Before OP tries applying early, she really needs a better idea of her match. So what are the “mediocre” ECs? For all we know, they might be plenty good. If not, early won’t tip.
Over the years, many CC kids found the GC couldn’t convince the parents that, say, Irvine equates to Harvard. I think the only response is to be clever. That’s not pulling out USNews and pointing to even top 50 colleges. But maybe it’s finding ways OP’s choices do excel in the program (s) she/he does want. Dig as deep as you need, to show them. There are lots of sources or ways. Eg, look at ratings for majors. These most often reflect grad programs, but use what you can.
Introduce the parents to College Confidential. Encourage them to express their views in the Parents Forum. See how they respond to the tsunami of criticism they receive from credible peers.
I like the McGill idea if parents deem it prestigious enough and will pay. They only look at grades and tests. University of British Columbia is closer to home.
University of Pittsburgh, University of Alabama and University of Texas at Dallas are the traditional schools for full rides. I know the University of Pittsburgh has a separate application (not the common app) so in theory, you could easily covertly apply there. They have a nice honors college and it’s a very nice city. Perhaps discuss this with a GC about applying there covertly (they still need transcripts and recs).
If you win a full-ride, you don’t need your parents to pay anything. It’s a pretty easy application and you will find out very early. Pitt is comparable academically to BU. Financial independence is very liberating.
At Alabama I believe your SAT automatically gets you a full-tuition scholarship.
If you don’t want to apply anywhere covertly, just do exactly what your parents say. If they are wrong and you do not have a place to go come April, or a place that you are happy with, there is a list that comes out in May with colleges still accepting applications. There are often many decent schools on there, some still offering financial aid. With your parents expectations brought down to earth, there will surely be a place for you. FWIW, Arizona State almost always has spaces.
So while I appreciate your concern, if your parents don’t modify their attitude, and you don’t apply to additional places covertly, a good outcome is still likely.