Party with Ex-In-Laws -- Is this appropriate?

Parent Cafe
1

<p>My ex-husband is giving a party for our son in a few weeks. All his relatives will be there, including many whom I have not seen since we were divorced 20 years ago. </p>

<p>The outfit I want to wear to the party needs an impressive necklace, and I have the perfect thing! The problem is that it was given to me by one of my ex-sisters-in-law. I have not seen nor spoken to her since the divorce, and I don’t have any idea how she feels about me now. Is it appropriate to wear the necklace? </p>

<p>On the one hand, she could be glad that I liked it, kept it all this time, and still wear it. On the other hand, she could be annoyed at being reminded that she spent a lot of money on someone who didn’t stay in the family.</p>

<p>Personally, I’d probably be glad to see my gift being worn, but I don’t want to upset anyone. What do you think?</p>

2

<p>Id wear it.
You are still family, imo.</p>

3

<p>I think you care too much what people who really are not that important in your life think about you. </p>

<p>Wear what you want. If your ex-sister-in-law has a problem with it, let it be her problem. </p>

4

<p>Probably not a big deal… unless you were truly awful in the divorce. If you cheated on your ex and then took him to the cleaners in a messy knock-down drag out divorce…yeah…she probably might have an issue…of course maybe she still likes you better than him. Only you know the background detail that can make all the difference on this one.</p>

<p>This may sound callous, but really, who cares what you wear? It is not your party. Wear something understated and do not draw attention away from the party’s focus…your son. Do you really want everyone talking about your dress or necklace? Or do you think maybe it would be nice if the focus was on him. Sorry, but I see this way too much with the women in my life as well. Relax, everything is not a show or production.</p>

5

<p>Okay… as someone who has an ex, and might worry a little about rocking the boat with his family, I personally wouldn’t take a chance on this. I would wear something else. Once you have the lay of the land from this party, you will have a better idea if you can wear it if there is a future family event including that ex-SIL.</p>

6

<p>I guess I’m in the minority. If you think it will cause any problem, including for your ex sister In law, why take a chance? You are spending time even years later thinking about things so quite possibly your SIL is as well. Surely, you have another “impressive” necklace you can wear so that any potential drama in anybody’s mind can be avoided.( but I admit I’m not into jewelry enough to think there is only one piece of jewelry that would be suitable for any occasion).</p>

7

<p>Skip the necklace. Why risk having people talk, in either a good or bad way, about the gift that was given to you 20 years ago? The party is for your son.</p>

8

<p>Yes, wear another necklace. Why risk the possible weirdness.</p>

9

<p>Was it not a gift? Gifts should not come with stipulations, such as only wearing it if you remain a member of the family. Wear it. </p>

10

<p>I wouldn’t risk rocking the boat. Wear something that lets you blend in as opposed to putting you in the spotlight. Celebrate your son and his accomplishment(s). It’s great you’re on the guest list…we all know people who hold on to bitterness and negativity associated with divorce, even after 20 years…glad for your son that’s not the case here.</p>

11

<p>I reread the initial post & Im changing my mind.
I don’t own any “impressive” necklaces & can only imagine that an outfit that requires one is a bit more flamboyant than needed for the mother of the guest of honor.
It’s not your night.
Wear classic but festive mom clothes & not something “impressive”.</p>

12

<p>I think it will be awkward enough partying with so many people you’ve been disconnected from for so long. Skip the necklace.</p>

13

<p>You don’t know how the SIL will interpret it. She may be tickled. Or not. Personally, don’t think it’s the venue to test. Even if that’s not your intention.<br>
Adding: but of course, look as great as you want.</p>

14

<p>Don’t wear the necklace. Find something else. There’s a ton of statement necklaces out there that may not be fine jewelry but compliment an outfit just fine.</p>

<p>Go to a dept store or Brighton or similar and find something. Bring the dress along if necessary.</p>

<p>Hey, if you wear it, she may be a jerk and ask for it back. so, don’t wear it. </p>

15

<p>Don’t wear the necklace. The fact that you’re thinking that it could be an issue tells me it’s not a good idea. You want to enjoy the party as much as possible and keep the focus on your son. I think it will be stressful enough seeing all of your ex-in laws without worrying about whether it was a bad idea to wear the necklace.</p>

16

<p>Since it’s clearly an issue to you, don’t wear the necklace. There’s no pressing reason to wear it, so just find another time and place for it. Why let this be a distraction? Focus on enjoying yourself, or at least not stressing yourself, and supporting your son. </p>

17

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<p>This is the first thing that popped into my head as well. If it could potentially be an issue, just wear another necklace. No biggie.</p>

18

<p>Agree with those saying let this be your son’s night so if the necklace is an issue, wear something else. </p>

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<p>Not only a jerky demand, but also one not deserving of a response/acknowledgement. </p>

<p>Once a gift is given, it’s the property of the recipient to do as he/she wishes. </p>

19

<p>I hope you go, have a great time, and find that while you divorced your ex-husband, that you’re still able to enjoy some time with son’s relatives. One of the nicest wedding gatherings I attended was one where seemingly every older adult in the family had been divorced, but all of them were there and celebrating the wedding of one of the nieces – they may not have spent as much time with their ex-spouses, but I saw lots and lots of joyful conversations between various ex-inlaws. (And the grumps were from the groom’s family where apparently nobody had ever gotten divorced, but a more sour group of folks would have been hard to find.)</p>

20

<p>Do you think SIL will remember she gave it to you 20+ years ago? I’ve had my SIL show me something at her house and remark ‘you gave this to me’…I just smile and nod, as I think I’ve never seen the item before in my life. </p>

<p>Wear the necklace. Life is too short to be miserable. </p>