<p>JYM - I am hoping you can just stay in the moment. Offer your presence, your soothing words, your memories. Thinking of you.</p>
<p>jym-sorry that you are on this ferris wheel. 
I’m sure you following your Dad’s wishes to a “t.” Good that there is hospice within the same hospital and hope that they can pick up the ball immediately and get your Dad comfortable.</p>
<p>Thanks, all of you. Mindfulness is not my long suit, as they say. I tend to go into “planning” mode, which while good in some ways, can cause me to get ahead of myself. My husband and I are meeting with the rabbi later today. We are here with him for now.</p>
<p>arabrab, jym and everyone else:</p>
<p>Thank you so much for your good wishes. I don’t want to monopolize jym’s thread here, but I definitely appreciate the support too. Wow, so intense.</p>
<p>jym: Hang in there! I’m gonna need your support in the upcoming months! I know this is going to sound morbid, but I’ve already begun to write down some thoughts of what I will say at my mom’s memorial service. Yucch, it is so painful. I sit here at the computer with tears streaming down my face writing down memorable moments.</p>
<p>Sooooo many people of our generation are going through this, while balancing our kids activities and our own. Most days no one would ever know I’m dealing with this. We need to pat ourselves on the back and give ourselves the permission to take some much needed R&R for ourselves too!</p>
<p>jym: Best of luck. Hope Hospice helps your dad to become more comfortable. We are right behind you on all these decisions.</p>
<p>Jym, keep persevering. It is so hard to see someone die, and suffer while at it.</p>
<p>My mom also had always been very adamant about what she did not want done for her - no tubes, respirators etc. This was based on her experience with her own mother who had been in a life support type situation for a long, long time. She always said that she couldn’t have “pulled the plug” on grandma because she was not sure what she wanted, but she knew that she would never want that for herself. She did not get any tubes or respirators. Her other big thing was that she never wanted to go to a nursing home. Unfortunately for her, a bit before she died, she had a stint of a couple of weeks in “rehab”, and I won’t digress by going into all the whys and wherefores of that. I will say that my brother (you wouldn’t want to trade for him) was guiding much of this and she went along with what he had to say at that time. </p>
<p>For my own 2 cents, I have an advance directive myself. I would not want to be unconscious and living on tubes and machines without hope of recovery.</p>
<p>chocchipcookie - I just 9 days ago lost my mom very suddenly, this thread reminds me, though it was abrupt, this prolonged end is exactly what she didn’t want. Explains why she never found her way to a Dr. during these last 5 wks of having “just a cold.” I just spoke at her funeral 5 days ago. Putting together your thoughts now is great, you can remember the good times, the memories worth sharing, the message of her life. When I wrote mine, I couldn’t remember how to breathe actually, kept having to say “exhale” to myself. Not being dramatic, I was really that in shock and numb. Be glad that you have a bit of time, I would give anything for just a few words.
jym - God bless you, my heart goes out to you too. Drs. (especially surgeons) can be such jerks. I am a very mild mannered/confrontation-adverse person but the few times I have lost it with someone has been with surgeons in hospitals who were caring for people I love. Pulmonologists and cardiologists are my specialty. I made one cry.</p>
<p>Hugs to you, Amandakayak and to Jym and chocchipcookies and to all the others. It is a hard time of life.</p>
<p>Amandakayak – I’m sure that whatever words you said were the right ones, and I’m sure that those around you could see just what you meant. It is a tough time – take care of yourself now. Sending thoughts of peace.</p>
<p>chchipcookie, amandakayak, arabrab and everyone else,
This is not “my” thread. I am thrilled that this is helpful for so many of you-- who have been through it, are going through it or are about to. It is really helpful to have the opportunity to share the challenges and not go through this journey alone.</p>
<p>I met with the rabbi today and then had the opportunity to talk to the couple who introduced my parents (they are in their mid-late 80’s). Moving towards closure…</p>
<p>For all of us, one cathartic thing we did (not knowing at the time that it would help) was to go through old pictures - not 10 yrs ago but like 60 yrs ago some of them. Old photo albums from the 40s and 50s that were stored away in closets. Things that hadn’t been looked at for probably 30+ yrs. We (grandkids, kids) made three big poster sized foamcore boards, collages of her life - started out with one and we just found too many good pics, pics I had never seen of her as a young woman. It brought life to her life, a distraction from everything else at the funeral for the grandkids. It made them part of the prep too. It helped me tremendously to have perspective on a life as a whole, not just viewing these last stages. It helped my father to remember the early newlywed times, the troubles, the triumphs. People who came may have only had a glimpse on her life. It sounded a bit cheesy at the time to do this, (and she probably would have hated it frankly) but it was really nice.</p>
<p>amandakayak-
Maybe you can come by and rip the pulmonary and thoracic surgeon guys a new one for me. Its probably a bit late for that at this point.</p>
<p>I too went through old photos the other night. Also found birth certificates and my dads grades from NYU from 1938-41. Wonder if they would be interested in having those for their archives…</p>
<p>I also brought in photos of dad with the family to show the staff, so they had a sense of who he was. He doesnt look at all like what he did. Its tough…</p>
<p>Thoughts are with all of you who are going though this with me. Again-- this is "our’ thread…</p>
<p>My mom graduated NYU in 1938!</p>
<p>Wacky coincidence - Mom graduated NYU '52.</p>
<p>Thinking of you, jym, during this emotional and difficult time. This whole thread is emotional for me, having unfortunately gone through this with each of my parents. It’s hard. Hang in there. </p>
<p>My mom also went to NYU! But she didn’t graduate. It would have been around 1950 as she would have recently turned 80 and died when she was 78.</p>
<p>My mom is 92 and, we believe, the oldest living female graduate of NYU.
JYM-thinking of you, as always.</p>
<p>I’m also thinking of you, JYM, and everyone else who is on this difficult journey, as I was last year with my dear mother. Tears streaming down my face as I type…</p>
<p>so sorry, marthrap.
Thats so cool, vitrac.
Thanks sooz and everyone.
This has hopefully been a cathartic thread for many.</p>
<p>Thanks, Jym. It’s “our” thread, I’ll remember that! :)</p>
<p>Amandakayak: Your mom just passed away? I am so very sorry to hear that. And you said it happened suddenly? I am really sorry. Did she live near you?</p>
<p>You guys are so not going to believe this…my dad also went to NYU. Have no idea the dates. He did not graduate either because he was drafted.</p>
<p>Vitrac: That is amazing your mom is 92. How is she doing? My mom was so very young when this stroke occured last Feb. at age 77. She was extremely active and social in her community, involved in many things. Soozievt: my dad also died before he turned 80, just a few months shy of that milestone birthday!</p>
<p>Amandakayak: My heart goes out to you and your family. And you mentioned your dad is still alive? How is he doing through all this? Our family has always been big on making foam posterboard collages too. We also made my mom a special homemade book when she turned 75, each child (4 daughters), son-in-law and grandchild making their own pages. Over the years we have found those things to be way more meaningful than a new “whatever”.</p>
<p>Jym: What is the latest news today? Is your mom alive? You have one un-supportive brother? I’ll introduce him to my one un-supportive sister…I’m sure they’ll have plenty to talk about! :(</p>
<p>Onward: thank you so much for your wishes too! I’ll be with my mom & older sister again soon and spend about 8/9 days there…my sister is so overwhelmed that any time I can spend with her, she is so appreciative.</p>
<p>Chocchipcookie–My mom has been in excellent health until last week, when she contracted pneumonia. After 4 days in the hospital, she is home now recuperating. Unfortunately, the pneumonia is cutting into her work schedule! She is still a substitute teacher in inner city Philadelphia high schools and works 3-4 days a week. The stories she tells!!! The CC crowd would not believe it!</p>
<p>Chocchipcookie - My mom and dad live about a mile away so we’re very close. My dad is doing alright I guess, trying to keep busy with all the paperwork involved and I’m trying to help with meals. He doesn’t want to get clearing things away just yet, so I’m patiently waiting. It happened in an instant eventhough this “cold” of hers had been going on for a little over a month. It did seem like it was getting better. We don’t have any idea of the cause although when the cardiologist was called to put the cause of death, funny that she should put “pulmonary hypertension” isn’t it? Cya in it’s most basic form.</p>