When I was a child, we used cloth napkins and each of us had our own napkin ring (sterling). After dinner every night, we’d fold and roll our napkin and put it back in our ring. Once a week, the napkins were washed.
I still have my napkin ring. It used to be my great-grandmother’s.
I think the comments in the examples in Post #87 are terribly, terribly passive aggressive.
My family uses cloth napkins and monogrammed sterling napkin rings to keep them straight, so we can reuse them. Like VeryHappy, this is how I was raised and I just do the same thing.
One of my brother-in-laws has always thought this meant our family was really pretentious and hoity-toity. It is interesting to read the different interpretations of this practice.
adding: oregon: It isn’t clear to me in your post whether you are using thick cloth or thick paper napkins, not that it really mattered. I don’t think anyone should question how you set your table while enjoying your hospitality. I wouldn’t call that passive aggressive. I’d call it flat out rude.
I’ve been reading along both these threads. I have decided that when people are passive aggressive to me, it is probably going right over my head.
I am going to try to be more mindful of my own actions: (
I would say it’s not nice to gossip.
Ok, so this was not actually about me but a conversation with a friend.
The problem is that if A is being passive aggressive A would never admit it. As that is actually what PA is about.
A would tell B that B was overreacting while remaining innocent.
I do not know if A was PA but do see the difficulty for B.
And yes, alh, I have been watching everything coming-out of my mouth lately.
Last night we went to a neighbors home and took most of the dinner as a thank you.
The wife and I have talked and she knows verbally as well as having had lunch together (where she had dessert and I did not) that I really do not like sweets. She made no-crust lemon meringue mini pies. So I nicely tasted one and oohed sufficiently and then gave the rest to H. But! I stupidly mentioned that while I do not care for meringue I thought hers had a lovely texture. Dang and stuff my mouth with a sock.
I do not think she took it as PA but it was not nice or necessary and maybe PA as I wish she
had asked me if I wanted one straight out. The way it was served I felt that I had to try it it to be polite. I did do a nice job of handing to H who was happy to oblige.
P.S. I try to be a really kind person but being felt like I need to eat sweets makes me
uncomfortable. Honestly, I like a bite now and then but sweets are just to sweet for me.
And it is amazing how NOT acceptable this is to many (not all) people.
P.P.S Anyone for some nacho chips :x
I still don’t get the difficulty for B … It seens almost like paranoid thinking to interpret the comment to be an insult to B. (Of course, it is an express insult toward C, but that is express, not passive aggressive, and not really all that significant in any event. Some people think “frugal” is a positive).
No, it doesn’t have to be difficult. Person B asks for clarity on what Person A meant. All Person B has to say in response is, “Well, it sounds to me like you are saying…blah, blah…and if so I don’t appreciate the comment because it makes me fell…(insert feelings here)”. If Person A denies it they are still aware Person B is on to them.
I don’t respect passive aggressive people but I don’t respect people who continue to let themselves be treated as doormats and play the martyr as well. People need to have a little backbone. One doesn’t need to be overtly aggressive but don’t be a milquetoast either.
^ agree with you. But do true PA’s have awareness or is that part of the problem?
Who knows? I’d say repeat the steps as necessary.
Speaking up serves two purposes: 1. It lets the other person know what they said isn’t acceptable to you and corrects their behavior. 2. The act of standing up for yourself is empowering. It give you permission to say to yourself, “It’s not me, it’s them. I’m not going to let them bother me.” So, if you repeat calling them out and they still show no awareness and keep repeating themselves, you then skip that stage and move directly to “It’s not me, it’s them. I’m not going to let them bother me”, which is much easier to do when you no longer feel like or give them the power to make you feel like a victim.
As I like to remind my kids (as well as myself!) you can’t control others’ actions, only how you respond to it. You can control whether you let their comments get to you.