S1’s baby is coming anytime now, maybe today! He is due this week and he texted that they are going to hospital soon and they are 10 minutes apart. I’m sure her mom has all the details…I don’t want to pester them, but I don’t want to miss anything, nor do I want to sit at the hospital for 10 hours. I’m not sure if I’m allowed in with them during labor, but I don’t expect to be in there for the delivery.
I was very private with my deliveries. I didn’t want anybody to see me in labor and therefore didn’t call anybody until right after he arrived. I can understand if she doesn’t want to share the details as it goes along.
I know its a bit petty, but I don’t want to be “left out”. She plans to have her mom in there for delivery and I get that, they are very close. I will go in if invited, but will not push to be, At least we know its a boy so I won’t be missing a surprise.
When should I plan to go to the hospital? At 5 minutes apart? But, will my son be thinking of texting or calling me? Somehow I doubt I will be on his mind! Should I tell them to let the hospital know they can give me info if I call the hospital for statuses?
I feel left out now, but the plan right now is for me to babysit when she goes back to work in Jan or Feb, then I know it is her mom who will feel left out a little because she is a teacher and can’t babysit weekdays.
Well, the mother to mom often gets a front row seat and the mother to the dad gets to wait elsewhere. Just one of those things that you might think is unfair, but that’s how it is. Labor and delivery is often in the same room now, so you might be outside in a waiting room the whole time.
The hospital won’t give you a status update.
Congrats. Arrive at the hospital after he’s born looking rested and fabulous for the photos.
First baby, contractions 10 minutes apart…it could be many hours. I don’t see anything wrong with you being in the waiting room. Let your son know that you’re coming to the hospital, and if they want to invite you in during labor, then fine.
Since you were private during your own L&D, then you’ll understand whatever they choose to do.
How about considering yourself a support person for your son?
He seems to have his phone with him. You could text him in an hour or two and ask if there’s anything you can do to help him out (feed their dog, bring him something to eat, contact other family members, whatever). If the circumstances are such that he is free to talk with you and he could use your assistance (or just wants to chat), he’ll take you up on your offer. If not, I would wait until you hear that the baby has been born unless he says (without you asking) that he would like you to come to the hospital.
I would wait until he lets you know when to come to the hospital. I loved my late ex-MIL but would not have wanted her there for the birth of either of my older 2 kiddos. She arrived after they were born as did my own parents. I would not have wanted to worry about people in the waiting room. With my youngest, I no longer had living parents or in-laws, but would not have wanted any of my SIL’s there, even the one who works in the medical field. If your S and SIL haven’t asked for you to be there, let it go.
Here’s my recommendation: ask your son if you can come by the hospital and just wait outside the delivery room. I doubt he’ll be present enough, emotionally, to say no Then send word you respect your daughter-in-law’s privacy and wait outside. Once the baby arrives, I’m sure you’ll have the opportunity to see him/her, give your son a hug and your daughter-in-law a kiss on the forehead. And then I’d recommend you leave. Boundries observed, grandma’s rights ensured.
Wait. If she has not invited you to be there, then she does not want you there. If she wanted you there, she would have asked you to come during her pregnancy.
I definitely did not want either my mother or my mother-in-law to be at any of my deliveries. In fact, I did not want to see anyone (aside from my husband) for a few days after the delivery. Parents can add drama to a situation and I did not want any. I only wanted to be with my new baby. Respect her privacy at this time and just wait.
This sounds like the best way to get what you want.
But it may not be best for the new parents. They have their hands full right now, and even if you word your messages carefully, they might feel pressured to let you in even if they don’t feel comfortable doing that.
I would stay home unless they ask you to come without any prompting on your part. Hard as it may seem right now, it’s their needs and preferences and comfort that should take precedence over anyone else’s.
They haven’t gone yet to hospital. I’m pretty sure she knows I plan to be there and that I don’t care if I don’t see the actual delivery. I don’t want to SEE it at all, I would be at head if anywhere. I didn’t even want my hubby watching down there, and his arm made an awesome thing to pull on during pushing! Her mom plans to be in there for it all. I get that she wants here mom there and I don’t mind. I would like to be there so I can see him asap.
I will go with katliamom’s advice. The problem is knowing when to go. I personally seemed to be stuck at 8 for a bit and my dr said it would be a couple of hours. It was 15 minutes! I think that if I was her I would tell m son to put down the phone for a while, so I might not be able to reach him.
What I would like is to be a fly on the wall and see how it all goes and how my son reacts to what is happening. I hadn’t even remembered until now that I’d need to send flowers or something to the hospital! We are going to decorate their condo and get one of those storks for in front of their door.
I agree with Bookreader and Marian. They would have let you know likely before hand if they wanted you there or at the very least, when they are on the way to the hospital they will give you some indication.
I would never show up uninvited or ask if I could wait anywhere - that is not me.
I promise that your S and DIL will be just as excited to see you after the baby is born as the minute or minutes after it is born. Maybe more so - those first minutes may be exciting but they are/can be very stress filled too.
They will tell you - probably in detail! - all that happened during the delivery afterwards. Plenty of time for stories!
It surprises me that you yourself remember clearly not wanting anyone there (and I was the same) yet you are considering showing up or asking if you can come at this point. They may feel pressured to say yes???
Most importantly, praying for a safe delivery for mom and baby and a congrats to your entire family!
Agree. And I’m the mother of two boys. Wait to be asked. The whole thing is stressful enough without having to worry about the feelings of relatives. Congratulations!
Second, it’ll become easier with grandchild number 2 because your job could be watching grandchild number 1 while parents are at the hospital.
I’d hold off on going unless they ask you to be there. I would not have wanted my MIL there. My mom was there but only for a short time and that was fine with me. I am the type of person that prefers to deal with my pain on my own and I didn’t want an audience. Also, it could take awhile. It took 3 days for one of my kids to be born. My brother kept calling because he thought we forgot to call him. Nope. STILL in labor. Your DIL is probably different than me but let her and your son make that call about having folks around.
If you are looking for something to do as you anxiously await your new grandchild, make some food for their freezer. It will definitely be appreciated.
For what it’s worth, i think it’s kind of a bummer that the mom is going to be in the room…why do people like to do that? And I love the idea of being a great m-in-law after the 10 hours or so of labor…the next 10, 20, 30 years is the better goal. So start making dinners they can freeze and gratefully appreciate you for later!
Many years ago, I gave birth to our first son. And my in-laws arrived the day after I came home from the hospital and stayed with us for 10 days. I resented their presence - I hated the lack of privacy - I felt that my husband and I were missing out on precious time to bond our new little family. I was angry at DH for not standing up to his parents and telling them it was too soon and too long. And the pattern was set - their needs first - DH’s inability to stand up to them and put me first. Result - years of friction and stress. Our marriage suffered and my relationship with my in-laws was never great.
I share this to illustrate how much you need to let them tell you when and where you should be present. Don’t be the stereotypical pushy mother-in-law. Stressing over when to be at the hospital and that her mother will be there before you is silly. I plan to give my future d-i-l all the space she needs and then some. The last thing I would ever want would be to cause any stress or friction in my son’s marriage.
Ask. Be direct: when were you and x expecting me? Try not to feel competitive with d-I-l’s mother. Grand babies can absorb all the love.
Decades ago, I was mortified when, two weeks post-date with my first, scheduled for an induction (which was delayed), I re-arrived in the maternity ward to find my parents and beloved aunt here. I was pre-occupied, scared and probably rude, though it was not my intent. Got things off to a bad start.
New paternal grandma here. S texted progress updates all throughout labor. We were close by and went to the hospital when DIL was about 7 cm. We did not go into delivery but were in the waiting room and S was beaming when he came out to tell us she was here. We got to see our beautiful granddaughter as soon as they brought her to the nursery to be washed up and examined. There were other grandparent families also in the waiting room. This was at night and I don’t think we saw DIL until the next day. I have another paternal grandma friend with a similar experience.
If your DIL doesn’t want to see anyone, that’s ok, respect her wishes. But you can still see the baby! Congrats!
I would suggest concentrating on doing what you can to support them: walk the dog, water the plants, perhaps prepare food or stock the fridge or give the place a quick tidying/cleaning if it would be appreciated so your DIL can relax when she gets home, etc. I would NOT go to the hospital until she is ready to receive visitors. Which might be tomorrow. Text your son and ask him to keep you posted.
Personally, I went to the hospital when the contractions were about 4 minutes apart in the late afternoon, and S wasn’t born until 5:33AM. Both my mother and my sister always had short labors. Such was not the case for me. My parents actually came with us, since they were at our house at the time–my mother cut my hair and we played Boggle while we waited for things to progress, lol–but they left and went home to their own house when it became clear it would be a long wait. They came to visit the next day with a big box of chocolates for the nurses. You could do that.
Congratulations! The difference could be though that your son clearly wanted you in the loop, since he was texting you regularly with updates. . That is what is unclear in this situation- what was communicated in advance and what is being communicated currently from the son? Maybe text the son and just be direct, what do you need from us right now? Take the cue from that.
Then send word you respect your daughter-in-law’s privacy and wait outside. Once the baby arrives, I’m sure you’ll have the opportunity to see him/her, give your son a hug and your daughter-in-law a kiss on the forehead. And then I’d recommend you leave. Boundries observed, grandma’s rights ensured.