Ask your son what you should do. Personally if I were close enough, I’d tell my son I’d like to come to the hospital after the baby was born and to text me when I could arrive. There is so much going on right before and right after delivery he may feel conflicted about “being there” for his mom and being there for his wife. In my opinion, he’s there for his wife. Some girls are super close to their “moms” and I can understand why they might “want” them in the room for the whole she-bang, but it’s quite different for parents of the boys. And some girls would like to clean up and feel alittle better before they see and deal with their husband’s mother. Congrats on becoming a grandma…my friends that have achieved that point in life absolutely love it.
I’m super close with my son. But I wouldn’t put him in the position to have to tell me no or make him feel like he can’t say no - I’m super sensitive to this stuff and I know not everyone is but…
I would just wait til he calls you with the happy news.
I would never show up at the hospital, uninvited, and I wouldn’t push. A new mother is entitled to some time for herself, her husband, and the baby. If they wanted you there in the waiting or delivery room, you’d have been asked. Keep in mind, it’s not a competition. Wanting her own mom there for immediate help and support is understandable.
I think the key is to know your own family. Even though my DIL wanted only S in the delivery room (as I think it should be), she really wanted family there and would have been disappointed if everyone waited until the next day. Leading up to the birth, she kept telling me all about where we could wait.
Becoming a grandma is an exciting time, but please remember that the time in the hospital is but a few days and then you have many years ahead to be a part of this child’s life. Don’t start things off on the wrong foot by insisting on showing up at the hospital if you haven’t been invited to do so. And, please, don’t make this into a competition with the mom’s mom. I don’t know if you truly meant it but your comment about her feeling left out when her daughter goes back to work sounded like it was gleeful.
Be helpful in other ways and your DIL will be happy. You’ll have lots of time to spend with the baby in the days, weeks, months and years ahead. Congratulations! Nothing better than being a grandma. 
This has been reminding m all afternoon of a letter to Carolyn Hax, the advice columnist, in which a MIL wrote about an incident where the son and his dad had gone on a fishing trip and the MIL asked if the DIL would like her to come stay with her. DIL said “no” but MIL showed up anyway. Naturally, the DIL, S and FIL were ALL angry with her and she had no idea why. Lack of an invitation to the hospital in this case is a “no”. It should be honored.
Look, I know parents these days like to be more involved with their kids than ever before, but adult married couples get to give birth the way they want to without grandparents hovering like helicopters in the waiting room.
I was only allowed one person in delivery room, so that was son’s dad. He called my folks, and my mom flew up next day. I guess things have changed.
I knew several people who had parents and in-laws arrive and stay a few weeks. Some were very helpful, others put undo stress on the new mom to cook and care for them. Both couples arranged the second delivery much better. Let the helpful parents be ther at birth, and invite the others a few weeks later.
Then there is the reverse. My friend’s DIL invited the family in for the delivery. My friend was not so keen on this idea. She didn’t want to hurt any feelings but she really did not want to be in the birthing room. I think she was inwardly very relieved that baby came sooner than expected and arrived while grandma was still on the way to the hospital!
Hoping the OP’s family is doing well at the hospital and that new baby makes a safe and healthy arrival to the world!!!
" I guess things have changed." I think there is more pressure either way these days. Some parents would just want to keep it between them, others might want lots of people involved. I think the parents should have the final say in terms of who is in the room , at the hospital, but I think grandparents, siblings, etc. also should not be made to feel guilty if they don’t want to be there for the whole thing.
And agree with abasket. Hope all is well and that we will get the good news soon!
I think that the mother-to-be should have the final say…period.
I was asked by my SIL to be in the room when she gave birth. She knew that I had had a Csection, so she thought that I might want to “see” a vaginal birth. So, I did. Then when I had my second Csection, she was in the room for that (she was an employee at that hospital, so permission was easy).
However, I don’t think either one of us would have wanted a big ole audience.
Any news?
If you live nearby, you are lucky. Ask Son to text you when its time for you to come to the hospital.
^^My guess is that she is at the hospital and that’s why she hasn’t returned to this thread! 
Any update?
I guess if the hospital was close enough I would take my son food. If DIL is allowed to eat then her also.
Milkshakes work well. Then I would wait patiently or go home.
My S was not able to think about the fact that he had not eaten and ate everything we had with us when we arrrived.
As soon as the baby was born and we had our visit we went out to eat and then brought back a large amount of Thai food that the two of them devoured (we dropped it and left).
My H went through two major surgeries the last two winters (is fine now!) and I was so Hungry! It seemed that the cafeteria was closed whenever I was free to look for food. Only one friend called to ask what I needed and stopped at a steakhouse and brought me a big salad with steak.
When my GF’s H was terminal in the hospital I took her real food everyday.
Everyone else sent flowers or brought desserts.
So that is what I would do–take food, not ask, but have a very low profile and sit quietly.
I also think that if noone is there that it can be a let down.
My mom was in the waiting room when D was born. She came in right after. She was at home with D when S was born. She brought D to the hospital to meet her baby brother. Mom stayed in the waiting room and said, “I’ll be in in a little bit. You four should enjoy some time together.” She’s a great mom and maybe even a better mother-in-law. I’ve learned a lot from her and now have the opportunity to be the best mother-in-law I can be. I won’t be in the delivery room unless D asks me to be. We are very close, but this is a time for her to be with her husband. She would never want her mother-in-law there until after the baby was born… D is not pregnant, but hopes to be soon.
We only had us, and the score of medical people necessary, for either delivery. We did not want an audience, or anything to break that magic bubble of Just Us. My SIL, newly divorced from my bro, did come unannounced to check on us after delivery the second time — I had been dangerously ill, S2 was premature, and she was/is a dear friend who is also a medical professional. I was on a bunch of meds and remember thinking I was hallucinating her. Not until later did I discover she had actually been sitting there. She must have driven 4 hours for the 10 minute visit.
My MIL/FIL were specifically and pointedly told to not come visit until we were all settled in . They decided to come anyway, and descended on us unannounced “because we didn’t want to wait” the day after we finally brought S2 home to his proud new big brother. Literally, they were there about 2 hours after we got home. My DH uses this as the point he realized his parents are best kept in the dark about certain events, which is sad, but certainly has been proven to be the case many times since.
But congrats!! I cannot wait to be a grandma, but goodness, that is unlikely for now
When H and I were expecting our first child, we lived about an 8 hour drive from both sets of parents. Baby would be first grandchild on both sides of family. The nurse who taught our childbirth classes recommended asking family to wait a week or two before visiting so that H, Baby and I could bond. We thought it was a great idea since visitors would be staying at our house so we relayed that desire to all involved. When baby arrived, H’s parents hit the road and planted themselves in my hospital room early the next day-would not even leave when it was time to nurse (H was running an errand so couldn’t intervene.) In no uncertain terms I said I wanted them out of my house by the time I got home the next morning. They protested but H sent them on their way. It wasn’t the first time or the last when they didn’t respect our wishes. I plan on doing whatever the new parents desire when we are blessed with a grandchild.