<p>I think that the worst part of today’s wedding culture is the Bridal mantra, “It’s MY day!!!” No, its not. It is the day that two people join their families and to start anew. I have been to weddings that have ranged from $20,000 ish to $500,000. (New Year’s Eve 2000 at a Four Seasons.) </p>
<p>We are going to be going to two weddings in the near future: one of them is destroying a family due to fighting about the financing of the wedding. When my kids get married we will give our kids options. We financed the education to the degree that we felt appropriiate, and we will do the same with weddings.</p>
<p>I must add this story to the wedding album. My mother had a friend, I’ll call her Charlotte, who’s husband was dying. Her son (who would be about 60ish now) was scheduled to be married 5 months hence. The husband/father would not make it to the ceremony. He had, perhaps two weeks.</p>
<p>The bride and groom arranged to be married in the hospital room, complete with flowers and champagne. In attendance were both sets of parents, siblings, and two grandparents. On the date of the formal wedding, the young couple agreed, they would have a reception honoring their marriage and both sets of parents. Honoring love for each other and family was far more importent than canapes or a vodka luge. </p>
<p>Why shouldn’t the cost of weddings not be an issue for you because you have 2 boys? </p>
<p>Let me add to the list of things I don’t “get”: parents of boys who assume that the parents of females have any greater obligation to pay for a wedding than they do! The parents of sons who think they are being “gracious” if they tell the bride’s parents how much they are willing to contribute to the wedding if they imply in any way, shape or form in doing so that they expect the bride’s parents to pay for the wedding! </p>
<p>Hey, I’ve no problem with ANY parent who says “I’m not willing to pay anything towards the cost of my children’s weddings.” I do have a HUGE problem with a parent who thinks that the parents of females have any more of an obligation to pay for their daughters’ wedding than parents have to pay for their sons’.</p>
<p>Jonri, I am sorry if I meant that one group should pay/more less than rest (and all I have is on D). All I think is that generally, not always, the brides familiy leads the way, and far better to put your position forward sooner than later. If grooms family says that they will contribution $100, then brides father may say, then they’re getting married at city hall.</p>
<p>Ok, kayf, I did misunderstand you. I also agree that the groom’s parents should voice what they are/are not willing to do at the outset. But, maybe just because it’s how my own offspring did it, I think you tell the kids this instead of the other parents–unless you know them very, very well. </p>
<p>And, frankly, I don’t think the bride’s parents (and probably not even the bride) should plan the wedding without considerable input from the groom and, if they are contributing financially, from his parents. Even if the parents on either side aren’t contributing at all, their input on non-financial items should be welcomed. </p>
<p>If I were the bride’s parents --not just father–and the groom’s parents told me they would contribute $100, I would NOT say “then they’re getting married at city hall.” I’d say, “Okay, then we’ll contribute $100 too,” if I could afford to contribute that $100. If I knew that the groom’s parents thought we’d pay for it, I’d just say “Why are you telling us that? You should be telling the kids. After all, it’s up to them to decide how much they want to spend on their wedding.” Say it with astonishment and then just let the subject drop.</p>
<p>Why do people look to the left and right when trying to figure out what sort of wedding to have? Whatever happenned to tradition? Doesn’t anyone look at the way their parents or grandparents did it? I’m not saying someone HAS to do it the way their parents did, but it can be a guideline/compass of cultural traditions. It never occurred to me to imitate something I saw on TV…I did look at my parents’ wedding album to get some ideas, though.</p>
<p>In east Asia, there’s the reverse of the dowry traditions. The man’s family pays for all expenses.</p>
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<p>When my grandparents married, the celebrations were one week long with banquets every single day.
When my parents married, the celebrations lasted 2 full days.
Mine was much simpler, 150 guests in a sit down dinner.
My d and s, who knows?</p>
<p>Twenty years ago a close girlfriend of mine got married. Her family couldn’t afford to contribute anything and the groom’s family knew that. They took care of everything but in such a gracious and tactful manner. They hosted the wedding in their backyard, the groom’s Mother made her future daughter-in-law’s wedding dress and the rehearsal dinner was at their home. It was the nicest wedding I have ever been to.</p>
<p>Twenty years later, based on what I witnessed, I still consider the Mother of the groom one of the most gracious people I have ever known. People remember what happens at a wedding, they remember the good manners or lack of them, it makes a lasting impression.</p>
<p>I will not be planning my daughters’ or my son’s wedding - that is completely up to them. I may contribute financially. My parents paid for our small reception, in-laws paid for the rehearsal dinner; we paid for dress, flowers, invitations, photographs, honeymoon, everything else. I didn’t even have the wedding I wanted, due to my mom’s moaning that I couldn’t go to Hawaii and get married, so I did the family wedding that I hated and still regret 22 years later. My kids will have whatever wedding they want.</p>
<p>Maybe I’m just young, but anything over $5,000 or $10,000 seems extreme to me. </p>
<p>I already know I want to be married in a church, and a small reception with just close family and friends.</p>
<p>I would much rather have a small, intimate wedding and have my parents maybe help us out with a down payment on a home than spend $20,000 on a huge, lavish wedding.</p>
<p>HisGrace- Wedding expenses add up fast. Even a small, traditional wedding can run into some bucks. We were glad to pay for our daughter’s wedding last year. I’m sure I’ve posted in this thread all about it, since it’s an old thread, so I won’t rehash things, but we wanted our family and friends to join us in this celebration. It was beautiful and fun.
I doubt my son will ever get married, so that won’t be an issue.</p>
<p>My husband has occasional flashes of brilliance. We have three daughters, ages 27, 25 and 21. We received an inheritance in the last year and he decided to give each of our girls their wedding money now! Yep, he deposited it into their bank accounts even though no one is engaged or even close to getting married. They get to take ownership of the money, choose to invest it, sit on it, use it to buy their own place or save it for their wedding. It is his bet when the time comes for a wedding, they will choose a smaller, more intimate and frugal wedding as they will consider this “their savings” not their wedding money. We have set aside a bit more to help them but they don’t know this. This may be one of his smartest moves ever. Married 28 years ago this weekend and I’m falling in love all over again.</p>
<p>We had a very small wedding…just family and a handful of friends…40 total folks in attendance. DS remarked that when he gets married, he wants a wedding like the one we had. When he said that DD piped in “well…I want the big hoopla event”. We’ll see what happens. To be honest, I would love to plan a wedding. I would view it as the ultimate “can you find a bargain” challenge.</p>
<p>My close friend whose son is an old friend of my oldest is putting together a wedding for this September. They have been planning it for a year now, and yes, it is costing a fortune, not so much that the wedding is costing that much but because she is hosting the whole thing at her home, and has done many things that the house and yard has needed for year in preparation. The actual wedding costs are not what is going to cost a lot. </p>
<p>I have seen some beautiful weddings done very inexpensively. It all depends what you want.</p>
<p>A couple of years ago, H and I had an 80th birthday celebration for my MIL. We had it at a nice but not terribly expensive restaurant, and the whole thing cost under $3K for about 60 people. We made it a luncheon buffet, included a beautiful cake, flowers,etc and it could have been a wedding with just a few changes. Had we hosted it at her house or ours, we could have done it for even less. </p>
<p>I had a very pretty wedding that was very inexpensive even in old time dollars. </p>
<p>I just don’t think you NEED to spend a lot to put together a very nice wedding.</p>