<p>I know there is a divergence of opinion on this but I am curious. DS, 13, is a smart, witty kid who is just not into school. His sisters are both intrinsicly motivated to excell. He is not. Last night at dinner with my girl friends I learned that two of them pay/paid their kids for their high grades (with excellent results; one of their kids was val a couple of years ago). I have never done this but frankly am considering it as DS heads into 8th grade it is important that he improves his study and work habits before entering high school. Anyway I would love him to have the intrinsic motivation but feel like a little exrinsic motivation is in order. </p>
<p>Tell me what you do please and please respect the choices of others who have done or do it differently. Thanks!</p>
<p>Since you ask…I don’t believe in paying kids to succeed whether it be grades, or scoring goals. I think it takes away from the feeling of satisfaction they get. Motivation has to come from within.</p>
<p>And before others argue that adults get paid for what they do, and why should kids be different; we do work for monetary compensation, but we do many, many other things for the satisfaction of having done them well. Whether it’s baking a gorgeous birthday cake or running a marathon. </p>
<p>But as you say, many people feel differently and maybe it works for them.</p>
<p>I’ve found better results w/getting involved in my son’s schooling. Asking him what he is substantively learning in class and discussing/debating w/him on those topics. And, monitoring that he does every homework assignment. And, nurturing his interests that he might – ultimately – see as related to excelling in school.</p>
<p>Good luck. This is a tough age w/some (many) boys.</p>
<p>We had never paid for good grades but at the end of D1’s soph year in HS H jokingly said he would buy her a car if she earned enough scholarship dollars to save him money. She pursued it with him and they struck a deal. At the end of her HS career she had earned the scholarships required and he paid off the bet with a new car for her to take to school. It was a win-win for both of them.</p>
<p>I don’t really believe in paying for grades either. Tried a number of ways to motivate S1 to achieve good grades, including a promise of flying lessons, all to little avail. He pretty much always did the minimum required to be a B/C student when he could have easily been a straight A student. S2 did what was necessary to keep a 3.5-3.6 GPA because that’s what he knew he needed to safely get into the music programs he was aiming for. All the rest of his time was devoted to his music.</p>
<p>Never did it with mine. The question I have - has it worked for any of the parents on this board? I never felt it worked for me. Has anyone tried to lose weight by rewarding themselves with a dollar (or 10) for every time they turned down a dessert, exercised, finished a project? If you’ve ever tried clicker training a dog, you know that the goal is to mark the desired behavior right when it’s happening (I think it’s called operant conditioning - read Skinner way too many years ago to remember this straight), not 3 months later when a piece of paper arrives by mail. </p>
<p>IF I were to try to change a child’s study behavior, I would ‘reward’ the small steps - homework assignments completed, chapters read, by tallying them. Then we could see together what the end results are in terms of grades. We would be conducting an experiment together. It would be best if the child wanted to improve his grades. One problem with rewarding the grades (the end result) is that, as we all know, the grade doesn’t always accurately portray what was learned and how much effort was expended. By focusing on the grade, you might inadvertently train your child to cut corners (since what matters is the end result, the grade) or to be one of those kids that begs the teacher for a change of grade or for the opportunity to do extra credit because the completed assignments didn’t earn As, etc.</p>
<p>I’m also bothered by the idea that a family takes on the system of rewards that the business world uses. Shouldn’t it be the one place that’s safe from that kind of reward?</p>
<p>My son is not as motivated as his sisters, but I don’t believe in paying for good grades. He is getting to the point that he realizes what he does in school will affect his future options (he’s going into 10th grade) and I hope he buckles down a bit more this year. I’m backing off the nagging about grades and will see what happens!</p>
<p>well, some educators in Georgia are putting this to the test with the Learn and Earn program. I happened to hear about it today on CNN, but was able to find a link to the story. It is funded through a private foundation.</p>
<p>We tried a lot of different things–both carrots and sticks. Money didn’t work but I wouldn’t have had any problem using it if it did. The bottom line was that he didn’t care about grades (until recently), but I did. I did not think I was doing my parental duty to let him jeopardize his future by a poor high school performance any more than I would let him have rotted teeth because he wasn’t motivated to brush them. The problem with studying is that it is hard to achieve a quality outcome for an unmotivated student. </p>
<p>In his case, he wanted to hang out with neighborhood friends he had known since preschool who we thought were trouble (known to use drugs and drink beginning in middle school). After doing our best to keep him away from these kids in grades 7-10, with lots of resultant family tension, we finally told him if he maintained at least a 3.5 unweighted GPA he could socialize however he wanted. After four years of fighting over this issue, he took this offer very seriously and his grades immediately jumped to mostly A’s his junior year. We are all happier now and I don’t regret the bribe one bit. </p>
<p>My take-away is to find the hook that works until the child hopefully matures and begins to care for their own sake. It might be money, supervised homework time, grounding, taking away the computer, cell phone, car, or something else entirely. By the way, we tried all of the above at one point or another–only the friends thing actually produced results. Punishments in particular backfired with this child, yet groundings worked like a charm any time we needed a modified behavior from S1.</p>
<p>The problem I have with this plan, historymom, is rewarding your son for the same things you never rewarded your daughters for. So they’ll see their brother getting things and thinking, “So what were we always so good for? We’re getting shafted!” And your son will see the same thing - “Boy, was I smart for goofing off all these years - look how it’s paying off for me!”</p>
<p>Your daughters now may stop working so hard, even though they do it intrinsically, just to get the rewards your son is getting. Or, if not grade-wise, they may start acting out in other ways.</p>
<p>Be careful not to shaft your daughters while trying to motivate your son.</p>
<p>A lot of employers, myself included, use a performance-based bonus system to reward those who produce outstanding results. Paying a student for performance borrows those same principals and applies them in a different setting. Sometimes it will work, sometimes not. It’s just one of many motivators a parent can use to pressure their child to succeed.</p>
<p>Edit- I also have to agree with Chedva, this award system must be shared equally amongst all siblings.</p>
<p>There are plenty of studies out there showing that the short term gains you get from incentives aren’t worth it. Read Alfie Kohn’s Punished by Rewards:The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A’s, Praise, and Other Bribes
<p>I have on occasion given my S money for good grades. This has happened rarely, was never discussed beforehand, and was a bonus for good work.</p>
<p>One thing I’ve tried is instituting a mandatory study hall. Heck, I had to go to study hall every day for 1.5 hours when I was in boarding school, so I figured he can sit at the table for an hour to do homework. It looks as though both H and I will be in school starting this fall, so this school year, it may be a family thing, to sit and do our various studies together after dinner.</p>
<p>It’s hard to teach S the habits that go with being a diligent student. He’s not particularly interested in learning them and I’m not always up to the battle that sometimes ensues. I’m hoping whatever it was that H did that got him his great grades when he was in school rubs off on… well, both S and me! :D</p>
<p>I never gave my kids monetary rewards for their grades,but I did let my daughter ( who was always in the shadow of her older sister ) get the top of her ear pierced for winning the middle school’s National Geographic Geography Bee ,competing as a 7th grader in a 6th thru 8th grade school.
The truth is, I would have let her do it anyway, but she asked for the reward and I let her do it because she always had to hear from her teachers " you are A’s sister " and she seemed to need the stroke to her ego.</p>
<p>Nothing like being the Jan Brady of the household !!</p>
<p>I have paid my children $1 per A each quarter and $10 for straight As on a report card (there are usually only 7 classes so this results in a bonus for all As). I have done this since 6th grade and my younger child will be a senior this year. Was it motivation? Was it successful? I don’t know since I have nothing to compare it with. Both have done very well in school with Older S now attending an elite university (however I have stopped paying him for As since I am paying private college tutition for him). and younger S currently 1st in his class.
Some of my friends object to this practice while they have no problem paying for their kids gas and social activities (which I do not). I view it as a token of recognition that they can relate to. Of course it was more valuable when they were younger and I have not given them cost-of-living increases. It used to be a Lego Bionucle every quarter and now it is a movie ticket.</p>
<p>We don’t. Just doesn’t feel right. The one time we gave them an academic reward was at the end of seventh grade as a surprise. We were at the district celebration for the Duke TIP winners, and we handed each of them a present ($50-$70 range) as a congrats.</p>
<p>We never did, and wouldn’t have dreamt of it.</p>
<p>However, especially in working with low-income students, isn’t it better than paying the teachers more? After all, the “results” that the schools want are higher test scores from students, so why not go direct?</p>
<p>There was a study in the 1970’s at Stanford’s Bing Nursery School. The children showed an initial interest in an activity (e.g. painting), and then some were offered rewards for participating in the activity. The ones who were offered the reward for doing something they liked, weeks later were no longer interested in the activity. Maybe it doesn’t apply to older children.</p>
<p>So many excellent points. Chedva I was already thinking about your point. Interestingly though it was TwinK who suggested a reward system for DS. </p>
<p>So you all know, I do supervise his homework, he does get lots of positive reinforcement etc but he is also at an age where he needs to step it up and begin to be incharge of his own schoolwork, due dates etc. I haven’t looked at my twins homework since 7th grade I would like to be able to do that with him in the next couple of years. That’s a lot of what this is about.</p>
<p>I also agree that we all should be intrinsicly motivated to excell. DS is very motivated to improve his skills in football and basketball but not in social studies, science, and English. </p>
<p>The Analyst I totally agree that just because he isn’t intrinsicly motivated doesn’t mean we walk away and say “sink or swim” to an 8th grader any more than we would say, “Hey it’s your body, go ahead and eat all the junk you want.”</p>
<p>curious 77 Your strategy is simialr to one employed by my friend. DS does nickle and dime us for movie money etc and this is a way for him to earn his own. </p>
<p>DS and I have talked about setting a goal GPA and that he would get some sort of privlege for accomplishing that. I also thought about giving him a monetary bonus for exceeding that goal. Please keep the stories coming!</p>
<p>haven’t read the whole thread.
I believe that and this is dependent on the child-the level of expectation and effort required- that everyone in the family needs to contribute to the running of the household- do chores etc- allowance isn’t paid or withheld as a result of chores- but separate in order for kids to have some control over their own needs/wants & for them to learn to manage money on a small scale.
School work- and when appropriate- community service and personal development ( sports/social Ecs) are their job.
They aren’t paid for that either- although if they are struggling- then it is the parents job to help them get support for their studies, with that burden being taken over more by the child as they get older ( optimally- but at least trying to teach them the skills to advocate for themselves)</p>
<p>WHen a student lacks motivation- I try and see what is going on- it seems that when they aren’t motivated, they could be frustrated with not knowing how to proceed- so they abstain, or they don’t have the concentration needed to complete tasks that don’t require much involvement, and they don’t have the perspective that acquiring skills provide a base for future study.
Add up all that and a teacher who isn’t engaged with the material & kids aren’t going to be too interested either.</p>
<p>I have tried not to be too worried about the grades- but more concerned about being turned away from an area of learning- so I have tried to find other ways to present similar information but distant from the classroom setting.</p>
<p>We can help them with strategies- but I don’t think paying someone more gets better performance in the long run- although it can work as a burst initially.</p>
and younger S currently 1st in his class.