Congrats on two great options - this is a really well-thought-out analysis!
I don’t think 5 hours from home is that extreme. Between the slightly lower cost and your expected co-op earnings, you could probably afford to have a car. That would make occasional visits home pretty accessible, in addition to improving your social/recreational prospects while there, as you note.
It sounds as if you’d really like the academic program at RIT, and co-ops can be terrific both for helping you find the areas you want to focus in, and for connecting you with employment opportunities after you graduate.
OTOH, there are co-op options at Penn State if you want them, and your point about gender balance is well taken. Reputationally, Penn State may have a bigger name in general, but RIT is extremely well-regarded for all things CS/Software Engineering so probably a wash.
Another way to think about going out on the RIT limb is that big flagships like Penn State are set up to take lots of junior transfers. On the off chance that you got to RIT and realized that you’d rather be in College Park, you’d have a pretty good chance of transferring back to PSU, and a large cohort of entering transfers starting at the same time. So, maybe you don’t need to think of it as a bridge completely burned if you choose RIT. (Same is true to an extent in the other direction, but maybe harder to merge into the co-op preparation, and you’d be paying your dues in PSU’s large lower-division classes without staying for the payoff.)
Fundamentally there’s no wrong choice here, just a matter of the best fit for you. It seems like you’re considering all angles, and like you’re very self-aware about what works best for you, so I’m confident you’ll make a sound decision. Good luck and congrats!