Having just had a whooping, I was wondering how common it was. I’m a HS Junior, and I get beat almost every day and it’s not uncommon for my mom to break wooden spoons/spatulas over my arms and legs every month or so. Most of the time it’s because I forget to do my homework, sometimes much bigger stuff, so it’s not entirely without reason. I’ll definitely get out of my house the second I graduate, but yeah, I wanted to know if I was in one of those ‘child abuse’ situations or if this is completely normal. 90% sure my mom has some sort of psychological disorder though (getting mad at something I did IN HER DREAM and other stuff of that caliber).
That being said, of course, I still love my parents when they aren’t mad at me!!!
90% sure this is child abuse. Talk to somebody.
This is not normal or healthy. Please talk to someone you trust about it.
Child aduse. Might want to tell a mandated reporter who will have to contact child protective services. Sorry you’re enduring this. Or, contact NAMI for advice.
Hmmm…alright. In my mind I’ve always imagined child abuse to happen when a drunk dad comes home unemplyed and beats wife and kids, so it doesn’t really click. Besides, earlier today I went to Yogurtland for free froyo, so it’s not like my parents don’t love me, right? The reason I made this thread is because I told my parents that I missed the deadline to turn in my science fair forms, meaning that I wasted the time of the professor who I was working with. They reminded me of this everyday, but I kept telling them I had everything under control, but I was actually reading the wrong date. I told them this and they went crazy and here I am after a very quiet dinner. I guess the problem stems from the fact that they’re tiger parents and I’m not a tiger kid. But all this doesn’t mean I want my parents to go to jail or anything, so I don’t want to do anything rash like calling the cops, or even talking to a teacher really. But do you guys really think this is a problem? I saw this phrase somewhere and thought it fit my situation perfectly: “culturaly sanctioned abuse.” I’m Indian and it’s pretty normal for parents to beat their kids there, so maybe I’m just being a baby?
You know Marioooo, it is not ok for any parent to hit a child. It does not matter what the child did. Parents who hit their kids are abusing them. I am aware that physical punishment is common in other countries. And some parents bring those ways with them when they move to the US. But in the US, it is not acceptable to hit your children. I think you need to talk to a guidance counselor or the school psychologist about this. I want to be straight forward with you so you understand the ramifications of that discussion. I believe in all states in the US, school personal are mandated reporters. That means that they will report their concern to social services. But no child in the US should be scared of physical beatings from anybody-parents included. There is nothing a child can do that would make such a punishment ok.
What will a report do? It is highly unlikely that your parents would go to jail or that you’d be removed from the household. It is likely that your parents will be mandated to get therapy of some sort. This is very important for you but it is especially important if you have younger siblings. I am sorry you are being treated this way. You are not being a baby. It is not ok for your parents to hit you. It does not matter if you are failing all your classes,they can’t hit you! Be brave and talk about what is happening!
Parents who beat their kids usually “love” their kids. They have problems with self control, restraint and their own frustration levels. Yes it may be more common for Indian parents to hit their kids but it is not common. In other words, in the US, most Indian parents do not hit their children, certainly not in the way you describe. That is not a sign of being Indian. It is a sign your parents have difficulties that they need help dealing with. They are taking their problems out on you. They lack good parenting strategies. As you have found, being beaten does not help make you a better student. There is nothing culturally sanctioned about being beaten.
Are you being serious or is this thread a joke?
@lostaccount Yeah that’s true. I don’t feel comfortable enough to talk to a teacher, so I guess I’ll tell a close friend first and see how I feel about that. I’m just nervous because none of the stuff they do is like the stuff in this thread (http://www.psychforums.com/child-abuse/topic62502.html). I’m also the youngest sibling, and my older sibling either encourages my parents or tells them to stop depending on her mood, so mixed feelings on her.
@bodangles I’m completely serious. I don’t really understand what you’re trying to say.
I’m sorry that your siblings did not talk to a teacher. Talking to a friend is a good first step. But in answer to your questions, no your parents conduct is not normative and no you are not just a baby.
Also, please consider what this treatment might be doing to your psyche, your future relationships, etc. If someone saw this being done to you by a stranger on the sidewalk, what would be the appropriate response? It’s not ok. Also, Mom’s untreated or uncontrolled mental illness is not likely to get better on its own. Reach out to Family-to-Family of NAMI.
This is most definitely NOT OK. It is understandable that you would be conflicted about telling. However, think of your own future. Your own psychological development depends on your getting help ASAP. The sooner, the better. The abuse that you undergo will affect your future intimate relationships, your job performance, your relationship with your own children, your mental health, and quite possibly your ability to achieve your personal goals.
Me and every1 I know got our asses beat when we were kids. Yours seems excessive but in general is it really as bad as its always child abuse no matter what?
Yes, it is always child abuse. When you grow up with it, it is hard to see it for what it is. When you are a child, your family is what you know. It’s hard to gain distance from it. But please know that parents are not allowed to assault their children—not for any reason. Think of it this way: Would it be OK for your parents to walk up to a random person on the street and “beat their asses”? Well, it’s not any more OK for them to do it to you.
@lostaccount, Actually, hitting kids is illegal in some countries but the US is not one of them. In fact, 19 states also allow teachers to hit kids in school. Simply hitting is not considered abuse. What is allowed and what is considered discipline vs abuse varies by state. If the OP was hit for discipline, I think it would only generally be considered abuse if it leaves bruises or other lasting marks. Which seems likely if they are breaking wooden spoons. But while hitting is allowed, I think the vast majority of parents who hit for discipline are spanking little kids.
So the US is not such a gentle and progressive country as many posters imagine. Google it and see all the ways states allow adults to hit kids. That said, OP, what you describe is not normal, most likely would be considered abuse in your state, and it’s a horrible way for your parents to treat you.
@lostaccount I dont think hitting kids is illegal either. I saw a polic officer talking to a horrendous child of my aunt and they said it was okay for his mom to slap him. I don’t know whether this is true. Just an observation.
^^ You may not go to jail every time, but it’s NOT OK
I was slapped in the face almost daily up until middle school. Dunno if that constitutes abuse but I think I turned out ok.
A couple black eyes here and there from my father; thought about calling DPS but decided that I didn’t want to put my mother through that. Thankfully he only hits me. Only a couple months until college and I’m OUTTIE bruh