Perfect girlfriend for your Son or perfect boyfriend for Daughter!!!

Parent Cafe
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<p>ARE YOU READY?</p>

<p>DESCRIBE Perfect girlfriend for your Son or perfect boyfriend for Daughter!!!
Have you think in what is the ideal boyfriend for your daughter or perfect girlfriend for your son? Do you want your kids finishes college before dating? Are you ready?</p>

<p>Not smart…
Tattoos or not?
Dropouts or not?
Religious or Not?
Pet lover or not?
Younger or not?
Much Older or not?</p>

<p>What will you do if it is not what you have dreamed or wanted for your kids? Will you lecture? Will you take some benefits away?</p>

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<p>I have wanted my sons to date while in college and not engage in random drunken hook-ups.</p>

<p>I think that while in college is a good time to learn about dating and about balancing one’s life.</p>

<p>I would hope that my sons select dating partners who are nice, and have good values in that they are honest, ethical people, and I would hope that the people n treat my sons nicely, make them happy, and also are nice to my husband and me.</p>

<p>Other than that, I don’t have opinions. It’s my sons’ lives and choice, not mine. I would not lecture, etc. If I didn’t like their partners, I’d keep my mouth shut and hope that things work out (which could mean that they break up if it looks to me like a bad pairing). I would keep my mouth shut, though, because if the relationship ended up being longterm, I wouldn’t want to alienate myself from my sons.</p>

3

<p>Okay… I have a concern.</p>

<p>I have been dating the same boy for two years this March. He was very into video games and didn’t do much studying before me. After me, he has seriously let up into the video games (they are not an obsession anymore, just a past-time) and has definitely begun to study a lot harder.</p>

<p>I don’t take him away from his family if I can manage it. I will always have him go to family engagements even if it is “date nights.” We only spend weekend nights together, the weeknights are for studying. I have not given him any bad habits.</p>

<p>I am almost a year younger than he, top in my class, athletic, dirty blonde, and nice. I do not have any tattoos and the only piercings I have are one in each ear. I dress conservatively and have never engaged in any sort of promiscuous activities with him in front of his parents. We used to have “game nights,” even, where we would play scrabble and such with his parents.</p>

<p>But about a year ago, his mother started acting very rude to me and trying to keep my boyfriend from seeing me. She thinks that I am a great first girlfriend, but that I had better not be anything more than that.</p>

<p>My boyfriend is going to a local college, did not do well in school, didn’t have an stellar ECs. He’s smart, but average. Me, I am determined and motivated and hard working. But we love each other even with our differences. He mellows me out and I make sure he gets his stuff done. </p>

<p>I don’t understand why his mother does not like me. I feel that I am quite an adequate girlfriend for her son. I treat him very well; I don’t make him treat me like a princess and I have never cheated on him (nor thought about it). </p>

<p>What can I do to get her to like me again? But then, I am not so sure I like her myself. She does not think very highly of me. </p>

<p>How can this be?</p>

4

<p>I have never given it much thought. I mostly want whoever they date to make them happy and that they enjoy the relationship. I don’t really delve into it and also do not assume a real lot in terms of it becoming “the one”, though I suppose that is possible. I see it as whomever they are dating now in their young lives. One of my daughters hasn’t dated. The other has pretty much always had a boyfriend, and each time it has been at least for a year and so none are fleeting hook ups at all. In fact, each boyfriend has been a friend first and a friend afterward as well. I don’t have a lot of opinions and see each guy as the one she is dating for now and I don’t think too much farther ahead. They have all been very nice. All have also been in her field. </p>

<p>I never contemplated any of the things on your list! Why should I care if they have a tatoo? It is only what matters to my daughters (neither seems into the tatoo type, it so happens). Dropouts? Again, it only matters what they think. Knowing my daughters, they are into young men who are educated and value peers on their own level, I believe. But none of that is up to me. Religious or not? Don’t really care. My kids are not that religious. D is dating someone of a different religion. It would be nice if whomever she marries is her own religion but I’d accept whomever she chooses when that time comes. Pet lover or not? Why should I care? Younger? Older? It’s up to my kids. My daughter who has had several boyfriends over the years, usually dates guys one or two years older than her. No surprise to me…that is common with girls (my own husband is a couple years older than me and I met him when I was 18) and this particular daughter has always had older friends and went to college early as well.</p>

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<p>rupee, I see a LOT of similarities between you and I. My boyfriend’s mom mellowed out, I think, once she realized I may be a permanent fixture and she wasn’t doing herself any favors being rude to me. I wouldn’t worry about getting her to like you, don’t give her that kind of power. Just continue to be polite, poised, and good for her son-- she’ll either get over it eventually or she won’t, but there’s not much you can do either way. If you go well out of your way to appease her she’ll just think she has enough power over you to chase you out.</p>

6

<p>A female friend once told me that she told her young daughter to marry a man who is kind. I think that’s about the best advice I’ve ever heard on the subject and that’s what I’d put on my list.</p>

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<p>I’m also having trouble with the idea of lecturing one’s kids about their boy or girlfriends or giving consequences/benefits. I never thought of it in that way. I respect the choices they’ve made and it is their life. I trust their choices for themselves. I have also watched my daughter as she has decided to move on from a relationship. No nasty break ups but made choices about what she wanted for herself. I guess she has broken a few hearts, ha ha. But truthfully, each young man has been a good friend and she remains friends with past boyfriends. I can’t think of anything ever to have disapproved of and in any case, my girls are adults now as well. It is their lives. I don’t control who they date. I have not been disappointed with any choices they’ve made but even so, these are their choices. I can’t picture what there would be to lecture about. Or to manipulate with consequences and rewards. This just doesn’t seem to be an area of life for that sort of thing, in my view. Perhaps I have never had to deal with bad choices my girls have made and my view is skewed by that. Dunno.</p>

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<p>Perfect boyfriend for my daughter:</p>

<p>Treats her with respect
Kind to others
Honest
Those are the requirements.
Other things like sense of humor, similar interests and values, similar views on religion, political compatibility, age, intelligence, are all things that I don’t have any strong feelings about because I know that some of them must be there or she wouldn’t be interested in him in the first place. MUST be kind, honest and respectful.</p>

<p>Perfect girlfriend for son: See above.</p>

<p>Note: just because I said those are my requirements, that doesn’t mean I actually have any say in the matter. I answered in the hypothetical, as if I had a choice. ;)</p>

9

<p>Perfect boyfriend for D/perfect girlfriend for S: whomever they choose. It has nothing whatsoever to do with what I do or do not want. I have my own perfect mate, and I chose him all by my lonesome.</p>

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<p>This kid
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/863860-tell-her-she-beautiful-campaign-started-guy.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/863860-tell-her-she-beautiful-campaign-started-guy.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

11

<p>Yup. That guy.</p>

12

<p>What I want for my daughter is anyone who will absolutely love her for who she is and allows her to be herself and whom she could love back unconditionally. I hope for her to have the fluttery feeling in her tummy when that person walks in the door, the euphoria you feel when you first fall in love, the anticipation of seeing that person. Someone who treats her equally and wholey. On the journey, on the path. Educated, focused and working together toward something. I know a little Griswold and cliche.</p>

<p>I trust her judgements about people so i don’t think I would lecture, but I really don’t know, it has not occured yet.</p>

13

<p>I don’t think in terms of perfect when it comes to human beings (example: me.) </p>

<p>I hope very much that the man my son someday falls in love with will be kind, compassionate, and that they will bring out the best in each other. Everything else is details, which are none of my business nor do I care.</p>

14

<p>A perfect woman for my son: smart, cute, and madly in love with him. What more could I ask for?</p>

<p>A perfect man for my daughter: smart, cute, and madly in love with her. Ditto.</p>

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<p>^^^I won’t even be so specific as to require what sex their partner of choice would be.
;)</p>

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<p>On another thread, poster paying3tuitions offered the following, which I thought was some of the best advice on potential mate selection as I have ever heard:

I posted that on my kitchen bulletin board and have discussed the advice with both of my kids (one girl, one boy). The point to me is, see how you and your intended handle issues together. I have told my kids that no relationship has been tested until the couple has had to address differences on a matter that is significant to them. If they can work things through cooperatively, communicating well and respectfully, it bodes well for the future.</p>

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<p>My D has a very close friendship with a group of guys in our small hometown, one in particular we call “the future SIL” kiddingly because he is the standard against which all other guys are judged. She has told me multiple times that “there is no one at (her school) that even comes close to those guys, and if there are, they probably have girlfriends”. There probably are, she just hasn’t met any yet.</p>

<p>I passed to her the advice my mom gave me “If you want to know how well a guy is going to treat you, watch how he treats his mother”. </p>

<p>It’s funny though…it is D that these hometown friends go to for advice/a shoulder to cry on when they have girl problems, need to gather up the courage to ask someone out, etc. Makes me think of that Vanessa Williams song “so how could you give your love to someone else and share your dreams with me/sometimes the very thing you’re looking for is the one thing you can’t see”</p>

<p>BTW - I still can’t figure out how to do that quote thing within a reply - but milkandsugar, you stole my thunder. I dream for that for both of my Ds every day - nothing Griswold about that!</p>

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<p>D1 has the perfect boyfriend. He is: kind, empathetic, thoughtful, sensitive, compassionate, smart, hard working, good sense of humor, has a major that will likely result in a job after graduation ;), crazy about her, a careful driver, wonderful with kids & animals. Also tall, handsome, athletic, and has a great relationship with his own family (always a good sign, I think!). He does not have a large ego. He thinks he needs to learn to be a better cook, so he is working on that this summer. And he likes to dance. So… no need to worry about what I would do. So far she has chosen well.</p>

<p>For D2 – the first handful of traits listed above are most important: kind, empathetic, thoughtful, sensitive, compassionate. And she will want someone smart. I told her to watch D1’s selection process and learn :)</p>

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<p>Perfect girlfriend/boyfriend? How many of us got perfect spouses, even those of us still in that same marriage of more than 20 years? Dating relationships are like renting before owning- easy come/easy go in comparison. Not permanent so a lot of experimentation/trial and error in finding out what works. </p>

<p>That said- the perfect girlfriend for son will be his peer.</p>

20

<p>Wait a minute, intparent - is your daughter dating MY D’s boyfriend? Similar characteristics, even down to the choice of an “employable” major. He and DD have been dating for 2 years now. He is her first really serious boyfriend, and sometimes I worry that she “should” date some one else, just for the experience … but that’s kind of crazy, and it’s her decision anyway. Honestly, anyone else would have a lot to live up to.</p>