<p>Rupee…I read your posting and you look like the perfect daughter in law.
I cannot guess why your boyfriend’s mother is rude with you;
It could be that he is the only son?
It could be that your boyfriend’s attention is for you only and she feels that you are replacing her?
It could be that boyfriend needs less from her advice because he asks you?
Too be more serious and in the dangerous zone, it could be that she knows how her son really is? Remember love can do anything for a while…but some people are educated in certain way and will go back to old habits after the "Honeymoon” is over (Sounds cruel …)</p>
<p>Well I wish you the best to you and BF…you seems to be a great girl! Go forward always…never backwards!</p>
<p>And follow “Rachacha” wise advice: “If you want to know how well a guy is going to treat you, watch how he treats his mother”.</p>
<p>Northstarmom posted: I would hope that my sons select dating partners who are nice, and have good values in that they are honest, ethical people, and I would hope that the people n treat my sons nicely, make them happy, and also are nice to my husband and me…
I want that too</p>
<p>Moonchild posted: Treats her with respect ; Kind to others; Honest
Those are the requirements.
Other things like sense of humor, similar interests and values, similar views on religion, political compatibility, age, intelligence, are all things that I don’t have any strong feelings about because I know that some of them must be there or she wouldn’t be interested in him in the first place. MUST be kind, honest and respectful.</p>
<p>Milkandsugar and dmd77 Rachacha similar wishes….
I want that too</p>
<p>Intparent and Scout 59 agree: D1 has the perfect boyfriend. He is: kind, empathetic, thoughtful, sensitive, compassionate, smart, hard working, good sense of humor, has a major that will likely result in a job after graduation , crazy about her, a careful driver, wonderful with kids & animals. Also tall, handsome, athletic, and has a great relationship with his own family (always a good sign, I think!). He does not have a large ego. He thinks he needs to learn to be a better cook, so he is working on that this summer. And he likes to dance. So… no need to worry about what I would do. So far she has chosen well…</p>
<p>Now my kids are in college and not dating yet…I prefer that they wait a little longer. It has worked for me to encourage them, since early stages, to finish their education first.</p>
<p>I know I will probably be happy if they date people with all those good characteristics discussed in posting #22. I’m almost sure that that will be the case; it will be because they probably know that is what I expect (sound to strong), well I have never directly said which one are my requirements for a future boyfriend or girlfriend, however my kids have most of those characteristics, so I’m hoping they date people with similar ones. Hope I don’t come across as the typical “strict” parent…</p>
<p>At the end of the day who knows what they will be dating…however Greenery will be there checking!!!</p>
<p>At this point, for me there is no perfect mate for my kids. I feel that they need to date different people before settling on one, no matter how wonderful any specific person is, so that they can experience different types of relationships to see what fits for them and makes them happiest.</p>
<p>Of course, this is just Mom’s opinion and has no effect on what they do – which is fine :-)</p>
<p>Hey, what if your daughter wants a girlfriend or your son wants a boyfriend? In all these cases, someone who loves them and will contribute to their happiness.</p>
<p>My son has the perfect girlfriend. She has been there since the summer after hs graduation (going on three years).</p>
<p>My daughter’s boyfriend is marvelous. They are hs seniors, so I won’t make any long-term predictions.</p>
<p>In any case, my approval of their choices was not requested. I never had any fears that they would choose to spend their time with users/losers, so I am not surprised that I like their choices so much.</p>
<p>I’ve been a very hands-on parent, but when it comes to choosing bf/gf, I think I know enough to back off. I never asked my parents to approve of my husband, and he didn’t ask his to approve of me. Good thing. My father never trusted ‘intellectuals’ and my MIL reaaaalllly wanted a DIL who liked to shop and decorate. I guess we disappointed them, for a while. Too bad.</p>
<p>Hmm, Scout59, maybe he really is a two-timer But I doubt it…</p>
<p>Alumother, gender is not a factor at all. If my Ds brought home a girlfriend, I would still think all those qualities are important. Maybe tall & handsome don’t matter, but those are secondary on the list anyway.</p>
<p>Greenery, It started to crop up when her son didn’t get any scholarships to our state flagship. And once I got the scholarship to Vanderbilt, she pretends I don’t even exist. </p>
<p>It’s not fair that she makes me feel bad for succeeding.</p>
<p>Not that I would even think of saying ANYTHING to either my son or daughter, but someone who is kind, smart, totally in love with them and who has a fat bank account would certainly fit the bill!
…Hey! Why not?</p>
<p>Rupee2.
Maybe is just a coincidence…or she could be experiencing other problems…</p>
<p>Just guessing, she could be upset that her son, the male figure, is not at your academic level.</p>
<p>I know it is not a good situation, at this stage I will suggest that you continue to be polite and courteous…don’t take it personally. Concentrate in your goals…</p>
<p>:Hey, what if your daughter wants a girlfriend or your son wants a boyfriend? In all these cases, someone who loves them and will contribute to their happiness."</p>
<p>That’s what matters to me, not the gender of my sons’ partners.</p>
<p>I married my perfect girlfriend 25 years ago. She is intelligent, kind, considerate, and forgiving of my faults. She is my perfect girlfriend, but she is not perfect. She is forgetful and absent minded. Fortunately, I have a good memory and an uncanny knack for finding lost keys.</p>
<p>Here’s one for ya. D2 is 21. She lives in NYC. She has had a new BF since October, though they’ve been friends for a few years. This past fall, she was out of town for two months on a national tour. When she got back to NYC, she told me of a great gift her BF gave her. He had arranged with her apartment mate to come over to the apartment before D returned from the tour, and cleaned her room top to bottom. If you have ever seen this D’s room, you would understand what a feat this was. She joked with me that I must have put him up to it (not). She was impressed and told me that she thinks she “beat the system by finding a guy that cleans for me.” LOL</p>
<p>Coincidentally, she and her BF were both in a show that opened in NYC tonight and BF’s family came from out of state to see it, and so she met them. Next week, we shall do the same in reverse. But a guy who cleans for you has got to be a keeper!</p>
<p>soozievt: That’s an amazing story, so thoughtful act…like it very much!</p>
<p>Packmom: Interesting, would you break the relationship if you see that the GF is not eager to spend time at the GYM or even hate the Gym and dislike the protein shakes?</p>
<p>Another situation: I’m trying to figure out if parents that see that BF or GF of their kids are better than their own children will try to sabotage the relationship thinking that it will not work out.</p>
<p>For example many years ago a friend, call it almost perfect lady, engaged with this individual (professional); she complaint that his family dislikes her. For all people at work was a shock, because we have a high opinion of this girl, the perfect one. Well, the couple married (he spent the honeymoon working) but the marriage did not last more than couple of months…due to the “male” behavior…</p>
<p>After many years of thought, I think that his family knew “he” was not up to the level of this girl and tried to sabotage the relation…probably because they thought she was worthy… She later married a wonderful man.</p>
But I doubt it…</p>