<p>I can see this. D1 is pretty terrific, but she has a few flaws that I worry will bug that perfect boyfriend over time… she is quite untidy, and he is the opposite. I mentioned he is learning to cook – she loves to eat, but HATES to cook, and I despair of her ever learning. Seems unfair that he would go to the trouble to learn this, while she just dodges the responsibility. They will probably work it out, but I do wish those two qualities of his would rub off on her!</p>
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<p>This made me laugh out loud. That would never, ever happen to me. Truly. Nor would it happen to anyone I personally know. We adore our own kids, each others kids and we are protective. I don’t care who the BF or the GF is, we are of course polite and welcoming but very cautious at the same time. </p>
<p>Having said that, if one of our kids was being abusive, had addiction issues, etc. we would step in but not by being mean to their BF or GF.</p>
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<p>He’s not perfect, he just has flaws that you don’t see yet or may never see. He wants to learn how to cook and she doesn’t, what is there to despair about? As I type this my husband is out buying a knife he’s been wanting for the kitchen. He’s a fantastic cook and I love to eat what he cooks, we’re a match that way! I’ll admit this is a hot button issue for me as when it’s the woman who does all the cooking, that’s consider normal but when it’s the man, then the woman he’s with is being unfair. No, no, no. </p>
<p>Untidy doesn’t bother everyone. Or if it bothers him, it’s not enough to make it an issue. There are ways in which she is doing the heavy lifting too. Everyone can see who does the chores, only the two people in a relationship know who does what in their personal and private life.</p>
<p>I was going to try to write out a list, but I found that I was describing my daughter’s boyfriend. </p>
<p>I think this is indicative of something.</p>
<p>Ex-girlfriend who dumped my son BY E-MAIL over Christmas definitely does not meet the requirements.</p>
<p>^^^Well, good riddance, Marian.</p>
<p>By email? Yuk. That is like so middle school-ish…like a note in your locker.</p>
<p>I saw this quote a few years back and it’s sort of been the heart of my “relationship parenting” philosophy. “No boy (or girl) is worth crying over, and the one who is won’t make you cry.”</p>
<p>Here’s a question for you parents: How would you feel if your child’s future mate had an extensive family history of mental illness (say schizophrenia) or autism or other inheritable disorder? Or because of their own medical history there was a likelihood of infertility?</p>
<p>I’d hope for the best, just like if I didn’t know those things. What else is there to do?</p>
<p>Miette -
“No boy (or girl) is worth crying over, and the one who is won’t make you cry.” </p>
<p>I LOVE THIS! </p>
<p>I have a 24yr old son and a 21yr old daughter. and an 18yr old who had her first heart break last year (he was a year older - went off to college - didn’t look back)
Hard to have to watch your kids go through all the stuff we know they have to…</p>
<p>Glad I found this thread…makes the waiting for the envelopes for my Senior easier with distractions…</p>
<p>I hope my kids will meet and establish long term relationships with someone whom they love and who loves them back. So far, they have both had a lot of buddies of both genders with some self-limited dating but no long term attachments. I have enjoyed meeting all of their friends, all of whom I’ve found to be wonderful people and look forward to seeing the additional people who will come into their (and our) lives. So far, all of their friendships (since some rocky ones in grade school), have been very healthy and positive; we hope it continues.</p>
<p>I haven’t tried choosing their friends since they were toddlers (& it didn’t work too well then); don’t intend to try it now!</p>
<p>Mousegray posted: "Here’s a question for you parents: How would you feel if your child’s future mate had an extensive family history of mental illness (say schizophrenia) or autism or other inheritable disorder? Or because of their own medical history there was a likelihood of infertility? "</p>
<p>That’s a tough question. My first impulse is to say No and to do the impossible to stop the relationship…it sounds cruel. Who knows!!!</p>
<p>I have a niece (college age) whose parents (both of them) had schizophrenia. She is aware of this, and is aware of the possible genetic link. So far she has no issues. I would not interfere with a relationship on that basis; it is her information to share or to protect as she wishes. I would, however, be tempted to tell a young man that his future MIL is truly crazy and to be avoided at all costs…</p>
<p>This does prompt me to consider having a general discussion with my children about genetic disorders, though. Just as I have already suggested to them that they thoroughly discuss finances, expectations regarding having and raising children, and household roles with a potential spouse before marrying, I think a discussion of family medical history would also be a good idea.</p>
<p>My sister broke up with her long time college boyfriend because his mother was an alcoholic. I don’t know if she was concerned about their children someday or she just didn’t feel like putting up with his mother after they were married.</p>
<p>There’s a history of schizophrenia, over at least the last three generations, in my ex’s family – including an aunt and a grandparent. And in my family, I have Crohn’s Disease (among other medical issues), and my sister has epilepsy and ulcerative colitis (not a severe case of the latter, fortunately).</p>
<p>But J. is most certainly not schizophrenic, and, at least so far (knock on wood) shows no signs of Crohn’s Disease or other intestinal issues. (I was 22 when I first got sick, but there were indications from childhood, none of which J. seems to have had.) My ex and I knew about the possibilities of inherited problems, and were obviously concerned throughout his childhood and adolescence, but decided to take the risk of having a child. I’m glad we did.</p>
<p>And I have no reason to believe that my being trans and my son’s being gay are anything other than a coincidence.</p>
<p>And as far as the perfect boyfriend for my son (assuming I’m allowed to post in this titularly heterocentric thread!), all I care about is that J. find someone who loves him – and, just as importantly, opens his own heart and accepts J.'s love. Someone kind and compassionate, someone who looks at the world in a similar way, someone he can laugh with, and share his life with. I couldn’t care less what the person does for a living. Jewish would be nice. And interested in having a child would be extremely nice!</p>
<p>Many of us who have a seriously autistic child in addition to other child(ren) are finding that our other children are not viewed as “datable” , let alone marriageable, in our communities, no matter how attractive, socially skilled, and accomplished. I hope that if my own “other” children find a SO, that person will not reject them if their friends and families pressure them to, solely on account of their autistic sibling.</p>
<p>IMHO the problem with trying to steer your child away from a life partner with a family history of mental illness or special need sibs is that none of us knows what tomorrow will bring. You can find your kid a potential spouse with the perfect medical history and either one of them could suffer a traumatic brain injury tomorrow. Life is just too unpredictable in my mind to worry about these things. ymmv</p>
<p>If a history of mental illness, autistic or special needs sibs in a potential partner’s family keeps my kid from seriously pursuing a relationship – that is my kid’s business. However, I would have no hesitation about joining my family to frazzled2thecore’s family. 
Under the right circumstances I could imagine frazzled and I then discussing what this meant, if anything?, in terms of our future grandchildren… ;)</p>
<p>I’m pretty sure my son’s girlfriend/wife will have to have infinite patience, sort of like mine does.</p>
<p>"Many of us who have a seriously autistic child in addition to other child(ren) are finding that our other children are not viewed as “datable” , let alone marriageable, in our communities, no matter how attractive, socially skilled, and accomplished. "</p>
<p>It is amazing to me that people can be so narrow minded.</p>
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If I could select Ds perfect mate it would be a clone of H. :)</p>