<p>Lizschup, I completely agree that nothing is absolute, including–ironically!–perfectionism. :)</p>
<p>Midmo–I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. Pseudo-perfectionism indeed. The student/parent you describe doesn’t sound as if true excellence was the goal based on genuine high standards. The giveaway is withdrawing if a “first prize” cannot be awarded. As you say, that’s a mirage of “perfection.” The person with high standards is generally self-motivated. Meeting his or her OWN standards of excellence is what is important.</p>
<p>I did not at all mean to imply a perfect score is equated with perfectionism. No doubt there are brilliant students out there for whom getting a 2400 comes without obsession (which is why I wrote “2400 after 3 tries”). It’s just difficult for adcoms to know the difference perhaps. </p>
<p>But my real point is I can hear perfectionism in the dialogue on CC. What separates perfectionism from great performance is not the behavior to get there nor the outcome, but the logic and motivation behind it. It’s that logic that I hear not infrequently on CC. </p>
<p>And it is what motivated me to post. It’s a fascinating trait I hadn’t given much thought to before this board. </p>
<p>I sometimes wish I was raising a perfectionist (how much easier it is to reassure than nag!).</p>
<p>^ Actually, midmo, I think an argument could be made for this type of student/family of being “insecure” rather than “perfectionist.” It sounds as if they are so fixated on their weaknesses that they go overboard to compensate. I would also maybe characterize them as “unimaginative” since they can’t seem to see outside of conventional paths of achievement like the SAT or gpa. Whatever, they do sound like sad people. Fourteen times. I guess CollegeBoard makes a lot of $ off these types.</p>
<p>“But my real point is I can hear perfectionism in the dialogue on CC. What separates perfectionism from great performance is not the behavior to get there nor the outcome, but the logic and motivation behind it. It’s that logic that I hear not infrequently on CC.”</p>
<p>I understand what you are getting at but I’m not sure I agree that “perfectionism” is the driving force. I do think colleges, corporations and our media centric culture have created an idealized view of the perfect college student, employee etc. I see it as more of a symptom of our highly competitive society rather than perfectionism.</p>
<p>Momneedsadvice in post #13, I’ve heard that described as “closet perfectionism” which is very immobilizing at key times. </p>
<p>I read that Johnny Carson (late night talk show host before Leno, Conan, Letterman et al…) was advised to “flub” a joke every now and then, because people liked him better when they saw him find his way out of a mistake. He was capable of a perfect monologue every night, but flubbed occasionally…on purpose!! He was that good!!</p>
<p>I know a couple of perfectionist type kids, and I believe they suffer from OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder). Every time I hear that they accomplished something impressive, it actually makes me sad for them. I don’t think they are made happy by their accomplishments or even necessarily know why they are doing them. But I could be mistaken, I suppose.</p>
<p>Nearly fifty years ago (before seatbelts were standard automobile safety equipment), my mother was a front seat passenger in a car which was hit head-on by another car whose driver was unable to negotiate a black ice-slicked highway curve. My mother–with only seconds to prepare for the oncoming impact–was catapulted head-first through the windshield. She was rushed to the emergency room in GOK (God Only Knows) status. My horrifically injured mother’s life, mental capacity, physical mobility, and eyesight were saved by a team of medical specialists–surgical perfectionists–summoned from their beds in the middle of that frigid March 1960 night. Their collective commitment to perfectionism was all that stood between my mother’s life and her otherwise certain death.</p>
<p>I respect perfectionists, especially those perfectionists who know that perfection is rarely achievable, but who strive to achieve perfection anyway. I have little respect for people (regardless of their profession, craft, skill, or job–including those whose current job is “student”) who don’t strive for perfection. I have no respect for people who regard perfectionism as a form of social dysfunction or as a form of mental illness.</p>
<p>Perfection is an admirable goal. It is also a nearly-unachievable goal. Excellence, however, is an achievable goal. Students who work their hardest and still fail to achieve excellence should be commended–not criticized–and should be encouraged to hold their heads high and to keep striving for excellence. Students who fail to achieve excellence merely because they don’t work hard enough, should be encouraged to work harder and to achieve the excellence of which they are capable.</p>
<p>Perfection is a real-world expectation. Almost all people expect perfection from professionals and from others who produce all kinds of goods and provide all kinds of services. Therefore, I caution those parents who tell their children that “good enough” is good enough, because it isn’t. The real world expects perfection. Caring parents communicate this harsh reality to their children, so that their children are duly forewarned and forearmed before striking out on their own as self-supporting adults.</p>
<p>If your mother’s doctors had the form of perfectionism that indeed constitutes a dysfunction, they would not have been willing to take on the risky job of surgeon. They would have been too fearful of failure, and their talents would not have been available to save your mother and others.</p>
<p>I’m happy that my son is not that hard on himself. Some jobs do require that relentless striving for perfection, some don’t. But no one’s personal life requires perfection. It must be exhausting to think/feel that way. A chapter in the book Feeling Good is entitled “Dare to be Average”. True, in some jobs that would be dangerous (air traffic control comes to mind), but I think it’s a worthy goal to shoot for in one’s personal life.</p>
<p>I think with any diagnosis label, it is only a dysfunction if it poses one. All of us fall on a continuum of traits from high to low; it’s only when a trait is at an extreme and interferes with one’s functioning that it takes on a diagnostic label and is worthy of concern. </p>
<p>Fortunately it is potentially possible to strive for high performance or seek ‘perfection’ on things that are necessary to be so, without necessarily falling into perfectionistic dysfunction that undermines your success, relationships and general well being.</p>
<p>But if perfectionism means you avoid or quit important or valuable experiences you can’t be perfect at; if it means meltdowns and unhappiness when things just do not go “so”; if it means you can wing it, be creative, or trust your gut because you feel there is just one right way to do it (in contexts where such winging it and creativity are needed); if it means you can never truly relax or be genuinely proud of your accomplishments because ‘they could always be better’; if you operate in a life of fear; if you obsess and attend to making something perfect at the expense of time and attention on other more important things; if you expect perfectionism from mere mortals around you so your relationships suffer or you are miserable to work and live with…THAT is dysfunction and that is when its labeled a disorder and should not be paraded as a good thing.</p>
<p>In the classroom I strive for perfection in my teaching, but at the same time I realize that because I’m human it’s not likely that I’ll ever truly achieve perfection. </p>
<p>Still, if perfection is my goal then I’m much more likely to attain a level of teaching that’s pretty doggone good most of the time. I know that sounds a bit immodest but that’s not my intent.</p>
<p>lol after reading your post, I couldn’t help combing through it to look for imperfections! But it looks like you found one yourself, and perfected it!</p>
<p>FWIW, I am a solid A-/B+ person, and in spite of it (I guess), I have found surprising success and happiness in life. “Good enough” turned out to be good enough in my case, but for your mother’s and others’ sakes, I am glad there are perfectionists in certain professions.</p>
<p>I don’t believe that perfection is healthy. Having ambitions that are plausible–and possible are fine in my book. But, fixating on the impossible, which will have to be forever improved upon, is pointless. I believe that it really hurts you more because you’re fixating on the dot–and fail to see the background (the best part!).</p>
<p>As a student, I feel as if CC does breed perfection because kids are constantly plotting “how can I improve my application?” or “how can I get a 2400?” I wish these kids would take a moment and realize that their SAT scores are good enough.</p>