<p>Nrdsb4–I’m not sure you mean to imply this, but I do want to say-- not being a fan of the “God’s plan” declarations does not make one an un-believer. A lot of people believe in a God, but do not think he/she runs the universe overtly. One can be absolutely confident in the laws of science, in the importance of free will, and in the existence of God, all at once.</p>
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<p>Of course I’m not implying that. In fact, I agree with your take exactly. I just do not get offended by an alternate belief. And I think intent is very important in these situations. </p>
<p>If I got “offended” every time someone said something either not well thought out, illogical, silly, or in opposition to how I see things, I would spend most of my time being offended or outraged. I am evolving to the belief that happiness, inner peace, and contentment is largely a choice rather than a circumstance.</p>
<p>I don’t think it goes both ways for some who invoke God’s name under these circumstances. I know that many in my family would be very upset if someone said to them, “Praise Allah, he has a plan for you” or “I will ask the High Priestess of the coven to make an offering for you.”</p>
<p>I just want to mention that we are all just having a conversation here. I don’t spend a lot of time holding a big grudge if someone says that God has a plan, etc. </p>
<p>I do appreciate their thought and as someone who has been tongue tied on occasion or blurted out something less than appropriate, I don’t judge them harshly.</p>
<p>We’re talking about expressions that bother us. That’s all. That was the point of the OP.</p>
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<p>Almost choked on my coffee. Good one, and probably very true. It wouldn’t bother me, though I have to say the second one would take me a second to process. :)</p>
<p>Who said anything about being “offended”? Given the amount of religiosity thrown about in our society, unbelievers could spend 100% of their time being offended if they let it get to them. 
Thankfully, I have never experienced having someone give me a load of god talk in conjunction with the suffering or death of a loved one. No one who actually knows me would consider it! :D</p>
<p>Personally, I would just appreciate if we could just strictly observe the separation between church and state. Do whatever you want in your personal life.</p>
<p>In general, I try to assume good intentions and not look for reason to be offended by someone’s attempt to be supportive, no matter how misguided.</p>
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<p>That very word was used by a poster upthread.</p>
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<p>I think we would all be better served to take that approach. </p>
<p>I had a tragic loss in my life, a very life altering one. I was way too distraught to even give a moment’s thought about anyone’s particular words of comfort, much less take the time or negative energy to be offended by them.</p>
<p>I’ll just say that i absolutely hate it when people say to me “but he’s still here… In your heart”. No that does not make me feel better.
I also dislike the “keep your chin up”. It seems a bit casual. Though of course it depends on the context.</p>
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<p>Yes, it does depend on that. When I experienced the worst loss of my life, it took me a while to emerge from my misery. But eventually we have obligations we must go back to regardless of whether or not our heart is broken into a million pieces. 3 weeks after the tragedy, someone in my life-in a peripheral role- said “so are things getting back to normal for you?” I responded “I don’t know if they will ever be back to normal again.” His response was to laugh and say “Oh good grief, of course they will.” I wasn’t offended so much as dumbfounded. I walked away confused, really. Were we talking about the same thing?!</p>
<p>I agree with onetogo2 and jamminj about “there but for the grace of God”. I have always understood it to be the opposite of smug, in that you’re saying that you are in fact not better or smarter than the person who just experienced adverse circumstances, but by the luck of the draw it did not happen to you. </p>
<p>I’m a deacon in our church and in our initial training for dealing with people who experienced a loss, one thing they tell you not to do is tell some poor grieving person that their loss is God’s plan. Who are we to understand God’s plan, after all?</p>
<p>Nrdsb4–“Were we talking about the same thing?”–Yes. His favorite saying was “this too shall pass.” He just didn’t get the quote right so you could hear it.</p>
<p>Note: a “rim shot” is a particular sound made on a snare drum. If you are old enough, you may have heard this sound after a particular corny joke uttered by a comedian on TV. Perhaps we have to retire this term as obsolete.</p>
<p>One more point about “there, but for the grace of God…” I think the most useful application of this term is to remind one’s own children that other people’s problems are not necessarily due to their lack of character, but are often the result of bad fortune that could just as easily have happened to our own family. The non-sectarian version of this might be, “You just don’t know how lucky you are.”</p>
<p>I definitely don’t think rim shot is obsolete. Don’t know anyone my age who doesn’t know what it means 
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<p>Good point Hunt on the “Grace of God” saying.</p>
<p>This thread reminds of the movie Nicole Kidman was in where she is grieving the loss of her son and goes to a support group of other parents who lost their child. One woman in the group was speaking about the loss of her daughter and said something like, “I guess God just needed another angel up in heaven.” Nicole becomes flamed and says, “Why did God need to take your daughter to be an angel. He’s God. Why doesn’t he just make an angel?”</p>
<p>I think that sometimes the comfort one feels themselves from a statement is for another totally not comforting.</p>
<p>The person who snaps at people who are soft, kind, and have good intentions but not always the exact right words may soon find herself without those caring and supportive friends.</p>
<p>romanigypsyeyes, in answer to your emoticon with all the question marks, this is razorsharp’s comment to which Hunt was responding:</p>
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<p>Hayden, I knew what she was referring to. I’m just confused as to how someone didn’t know what it meant. That was my confusion :)</p>
<p>I just looked up “rim shot” on Urban Dictionary, and although the first definition is the snare drum term, others there give me more reason to say it might need to be retired in polite conversation.</p>
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<p>I agree. To me, it has as little to do with “invoking God” as saying “God bless you” (or G-bless-u, elided together) when someone sneezes. I always thought it was easily understood as a poetic way of saying “This could have just as easily happened to you” and don’t see it as remotely religious or acknowledging a supreme being at all.</p>
<p>I have a very good friend – who is a recovering Catholic, and not at all religious – who uses the expression “God love you” in a really warm and encouraging way. It’s sort of a version of “Good for you – no, really, good for you.” I don’t take it as religious in nature either and I know he doesn’t mean it that way at all.</p>
<p>Deborah, I don’t think anyone is talking about snapping at anyone here! I sure didn’t get that impression. It was a discussion, started by the OP about reactions to certain terms or phrases. Most of us are socialized enough to keep our reactions to ourselves. I’m not sure civilization would continue if we all said what we were thinking in reply to others!</p>