<p>“Keep your chin up” sounds to me like someone acknowledging a difficult situation and trying to offer encouragement. The words may not be perfect, but consider some of the alternatives. The person could ignore the situation, say nothing (which might be interpreted as their ignoring the situation), be intentionally mean, or get completely depressed, too. Are these really better? I’d take imperfect but cares because, well, we’re all imperfect.</p>
<p>I like that, Hunt. I think he’s mostly left the country. He didn’t live far from SIL’s beau, who probably woulda killed him, given half a chance.</p>
<p>I think he really thought that that’s how you deal with bad things happening. It wasn’t a letter of apology so much as an acknowledgement that this happened. it was, weird, to say the least.</p>
<p>A little off topic and not directed at the OP at all. </p>
<p>A while back there were a couple of different threads on empathy, compassion, and sympathy. Some posters seemed to feel a person who is listening to another’s troubles has to <em>do</em> something to be alleviating the problem. That’s not always the job of a listener or even a friend. I’ve known individuals who love being on a roller coaster. They get frustrated if they can’t get you in a frazzled state, too. You can care and try to be there as best you can, but you do not owe it to them to let them take you down.</p>
<p>Quick note. My choice of the word “frazzled” was not meant to be related to any posters who have that as part of their name. As a matter of fact, I liked reading frazzled’s post here!</p>
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<p>What an annoying phrase. What does it mean? Nobody knows. Does it relate to music or basketball? If to basketball a rim shot would not be the best shot because it hit the rim. If you meant basketball, hayden, you should have said “nothing but net!” which everyone understands, right? :)</p>
<p>Some people don’t mind the mention of God in consolation. If someone tried to console me by saying something such as “There but for the grace of God,” I wouldn’t mind and would probably be glad that they said it. Of course, I wouldn’t say this to everyone, because not everyone is comfortable with it, but it’s appropriate with some people.</p>
<p>I hope if someone was trying to console me I would be appreciative that they cared and not so petty about the words they used.</p>
<p>I thought the expression “There but for the grace of God go I” is meant to be said by me. Not someone saying it for me. I’m the one who is supposed to thank my lucky stars that I have 2 legs and 2 eyes not someone else is supposed to be thankful for me. </p>
<p>I don’t like the one where people say, that “God will only give you enough that you can handle.” REALLY? </p>
<p>It is sort of a backhanded way of saying you should be able to handle whatever that is you think you can’t because you wouldn’t be given more than you are able to do.</p>
<p>OP here. I never meant to suggest that “Keep your chin up” was the most inappropriate thing to say to someone in a serious circumstance. I agree that “This is all part of God’s plan” is not a good thing to say.</p>
<p>However, to me “Keep your chin up” sounds like, “Don’t let this get you down,” like a pep talk–which when someone close to you has died or been diagnosed with a serious illness, is not a good thing to say either. But maybe I am taking this saying the wrong way. I cannot recall anyone ever saying it to me directly, so perhaps it just sounds odd to me.</p>
<p>For me – “Keep your chin up” means look to a brighter day, or look over the horizon… towards the sun. Maybe some people say this because they are at a loss for words, or maybe feeling sorry for your circumstance and wish “brighter” days ahead for you. </p>
<p>IMO, “Bless your heart”, Bless his heart", Bless her heart", etc… again, IMO, are more offensive and judgmental and insincere, than “keep your chin up”. </p>
<p>“There but for the Grace Go I” was a song I used to hear on the radio back in 1979.</p>
<p>“There but for the grace of God” is so smug. It comes across as “thank goodness God likes me better than THAT person.”</p>
<p>“It’s all part of God’s plan!” I do not know why anyone would think this was an appropriate or encouraging thing to say to someone in pain or strife. </p>
<p>I’m okay with “keep your chin up.”</p>
<p>@Naturally… I don’t think There but for the Grace of God comes across as smug if you really think about the saying.</p>
<p>I think it means that if God hadn’t intervened, I could have ended up in a worse situation.
It might be construed as smug if the saying is used “against” someone.</p>
<p>I’ve always viewed the “there but for the grace of God go I” expression as referring to the randomness of chance in the world, not something literal referring to the plan of a deity. Rather, that whatever dreadful event has occurred could have happened to any of us. I agree with the poster who indicated it’s something I might say to myself, never to the person suffering. Also I have a visceral reaction to comments like “the Lord was watching over x and spared them” - very selective Lord these folks believe in. Also hate the “part of God’s plan” and ”everything happens for a reason", but a fatalistic response doesn’t really offend me so much…and perhaps these are all ways of looking at the fearsome unpredictability of life and attempting to find a way of framing it that enables us to keep going.</p>
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<p>:D But as a card-carrying secular humanist, of course I wouldn’t beat someone up. Just fantasize about smacking them. :)</p>
<p>Garland, simply unbelievable. </p>
<p>“Keep your chin up” doesn’t bother me at all.</p>
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<p>I agree. Unless we know someone is being deliberately sarcastic to us, can’t we just accept sincere good wishes without getting out our red pens?</p>
<p>And I definitely don’t understand begrudging others’ references to God in their attempts to make sense of bad events. Who cares if they believe differently than I do? It’s the thought that counts, and if they mean well, I don’t care if they attribute good or bad to a deity or an “intelligent plan.” They care. They’re trying. That’s good enough.</p>
<p>No it isn’t. It’s offensive. You’re allowed to believe anything you want to and attribute whatever happens in your life to “God’s will”. But to insinuate your beliefs on my life is not okay. The last thing I want to hear if something bad happens to my kids is that God willed it.</p>
<p>You can spend your life finding fault or you can choose to see the positive. Which is going to make you happier? If you look for gloom, you can surely find it.</p>
<p>But we have to also have some care in how we treat each other. To tell someone who’s experienced extreme loss that it’s meant to be, is, for many people, deeply hurtful.</p>
<p>Honestly, it’s hard to imagine how anyone hears it differently. But I try to, so when someone uses those phrases about their own life, I wouldn’t dream of saying anything different, or contradicting them.</p>
<p>I don’t find someone trying to make sense of the world offensive. Maybe they think the soul is on a journey or something of the sort and will move on to a better place or next phase. Maybe this belief helps allow them to carry on instead of being crushed by the weight of the world or, thinking of something I read in this thread, their own errors. Perhaps if they still believe they can do good this is better than what they might become if they believe they are evil. A thought anyway…</p>
<p>I would never tell anyone it was “God’s plan” when someone dies. But I don’t, and I haven’t chosen to become massively offended when someone has said it to me. I think I don’t agree, but appreciate the fact that others are scrambling to make sense of things. No, I don’t hold it against anyone. I think most people who say those kinds of things are expressing their own hope that we do go to a better place after we die versus just rotting in a grave rather than willfully trying to “impose” their religious beliefs on others.</p>
<p>And aside from tragic times, there seem to be some people who have a general attitude of “I don’t believe in God, and if anyone mentions God in my presence, I’m going to get really annoyed.” </p>
<p>IMO, some people have some wacky religious beliefs. Others tend to say things which sound really canned and automatic rather than thought out. So what? Unless someone is advocating a religious belief which imposes harm on others, what people want to believe and express about religion matters not to me.</p>