Talking to me during movies. Yes, even if you are whispering, it is annoying to me and probably everyone else. I like to immerse into a movie and pretend the rest of the world isn’t there so I don’t want to here that such and such really couldn’t happen. (Dh is an engineer). I also hate when I come home and tell him something and get no response. It doesn’t happen all the time but when it does, I feel like chucking something at him.
I know he thinks I spoil the dog too much but I don’t care. The dog doesn’t talk when I watch a show and acts like he is listening to me…
When he’s talking to people he will say “my wife said…” - when I never said it - it was just convenient for him to draw my name into the situation and strengthen his side of the conversation!
His disinterest in doing any home improvements at our home - but he can spend DAYS doing his puttering jobs (that don’t amount to much) at our cottage - and mostly those focus on not our main living but his work shed and digging - always digging!!!
My husband is very indecisive.
He needed a new jacket and I found a great deal on Black Friday in Medium size, which he usually wears. It arrived, he tried it on with a thick sweater underneath, and decided that it was too small (but still liked the quality). He asked me to go to the brick and mortar store to exchange it. Tried on the Large. I said that I liked it but he still spent a loooong time deciding and asking me again and again if he should get it. We had to pick up S after the stop at the dept store and were already running late. Then we had to persuade the salesperson to process and exchange at the Black Friday price. Then the salesperson had to find someone to help her process the exchange because she didn’t know how. I was ready to climb the walls by then (when we got home, we discovered that they didn’t take off the sensor, but that’s beside the point).
Fast forward 2 days, daughter comes home for a break and he asks her if he should keep the jacket. She is not crazy about the style. Husband takes the jacket to the store to return. He asked me to come with him actually, but I refused.
This is typical of him: can’t make a decision, asks me what I think, I tell him (with explanations), then he asks me several more times as if hoping I would change my mind. He does not really counter my arguments - just asks me again and again and again until I tell him that the conversation is over.
It’s getting harder and harder for me to take this.
H can’t figure out what time to leave to get someplace on time. He does not like to be late (neither do I, so that’s good); but it’s like his brain just can’t estimate how long a trip will take, and then do the mental subtraction. And this isn’t for unusual destinations; it’s for pretty much every trip. Here’s how the conversation goes:
Me: You’ll pick S up after practice, right?
H: Yes. When will he be done?
Me: 6 PM.
H: So what time do I have to leave?
Me: 5:45 should be fine. (What I’m really thinking: “S has been playing ball at those fields since he was 8. You know it takes 15 minutes max to drive there because you have done it approximately 500 times. Figure it out!” But I don’t say that, since I have way more annoying traits than he does and he rarely calls me out on them).
Then he writes on a post-it: Leave at 5:45.
Which he does. So I really shouldn’t complain. But that’s the point of this thread, so I will anyway.
My husband also seems to start more things than he finishes. He is somewhat OCD and an engineer, and he wants things to be perfect, so he “stalls” on projects and then they sit. Our grandfather clock has been without it’s movement for 4 years while he works on it! I raise hell about every 6 months.
He’s also obsessive about tracking things like energy use- not for $$ reasons (that’s a little of it, but mainly he’s really into energy efficiency and the environment) and freezes the house in the winter and fries us in the summer and then is so proud of the energy usage! We have solar panels and he drives a Leaf. The Leaf makes me crazy because I get nervous watching the range decrease- especially in cold weather.
He is an introvert and spends a lot of time alone doing all his projects, taking care of our house, pets, cars etc. I appreciate all that, but sometimes I think he forgets how to interact with people (i.e. ME!) He’ll just start doing something and not even communicate with me about it. He also has our house so complicated that I can’t work anything. All the lights, heat, etc are on timers and don’t even get me started on the TVs etc. with the 5 remotes!
He is generally great, though, and does all our grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning (we have cleaning help every 3 weeks but he does the rest) and taking care of everything around the house while I work.
Mr R is almost obnoxiously laid back. Almost nothing gets to him. The rare time I hear him pipe up about something, it it catches me so off guard that I barely register what he says.
He is phone shy so I have to do everything that involves a phone. I make his doctor appts, book trips, etc. I have told him that if he wants to be a SAHD that he needs to get over this because he’ll be making the appts and talking to the schools etc.
Speaking of appts… he never freaking goes to the doctor! It’s about the only stereotypically male thing he does. He will wait until he’s on death’s door before he lets me drag him in. On the plus side, he is getting better about this… not because he’s worried about his health but because he’s afraid of getting me sick. (I’m on immune suppression treatments.)
Also, he is the one who cooks and cleans but not until I prod him to do it… repeatedly. It’s not that he is avoiding it, it’s just that he forgets.
But for his very few flaws, I could not imagine a better partner. I listen to many of my friends vent and it repeatedly reminds me of just how fortunate I am I can count on one hand the number of real fights we’ve had (and yes, part of that is because we’ve only been together for about 6 years and don’t have kids… though the dog would disagree that she’s not a human child )
Seriously, the only thing that really drives me crazy is that my H works from home and loves it. It’s nice having him around but sometimes it’s a little too much nicety. At our old house, his office was off in a far corner so I didn’t hear him as much. Now he’s right in the middle of the house and it’s like living in a place of business. We are working on that though.
Me being the free spirit, sometimes I chafe with all that togetherness. But ultimately I’m still crazy about him.
ETA: Forgot this one:
Me too. My H is from a very big city in the NE and learned some bad habits. We have had moments where he has pulled the car over and insisted that I drive because I fuss so much. But I seriously cannot stand aggressive driving.
Correction: I said “I can’t stand listening to DH” – I lost the last part of the sentence when editing.
It should be “I can’t stand listening to DH EATING.”
Just a wee bit of difference…
The main thing H and I ever fought about was driving. He’s a better driver and I’m a better passenger. Mostly I’m fine with him driving and me being the passenger when we are in a car together so it works great.
One annoying thing is I am THE master finder in the household. No matter where I am or how many decades we have both lived in the house, I am magically supposed to know where things are, even if H or the kids are standing right in front of said item. Fortunately, my magical finding powers mostly still work. 8-}
When we first lived together, DH moved into my apartment, so it was not unexpected for him to ask me where the 104 bus went, the fastest way to get someplace, where the dry cleaner was. Then we moved, together, at the same time, to a new town.
About a year later, he needed to rent a tuxedo. He asked me where he could rent one. Ummmm – no. In those days we had yellow pages. That’s where I sent him.
DH would say I’m a horrendous procrastinator (true; I need the adrenaline) and that I take on way too many projects and then can’t finish them in a timely manner. Got a long lecture this am about a stuffed Raggedy doll that he asked me to make as a gift for a colleague of his. He asked six months ago if I’d do it, I agreed, and we also agreed that I’d have it done by the end of November (after High Holidays, our vacation and the other paying projects I had in the works). I’m a few hours from finishing it but all I heard was “it’s been SIX MONTHS…don’t even bother, yadayada.”
His biggest complaint is probably that he doesn’t get my best efforts and he’s last on my priority list. True, though I have been working on it. I am responsible for everything except earning his paycheck. I deal with the cars, bills, cleaning, yard stuff, laundry, driving on long trips, planning and implementing travel plans, etc. – all those invisible tasks we take for granted. By the time he gets home at night, I’m fried and he’s not in a mood to communicate, having dealt with people and challenges for twelve hours at work. If he were home earlier, it would help a LOT. If he helped with anything in the house, it would be even better.
Yeah, those “invisible” tasks are a pet peeve of mine. Especially when we had three kids at home, I was always taking care of something or someone. Every once in awhile, I would be away from home for a few days. I would leave him a list of all the stuff that had to be done in my absence. Inevitably, I’d get back and he would say cheerfully, “I did almost everything on the list!” Uh, almost?!? There weren’t any optional items on there! Drove me batty.
Now that it’s just the two of us, he’s actually better about picking up some of the household chores that I always did. I walked in on him the other day, and he was cleaning out the refrigerator!!! I about fainted. And he didn’t make any snarky remarks about how long it had needed doing.
about 5 billion shampoo/conditioner/shower gel bottles around our tub’s edge – most with about 1 oz. left. Me? two bottles.
for some reason, she refuses to load silverware into the dishwasher with the handle facing downwards. Our basket even has half of it made to accept handles only. But she’ll load dirty spoons into the open basket with the bowl (the scoop) facing downwards and normally, not getting cleaned.
she spoils our dog. But insists I do it too
But driving? She’s the boss. In the entire time I’ve known her, she’s never gotten a moving violation or even a parking ticket! 22 yrs. She’s a much better quality and patient driver than me. No doubt!
He honestly thinks he is easy going. I think he is closer to catatonic.
He thinks his neutrality is a virtue. I think it leaves me doing all the heavy lifting.
Last week I asked him to show me proof of his degrees. Reflecting some comments earlier in the thread, and finding himself uncharacteristically in-the-moment, he responded, "They weren’t degrees in ‘Real Life.’ "
I used to have several pet peeves when it came to my husband. Why couldn’t he close the cabinet door when it takes nothing but a pinky finger to do so? The hamper was no more than 10 feet from where he would drop his clothes. He was messy and rarely put things where they belonged. His driving was, IMO, too slow and I couldn’t stand it when he would stay in the fast lane holding up all the drivers who would like to go faster. He was very indecisive when making suggestions about restaurants and movies. I would gladly put up with ALL of those pet peeves and a million more if I could have him back. Cherish your time together and focus on the good things.
At our old house, his office was off in a far corner so I didn’t hear him as much. Now he’s right in the middle of the house and it’s like living in a place of business. We are working on that though.