<p>Yes, I think Exeter is good “as is.” Every school has a personality and an approach to rigor and I think it’s more driven now by the students than any requirement by the school. It’s self-selecting. It attracts students who gravitate to that type of environment. I will say some students (and parents) take it to the extreme and those students are under severe pressure to perform and don’t often take in the breadth of what the school has to offer.</p>
<p>I don’t think the school is “overly” competitive compared to some colleges. For instance, when I was interested in Architecture as a major, I knew of some college that were so competitive that one year a student slipped in and spray painted every final project white. Exeter isn’t cuthroat or ruthless - just academically challenging - sometimes to the extreme.</p>
<p>And yes - maybe some teacher do “believe” in the reputation and may push harder. But it’s still doable for the right person.</p>
<p>Does the reputation serve it well? Yes - and I do know the Adcom’s are trying hard to identify students who aren’t a good fit or want the education for the wrong reason (worried more about college entrance or getting the “best” then adding to the climate).</p>
<p>Yes colleges recognize the Exeter experience, but it’s not a guarantee for admittance. There is another thread I read where an Andover alum is trying to explain how the system works. We’re all less concerned with all the “stats” and how many courses you can cram in (even MIT) than we are about “who are you as a person.”</p>
<p>I will say - Exeter has no room for students who need to “catch up.” Students who do best there will be self-sufficient, naturally curious, and can hit the ground running because even the intro classes are difficult.</p>
<p>Still - my caveat is - it MUST be the child’s decision to go. That is key to success (and survival.) It is also key to getting into college. It’s not a stepping stone to college, but a means and an end in itself.</p>
<p>Benley – it’s hard to answer your question about why my son felt Exeter was not right for him. Before we started our boarding school tour, he had explained that he wanted a school with a balance of the three things he loves most: academics, friendly atmosphere and the outdoors. Also, while he’s highly competitive on the sports field, his personality off the field is oriented to being competitive with himself and not others. He’s happy with the idea of everyone doing well. </p>
<p>When we toured Exeter, the demeanor of the kids was noticeably tense and not discernibly warm (I fully appreciate the fact that it could have been just one of those moments). There was also not really an emphasis on the outdoors beyond the traditional sports. The combination of these things made it a non-starter for my son. It’s certainly a fantastic school though and we were commenting on the car ride home how impressed we were that Exeter was closer to the atmosphere and assets of a small college than a boarding school. It’s a remarkable institution.</p>
<p>Our son had almost the opposite experience. He and we were initially leaning towards another “top 5” school to which he’d been accepted. To him, however, the most important difference was the warm, collegial, and respectful student-student relationships he saw throughout his day at Exeter. That contrasted strongly with a lot of less mature, somewhat mean-spirited interactions between students that he witnessed at the other school.</p>
<p>He’s always been bothered by taunting and bullying, even low-level stuff, and he often finds himself coming to the aid of kids being victimized by that - so he’s probably more sensitive to it than many other kids would be. Of course, he only had a one-day snapshot of each school to help his decision, so maybe what he saw was not really representative of either school’s real personality. But one has to go with whatever data they uncover.</p>
<p>However, in retrospect, we wonder whether the Exeter combination of the Harkness class format and a dress code simply breeds more respectful relationships overall, spilling out well beyond the classrooms too. Interesting conjecture?</p>
<p>I think of Exeter as more of an MIT experience- most would agree that MIT is a fantastic school for those who want it but it is not for everyone. My son is not competitive with others- he often does homework/studies with other students from his class/dorm and they help each other- but he is driven to do his best. He doesn’t find the work that much harder than his old school- but there is much more of it. (I have heard the work load increases and peaks upper year.) He doesn’t get straight A+s anymore. Another difference is that he is now the norm- no longer complimented frequently by the teachers for his brilliance - but that would happen in any of these top BS not just Exeter. For a kid who is not into clothes or social status- the college like feel is just right for him. I sometimes worry about the kids who don’t fit the mold in the small schools. At one school we visited all the students we saw seemed to be blonde, beautiful, sporty and preppy. (I know I cannot extrapolate that to every student at that school, but neither should people think that a few unhappy looking kids at Exeter represent the whole student body.) At Exeter it’s big enough that it is easier for students to find people to bond with, even if they are not preppy, sporty, popular ect…, there will be someone else like them around.</p>
<p>Don’t think that’s the case. We saw respectful and friendly behavior in both casually dressed and formal settings, in Harkness style settings and in standard classroom layouts. But I do think that, on any given day, a school can look great or not so great to the visiting 13-14 year-old kid. It might be the weather, a harried guide, an overheard argument, a distracted interviewer - any of a million small things. I’ll bet a surprisingly high percentage of kids admitted to the top schools would thrive wherever they landed. Not all kids, of course, but a higher number than we’d expect.</p>
<p>Yep - I say that too. I can type fast, do Pi to ten places, but that spelling thing - well, Exeter might take my degree back (although when I graduated I was able to write term papers in French - might have to switch) :-)</p>
<p>P.S. Typing on a Droid phone is tough. Don’t know how kids type on these tiny buttons and the phone tends to try to “guess” what I mean. I sent a text to my husband that was supposed to say “soon” and the phone changed it to “spoon.” He took it as a romantic suggestion (sigh…)</p>
<p>That’s funny! I should think that MIT might step in if Exeter tries to take your “degree” back…really, the nerve…that’s what I mean about these schools now – thinking they’re colleges. What’s wrong with a plain old diploma?!..hmm…</p>
<p>I know a couple of people from my school who applied to boarding school and got accepted into most or all of them, and I don’t think any of them applied to Exeter. If they did, I think they chose Andover/Hotchkiss/Deerfield over Exeter.
From what one of my friends that goes to DA says (AND I’M QUOTING HER; I’VE NEVER BEEN TO ANY OF THE CAMPUSES), a lot of people don’t like Exeter because it seems like the Admissions Committee like choosing applicants that ‘look good on paper’. Now, I’m not sure what that means exactly, so you guys can interpret it your own way. It also seems kind of big and it’s rumored that they’re the most academically rigorous boarding school. There HAVE been suicides, so I guess that was a turn-off. I guess when you think about it, if DA and Andover aren’t as stressful and they’re still in the top, then the level of stress that Exeter gives isn’t really all that appealing.
I’m probably going to apply to Exeter next year. It’s still one of the top boarding schools and it sounds pretty cool and everything. I’m just really nervous about the workload and everything.</p>
<p>NatalieT, Andover has had its fair share of suicides, as well, including the very visible, widely publicized, and extremely tragic suicide of Andover’s all-school president in 2000, followed a month later by the suicide of another student who was on a leave of absence at the time. At any environment like that of Andover and Exeter, there’s bound to be some unhappiness - as large as the campuses are, they can still feel like real pressure cookers sometimes (Andover does at the moment - Upper spring, baby).</p>
<p>The school president was accepted at Harvard and then caught in the presence of other seniors who were drinking - he, himself, wasn’t drinking. Andover put him on probation and alerted Harvard, who rescinded his acceptance. He was a really, really nice, popular guy who was very active in the PA community and, obviously, very visible because he was all-school president. Andover cancelled finals and sent kids home for vacation early - it was a huge deal on campus. <a href=“http://pdf.phillipian.net/2000/03012000.pdf[/url]”>http://pdf.phillipian.net/2000/03012000.pdf</a></p>
<p>i really hope that andover got suied for everthing they had that is absolulatly ridiculous, the school should have got shut down for atleast a couple of years and rethink its program. no life is worth more than a school nor harvard no matter what you say that kids life is alot more important than the school and harvard. i hope that kids parents suied the school for everything they had. knowing andover they probaly never even sent all the kids home and they probaly just continued classes the next day.</p>
<p>I hope parents on this board read that first one. Too much pressure on students and when I was at Exeter, the biggest problem was figuring out how to face the parents with negative news. The pressure and expectations from home often far outweigh any pressure the student will face at school.</p>
<p>That’s why I ask parents to stop acting as if BS is a free pass to an IVY. The pressure gives the students very little wiggle room for failure or a change in direction.</p>
<p>Students whose grades fall below “perfect” (one student tried to hurt himself after receiving a “B” in a class, for instance, because he was scared to disappoint his parents or hurt his chances of getting into a good college - sigh.</p>
<p>Failing to make a varsity team.</p>
<p>Failing to get into a honors course,</p>
<p>etc…</p>
<p>Know what I mean? The students and the parents place so much pressure on themselves that even a minor or inconsequential event can be seen as devastating. Which is why some of us with experience are telling students and parents - relax and don’t overthink this process so much. BS is tough enough without the burden of unrealistic expectations on top of it.</p>
<p>Exie is making such an important point. While it is, of course, a parent’s job to administer the occasional motivating kick in the butt when needed, I’m guessing that most of the kids who get into competitive prep schools need little of that. I find that with both of my kids, I spend far more time taking the pressure off than putting it on. So I agree that in these sad cases, it’s likely that there’s far more going on than just pressure from the school.</p>
- but that would happen in any of these top BS not just Exeter. For a kid who is not into clothes or social status- the college like feel is just right for him. I sometimes worry about the kids who don’t fit the mold in the small schools. At one school we visited all the students we saw seemed to be blonde, beautiful, sporty and preppy. (I know I cannot extrapolate that to every student at that school, but neither should people think that a few unhappy looking kids at Exeter represent the whole student body.) At Exeter it’s big enough that it is easier for students to find people to bond with, even if they are not preppy, sporty, popular ect…, there will be someone else like them around.</p>