Phillips Exeter under-heard

Prep School Admissions
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<p>Disclaimer: Phillips Exeter is an amazing school, and this thread is not to say anything bad or disrespectful about the school, but to talk about why you chose not to attend</p>

<p>Alright this thread is for everyone on CC who got accepted or wailisted and chose not to attend, i know alot of people on this forum were talking and saying that they really liked Exeter but it just felt to big for them and that they felt being too big of a school that it wouldnt feel like home and that they wouldnt me “heard” and feel apart of it, or they thought they might get “lost in the crowed”. I applied last year and got waitlisted but i never chose to persue it because i felt that it was such a big school that i wouldnt make much of an impact on campus. feel feel to say storys and such about why you chose not to attend. i felt that my voice wouldnt get heard on campus</p>

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<p>My d felt like it was a small university of chicago, we live 2 miles from that campus. My d has spent time in programs on the campus, as I have and my mother.</p>

<p>It wasnt so much we didnt like it as much as we thought other places were a better fit to the experiences we wanted her to have. I felt she would have done well academically, and they agreed, which is why they offered her a place, but high school is more than the academics. It is the friends, relationships, the sense of community that make high school the experience it should be. </p>

<p>In the end we chose a school with excellent academics, but much smaller student body, sit down meals with adults, not so stressed student body, formal dress and really happy kids.</p>

<p>Many people don’t believe that we decided to attend elsewhere, and turn down Exeter. I agree Exeter is wonderful, we applied and it surely wasnt as a safety school.</p>

<p>My daughter will be a 2nd year student at Deerfield Academy in the fall.</p>

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<p>When i picked my schools i wanted to have a strong academic program, but i also wanted to be apart of a school where i could make an impact on campus and where i could feel apart of it, i wanted to go to a schools that could all come together together. bigger schools like exter and andover for example are too big so the whole school can never come together as a whole</p>

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<p>i’m a senior at exeter, so obviously, i love and adore it.</p>

<p>but i will say that you start to get a bit jaded around upper year. the work gets hard, and being sixteen or seventeen is hard in general. i’ve gotten over it and am back to loving and adoring it and being terrified at the thought that i have to leave in just a little over a month.</p>

<p>also, to address anybody who may read this and think that Alexz825Mom knows anything about exeter: she does not. you will never meet more amazing people than at exeter. high school <em>is</em> about the friends and the experiences. the thing i most cherish about my exeter experience has nothing to do with academics. i’m better prepared than any other high school student in the world for college and life, but so what. i love my friends like family. they are the most incredible people i have ever met, and i can’t imagine how i would have done any growing up or real learning without them to love and support me. exeter is the whole package.</p>

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<p>Yeah i heard the kids that attend Exeter are amazing and have great personalities, i know Exeter students are known to be quite “modest”. One of the biggest things though that turned me off Exeter was the viewbook.</p>

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<p>@Cathy</p>

<p>I respect your view as a current student but you need to also respect mine as a parent of a 14 yr old.</p>

<p>True, I don’t know everything about exeter but that is not what this tread is about, read the OP. </p>

<p>My reference is truly about MY DAUGHTER ONLY and why we did not select Exeter, it is surely not a put down of your school or your experience while you are there. I truly believe that Exeter is great, but just not the best fit for my kid. I wonder did you review my older post and get a feel for my family profile, I don’t think so. Did you pm me to ask me about why comments, no you did not.</p>

<p>Exeter is a whole package to you, and I am a parent who is happy for you, but it doesnt make it the right place or package for everyone else.</p>

<p>Don’t be so quick to defend when no one is attacking.</p>

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<p>Come on! You’re not judging the school by it’s viewbook, aren’t you?</p>

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<p>@Cathy,</p>

<p>I’m an alum. My daughter did a summer there (and chose a different school for the regular year).</p>

<p>I think your comment to Alexzmom was off base and if anything, serves to make her point. A careful reading of her post would show she did what this post asked - to explain why a specific student chose a specific school.</p>

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<p>For the record, I interview for them and when my daughter was making the rounds at different schools I had an opportunity to talk to some of those students about why they chose “such and such” school over Exeter. I was surprised at the number of students who didn’t. When my daughter ran into former summer school classmates, they all talked of two students who sent emails telling the others “don’t come here.”</p>

<p>I’ve been fond of saying people love Exeter or hate it - with little middle ground. And I know what stress students are under there. Having said that, I loved Exeter and so did another family member - but it’s not for everyone.</p>

<p>I think you’ve done a better job than I could ever have, at demonstrating why some people are getting a bad vibe from their time there. You didn’t serve the school very well just now. Most seniors I know would have been more polite in their response rather than attack a parent for expressing a valid point of view. For the record, I’ve been honored to make Alexzmom’s acquaintance, and I think you owe her an apology.</p>

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<p>Cathy,
I applaud your enthusiasm for your school. My daughter feels the same way about hers. But I would take exception to your statement that "</p>

<p>"i’m better prepared than any other high school student in the world for college and life, but so what. "</p>

<p>I’ll give you college. No doubt Exeter sets the bar on college readiness. But life? Boarding school is 4 years inside of a bubble. A rather nice one at that. It will prepare you to be independent from your parents, and will give you a better understanding of communal living. I guess it is how you define “life”. My bet is a kid in a public school, doing well academically, playing sports and working part time (lots of kids I know fit this description), is probably better prepared for “life”. Now, if you are talking about the doors that may open as a result of being an Exeter grad; wellthen, that is different. But somehow, I didn’t think you meant that.</p>

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<p>I agree on the point that one is likely to either like or hate Exeter. To throw in a “positive spin”, Exeter experience is unique and valueable. It is also a “high risk high return” business. All can’t come out of it as “winners” yet most admitted are so driven to be winners. Exeter the name means something - not necessarily a synonym of prestige but a reliable indicator of having received (or having been tested by) the most rigorous high school training. Now, not everyone who has had rigorous academic training will be successful in life - not according to the “standards” of this world anyway, but that experience itself is enough to give one a much broader vision at a young age and they can always proudly say I have had something best out there. It’s the next best thing to Harvard (and maybe Andover too - just kidding) - “You went to Harvard? Well, I went to Exeter.” ;)</p>

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<p>So true about the love/hate reaction!! Exeter was the second to last school we visited and I can remember my son turning to me 3/4 through the tour to tell me that it wasn’t the place for him and to ask whether it would be rude to bag out on the interview. When we got back to the admission’s office the secretary, who could not have been nicer, tried to cajole us a little bit to stay, but we said we’d be wasting everyone’s time. With a huge thank you to Exeter, we headed out. It’s a truly great school in so many ways, but it’s also a really strong flavor and not for everyone.</p>

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<p>Sorry to get off the OP’s topic, but I have a question: it is widely acknowledged that Andover and Exeter are very similar in many aspects, but why is it that Exeter is a “love it or hate it” school while Andover is much less so, at least as it seems to the posters of this board?</p>

<p>I’ve been researching actively on admission, but since I’m international, I’m not able to tour the schools and feel the overall vibes of the campuses.</p>

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<p>I think to a certain degree any “hard” school would have a “hate or love” effect. I know things that contribute to that effect could include across-the-board smart, driven and competitive student body, teachers with high expectations from students and maybe some other factors. Exeter just seems to be more so than others. I too wnder why. Is it more demanding academically? Are the students there naturally more competitive? Somehow Exeter has gained itself that reputation. Is it really that “bad”?</p>

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<p>I don’t think bad is the word, different is more of what I see. Some people, adults or kids enjoy, thrive in the high world of competition. I surely don’t and honestly I have worked hard to teach my d to be competitive with the material not the other students. I believe stress can sometimes work but don’t believe living like that all the time is something that for me or my d or for long time success. Granted I am only a teacher, not a wall street moneymaker so I could have this all wrong.</p>

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<p>I sometimes wonder if schools like Exeter (and I know Andover and Hotchkiss are HARD too) are proud of that reputation. Granted, a certain amount of stress is often part of a highly productive life, but are they pushing it too far? These are incredibly smart and motivated kids but they are still kids. Are the school/teachers making their lives harder than necessary? Is it working as well as they expect? Do the outside world especially colleges buy the idea that students from these schools have been tested and are better prepared for colleges?</p>

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<p>ExieMITAlum, don’t know how much things have changed since your days at Exeter, but any comments to my above post?</p>

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<p>I guess I chose another school over Exeter because of the social environment. I believed that, during my revisits, Exeter was very competitive, whereas the school I will be attending was extremely warm, friendly, and close-knit. There are also all types of fantastic opportunities and established traditions at the school I chose, and I don’t think I have compromised my education at all by selecting it.</p>

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<p>5SchoolApplicant, what did you see during your Exeter revisit that said to you it was too competitive for you? Thacherparent said that his son decided it was not for him in the middle of a tour at the initial visit. I wonder what he saw or heard.</p>

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<p>Sorry about that - out of town on business and little time to check internet.</p>

<p>Benley - I got the same feeling while I was there with my daughter. Funny - boarding school is like childbirth - after the kid you remember only the good things, not the painful process of getting them into the world.</p>

<p>I loved Exeter. I liked the competitive nature and the rigor. It was also a perfect choice for one of my sisters, but would have been a disaster for my other sister who attended a local private school instead. The latter sister, for instance, would have thrived at Governor’s which is rigorous but is not as aggressive in it’s competitiveness (except, perhaps, for sports).</p>

<p>Is the “rep” encouraged? I don’t know. I don’t think it works that way. I just think it’s grown organically over the years and because they have their “pick” of students they tend to gravitate to “like personalities.” That’s not to say every student is aggressive, or competitive, or an egg-head with a singular focus. It’s still pretty diverse. But it is like going to college early. The classes were very hard so I had to push myself a lot. When I was there I had extremely affectionate nurturing teachers, and I had some who were fixed in their way and didn’t have a single empathetic bone in their body and everything in between. You’ll find the same at EVERY school you attend, though.</p>

<p>Looking back on the experience there were things I didn’t like about the school or made me uncomfortable, but not enough to dissuade someone else, or to transfer myself. There were just too many things I did like to make the irritants important (they were still adjusting to having girls, the alum were still mad about it, and diversity back then was kind of low). But I did see a lot of rich students who were pushed there (stuck there) by parents. Exeter was my choice, my parents would have preferred I stay home. For many kids it’s an adult’s choice and we called those kids “warehoused.” You know Get a good Phillips education and then slot into the queue for an IVY whether you want to go or not mentality. Legacies had it worse and I used to hear a lot of tears during midnight calls home. That’s why I so felt for the student “Tuesday” on another thread whose parents were forcing unwise course choices and would make her school experience miserable. It’s hard enough without external pressure to perform.</p>

<p>Which is why “fit” is a big issue. I’m friends with an Adcom who tried to hint my daughter would thrive better at a different school based on her personality and interests. I wasn’t listening-- perhaps my ego in the way – but she figured it out early and sat me down for lunch and told me that they’d fallen to the bottom of the list. She loved St. Pauls, but to tell you the truth, her exposure was limited to the tour and I was feeling the same thing - not a fit. In contrast we had a great time at Taft and I saw her light up and I saw the teachers react the same way. My husband felt the same “vibe” when he went back with her for the revisit. It was his first time on the campus and he was blown away. Even I joked I wanted a “do-over.”</p>

<p>But we felt the same way at Governor’s, although to a lesser extent. We knew she’d be happy and thrive there. But she wanted more of the edge that Taft provided.</p>

<p>Exeter is amazing. It’s just not for everyone. It can be a bit “staid” when it wants to be. In contrast, at Taft and Governor’s we were treated like family from the start, no one worried about other parents watching when we laughed and joked while my daughter interviewed, and I was able to see how faculty interacted with each other on “coffee runs.” Like family. And I felt like I was family too. </p>

<p>Which is why I’m so glad for my daughter to have had choices and more knowledge then when I was a kid who got “plucked” out of my public school.</p>

<p>Exeter will be fine for the students who choose to attend. A phenomenal, transformative experience. Would do it again in a heartbeat because I did have fun. But perhaps it’s because I roll better when there’s edge and I’m out of my comfort zone.</p>

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<p>Thanks Exie for the long post. So relating back to my questions, is it safe to say that you think Exeter is “good as is” for the right kids, and that it is a natural tendency that the students are more competitive (and it sounds like you don’t think it’s OVERLY competitive) rather than the school is pushing for it? Do you think Exeter’s academic rigor and the reputation of it serve its graduates well? Do the outside world (where BS has ever been heard of) - colleges in particularly recognize Exeter’s experince is - as you put it - “A phenomenal, transformative experience”?</p>