Piano vs Basketball

Parents Forum
1

Son has had 3x extra curricular activities he’s been involved in over the past years:

Boy Scouts
Basketball
Piano (quit about 2 years ago)

Boy Scouts OK. He’s on good track of becoming Eagle Scout by 16 or so and likes it.

Plays basketball for school team and AAU clubs. OK player but not outstanding. Always been a “6th man” on team. Can make middle school team but chances of making varsity team by High School is 50/50 at best. He likes athletics a lot but his physical genetics (slim frame, average height) makes it hard for him to excel w/o a lot of work.

Played piano for 5 or so years from high level teachers but quit during end of 5th grade. Got sick of practicing 1-2 hours a day, lost interest in music and liked athletics more. Last MTAC test he took was Grade 6 and passed with honors. Recently talked to him about going back to piano to have chance to pass level 10 test. He could conceivably take the level 8 test next if not worried about passing with honors,etc. He was open to it as long as work was less intense (i.e. practice <45 min a day, no competitions, etc). I told him he would have to practice a lot more closer to test time but he’s OK with that.

Anyway,

What choice would make more sense to you:

A) Put all efforts into basketball (private coach, gym, AAU club, etc) to try to get him varsity level by High School.

or

B) Let him play basketball/sports for school (no AAU, private coaches, etc) and take piano lessons mainly to pass MTAC tests. We’ve read passing MTAC level 10 is nice for college resume but not a game changer unless you are state champ in piano, etc.

My wife and I worry that he’s getting into the habit of starting and stopping extra-curricular activities. Like most kids, he shows interest in a lot of different activities but can easily get distracted with too much work. He was involved with a lot of things during 6th grade and it ended up over extending himself and it hurt his grades. He’s currently just playing school sports now but basketball season is coming up.

Any suggestions or ideas are welcome.

2

Let his heart decide.

By the way, those piano tests do not make sense in terms of music learning and appreciation. My piano son sort of plays piano into an Ivy school without doing any of those tests.

In general, competitive colleges would care less about piano tests. Not-so-competitive schools do not need them to get in as long as one has reasonable stats.

3

My d did not do any sports but played the piano ( as one of her main ECs) and got into 3 top 20 schools. It is the
depth of the EC that counts, not just becoming a national/state champ. For example, my D never became a state champ or do any of the MTAC as you mentioned, but joined all local competitions she can find ( won a few), took music theory ( and AP the year after) , joined the orchestra/band, volunteered to accompany at school masses, volunteered at local nursing homes to play the piano, and did summer programs to improve her piano ( in other words, she showed passion for piano which extended to sharing this talent to the community) . She did the same for her only other major EC ( public speaking/writing) — meaning pursue all meaningful activities she can find both in school and in the community(competitions/volunteering/seminars/leadership positions).

4

I have zero experience with either basketball or piano.

However I do have three kids. Two are college graduates, one is in college and is playing a sport at her D3 college. All three were involved in both high school sports and music (sax, clarinet and guitar).

The most important thing your son can do, and that you should be fully invested in, is ensuring he does the best he can in school. Get good grades in challenging classes. Get tutoring if and when needed. Make that a priority.

Everything else is gravy.

That doesn’t mean he should study every minute and kill himself for straight A’s. It means he should be putting forth his best efforts in school, and find some other things he enjoys doing outside of school. It does not matter if he plays basketball in his (for example) church league or as a varsity high school sport if he enjoys it. Maybe he’ll want to help coach some younger kids in the church league. Maybe he’ll want to get certified as a ref. At any level a sport can bring satisfaction.

I can’t imagine anything more enjoyable than playing piano if that is a something he enjoys. It offers so many opportunities to get involved in school groups, in school bands, or in casual bands. I can’t imagine anything worse than being forced to practice any instrument for an hour or two a day if I didn’t really want to.

All three of my kids have continued to participate in sports at one level or another all of their lives (so far). Two of the three have continued to be involved in music in college and beyond. One ended up with a music minor. The two college graduates participated in club level sports in college, and have continued to participate as adults. Sports and music have given them lifetime hobbies.

But what ultimately got them into their colleges? They would all tell you it was mostly their grades and test scores. The sports and music helped make them well rounded, but honestly they were not admitted based on any of those activities. Even the D3 athlete was admitted based mostly on grades and test scores.

If you were writing about a kid who was well on his way to playing at a D1 school, or who wanted to major in music, my answer would be irrelevant. But it sounds like you have a nice, normal, slightly unfocused middle school aged kid - one very similar to all three of my own at that age. Let him be a little unfocused and let him try things and drop things. If you can’t do that in middle school, when can you?

5

Lots of kids play the piano. Since he is thin have him take up golf. If he gets decent that can be impressive. It is also something he can do for the rest of his life.

6

My daughter had 13 years of piano lessons (k-12) - never took a single music test (I had to goggle mtac when I read this post because I had never heard of it) - played for enjoyment (stopped even doing recitals at some point because of stage fright) - she played (and sang) for fun- not to get into college - not even to be a performer. Practiced most days (never an hour move like 20-30 minutes). Your son quit piano for a reason - either he was tired of the hours of practice - turning something he liked into a chore - or else it wasn’t something that he liked doing. Don’t force him to go back.

Let him play basketball if he thinks it is fun - not so he can earn a varsity letter and/or put it on his college application. or let him pick a different sport in HS that is less competitive so he can get playing time and enjoy it, or let him find some other interesting new club or activity that his HS offers and try it out (High schools have lots of ec’s that don’t exist at lower levels - academic and athletic and artistic)

7

Unless the student wants to get into a school through a music audition or be a recruited athlete, then those things are just good ECs. I think every student should participate in music and sports and art and scouting, but not doing one is not going to doom you in college admissions. Doing them is not going to make you a sure thing either. EC’s are a nod, a nudge, a plus, a picture of who the student is outside the classroom. They aren’t going to get a school to take a 3.2/29ACT student over a 3.8/32. I don’t think the admissions office is going to spend a lot of time worrying about whether the activity was basketball or piano, they just want to see an interesting student.

Do each activity for the experience it gives you as a middle school or high school student. There are leadership opportunities, team player benefits, scholar athletes, all American honors. For music there are similar ways to show dedication to the activity, community service of playing for children or seniors, playing at church, achieving the various levels you mentioned.

For basketball, there will always be club teams or intramurals or even just a bunch of kids in the driveway looking for another guy to play. For music, there will always be a piano in the lounge or at a party that someone would love him to play. He should do the activities he likes.

8

Neither varsity basketball (since he won’t be a recruited athlete) or piano will get your S into a college that he is not otherwise qualified to attend. They are both fine. Let him do whichever he wants or if he prefers he can pursue both of them at a less intense level. He is in middle school and IMO you should not gear his activities towards what will help him get into college – let him do things he enjoys and see where it goes.

9

Scouting is the best of the EC’s. It encompasses a lot of community service.

10

Stop attempting to manage your kid’s activities with an eye to college admissions. Let him be a kid and enjoy his activities. There will be plenty of time for him to explore things in HS- and different opportunities than in middle school.

My son became a runner in HS- a huge group and he enjoyed it. There are other sports that may grab his interest- to be done in the interest of fun and physical activity. Likewise music is for enjoyment.

Be sure academics come first. His best chances for top schools within his ability range are dependent on getting good grades first. He needs a solid foundation in skills and knowledge base to be able to handle college work. But he also needs to have a good childhood. I do not see forcing extra coaching et al as beneficial. Definitely give up the thoughts of forcing more piano time. It is fine to do an activity even if one is not stellar at it. It is also fine to not do an activity one is good at.

11

Why can’t he do sports and music? He doesn’t have to be a superstar at either one if he likes them both.

We have resisted having our kids groomed specifically for college. We let them participate in what they liked, at the level they could. Oldest was a varsity athlete in 4 sports. He dropped his instrument after freshman year. He was rejected at the very top schools he applied to but wound up graduating from Case Western and is currently working at a large bank.

Middle was a very involved musician (piano and percussion) and also played lacrosse. He was not a superstar athlete but he liked lacrosse. He did not do travel lacrosse or private coaching. He did take private piano lessons and drum set lessons. He wound up at Belmont University (not a CC favorite) which has a very very competitive music department.

Youngest is involved in Model UN, Literary Magazine and plays lacrosse. He dropped football after his sophomore year so that he could do Model UN. We don’t know how well he will do in college admissions but I don’t think it makes sense to force a child to do what some unknown person may or may not think is impressive for college admissions. He will go to school somewhere. If it is a school below the top 20 then so be it.

Let your child do what he wants to do.

12

@Proudpatriot The OP said the kid wants to quit piano. OP is wondering if he should force/cajole kid to remaining in it, pass some performance tests – all in order to boost his credentials for college. Thus, I think you’d agree that OP is being too pushy. That’s what I believe 100%.

13

Yes I think the OP is too pushy. I am not a big fan of forcing kids to do activities just because some unknown adcom might be impressed with them. Lots of kids get into great schools without having their parents make them crazy for all of their high school years.

14

No idea on what level one becomes a super-star pianist to impress college admins. I’d encourage your kid to keep playing (nominally) because of the opportunities brought on by piano, as other have said.

my daughter has played piano (NOT competitively) but for fun through the years. It’s neat to see the opportunities brought on by it: she played keyboards in a HS band; then was asked to play in a band at church (1000s attend); she’s played entertaining & funny songs at HS talent shows; she plays on street corners where there’s pianos, and she played at a math contest randomly – All to applause. Last month in college she was eyeing a grand piano at a donor event & started playing and received lots of applause from the admin/adults.

This is an EC that she loves; and she loves the applause! She listed it as an EC on her college resume, but I don’t think it has much to do with her getting in to college or helping pay for college. That was all grades/test scores!!

15

Is your son still in middle school? He quite piano in 5th grade so that would not show up as an activity he quit. No amount of coaching will get a kid that is destined to be 5’9" on a HS basketball team if the other kids are just as good and over 6’ tall. As you know, the small team size makes basketball one of the toughest sports to be on varsity. But if he wants to play, he should just play.

If he wants to go back to piano he should, on his own terms. No need to tests to show his commitment. Eagle scout and x years of piano, along with perhaps taking a leadership role in some HS clubs is fine. Perhaps he will become a leader somewhere unexpected. There are lots of opportunities in HS.

16

Sample of two. My two kids. They both took two Instriment lessons all the way through HS, and one was piano. The both did a sport. Neither was an all star, but both participated on ONE sport per year.

My kids didn’t do scouts, but both were in a very competitive and busy children’s choir, and played in precollege orchestra and wind ensemble…which I am sure took as much of their time as Eagle Scout work.

Why can’t your kid continent all of these? Although really…it sounds like he doesn’t WANT to do piano!

Why do you care about these piano tests? Kid should be taking the instrument to learn how to play…and also how to play music he likes. Those tests are not really worthwhile. Let your KID decide if he wants to resume piano. Perhaps he would like a less competitive teacher who might let him play popular music, jazz or ragtime.

For the sport…perhaps he should do a school based sport and not AAU (which generally takes a lot more time and involves a lot more travel to far away places). It’s OK to not be a starter.

If he wants to resume piano, he should be able to do so. My kids found piano practice to be a good relaxation thing and would do it to break up studying/homework. My opinion…if you piano teacher is ONLY interested in these test scores, you might want to find a different teacher. Oh…and my kids did piano for,the fun. They practiced about 30-45 minutes most days. That was their limit. That was fine with me.

17

There is a part of me, OP, that wants to reach through the cyber world and put my hands on your shoulders, look you in the eye, and say STOP NOW! While I understand that the world feels like a place in which the only way to excel in things is to have started before the diapers came off, and that it seems like the college admissions process places a premium on external validation of achievement, there is only a tiny kernel of truth in that and then, only some of the time.

A huge part of growing up involves exploring activities and passions, developing relationships, and pursuing and abandoning goals. The sorts of things we’ll do for the rest of our lives! Your son will learn to discern for himself what he likes and why, and this is at the heart of figuring out how to be happy in life. What you can do is talk this through with him. He can understand that there are only so many hours in a day and that he’ll have to make choices, and he can learn that decisions have consequences – often ones that we won’t know for a long time. You can help him articulate those decisions.

If your son is loving basketball, let him play for the sake of playing. You can offer for him to get additional coaching, either through summer camps, a coach, whatever, if that’s what he wants. But he may simply enjoy the game at the level he’s playing it now, and why spoil that? If he doesn’t want to play the piano, why make him? But you can ask him whether he’d like to play another instrument, or play with a group, or something else. I DO think it’s fair to ask that if he makes a commitment to something that he stick with it for the season or some other period of time to give it a fair chance and to be responsible to teammates.

I understand that as a parent, you want as many doors to be open to your son as possible, and realistically, it can be harder to get involved with new activities in high school. But helping your child build a resume that isn’t the one he wants doesn’t help either. You are clearly caring, so talk with him (regularly) about what matters to him and how he’s making his life reflect that. He’ll be far more likely to be able to know what he wants from college and what he has to offer them when the time comes. And it will happen fast, so make the most of your time together!

18

I played varsity football and basketball in school. If your son wants to be a better basketball player the best thing he can do at a young age is play against people who are better than him. Playing AAU is fine but I would not get a private coach. The most important thing in sports is having the confidence that you will succeed. The only way you can get that confidence is by playing your equals are players who are better than you. Being the 6th man in middle school is actually a great start. Let him choose what he wants to do and support whatever choices he make. My son was given the opportunity to play college football but was burned out from the sport. I could have saved some money but I supported his decision. In college… sports is a job not a hobby.

19

Also keep in mind that your S is young and that kid’s activities and interests evolve and change over time. For example my D was a competitive gymnast for years – then towards the end of middle schools her longtime coach moved out of the area. At the same time that she recognized she had peaked in terms of her abilities in the sport and her academics were ramping up. So after years of gymnastics being her main activity she stopped serious training. As it turns her “activity vacuum” filled out quickly and brought a host of new and exciting things into her life-- she got very involved in a community service organization, started doing some theater, became editor of a literary journal, got more serious about her music, and did a club sport. Her interests changed and evolved over time and it all worked out just fine. Give your son some time and space to mature and to figure out on his own what he wants to do.

20

OP- it seems unanimous that you need to stop trying so hard with your child’s activities. Many different voices all saying basically the same thing. Don’t worry about it- things will work out and your child will enjoy childhood. Over the next very few years you will see your child grow and mature to take charge of more and more. YOU will not be making the decisions about how to spend his time!