@kiddie Testing is definitely not a problem here in NYC, but I would suggest purchasing some at-home tests that guarantee results in x days if it’s the case in your area. We’ve done that before and it’s been good experience.
Agreed. We have a place that tests that allows you to book an appointment 30 days out (online). I plan to schedule it then.
@thumper1 I responded to a post that mentioned Nov-April. So much more than just Thanksgiving or Christmas. I try to get my dad (who is in his upper 80s) out as much as I can. But my mom (who is no longer with us) got cold when it was 90 degrees out. So that is not an option for everyone.
In terms of Thanksgiving/Christmas, there is a sliding scale of comfort. Different people have different comfort levels (as we see on this board and elsewhere every day). You can have people get tested but that isn’t 100% safe. People may have been previously exposed but there isn’t enough virus build up to test positive. You can get exposed after the test. More safe that no test at all. But ultimately, staying within the members of your household for the holidays will be the most safe bet. I expect a lot of people will go beyond that though. And I expect that people who have isolated themselves since March with no outside visitors, food delivered, etc. will be much less likely to have anything beyond dinner at home with household members than someone who has gone to work every day throughout.
My niece, who is getting a ton of shade from my brother about not getting together for Thanksgiving, shared this article with me as she knows I’m getting the same from him and my mother in a passive-aggressive way:
https://www.vice.com/en/article/bvxg53/should-i-go-home-for-holidays-covid-2020
In case the link isn’t allowed, the takeaway is:
Hard as it is, we have informed our families that we love them and will celebrate the holidays with them in the future when it is safe to do so. The real difficulty, of course, is encouraging everyone to respect everyone’s else’s definition of “safe” and not conflate a respect for science with a lack of love and commitment to the family.
When our kids were growing up, multiple birthdays and holidays were disrupted by illness, surgery, moves and H’s work demands. We adapted and made the best of things. Back when long distance phone calls were expensive, we splurged on calls to relatives during the holidays since we could rarely travel to see them. We feel so lucky now to have Skype calls and cell phone video chats.
The few times we did travel, at least one kid came home sick because some relative(s) just had to come despite being contagious. I’d be concerned that same might happen now.
My parents live an hour and a half drive away and Thanksgiving is the big holiday where we all come together at their house. They know it is not happening this year. We are in Southern California and even if the weather is nice it would not be good having more than 20 people sharing food even outside. My brother and SIL live close to my parents so they will see them for the holiday since they all are in a bubble together with my brother’s 3 little kids (none are attending in person school).
We will have both Ds at our home along with D1’s bf. That will be all for us this Thanksgiving.
We normally host Thanksgiving dinner (late afternoon) in our backyard (with heaters as needed) every year for a few close family friends and their kids (about 16 of us). If the weather is good, I expect the same this year. If there is rain in the forecast, we will probably cancel as we don’t want to have that many people inside our house.
For the Xmas holidays we normally travel to Long Island (NY) to be with my wife’s extended family but that is not happening this year. Instead, we may drive to the Palm Springs area and stay in an Airbnb or resort villa with kitchen so we don’t have to go out often for meals. Going to be a strange and different holiday season!
I agree that pepole should respect everyone else’s definition of “safe.” And I wouldn’t say to anyone that the lack love/commitment to family if they are not willing to get together with family. But I also wouldn’t say necessarily that someone who is willing doesn’t respect science.
Son will be on his own but his main interest in Thanksgiving has been the wonderful buffets we’ve gone to over the years. That’s sort of a family tradition, often as part of a small vacation. He doesn’t really care about home cooked Thanksgiving meals, although we’ve hosted for our small family. So I guess he will get a take out meal, most likely from his upscale local market. We will likely virtually eat together.
Husband and I will be on our own too. I would like to get take out but suspect husband will insist we do a home cooked meal. He does like to cook and plans and executes his dishes; I like cooking but am tired of prep and clean up. I need a sous chef!
No parents left so no issues there. Brother and wife are 2000 miles away and he has serious immunity issues so we wouldn’t see him either anyway. Niece lives within driving distance of them and may isolate in order to go home to be with them (she’s done that a few times already since both brother and wife have had surgery during the pandemic). Nephew is in his Brooklyn apartment with his girlfriend and they are foodies so will likely cook. We’re PT time zone, brother is CT, and nephew is ET so a Zoom meal would likely not work out.
I will probably try for sending son eight presents for Chanukah, especially if I can find things he can use in his new apartment. We will virtually light the menorah together but I can’t figure out a way to send him my latkes. We’ve always had a small Chanukah party either with family or friends. This will be the least number of latkes I’ve made in ages!
I understand this is true. But sadly, this is why we may not be able to see everyone. We cannot risk the at-risk folk, even though it means we can’t see people we ordinarily would. My brother is going to try to do WFH the weeks before, but if he can’t, then he can’t come. This is not me being mean; this is me protecting my pregnant daughter. It’s sad but it is just how it is this year. My sister actually said that maybe she shouldn’t come either (even though she can quarantine) to make him feel better. This was sweet on her part, but not necessary. Her not being there doesn’t help him. And she is SO isolated that I think she needs this.
None of this is okay. But this is where we are.
In general, I would agree but, in my family, which is who I was referring to, they are willing specifically because they don’t believe the science.
Haha this reminds me of a TG many years ago hosted by SIL. Monday morning after TG I was on a plane, traveling with a customer for a week-long trip to a few cities. Sitting on the tarmac I realized I was sick, and I spent the week throwing up in hotel rooms. Others who were there also got sick. We questioned SIL who said, yes the baby was sick, but she didn’t want to tell anyone because she was afraid that no one would come to TG. True story.
What @Silpat says about previous holiday-spread illnesses also concerns me. So many times when one person in a family was showing signs of illness and didn’t want to change plans at the last minute, because that seems so rude, or didn’t know it was really strep throat and not just a little allergy-related sore throat until they were already at grandma’s house, or didn’t show any signs at all until right after dinner with everyone, etc. Our family always used to try to be careful because of elderly grandma and grandpa as well as children and adults with asthma…and yet year after year, holiday get-togethers led to illness. I would hope that this year there will be fewer “ordinary” illnesses because we will have been out and about less, but I wouldn’t count on it. And that history makes me quite anxious about having holiday dinners this year!
DD had a friend sick with flu-like symptoms, kipped work due to being ill, tested negative twice. Ten days later was hospitalized with shortness of breath and other Covid symptoms. Now is positive, but was negative when quite ill. It’s a medical professional so it’s not like their was confusion or misunderstanding about any of it.
As @saillakeerie said, many things can happen between the moment of testing negative and later getting it. I think testing is great, but it can be a panacea for the worries about covid, falsely so.
Not that people should not choose to get together, carefully, everyone has to do what they feel is right and we all should assume that everyone else’s “careful” is not careful enough and make our decisions accordingly.
We have been avoiding this topic a bit in my family. Thanksgiving is usually my sisters family, my family and my parents, usually at my sister me house. This year my D will be flying home from school a couple of days before Thanksgiving. She’ll test before she comes because they test weekly at school but we don’t think it’s a good idea to have her around my 90 year old parents (dad was hospitalized with heart failure a couple months ago) shortly after traveling. In addition, we are having issues with my sister who is “over covid” and is basically living life as normal. She has my parents convinced they are in a bubble together but I have to continually remind my mother it’s not a bubble if my sister is having parties, vacationing, and going out with friends all the time to eat and drink. ‘Course I’m the one that looks like a jerk because I don’t see my parents much.
I think I posted earlier…We have rented a house for a week for xmas. It will be both of my kids with their SOs and my mother. We all agreed to be very careful 10 days before hand and then get tested 3 days before we are to get together. We all understand testing is not always 100% accurate, but we feel it is worth the risk.
For Thanksgiving, my kids are going to try to get together with their Dad (he may have a trip before Thanksgiving) and I am to spend it with my mom. I am going to see them the Sat after Thanksgiving.
Wow, @PrdMomto1 --what exactly does she think a bubble is???
What my heart wants to do and what my head says to do are entirely different things.
I have hosted Thanksgiving for the past 25+ years for 20-30 family members; numbers shifted as we have a few that only came to us every other year, or when others didn’t come home from college. Both my husband’s immediate family and mine all live in our same city, except for my children and their families.
My son wants us to come to him this year as he lives half way between us and my daughter; my daughter would also come. At first we were excited to do so as I knew I wouldn’t be able to host the crowd this year. We said we would go depending on how everything looked at the time neared. My son, husband and I all work in clinics are hospitals; no work with COVID patients knowingly. My two grand daughters (16 months and just turned 20 both go to daycare; their class size, and school are very small, but they are exposed to the other kids.
One minute I think we are driving there, and the next I am thinking there is no way. All 6 adults and two kids will be staying in the same house for 4 nights. I know my kids have been very careful, but we are adding being together without masks. The kids are so excited to have us come and be with them and the little ones, I just don’t know if it is smart. If we go and no one gets sick, it was a great idea; if someone gets sick, we will all be devastated.
For several decades I’ve hosted Thanksgiving for our local extended family - 20 or so of us. This year it will be our immediate family only. The larger group has agreed to a zoom call over pie! We’re all trying to adjust in an effort to keep everyone safe and healthy.