There is such disconnect between the people here and the people I talk to in my offline life, that it seems that we are on 2 different planets.
The thing about tests is that you can have a negative result, but have been exposed to C19 and not yet have reacted enough to test positive. I can be exposed Monday, test negative Tuesday, go to the party Wednesday and have symptoms on the weekend.
Or test Monday, be exposed right after, get a negative test (what, 24 hours? 2-3-4-5 days later?) and be positive by the time I get the result.
My DD who works in medicine does test before coming to visit, but we also have a neighbor with a second home here and so DD stays in their home instead of mine, we still mask etc. Because the negative test just means at that time, on that day, nothing was showing, it does not mean she is still negative when she gets here.
We had my parents over for dinner last weekend (outside on our patio) for the first time in six months. They did go in the house to use the bathroom, but otherwise, we were outdoors. We are going to do a repeat of this for Rosh Hashana this Saturday (though, it is supposed to be significantly cooler, high only of about 60. Thankfully, we just purchased an outdoor heater, hope it does the trick). This is a big departure from our normal plans, where we all spend it at my MIL’s home, with about 30 other people.
As for the rest of the holidays…I don’t see things changing enough to feel comfortable forging ahead with more ambitious plans.
After 45 years of Thanksgiving at my parents house, the tradition fell apart last year as the last of the people outside of my my family and my brother to join have died or moved away. We had been talking about starting a new tradition this year at my house, with my parents and a few of our friends who are in a similar boat. Obviously, we’re not going ahead with that plan, but I will probably have just my parents here for an indoor meal.
This thread is so timely.
My mother passed away on Christmas Eve. My dad lives alone in another state. We used to gather at their house, that is what we have done for the last 20 plus years. “We” is me and sibs and spouses and kids. Pre Covid, we would have kept on doing that and I would have cooked/brought food, welcoming help from anybody who wanted to bring a dish.
Now? I don’t know. I don’t want my dad to be alone. This will be the first big holiday he will experience without my mom. I can handle the cooking, but not so sure about the rest. Who can drive in? Where will we stay? How will we reconcile the different Covid protocols between us all? My dad is probably the sloppiest. H and I are likely the strictest. Should I go get my dad and drive him here? Hold a smaller, satellite event? That seems reasonable, but it is a long drive, nine hours. My dad insists he wants to be alone. Ugh.
Part of me thinks we ought to embrace the Canadian Thanksgiving model and just hold it on a different date. We have done this before…
After reading this thread I sort of feel like I’d like to start a petition to ban all tv commercials etc. that are mushy and focus on the “all the family together around the fireplace” concept. I hate holiday commercials anyway but I think these are going to make a lot of people feel really sad/bad!!!
This thread has been helpful, at least as far as reading that my husband is not the only one who’s conflict adverse and has trouble saying no to relatives. We’re already in the doghouse, or at least I am, for declining an indoor birthday party invitation for our grandbaby that will include about a dozen guests. I do not look forward to conversations about the holidays.
And those inevitable commercials are going to increase the yearning and cajoling from relatives. “We’ve all been careful!” “Just this once!” “It would mean so much to your (fill-in-the-blank)!” “It’s been such an awful year, and we deserve this!”
Ugh. I’ll sign your petition!
The idea is you are supposed to be “very careful” after you have the test. If you continue to participate in risky activities then the test is pointless.
My brother got tested 5 days after he flew while staying at a hotel. After the test result came back negative then he moved back home.
My daughter’s MIL is a special ed teacher and she has been working through the pandemic. She gets tested every Friday and she gets the result Sat morning, so she could feel safe seeing her daughter and grandchild over the weekend.
I had said something in another thread awhile back about the concept of “being really careful.” A lot of people I see IRL or on FB use that phrase like they are referring to someone’s cooking not giving you food poisoning. Or thinking that you KNOW your extended families, i.e. they are not “slobs” or “dirty,” as if those traits have any connection to COVID.
The disconnect in many people is unbelievable. We have had numerous parents attending (virtually) school board meetings to urge them to open our K-12 schools or to allow school sports, because “our kids will be careful and respect the rules” nevermind the multitude of social media posts on the first day of (REMOTE) school, showing all the seniors gathering at friends’ houses to hold the annual senior tailgate on the first day of school. Really?? There is photographic evidence of your kids having a party, yet they will be “careful”?
While this piece of advice is a duh moment, it did make me realize that I may have declined offers to get together negatively. I was reading an article about gatherings, where it was suggested you speak to “I” and not “you.” Instead of say, “I will not attend because your family doesn’t wear mask, or goes out,” the correct reply would be, “I am not comfortable being with others that don’t live in my home at this time. Thank you so much for the offer; let’s plan to get together as soon as this is over.”
Such simple advice, which I was guilty of not following. My SIL called last week about Rosh Hashanah dinner Saturday; in the past I have replied about how her GD were out and about all the time and I would not be attending to expose myself to them. Now I just said, we still were not comfortable being with others at this time. She of course mentioned she wasn’t planning for social distancing, and dinner would be at the dining room table; to me that was a big FY, but I ignored her :neutral:
We have a number of patients who have told us they are going to big holiday gatherings this weekend. They are scheduled back in the office on Monday. Yes the staff and doctors are taking precautions in the office, but I have to say that it makes me very nervous.
@snowball wow to admit that social distancing was not part of the plan! I guess she’s being honest! I hope that tidbit was on the invitation!! 
I just booked a condo in Utah for 5 days before Christmas. The drive is 12 hours and we will just have to stop for gas once. We will pack our own food for the trip. Both Ds and D1’s bf will be coming with us. We plan to ski 3 days while there. We will do takeout or just cook all meals. We are not sure what the ski resorts will look like with Covid, but they should be open as long as there is snow. Being outside skiing and bundled up I don’t feel like it is too risky. We are just all excited to be doing something together.
My FIL is getting weaker and my BIL is dealing with it all. Normally, I’d go up to give BIL some respite and help with FIL’s impending move, but Covid. BIL totally understands, but I still feel guilty.
I posted this in another thread, I’ll re-post it here!
We have had the occasional family dinner where we all consume the same ‘menu’ via a Zoom gathering
We have some family local to us, and so the idea of a shared meal is made easier by one of us cooking and delivering the food to the others ahead of the shared meal.
For those further away, we just plan ahead and agree on a menu to be cooked by each family, or one of us arranges delivery to the other guests, of the same or similar food.
For us it works; we have done it for birthdays and various ‘holidays’ and it helps foster that sense of closeness and celebration
ShawWife is from Canada and her mother had open heart surgery and an unscheduling followup to put in a pacemaker a month and a half to two months ago, I’m guessing. Normally, ShawWife would have been up there to take care of MIL. But, Canada requires 14 day quarantine upon arrival. And real quarantine – people have to bring you food and no setting foot outside the location of the quarantine with a fine of $2 MM or up to 3 years of jail time for violating quarantine. ShawWife’s sister and son went up and did the quarantine. They send over police a couple of times a day to inspect.
So, we have opted not to go. ShawWife herself is at some risk. But, she really wants to go and every few days, she asks if I will go with her as it is a 12+ hour drive (much faster when I drive than when she does).
I guess it is a bit selfish but it would be a minimum of a month and we are really having a wonderful time in our new house and are supervising construction of the studio and planning the next phase of work. I have gigabit internet service, which is very helpful for my Zoom calls and Webinars. And the ducks would miss us. We started with three Muscovy ducks that have viewed our place as home since before we got there, but another three Muscovies have decided either that our place makes a good home for them or that we are patsies (we feed them). There are some Mallards that also try to visit, but they are messy and noisy so I’m not feeding them.
Now the real question: What is going to happen to socializing in the winter? Are we all going to go nuts except for the heavy-duty introverts and maybe some of the more Aspergers-y folks who don’t love being around people?
@shawbridge would her mom’s surgery be accepted as reason to cross the border? Or are you Canadian citizens? The latest news is the border is expected to be closed through November.
@shawbridge wanted to say that I’m really sorry about this for your wife. It must be so hard not to go
@shawbridge We have had some visits with a few close friends and family members outdoors and well distanced (It turns out to be good that we have a long oval table on the deck so guests can on the far side). I just purchased an outdoor heater for my patio in the hopes of extending the time we can be outdoors for as long as possible. (I have heard that a number of restaurants are doing that as well hoping to keep outdoor dining available as long as they can.) I know that it won’t help much in the heart of winter but if we can sit with people reasonably comfortably for an extra month or so outdoors that would be a win in my book.
Also sorry about your W and hope her mother will be OK. The inability to be with people, especially in times of need, is a particularly cruel part of this pandemic.