Our goal is to be alive and healthy to celebrate and gather together for the holidays next year.
The 80somethings in our life (aside from my mom with dementia) are acting the opposite- like they don’t expect to be around next year anyway, so keep doing what they want right now.
We’ve hosted H’s extended family Thanksgiving & Christmas Eve dinners for decades. Just announced yesterday that won’t be happening this year. I don’t expect any pushback, as most are older and have health issues.
I do feel a tad guilty that I’m relieved not to have the logistical challenge to host this eclectic and challenging group. It will just be our immediate family and much easier to coordinate.
Our family Thanksgiving is usually my H and I our three kids - 2 of who travel 2.5 hours to get to our house. From here we drive about 45 mins to my brother’s home with him, his wife, their 2 grown kids in the area, my 87 year old mom who lives in that town and sometimes my SIL’s brother who flies in. We are not even talking about what to do. I don’t feel like we need to make a decision now. For us who aren’t traveling far, how long does it take to put together dinner plans?
(I fully understand others have different situations which is why I"m pointing out ours)
Christmas is usually the same group + my brother/SIL and two kids from NYC. They may make a call early to not come - or they may wait it out. Either way I don’t think anyone will do anything alternatively besides just having our own family in our homes so I don’t think we’ll be making any calls on what to do for awhile.
That said I’ll bet my mom will either be asking soon “what will we do” or will not ask at all cause it will not dawn on her that we might NOT get together. So not avoiding the issue but so far don’t feel we need to make a call.
Wow so many stories on this thread like ours!
My H hates confrontation. Will do anything to avoid it. And his family has been getting together throughout the pandemic. They work at offices (out of choice), travel, host friends, shop in stores.
We have done none of that. And I keep telling H–does your family know that we won’t be with them? He isn’t fully answering so I’m dreading all of the hurt and excessive drama when I am the one to tell them we won’t be there.
Evidently the CDC has suggested 7 factors you should consider for holiday gatherings. Most of these we have discussed here. https://www.latimes.com/travel/story/2020-09-22/cdc-guidelines-2020-holidays-what-to-avoid?fbclid=IwAR2nE5s1nGYuIf2MVH97f3vZSDkCn_kBu6AF3KWMqY7-xku8AybUY4Hdb-g
I am at a loss this year. Every year we always meets with my husband’s five siblings and families, and his mom. We travel from different parts of the country to be near his mother, who is elderly, but still full of wit and life.
This year nobody wants to expose a 92 year old woman to Covid. But my husband is visiting his mother in the hospital right now, and she has Covid.
So does that mean if she survives, it’s fine to get together for Thanksgiving because it’s not a worry to expose her? Or maybe there’s just too many people and only a few of us should visit her. Or maybe we should call it off completely. Right now we’re taking it one day at a time, but I know she desperately wants to see her children. This has been very hard for her.
@busdriver11 i went to see my mom with just my husband because she needed to see us. I guess my preference is visit elderly relatives in small groups instead of one big one.
Because not just the 92 year old can get Covid. And getting it can have life long problems that I’m not willing to get or pass on to someone else
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@shawbridge , I’ve been discussing this with a few friends. If we were all going bonkers in March-April, hiw are we all going to be able to deal with this from Nov - April? 6 months! Plus, no going out to eat. It sort of makes me depressed.
I think a few of us that I know that try to be careful, may try an indoor get together , just 2 or 3 seated 8 ft, apart. But then I hear about aerosols. So maybe not a great idea.
What are those of us in cold weather going to do???
My FIL is in the hospital and my dear BIL is dealing with it all. Hoping FIL doesn’t get covid while he’s there, as he’s 86, and compromised in so many of ways seniors can be. If things head south, I don’t know if we will head to NJ – I shouldn’t, H wouldn’t want to. No good answers.
@CountingDown you have lots to consider. But at least NJ isn’t on anyone’s naughty list right now. And I think it depends where you are going in NJ as well.
I looked at those seven criteria, and really, with one kid trying to come from a current hotspot and the other working in health care, I doubt we will host dinner for others at all?
My MIL is 88. We saw her the last weekend of January. She is in Maine and due to their quarantine requirements early in the summer, we couldn’t travel there. I’m not going, but I did suggest to DH that he might want to make a weekend trip while the going there is good.
I saw my brother from CA this weekend. He asked me what we were doing for xmas. I told him that my family and my mother are renting a house outside of NYC for a week. He said his family would like to join us. He promised his family would get tested before they came. At first I thought it was ok, but when I told D1 she got quite upset. She is pregnant with her first child and her doctor had told her of not get together with too many people indoor, even if they are being “careful.” I have to respect her feeling and if it is a choice between her or my brother it would be her. When I told my brother that we wouldn’t be getting together with them, he got quite upset with me.
I actually asked my brother if he is really mad at us or is he more mad about Covid. I didn’t get an answer because he is not speaking with me.
I think the holiday season may need to be renamed family feud. Lot’s of arguing relatives who don’t agree on an appropriate way to spend the holidays this year and the meaning of the word “careful”.
Not family related, but office…at the end of each year (mid-December) we hold a 3 day event, flying in everyone in (53 employees total, nationwide), house and feed them. During the 3 days we hold symposiums, team building events, a year in review, and the last night we host a big dinner party. Last year was our 25th anniversary and our dinner party was on a yacht that sailed around the harbor with all the holiday lights, etc.
This year we need to do something different, so we’ve opted for sending “surprise” baskets that will be filled with wine, appetizers and desserts. We are hand crafting them for each person based on what we know about them (we’ve sent out “getting to know you” surveys). They will be shipped out to arrive a few days prior to the events. We are still doing the 3 days, but they will be done in smaller groups over zoom, and the “dinner” will be a wine/appetizer/dessert “party” in small groups (again, over zoom), and a final event will have everyone together on zoom.
We are so grateful that we did our big anniversary last holiday season, and yes, we are all disappointed that this year will be “sparse” compared to what/how we “normally” do things, but everyone is in agreement, and everyone is on board. our hope is that Dec 2021 will bring joy and our traditions can continue. I think everyone needs to be understanding and flexible this year. These are unique times.
I am going to go visit my parents in a couple of weeks when it will be cooler where they live and we can just sit outdoors to see each other. My mom already knows that she can’t have the regular Thanksgiving she is used to with 20 plus people indoors.
Our family of 5 (our Ds and D1’s bf) may just do a camping trip to Joshua Tree over Thanksgiving. We are going to talk about it on our camping trip this weekend.
We have booked an Airbnb for the week before Christmas in Utah to do some skiing. We can drive there in 12 hours from San Diego and will cook our own meals or do takeout. Christmas will just be the 4 of us since D1’s bf is going to go see his parents in CT for Christmas since it will be a year since he has seen them. He also hopes to see his grandparents (maybe only from afar) as they are both not doing well.
I really feel for all of you in cold climates as Covid continues to drag on through the fall/winter. We are fortunate to be able to be outdoors year round. I certainly don’t take it for granted especially during this time.
Looking for the “wow” button for @JustaMom post!!!
You are so lucky. I feel like we kind of found our Covid groove and figured out how to do things and see people safely this summer but as it is starting to cool off, I’m just filled with dread about what lies ahead. Normally I love fall in part because I look forward to things quieting down socially and getting to hunker down, guilt-free. This year, not so much.
The climate where I live is mild enough that we can be outdoors throughout much of the winter (as I learned years ago when I lived in rainy Oregon - there’s no bad weather, only bad clothing!) for things like walks and bike rides, but certainly not warm enough to enjoy an outdoor Thanksgiving dinner.
There are a lot of outdoor activities where I live in the winter (though most people effectively hibernate for 3-4 months). But eating outside isn’t one of them. You may be an occasional day here and there (or even several of them in a row) that would work to eat outside. But no way you can make plans based on that.
Talked with someone yesterday thinking about getting a tent and some patio heaters for Thanksgiving. But you put sides on a tent and you might as well be inside. Issue isn’t being able to get a space outside the house to a temp that is comfortable; its that you are looking to be outside for the fresh air and fresh air that time of year tends to not be comfortable for outside eating. Highs are in the upper 40s to lower 50s in late November. And we had a Thansgiving several years back when the kids were young when we had enough snow to go sledding. Nobody was going to eat outside that year.
I completely understand @oldfort 's daughter’s feelings. It seems like every additional person that is added to any get-together brings more stress since no matter how much testing and care, you just don’t really know if someone is carrying the virus. Easier said than done- but family members need to accept and respect the views of the most vulnerable and cautious among them right now.
@thumper1, they are in Bayonne, which makes it a long slog up the NJTP on the Wed. before TG. It’s normally 4.5 hours, but often 6 on that day. If they were in South Jersey, that’s 2.5 hours and an easy day trip, esp if we were just going for a window visit. Wouldn’t need to fill the tank.
My BIL is a very understanding soul. I just don’t want to take advantage of that.