Please don't flame me. Explain why a sweet girl would get those gauge ear things?

Parent Cafe
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<p>Sigh. Tattoos and piercing and gauge earring things are really not that important when one thinks about so many other things that can go wrong in a family. I don’t want my kids doing these things while they are being financially supported by me, as it means I am paying for it and I don’t want to do so. I’ve explained to them, that I’m giving everything I safely can to them for college and until they are on their feet so any extra money they get could really be used by the family. They seem to understand that pretty well, because they can see that. </p>

<p>Once they are paying for themselves, it’s none of my business what they do as long as it’s not illegal and terribly harmful. Yes, these things do fall into a harmful zone, but not in the Red Hot Alert zone, so all I can do is tell them what harm and drawbacks there are to doing this. </p>

<p>How much are tattoos anyways? My niece has an elaborate one on her upper arm and she doesn’t have two nickels to rub together. She has a dozen studs and at least a half dozen more smaller tattoos. I don’t give her cash gifts as a result of that as I have no desire to contribute towards it. In fact, my gift giving has become very meagre as a result. And, yes my kids do see that reaction on my part.</p>

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<p>cptofthehouse - Tattoos can be very pricey. It depends on the quality of the work, as generally you get what you pay for. It’s safe to say though that people with elaborate/extensive tattooing have probably invested a good amount of money into it. Anything of substantive size/intricacy is likely hundreds of dollars. I’m not an expert though - only pierced, not tatted.</p>

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<p>I suspected as much. I don’t want to pay for those things, so anyone who is going to be getting them get no money from me.</p>

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<p>cptofthehouse - Would that be true of anybody who you would gift to? I relate with the idea of not giving cash gifts for those known to spend money irresponsibly, and yes, I think investing in body mods when you can’t pay the rent is pretty irresponsible (and I would say the same thing for getting manicures or buying designer anything). </p>

<p>That said, if you knew someone who was say, a graphic designer making good money who also was a big tattoo aficionado, would you nix the idea of a cash gift to that person because some of it MIGHT go into tattoos? If I replaced “tattoo” in the above scenario with “designer handbag” would your response be the same? Just curious.</p>

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<p>I used to have them - because I liked the way they looked. </p>

<p>They can go back though - mine were 6mm wide and they have shrunk back to their original size.</p>

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<p>‘Sweet girls’ can’t get gauged ear piercings?</p>

<p>I don’t get the big deal. </p>

<p>Some people like gauged ears. Some people like tattoos. Some people like dying their hair and wearing weird clothes. </p>

<p>I’m sure that they understand (or will understand, at any rate) that these fashion choices might have them perceived a certain way by certain people. </p>

<p>Doesn’t mean it’s wrong for them to make whatever aesthetic choices they want with their own body. It’s not like it’s hurting anyone.</p>

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<p>

I have no problem with this philosophy - tattoos and piercings are certainly a luxury, so if you do not have money for luxuries you do not have money for these. I would only presume that you are truly consistent in this, because saying “okay” to luxuries like football tickets or fancy dinners means this is not really your philosophy at all.</p>

<p>And I have no problem with refusing to pay for things to which you object… but conditioning the size of the gift on such things makes one a bit of a jerk. Simply give a gift of the same amount as the cash you would have given.</p>

<p>

It varies by artist, size, color vs black, and level of detail. I have three tattoos, they cost between $100-300 each. The largest is in color and is the size of my hand, the smallest is black and is the size of my palm. A full back tattoo can be well over a thousand.</p>

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<p>My mom would never ever allow me to get a tattoo or a piercing as long I live under her roof and she pays my bills. </p>

<p>Once I leave for college…well you know what they say, “When the cat’s away, the mice will play.” :wink: </p>

<p>I might get a tattoo…I might dye my hair…I might pierce a body part…who knows? None of its permanent (besides the tattoo). </p>

<p>Perhaps, the “sweet girl” is just experimenting. It’s reversible. :)</p>

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<p>What I give with MY money, and I would bold print the I and the my is MY business. A good part of gift giving is the pleasure it gives the giver. So I do not give gifts other than to fulfil certain etiquette norms, unless I feel like it. Totally my call. So if someone is using their money on things that I don’t like, such as drugs and other contraband, to supporting other people, to extravagances that I just don’t feel like supporting, well, it’s my call not to support with MY money. If I want to buy something extravagant with MY money, I can, because it’s mine with no strings attached. Those getting money from me do have strings attached, I’m sorry to say. If it’s a charity organization, if they act in a way that disturbs me, I’ll go elsewhere with my contributions whether it’s in cash or hours and services that I am contributing. The same with gifts I give. I see no point in giving a $100 check to someone who is likely to turn around and get a tattoo with it when I don’t want it going there. Not as bad as getting illegal drugs or throwing it in the trash. All of which is perfectly within their rights to do once I or anyone else give them the money. But the consequence here, is that I will stop giving. Plenty of others out there that are making the use of gifts and funds and time that I give, in ways that I prefer. That’s my preference. </p>

<p>Since the source of the money is mine, I can choose where I want to put it and if choose to have a fancy dinner or a show or to bestow the same on someone, that is my business. Those are my terms, and I make them crystal clear. </p>

<p>As far as I am concerned, my cousin has been enabling is daughter terribly, and the consequences have been dire. Very direct consequences, I might add. That’s his problem and it’s been a huge weight on him. Many of the things that have happened most likely would have. But she any time she has extra money, it’s to the tattoo parlour and other venues she goes. Sad to say, her baby’s christening funds are gone…every dime. I am very glad that I did not give a cent towards that. I gave a nominal gift and have purchased a bond that I am holding for the child for later. Not the best way to go, but right now, it’s very clear where money is going for them. And I suspect the piercings and tattoos are just the visible vices. There is often very little space before one steps into the enabling zone. </p>

<p>Even the tattoo is not permanent if you can afford to get it removed, but I understand that is much more expensive , time consuming and painful. </p>

<p>I don’t examine how people spend there money in much detail, but if they are “in your face” about it, that’s some level of foolishness. The problem with some of this stuff is that it is so “in your face” .</p>

<p>As for hiring someone with at big tattoo on the face, for some jobs, nope. Not unless they are head and shoulder over everyone else with some special attribute. Yes, a top sales person, or super rainmaker can have tattoos on his forehead with a vagina right there and still find a job. But if the only distinguishing feature are the tattoos, it can become reason to cull. If anyone doesn’t get that…well, you have a lot to learn.</p>

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<p>

The very worst part. </p>

<p>

I doubt anyone would see a problem with stopping cash gifts to someone who forsakes their actual needs and obligations, but why not help her in some other way? A gift of needed goods, interview clothes, offering to pay for a textbook, etc.</p>

<p>

You really think that is a great indicator? The last study I saw on the subject indicated that those with extensive tattoos or piercings were about 2-3x as likely to use illegal drugs or engage in binge drinking… and while that may seem significant, the same study noted that even with those elevated rates the occurence of such things was still a quite distinct minority. So most of the time you make such assumptions, you are dead wrong.</p>

<p>

A great deal of life is “in your face”, you just do not recognize it because you are accustomed to certain messages and not to others. I would wager that you quite consciously send distinct messages with your clothing, possessions, grooming, and manner, even as much of it is done solely for your own tastes and pleasures. Those with visible tattoos and piercings are the same, doing some of it for themselves, and some of it to send a message to the world that was probably missed when they tried to be more subtle.</p>

<p>

But for which jobs? Dealing with the customer means dealing with potential prejudices, but not all jobs deal with customers. And if it is not the customer’s prejudices, then it is your own.</p>

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<p>I don’t think I am dead wrong in this particular case. I am not just looking at the face value of the situation. And giving necessities to someone who is spending on things like tats and other vices, just loosens up the money for those things. Better places to give my gifts and money. Plenty out of there.</p>

<p>And I completely disagree with you that the worst part of gift giving is the pleasure it gives the giver. You are certainly welcome to feel the way you do about this, and it may be a totally uncontrollable emotion your feel, but I can tell you that it gives me enormous pleasure that the giver of the gift is getting pleasure giving me the gift. So it goes both ways. In fact, it puts a bit of damper on a gift to me if the giver is doing this under duress or just making the motions, But then I am not some impersonal organization just taking in the loot. There are plenty of people that can find use for gifts I give, money I give in a way that give mutual enjoyment, so why give to someone or some cause where that is not the case. You are overlooking a huge part of gift giving, and I totally disagree that the giver’s sentiments are the worst part of it.</p>

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<p>I know a lot of people looking for the right job candidates a lot of the time. I think that I pretty much know when someone with a big tattoo on the face is not welcome. It’s judgement I make so that my input in other things is well taken. When someone uses bad judgement, you do realize that their credibility gets eroded. At my age, stage in life, I’ve pretty much settled into what my reputation is, how my advice is taken, etc, and I think I am pretty good, maybe not the best, but pretty danged good in making that judgement and when a situation comes up where it is an exception to a rule, I can make a good argument for it that tends to be well received. So, yes, you had better have something really good if you are looking for a job with a big tattoo on your face. or you are not going to get hired at most places that have highly sought jobs.</p>

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<p>Of course a huge part of gift giving is the givers satisfaction at helping or pleasing another. Very few people would give anything but obligatory gifts otherwise. It would be just like paying taxes, and who wants to do that?</p>

<p>Someone who takes money meant to support a child and spends it on themself for tattoos is a scumbag. I wouldn’t give a cent.</p>

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<p>I can see where cpt is coming from. There are certain people that I won’t give cash to because I don’t like how I think they will spend it. Or things people ask for that I just say no. I’ve actually had requests of a carton on cigarettes for a gift before. Considering I’m allergic to the world, they make me sick, and i think they should be done away with, why would anyone think I’d buy that for them?</p>

<p>I still will give a gift… But its something I feel ok about giving and I know they will still like.</p>

<p>There are also certain people I won’t loan money to. Love then to death, but no. If you choose to smoke or go to the bar three times a week but need money for lunch this week, too bad. Shouldn’t have spent it all on stupid things. </p>

<p>Sent from my DROID BIONIC using CC</p>

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<p>I can understand not giving cash gifts to someone who you think would spend the money in a way you don’t want. That said, I think blowing all of the baby’s christening money at the slots is a pretty risky strategy. If your daughter decides to go tit for tat (no pun intended), then her next move might be to never let you see your grandkid. These things can escalate quickly when feelings are involved.</p>

<p>Tattoos being a sign of other “secret vices” is just baloney. I had roommates who had tattoos, including a large leg tattoo. Their only vice was spending a bit too much on computer games. No binge drinking, no late night partying, no drugs.</p>

<p>I mentioned the Seattle office I work in, but now let me talk about the Spokane office where I used to work. Most of the staff was middle-aged ladies. And they LOVED tattoos. They were always getting little tattoos of flowers and fairies and whatnot. They just liked tattoos. For a lot of people it is as simple as that.</p>

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<p>Not quite a scum bag, and I truly do not believe everyone with tattoos, piercings,etc are fools. Those who are in a position where they do not need much quarter for not looking a certain way can do as they please. It’s an issue when someone who does need, does not recognize that toeing the line might help themselves out. I think many people who give a check to a student, or other young person who could use that kind of money, and then sees a big ol’ tattoo the next week might be a bit miffed, and I don’t think another check will be forthcoming for a while. Not as bad a finding out that the person got picked up buying dope, but yeah, it does leave a not so nice taste in ones mouth. That’s when the check book closes, and even the gift giving gets a bit less generous. Really, this is a common sense sort of thing. ANd not as black and white as I have written it out. </p>

<p>But, yes, we all put values on certain things. and if you are in the position of needing things from others, you should be aware of what these things are. Honestly, I don’t think a big tattoo on the face is a good idea for the vast majority of people.</p>

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<p>"Tattoos being a sign of other “secret vices” is just baloney.</p>

<p>I agree. Of the people I know with a lot of tattoos (visible or not), one is my brother mentioned upthread who runs a successful company and has won awards for his work. His children grew up to be successful and are happy and healthy. A niece who graduated at the top of her class in both HS and college and is on her second Master’s has many tattoos, though all are hidden due to her job. Never been in trouble, not so much as a detention in HS. Another person is the mother of a HS kid at the top of HIS class, moves heaven and earth to get him to his EC’s, camps, trips etc., yet another is the veteran of two wars, disabled as a result. </p>

<p>I’m not sure what other vices anyone would expect any of these people to have. Anyone shunning them for their tattoos is the loser, not any of them.</p>

<p>ETA: I live in tattoo central and I’ve never seen in person, a single person with a “big tattoo on the face”.</p>

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<p>Sseamom, I’ve never seen a big tattoo on the face but I see men with shaved heads who have a full scalp tattoo all the tome.</p>

<p>It kind of makes me cringe!!</p>

<p>Sent from my DROID BIONIC using CC</p>

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<p>In general, tattoos are a sign of low class. One term for them is “tramp stamp”. You can cite exceptions, but I am sure the correlation of #tattoos with educational attainment is negative. A tattoo won’t help my daughter land a guy from Princeton, the importance of which Susan Patton recently explained.</p>

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<p>“Those who are in a position where they do not need much quarter for not looking a certain way can do as they please. It’s an issue when someone who does need, does not recognize that toeing the line might help themselves out.”</p>

<p>Yes, I think people don’t realize that. When you start getting loans and monetary gifts (not one time gifts) from people because you supposedly need it, you’d better be careful about how you spend your money, as you might not be getting more if people think you are blowing money on non-essential things. The thought that I can spend this money on whatever I want, because it is a gift or a loan, is an illusion. The borrower really is “slave to the lender”, as they say, and you might be asked for a quick repayment or never get another cent.</p>

<p>This happened in my family. My parents, who have a good deal of money because of a very frugal lifestyle, lent a large amount of money to my sister, who had too much debt and was paying a high interest rate on it. She paid the money back in small amounts, regularly, so there was no doubt that it was going to be paid back. But while she did not live recklessly, she didn’t live as frugally as my parents, going out to dinner and having things that they considered unnecessary expenses. So my parents got irritated, my sister felt uncomfortable, and found a way to speed up the repayment very quickly. The person who gives you money really does have control over your life, and it’s better if you can find another way to support yourself. Our family is much happier now that nobody owes anyone money.</p>