I am currently in my first semester of sophomore year at an elite academic (top 20) university. The campus is amazing, the academic ranking is elite, and most importantly I receive much-needed accommodations that I probably would not receive at a larger school. Coming into freshmen year, everything sounded perfect. However, I am absolutely miserable, and have been since the end of my first semester freshmen year. The social life at this school just doesn’t cut it for me. I knew that this wouldn’t be a top party school even before I applied, but I figured there would be enough social life for me to have fun, especially if I was in a fraternity–which thought I definitely would be in. This school’s academic ranking and other features seemed like a good tradeoff for this school’s not-so-high party life ranking. Rushing a fraternity my second semester freshmen year didn’t work out, and since then I have absolutely hated every second spent here. I gave this school another shot for sophomore year, rushed again, and again it didn’t work out. I am an extremely social person, and I’ve realized that the only way for me to be happy is to spend time with close and genuine friends. I love going out, drinking, and partying with friends–much more so than most of the students here. The only people here that I feel like to party as much as me are the people involved in Greek life, which I am not a part of. I feel like I absolutely need to be in a fraternity in order to have fun in college–not just my current school–it bothers me when people tell me otherwise because this is how I firmly feel. It also doesn’t help that I am a big sports fan and sports are irrelevant here. I feel like it’s too late to transfer somewhere–especially since if I were to a pledge a fraternity and then it wouldn’t be until the beginning of junior year (at the absolute earliest) that I was finally fully acclimated at my new school, and at that point college is already half over. Also, since my school is ranked very highly, anywhere I would transfer would be a step-down academically, which may not make sense to do. Some people would kill to be in my position at an elite school like mine, and they may think I’m crazy for wanting to exchange that for a better social life and parties. But the fact of the matter is that I am miserable here because I have no good friends or a social life–something I always had throughout my life. I truly do not feel like transferring is a good solution, but things aren’t working out here, and I can’t imagine staying this miserable for another 2.5 years–I really don’t know what to do. I feel like college is ruined for me, and what should have been the best four years of my life ended up (so far) being the worst. I cannot decide on what to do and feel like I have no good options.
Don’t trade a quality education for partying.
Try rushing a different frat if you care about it that deeply.
It sounds like you are absolutely unhappy socially…but what do you want to do with your life? How are you doing academically? Are you in a program that will lead to a good job or grad school? Close and genuine friends can come from classes, or perhaps a research project or even a job on campus. You don’t HAVE to be miserable for the next 2.5 years. You can find something fulfilling on another level - and perhaps that will lead to a social life 
Transferring and rushing as a junior means that you will be a pledge with kids two years younger. That’s probably not a strategy that leads to what you are currently seeking. You may have to take a different path than Greek life at your school, but I bet you can stop focusing on what you DON’T have, and find something worthwhile. Also, look into the possibility of graduating in three years - get out and have a social life in grad school or as a young professional.
You have two choices…
- Change your mindset, refocus on all of the reasons that you chose this college in the first place, dig into all the positives that must have been on that list, take advantage of the prestige and quality education that is at your feet and you are lucky to be able to afford, and STOP grieving the fantasy college experience that you feel like you are missing. College is not ruined for you, you are ruining your college experience by the way you are thinking about it.
or
- Transfer out of this amazing school that you were lucky enough to get into and be able to afford, and seek that fantasy college with the movie style partying Greek life, head in the toilet, sleeping on the bathroom floor experience that you feel like you are missing. Maybe it is out there, and maybe you will get to that school and find the same kinds of problems that you are having at this one only now you don't have the prestigious, high quality education that you were lucky to be awarded and afford.
These are the tough types of decisions of adulthood, and the mindsets that you have regarding everything in your life, from your education, your jobs, you spouse, your house, your city, etc will determine whether or not you are always feeling like you are missing something and that there is something better out there.
Good luck with your decision.
what school bro? only top 20 school that parties hard i can think of is darthmouth. maybe yale
I’m 32 years old and am back in school finally after alcoholism evolved and was revealed by my early college years when I partied all the time. I lost 10 years of my life, that’s how I feel about it now. You are well on your way to that or a worse fate if you continue. You gotta slow down and get a set of friends who know how to have fun and WHEN to have fun. You say things that make me almost question if you have an issue with addiction that is starting to surface. I strongly suggest you sober up and take this seriously so you can have an enjoyable and successful future, you are right on the edge of losing that. Do not F up your future, let down your loved ones and waste their money. Life isn’t something we get to do over, you are burning up important time man, please stop and get it together. You can be an A student at that school if you do the right thing for yourself right now. Talk to a campus therapist or counselor and be honest about this situation, that’s a good first step to be taken in conjunction with a few 12 step meetings to see if you can relate with how those people drink and use. Trust me on this bro, I’ve been in your shoes and I’m telling you what I should have done. Goog luck, don’t give up.
When you drop out and move back home, see your friends graduate and start careers while you consider what community college to maybe enroll in you will really regret your choice in partying instead of doing your school work.
If you really want to be partying and drinking all the time, you do not belong in college anywhere right now. It really truly is OK to take a leave of absence and go do something else for a few years. Then when you are ready to study and do have the desire to take advantage of the academic resources of your current university (or of any other one for that matter), you can return to the academic life.
You got the complete wrong idea BackNSchool83. There is no addiction problem at all whatsoever. I barely drink at all now, and that is my problem. Not drinking enough is a problem because it shows how little I’ve been going out, having fun, and being social. Also I want to mention that when I do go out and drink, I do not drink that much. I never get to the point where I throw up or don’t remember anything–I am extremely responsible with alcohol.
I don’t want to graduate early–I want the four-year college experience. My whole life I always looked forward to being in a fraternity so this is really tough for me–especially since it is the norm that everybody from my area joins one, that’s just the way it is. Of all my friends from high school, I am literally the only one not in a fraternity. It’s hard to go on social media and see the fun they’re having, even though I’m aware that social media is extremely filtered. I feel like the worst day/night some of my high school friends have in college is the best day/night for me in college.
I also want to add that my whole life I always looked forward to being in a fraternity so this is really tough for me–especially since it is the norm that everybody from my area joins one, that’s just the way it is. Of all my friends from high school, I am literally the only one not in a fraternity. It’s hard to go on social media and see the fun they’re having at other schools, even though I’m well aware that social media is extremely filtered. Even so, I still feel like the worst day/night some of my high school friends have in college is the best day/night for me in college.
I am currently in one of the top party schools in the nation and in my opinion its highly overrated. I wish I was in one of the top 20 universities.
Surely there is fun to be had at your university outside the fraternities! Go find it. Or, better yet, make the fun yourself! Post those pictures to social media so you can keep up with your HS pals.
Yale partying? Hmmm, if you are referring to unencumbered hedonism, ala ASU, UCSB, Penn State, think again…no such thing. And everyone knows if anyone fits under the party moniker for the Ivy bunch, it’s Penn.
Social rejection from the Greeks can be very difficult to accept. But there are other social experiences to be had through involvement in other campus clubs. At my school there are over 1,000 registered student groups: something for everyone! Find something now, before rushing next year, and start having fun!
I’ve joined clubs…they are not the solution for me. Sure, I may make friends through them, but I want a brotherhood.
Is there only one fraternity that appeals to you on campus?
Sounds like you have made your decision, and no matter what anyone suggests here, the part you feel is missing is so strong for you that the recommendations don’t matter. Again, these are the hard choices of adulthood, you make your bed and you sleep in it, good or bad. If your parents are paying and they are okay with you leaving your top 20 school so that you can have a fraternity experience then that is between you and your parents.
Have you read the 7 Habits by Stephen Covey or Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill? There are many similar books out there. Read them and see if it will cause you to reconsider your mindset. Books like these talk about how successful people don’t sit around whining - they find a way to push through to success and achieve their goals. That in fact is the defining characteristic between successful and unsuccessful people. Certainly there are practically limitless and unique opportunities at a university like yours to join clubs, take classes and pursue internships with people who can become your close friends? At a top university the world should be at your fingertips. The people here now are the contacts (students and professors) you will use throughout your career. These are the people you need to get to know. Many are probably pretty damn amazing. They are the movers and shakers of the future of this country. Don’t be short-sighted. Think of the long-term. When you read the alumni magazine 10 and 20 years from now, how do you want to be portrayed? Do you want to look though those pages and realize you never took the time to get involved, meet your peers and take advantage of the opportunities you were given?
I am curious as to what you think you are missing at a fraternity. In my view it is essentially: dangerous drinking to excess, taking drugs, watching porn and screwing around. Insert joke here - yes that’s what you’re looking for! Ha ha ha. Seriously though, greek life is nothing but extreme peer pressure, wasting lots of money, obnoxious rules to follow, stupid risky behavior that can get you an STD, disciplined, arrested, or worse, and a major time suck. Of course they are going to project the image that it’s fun but many probably just want out. Do you really see that many seniors hanging out with the pledges unless they have to? No, because they are sick of that crap.
And all of them will have to clean up their social media before applying for jobs.
@HS5331 Eh. OP should join a fraternity if they want to. It’s entirely their choice.