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<p>Well said. Thank you.</p>
<p>A.S.A.P. - Sure I do, and I only responded again since my earlier points were questioned: 1.Expect more accidents and tickets from teens, 2.Don’t overreact and treat them too harshly. Love is a more powerful influencer than punishment.</p>
<p>Incidentally, we do have a provisional rule here. 16-17 year olds can’t drive between midnight and 5am unless they are driving to or from a job. Nobody follows it or knew about it until I enforced it with my kids. A typical response, “Don’t worry, God will take care of it.” From a PhD scientist. No kidding!</p>
<p>Payingthreetuitions- I do like your idea of volunteering time in a hospital. But if you take the car away and there is no public transportation, how do you get there?</p>
<p>^^LOL, Merrymom,sounds like a PhD in metaphysics!</p>
<p>Well, see if that was me I’d be driving my kid over to the hospital, because we also raised them first rural, and now suburban, and the public transpo STINKS. But that’s important so I’d look at driving to the hospital as a more valuable lesson at that moment than the clarinet or whatever else the kid is doing. So I’d drive. And probably bellyache on occasion, just mildly as we drove, that we must do this. I’m from the school that uses Guilt as a major food group to nourish children ;)</p>
<p>“(I guess nobody liked my idea of volunteering time in a hospital…oh well.)”</p>
<p>I always think it is a great idea to volunteer, anytime. But the absolute worst thing to do is make it seem that volunteering is part of the “punishment”. It’s what they do in school with community service, and is part of the reason why community volunteering by adults is at an all-time low.</p>
<p>Concerning trust which seems to be the BIG issue, after safety:</p>
<p>Anyone who trusts a teen to be truthful and law abiding 100% of the time is going to be very disappointed. They just aren’t.</p>
<p>Forgive, forget and move on!</p>
<p>I hear you, Mini. What if the kid had to choose between a longer time without independent use of a car versus some time off of that period by hours performed in a community service. Puts the kid in charge of that decision. I know what you mean, though, you don’t want disgruntled volunteers doing a slack job… hm, I’m thinking…</p>
<p>merrymom-I guess I don’t see taking the privilege of driving away from a teen acting irresponsibly as “punishment.” I see it as a practical safety matter.</p>
<p>I seem to be one of the few posters who didn’t see “trust” as the biggest issue here, as I mentioned in my first post. For me, it’s all about readiness.</p>
<p>The only folks in our society required to do community service are school students and convicts. Don’t think the lesson is lost on the kids. </p>
<p>But I do think it would be GREAT for mom or dad to do community service, in recompense for the risk/damage their child caused to the community. And if the kid wants to join in, fine (but I wouldn’t insist.)</p>
<p>I understand the guilt part payingtuitions - it is a big part of my repertoire when love and patience don’t work. But with me, education has always been number one. Anything but a bad grade can be forgiven. And my kids thank me for it.</p>
<p>I don’t parent punitively (at all), and have a pretty trustworthy kid. OTOH, on issues of driving safety, I take a driving privileges away in a New York second, and not feel I was being punitive in the slightest.</p>
<p>" Forgive, forget and move on!"</p>
<p>Merrymom - sorry if I haven’t paid that close attention to which are your posts, but do you think this kid should have no consequences involving her driving?</p>
<p>Mini, good point about community service. My child was allowed to once do cs - I think cleaning up a highway - for a speeding ticket, instead of a fine.</p>
<p>Otherwise, they never did and no college seemed to care. They mentored in activities they loved, but it was because they wanted to.</p>
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<p>Now you’re pulling our chain, right?</p>
<p>Skiers-mom, I’ve explained my philosophy in detail over and over. Talking to your kid, reinforcing the rules, some more driving lessons with mom and dad. She wrote a two page letter of apology. She is 16. If you make her more miserable with a long, drawn out punishment, she will harbor resentment and it will come back to haunt you. A couple days of the talking and then I would move on. </p>
<p>Don’t worry, you will get many more chances to punish!! I promise. That is one of my points.</p>
<p>This all comes down to… when one - anyone - signs on the doted line for their liscense - they have agreed to obey the law of the that land - no excuses necessary. The OP’s gal broke the law - and the parents trust as well. The imposed ‘punishment’ should equal what the law would place on the OP’s gal… and be a learning experience for the gal and for the parents as well.</p>
<p>This was an intentional act - with potential danger for all involved - a young driver - peer pressure and all that jazz. When a person looses their right to drive a 5,000 lb potential death machine - there is usually a good reason.</p>
<p>In MA there are no second chances anymore - too many kids have died to give those who flagrently diss the law that right - no matter how innocent it may appear to be.</p>
<p>So… the gist of all of this is… obey the law - or don’t drive.</p>
<p>“The imposed ‘punishment’ should equal what the law would place on the OP’s gal… and be a learning experience for the gal and for the parents as well.”</p>
<p>Agree, though I think it is the law’s to impose.</p>
<p>BAY…Last night, while driving home from a friends house, she was pulled over and ticketed for (what else?) driving with her friend in the car…</p>
<p>TO THE OP - BAY… what are the reprocussions for your gal getting this ticket in your state - legally??? A court date?? A fine?? What does your state do regarding this offense???</p>
<p>MINI - I see your point - but… curious since the OP’s gal received a ticket for the offense - so the law is involved - and so are the parents - so am wondering what the law is for this offense.</p>
<p>If the kiddo was ‘caught’ by the parent - not by the law - I wonder what the parent would do to impose some form of ‘punishment’ (for lack of a better word) on their own kiddo.</p>
<p>Jeep-Mom - she got a ticket. That is the punishment.</p>
<p>I wonder if merrymom’s living in a rural area colors her perspective in a way that may differ from those of us from more crowded MA or CA, where driving just about anywhere is hazardous, and one moment of concentration lapse can mean the difference between life and death. </p>
<p>When I drive through areas of the state that I consider rural, I have often thought how much more forgiving driving would be for a new driver.</p>