<p>Decided to do a little search-thru my d’s room and found a small bag with 6 pills - a mix of S489 60mg and m. amphet salt 20 mg. Shocked…to say the least. (She has not been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD.) Also, she didn’t get them inside our home.</p>
<p>She and her (new) boyfriend are very active and health conscious. I truly didn’t think I would ever have to worry about what she puts in her body. </p>
<p>What do I need to know and how do I handle this? She’s a good student and is going away to college in the fall. Was never worried about her going away…now, I’m not so sure.</p>
<p>JUst curious- has she given you other reasons to be suspicious enough to search her room? It sounds like maybe you already had a hunch that something was going on, and decided to act on that hunch by looking through her belongings. I would be very proactive at this point. Whatever your rationale for searching her room was, and even if she is very accusatory about that search, I would try to get to the bottom of this immediately. It is really scary how easy it is for kids to get their hands on over the counter drugs, and how addictive they can become. I would sit down and have a heart to heart with her immediately. Good luck!</p>
<p>You were curious enough to search, to find something of potential interest/worry… So is it possible you are not completely shocked by this? Or maybe you are just nosey ( like me…whoops!) I’d fess up and ask her point blank if she has been taking Rx meds that do not belong to her. Besides being potentially bad/dangerous to her health, it’s on the shady side of the law. I’d be curious who she got them from if they weren’t prescribed for her. New BF seems a likely suspect, but what about new friends or acquaintances? Either way, there is too much at stake to let it go…heart to heart chat is needed, ASAP. Good luck.</p>
<p>Thanks for your help. Should I discipline her? I have never dealt with anything like this before. (Although she has recently started lying to me about her whereabouts.) She’s 17.5 - and we have plans to pay for her to go away to school in the fall. I really thought she was independent and responsible - I’m just thrown for a loop and don’t quite know how to respond. </p>
<p>I think you wait to decide on discipline until after you have talked with her. You may decide to not discipline if she says “Yes, I have a problem and I need help.” </p>
<p>The recent lying about her whereabouts concerns me too. Something is going on that she feels she needs to lie about. You don’t know how long or how much of the drug abuse is going on or the reasons behind it.
“Discipline” in an almost adult is very different from a younger child. You have less control over a teen. In fact, her locus of control needs to be internal by now, since she is soon to leave home. It is likely that this situation will require professional help- for her and you- the parents, and hopefully she will agree to get help. You will need to decide what your limits are, whether you should send her to college or not, and address the issues that led this to happen. A counselor can help you make these decisions- and also be objective with regards to family issues.
One question to consider is if the college will grant a gap year, as you may not be comfortable sending her far from home if treatment is required. </p>
<p>Use of Adderall and the like is, unfortunately, extremely common by high school and especially college students. They use it as a study aid and to increase their productivity. There was an excellent article (NYTimes, I think- or maybe New Yorker) that was very detailed. See if you can find it online. It might help you.</p>
<p>What difference does it make why the parent was in the room? The issue at hand is that these drugs have been found. I think parents need to have a talk about this and request a hair test to see what else is in the system. I’ve known some families who got some nasty surprises about what their high schoolers have been taking. Look for counseling to help you and to give her the option to discuss this.</p>
<p>Well, here is what I “think” is going on. (I’m the OP.) She has a new boyfriend - her first boyfriend ever and she has fallen hard and fast for him. She has liked him for 3 years. The lying has to do with her being with him when she says she is somewhere else. For example, she says she works til 10 but her schedule says 8…I know she is leaving work to be with BF and just not being honest with me about it. Now that I am seeing a little more clearly, it’s possible she is spending the night with him when she says she is at her girlfriends…but I don’t really have proof of that. </p>
<p>IF she is actually using the Adderall - it likely started as a way to help her get through school, work and her new boyfriend. Thinking back now, there was a time when she was complaining about not being able to sleep. I asked her if she was taking something that might be causing that (I was thinking something like Dexatrim) but she said no. </p>
<p>I haven’t noticed anything too unusual of late, so it’s possible she experimented with it than stopped. Of course the other alternative is that she is taking it on a regular basis when she needs a jolt. </p>
<p>This situation takes more expertise than I can offer as just one parent, but everything I have read and been told is that if you take any stand against the boyfriend, it will drive her more towards him. Please consider that we here don’t know your daughter or the situation, but you may want to get some advice or read up more about that topic. If she is lying to be with him, then she is choosing him, and then possibly trying to keep the rest of her life in order. Of course, our wish as parents, is that our kids keep these things in balance, but if she has fallen for this guy, then this changes her perspective. The positive is that she still cares enough about her academics and work.
Drugs aside, I hope she has access to birth control.
When you talk to her, she will be afraid that you will interfere with the relationship. It would be less threatening to her to focus on finding the drugs. With the relationship, the dishonesty, I think this needs a professional counselor.</p>
<p>Do you have a mom friend who knows your daughter, who will be absolutely honest with you about her behavior outside your circle of light? Someone who you would really listen to, no matter what they said?</p>
<p>I have a friend whose kid slid into a really bad place in the last year of high school, and then into an even worse place when he went away to college. Lost a scholarship, came home to go to community college for a semester to raise his grades, decided to drop out, and is living on the edge, in a minimum wage job, far from home and still taking drugs. </p>
<p>The kid was part of a somewhat tightknit group of friends through part of high school, and then he drifted into a different world. His friends saw what was happening. His friends’ parents saw what was happening. His parents, however, chose not to see, and not to believe when others told them what they saw. I listened to my friend tell me that she was sure the prescription pain meds (not his) she had found in his back pack were there because he had worse pain than expected from his wisdom teeth, and that she was choosing to believe him. She chose to do nothing when a friend told her about a huge party her son had at their house when they were gone one weekend. </p>
<p>She chose to believe her son’s weak explanations for many things that were objectively questionable, and chose to believe that things would work out once her bright boy was more challenged at college.</p>
<p>Believe your eyes, look for objective people who will tell you the truth, and believe that your daughter will probably not tell you the truth, or at least not the entire truth. Don’t try to push her too much to tell you the truth, but find someone she can talk to.</p>
<p>I don’t mean to be Debbie-Downer but my ex husband was addicted to DXM, found in cough medicine. The reality of the addiction was far worse than I thought. Most addicts are experts at deflection and lying. If she has a serious problem you can gauge it by how angry she gets when you confront her with it.</p>
<p>No doubt you’ll also have to address the fact that you searched her room. Don’t make this discussion a war of words. You were there and you found something. Now what? If you can’t have a sit-down dialogue about your concerns, set it up differently until you do. What’s most important here: you don’t want this to ruin your relationship.</p>
<p>Adderall is a very common study aid according to S who I really hope isn’t using it although he mentioned this practice over break and thinking about it now if he used it I think that conversation would have been unlikely. We were talking about coffee which he hates and he casually mentioned kids and RX abuse… Apparently, it’s pretty prevalent. As for the room searching - sorry, but I don’t see the problem. Good luck.</p>
<p>You found the Adderall. What else has she been taking? You have the perfect reason to find out. What to do? I don’t know. Not sure anyone does. But this is a wake up call that you and she have been fortunate to get privately, rather than the police or the school finding contraband on her So get professional help–for yourself to try to navigate through this, and for her so that it’s there for her to use if she so pleases. No punishments here. Just concern as this is a very bad sign. Could have gotten her into a lot of trouble and could just be the tip of the iceberg. You just want to do all you can to deal with the issue. So no anger, no punishment, just let’s explore as ot how to deal with this. One thing clear: it’s illegal without prescription and for her to have it is a breach of the law and for her to stash it in your house is truly a breach of trust as well and implicates you. That makes it very much your business, not to mention she is your child still and you are responsible for her well being. </p>
<p>Clearly I also don’t see any issue or problem with room searching. </p>
<p>I don’t think anyone is hung up on the room search, captofthehouse. Good parenting mandates a search if there is worry. I’d be concerned if a parent didn’t act on this very basic instinct. Snooping out of a desire to protect is different, IMO, than snooping out of a desire to find out about personal relationships, or other non-dangerous issues. </p>
<p>From the time my children were toddlers, I told them that I would drug test them when they were teenagers. Why? Because drug abuse is a much bigger deal than breaking our mutual trust. They’ve always known that at any time, I will drug test them. So, it is not a surprise when I do drug test them. I deal with too many meth, xanax, lortab, and heroin addicts to describe! If I can end it with a simple drug test, why not.</p>
<p>First, confront your daughter. Possession of these drugs are already a crime. Second, have a thorough drug test to know what she is really on. Lastly, she needs to be evaluated by a drug expert. Drug abusers are good at lying even to the best evaluaters. You need to take this seriously. Adderall can be used for attention purposes and also to get high. </p>
<p>Along the same lines as frugal doctor, I’ve told my kids to blame me if they are in a tough spot that they just can’t handle…“I can’t do drugs/drink, my parents test me”. I’ve never had a concrete reason to test them, but I’d do it in a NY minute if I had even the tiniest of suspicions. My kids know I’d do so as well…that probably weighs heavy on them if they are in a bad situation. </p>