please someone help me with getting reinstated for financial aid

Paying for College
1

My major is nurse 2016-2018

First year of college was very challenging to me yet I was still wasn’t ready for the courses that I chose. My goal was to obtain an associate’s Degree in nursing 2006-2007 year to transfer to a 4 year institute to obtain a bachelor’s Degree in nursing my educational goal was to be majoring in nursing

In Fall 2006-2007 year I chose courses I have since realized were too difficult for a first-time student and I became overwhelmed. Having had no prior experience with college-level life, courses, and exams. I was not sure what to expect and learned that my study techniques lacking, resulting in poor grades. I also failed to attend the review sessions, did not seek assistance from my professor or tutoring help, and as a result I failed my courses and because I had a bad girlfriend at that time and I was just going to college to prove to her family that I was smart enough to be in the household and be approved. Since I have had bad grades and left this college to go to another college to get my associates degree in medical admin clinical assistant I have a perfect future wife that is very strong with education and doesn’t want me to just go to college to be approved by her family she wants me to graduate college and get my education with all a’s and be the best student I can.

Due to these circumstances I have been rendered ineligible to receive financial aid. Without financial aid I will be unable to continue my education because I cannot afford the cost of supplies, fees, transportation, and personal expenses. Receiving financial aid will allow me more time to study properly. Without it, I will be forced to take time away from my studies in order to work. My academics are my first priority now and I realize I need to devote all of my time to them in order to be successful in the future.

I recently evaluated my plans to improve my academic. I have determined the following points to be the keys to my educational success.

  1. I will balance the course choices better.
  2. I will manage my time wisely on academics work less hours to study more.
  3. I will seek assistance with my coursework when I have difficulties.
  4. I will maintain communication with my professors on a regular basis to ensure success in my courses
  5. Complete classes C or better.

I understand the expectation better now and I am doing well in my coursework this semester with currently all passing grades. I have made a huge improvement and I am determined to pass every class this semester. Although I have made great improvements, without financial aid I fear I will find myself struggling to succeed once again. I hope those of the financial aid committee who read this will give me a second chance to help me accomplish my goals and reach success for the rest of my time at college.

Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to explain my financial circumstances. I look forward to hearing about your decision.

Sincerely,

2

guess no one wants to help me everyone keeps looking at it but nuthing

3

how is this one?

My major is nurse 2016-2018

First year of college was very challenging to me yet I was still wasn’t ready for the courses that I chose. My goal was to obtain an associate’s Degree in nursing 2006-2007 year to transfer to a 4 year institute to obtain a bachelor’s Degree in nursing my educational goal was to be majoring in nursing

In Fall 2006-2007 year I chose courses I have since realized were too difficult for a first-time student and I became overwhelmed. Having had no prior experience with college-level life, courses, and exams. I was not sure what to expect and learned that my study techniques lacking, resulting in poor grades. I also failed to attend the review sessions, did not seek assistance from my professor or tutoring help, and as a result I failed my courses because I thought I was smart and knew everything and also thought that if I got a tutor all of my friends would be friend me because none of my friends need a tutor or even to stay after school just to understand that work was being taught that day. I was a guy who didn’t need a tutor or even to stay after class to get a better understanding of the work or to ask question in the class because I thought all of my friend would make fun of me or after class kick my ass or call me teacher’s pet or other names. But after graduating from another college with my associate degree I have realized that staying after or asking questions in class make me understand how that math problem is calculated or how to write a paper. But I am going back to this community college to get my nursing degree because I have always wanted to be a doctor and I am going to follow my dreams and no one will ever come between them not even my friends. If my friends want to call me names or make fun of me for asking help with my college work so be it let them I want to follow my dreams. I am a lot older now and I have realized that dreams are more than having friends because I can make new ones. My career is more important to me than being called names or having friends. Due to these circumstances I have been rendered ineligible to receive financial aid. Without financial aid I will be unable to continue my education because I cannot afford the cost of supplies, fees, transportation, and personal expenses. Receiving financial aid will allow me more time to study properly. Without it, I will be forced to take time away from my studies in order to work. My academics are my first priority now and I realize I need to devote all of my time to them in order to be successful in the future.

I recently evaluated my plans to improve my academic. I have determined the following points to be the keys to my educational success.

  1. I will balance the course choices better.
  2. I will manage my time wisely on academics work less hours to study more.
  3. I will seek assistance with my coursework when I have difficulties.
  4. I will maintain communication with my professors on a regular basis to ensure success in my courses
  5. Complete classes with a B or better I am older and more determine to graduate from college with all b or better nothing less even if I need after class help or a tutor I will do it to have a career.

I understand the expectation better now and I am doing well in my coursework this semester with currently all passing grades. I have made a huge improvement and I am determined to pass every class this semester. Although I have made great improvements, without financial aid I fear I will find myself struggling to succeed once again. I hope those of the financial aid committee who read this will give me a second chance to help me accomplish my goals and reach success for the rest of my time at college.

Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to explain my financial circumstances. I look forward to hearing about your decision.

Sincerely,

4

That giant paragraph needs to be shortened. Cut it back to four or five sentences. Ask someone you know to help you with the run-on sentences and problems with punctuation. Your best argument is about your recent grades- you should emphasize them. Good luck.

5

Is it a for-profit school?

How much financial aid do you need?

6

And don’t blame your “bad girlfriend.” 8-|

7

Way too long. Reads like a list of excuses. Agreed on the punctuation, grammar, and run-on sentences - not college level writing.

8

Start with getting rid of all the discussion about wanting people to be your friend, trying to impress friends, etc. Basically any sentence with the word “friend”. This isn’t middle school!

9

Don’t blame ANYONE else. Take responsibility yourself.

Your letter pints the finger at others. Change that.

And shorten it. It’s way too long.

10

can someone re write and show me what it should look like

11

Search this site for SAP appeals letters. There are some good suggestions for how YOU should write this letter.

Be SUCCINCT. Do not add extra fancy words because you think it will make you sound better. It won’t.

Be brief. Explain the problem, what you have already done, and what you will continue to do if allowed to return. BRIEF.

Do not place the blame on anyone else…and use reasons not excises…there IS a difference.

Remember…yours won’t be the only letter of this type to be read by the review committee.

12

Are you a native English speaker? If yes, you need to make sure that visiting your college’s writing center is job 1 before handing in any assignment.

Do you have a plan B if your aid is not reinstated?

13

Starting with the first line, I assume the major is Nursing rather than Nurse.
First line of paragraph 1, replace the word “yet” with "and."The second sentence is a mess - figure out what you want to say and use punctuation. That sentence should be shorter.
Then start to work on the second big paragraph by getting rid of every sentence with the word “friend” in it. That is a start.
Also, don’t mention your plans to be a doctor at this time.

14

how is this please someone help me

My major is nurse 2016-2018

First year of college was very challenging to me yet I was still wasn’t ready for the courses that I chose. My goal was to obtain an associate’s Degree in nursing 2006-2007 year to transfer to a 4 year institute to obtain a bachelor’s Degree in nursing my educational goal was to be majoring in nursing

In Fall 2006-2007 year I chose courses I have since realized were too difficult for a first-time student and I became overwhelmed. Having had no prior experience with college-level life, courses, and exams. I was not sure what to expect and learned that my study techniques lacking, resulting in poor grades. I also failed to attend the review sessions, did not seek assistance from my professor or tutoring help, and as a result I failed my courses because I thought I was smart and knew everything and also thought that if I got a tutor I wouldn’t learn anything or didn’t need to stay after school just to understand that work was being taught that day. I was a guy who didn’t need a tutor or even to stay after class to get a better understanding of the work or to ask question in the class But after graduating from another college with my associate degree I have realized that staying after or asking questions in class make me understand how that math problem is calculated or how to write a paper. But I am going back to this community college to get my nursing degree because I have always wanted to be a doctor and I am going to follow my dreams and no one will ever come between them. I am a lot older now and I have realized that dreams are worth getting because you will have a great career not working from paycheck to paycheck like I am now. My career is more important to me now since I am a lot older and realized that if you don’t have a career or a great job I will be living so poorly and I won’t have anything in this world besides a car and phone. Due to these circumstances I have been rendered ineligible to receive financial aid. Without financial aid I will be unable to continue my education because I cannot afford the cost of supplies, fees, transportation, and personal expenses. Receiving financial aid will allow me more time to study properly. Without it, I will be forced to take time away from my studies in order to work. My academics are my first priority now and I realize I need to devote all of my time to them in order to be successful in the future.

I recently evaluated my plans to improve my academic. I have determined the following points to be the keys to my educational success.

  1. I will balance the course choices better.
  2. I will manage my time wisely on academics work less hours to study more.
  3. I will seek assistance with my coursework when I have difficulties.
  4. I will maintain communication with my professors on a regular basis to ensure success in my courses
  5. Complete classes with a B or better I am older and more determine to graduate from college with all b or better nothing less even if I need after class help or a tutor I will do it to have a career.

I understand the expectation better now and I am doing well in my coursework this semester with currently all passing grades. I have made a huge improvement and I am determined to pass every class this semester. Although I have made great improvements, without financial aid I fear I will find myself struggling to succeed once again. I hope those of the financial aid committee who read this will give me a second chance to help me accomplish my goals and reach success for the rest of my time at college.

Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to explain my financial circumstances. I look forward to hearing about your decision.

Sincerely,

15

just fixed it

My major is nursing 2016-2018

First year of college was very challenging to me yet I was still wasn’t ready for the courses that I chose. My goal was to obtain an associate’s Degree in nursing 2006-2007 year to transfer to a 4 year institute to obtain a bachelor’s Degree in nursing my educational goal was to be majoring in nursing

In Fall 2006-2007 year I chose courses I have since realized were too difficult for a first-time student and I became overwhelmed. Having had no prior experience with college-level life, courses, and exams. I was not sure what to expect and learned that my study techniques lacking, resulting in poor grades. I also failed to attend the review sessions, did not seek assistance from my professor or tutoring help, and as a result I failed my courses because I thought I was smart and knew everything and also thought that if I got a tutor I wouldn’t learn anything or didn’t need to stay after school just to understand that work was being taught that day. I was a guy who didn’t need a tutor or even to stay after class to get a better understanding of the work or to ask question during class. But after graduating from another college with my associate degree I have realized that staying after or asking questions in class make me understand how that math problem is calculated or how to write a paper. But I am going back to this community college to get my nursing degree because I have always wanted to do. I am going to follow my dreams and no one will ever come between them. I am a lot older now and I have realized that dreams are worth getting because you will have a great career not working from paycheck to paycheck like I am now. My career is more important to me now since I am a lot older and realized that if you don’t have a career or a great job I will be living so poorly and I won’t have anything in this world besides a car and phone. Due to these circumstances I have been rendered ineligible to receive financial aid. Without financial aid I will be unable to continue my education because I cannot afford the cost of supplies, fees, transportation, and personal expenses. Receiving financial aid will allow me more time to study properly. Without it, I will be forced to take time away from my studies in order to work. My academics are my first priority now and I realize I need to devote all of my time to them in order to be successful in the future.

I recently evaluated my plans to improve my academic. I have determined the following points to be the keys to my educational success.

  1. I will balance the course choices better.
  2. I will manage my time wisely on academics work less hours to study more.
  3. I will seek assistance with my coursework when I have difficulties.
  4. I will maintain communication with my professors on a regular basis to ensure success in my courses
  5. Complete classes with a B or better I am older and more determine to graduate from college with all b or better nothing less even if I need after class help or a tutor I will do it to have a career.

I understand the expectation better now and I am doing well in my coursework this semester with currently all passing grades. I have made a huge improvement and I am determined to pass every class this semester. Although I have made great improvements, without financial aid I fear I will find myself struggling to succeed once again. I hope those of the financial aid committee who read this will give me a second chance to help me accomplish my goals and reach success for the rest of my time at college.

Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to explain my financial circumstances. I look forward to hearing about your decision.

Sincerely,

16

It’s still WAYYYYYY too long. Your first sentence is redundant (school,was challenging…not ready for courses…mean the same thing).

No one attending college for,the first time has experience with college courses. So what? Delete that.

Sentence starting with “I also failed to attend the review sentences” is a run on sentence. That means the content of the sentence just goes on and on and becomes unrelated to the start. Fix it. It’s too long.

Whoa! At the start you say you are a first time student…but then later on you say you graduated from a community college with an associates degree. Which is it? If you attended a community college, you are NOT a first time college student.

Delete the oart about your dreams. That won’t matter at all.

Related to that…a degree in nursing will not get you into med school…but that’s a whole other discussion.

Focus on what is happening NOW. NOW? Not med school for the future.

I would suggest deleting all references to you “dream”. Not relevant.

Your letter needs to be simple. You had or grades in 2006-2007. What have you done on the last nine years that would now make you successful in college? What will you continue to do?

Keep it simple.

17

can u write it up how it should be and I can input the information about me now?

18

I recommend that you keep working on it.

19

Here are some examples to make your writing more succinct.

"In Fall 2006-2007 year I chose courses I have since realized were too difficult for a first-time student and I became overwhelmed. Having had no prior experience with college-level life, courses, and exams. I was not sure what to expect and learned that my study techniques lacking, resulting in poor grades. I also failed to attend the review sessions, did not seek assistance from my professor or tutoring help, and as a result I failed my courses because I thought I was smart and knew everything and also thought that if I got a tutor I wouldn’t learn anything or didn’t need to stay after school just to understand that work was being taught that day. I was a guy who didn’t need a tutor or even to stay after class to get a better understanding of the work or to ask question in the class But after graduating from another college with my associate degree I have realized that staying after or asking questions in class make me understand how that math problem is calculated or how to write a paper. "

Change to:
“I chose courses that were too difficult for a first-time student. I had not yet developed good study techniques, and I failed to attend review sessions or seek help from my professor, which I now realize was a mistake.”

I don’t think you want to say that you “just realized” that staying after class or asking questions in class increases your understanding, because that’s kind of a “duh” statement.

  • “But I am going back to this community college to get my nursing degree because I have always wanted to be a doctor and I am going to follow my dreams and no one will ever come between them. I am a lot older now and I have realized that dreams are worth getting because you will have a great career not working from paycheck to paycheck like I am now. My career is more important to me now since I am a lot older and realized that if you don’t have a career or a great job I will be living so poorly and I won’t have anything in this world besides a car and phone.”*

This is weak, because you are essentially saying “Dreams are worth achieving so I will live above just having a car and phone.” What are you really trying to say here? Are you trying to say you’ve always had a dream to be in the medical profession and you have realized the importance of working hard to achieve your dreams?

*Due to these circumstances I have been rendered ineligible to receive financial aid. Without financial aid I will be unable to continue my education because I cannot afford the cost of supplies, fees, transportation, and personal expenses. Receiving financial aid will allow me more time to study properly. Without it, I will be forced to take time away from my studies in order to work. *

Please don’t do the “rendered ineligible.” I know you think it sounds impressive, but it doesn’t. And you don’t need to say without financial aid you’ll be unable to continue education because you can’t afford xyz. Again, it’s kind of a “duh” statement.

And what are the circumstances that made you ineligible to receive financial aid? Come out and be clear. "Because I did not pass my courses / received a GPA of x.x, I’m no longer able to receive financial aid. It is unclear what you are specifically asking them for. Is there a specific dollar amount? Other students are able to balance working and studying; why (from the reader’s standpoint) are you the exception?

Try another round and see how it comes out. I will say that your writing appears to be below that of a high school graduate, so you may benefit from going to a writing center to get specific hands-on tutoring. Good luck.

20

@davidgallant

YOU need to write your own letter. Folks can give you suggestions to make it better…but YOU need to write it.