Less emphasis on the failure, more on the progress.
Properly write the name of the college.
OP, what’s the real hang up here? For business correspondence of this sort, you don’t need narrative and you don’t need to beat yourself up (I failed at this, I failed at that, I did this wrong, I was poor at that.) They already know you didn’t give the right efforts.
How have you changed? What shows them you are a better student now?
If you’re serious, I suspect this is scary. But take a breath and then write a draft that only answers this question: what have you done to improve so we should take another chance on you?
If you can get that, then later you write an intro and a conclusion.
Based on what you have said in other attempts, hoo about this instead (assuming that this is the story):
I am writing to appeal the decision to deny financial aid for me to attend Northshore Community College. About 10 years ago, I attended this college but failed my courses. Then I went on to XXX College where I was successful. I earned a degree in YY in year WW with a GPA of ZZ. Now I want to return to Northshore Community College to get another degree in BB, but I need financial assistance.
Then explain what you are going to do to be successful.
you have attended and used financial aid at 2 schools already.
If you completed an associates, you needed a minimum 2.0 gpa to get your degree. I think that your not receiving aid could be based on the is going to be is that you will have too many credits to go to another associates degree program at a community college. In the long run, going this route you will run out of $$ before you can complete a 4-year degree.
You are required to submit transcripts to every school that you attended for your next school. My concern is that you may not have the overall 3.5-3.75 gpa needed to get admitted into a nursing program (yes, the gpa from your other programs matter)
You won’t be able to get the help you need in English language skills, on this forum, because you need too much help in everything.
Typing and retyping it here only shows everyone that you don’t want to listen to advice that will save you. Sadly, your appeal won’t work.
Trying to get someone else to write about your appeal here, on this site, shows that you are not listening and are definitely not ready for a nursing degree.
Do yourself a favor, and take some basic ESL writing classes.
This letter is to appeal to the Financial Aid Appeal Committee so I may continue receiving Federal Financial Aid at the North shore community college. The reason I have not met Satisfactory Academic Standards of a 2.0 was because of many reasons but a few are Lack of Preparedness, Poor Attendance, Poor Study Habits, and Poor Time Management. Ever since I attended this college it’s been very hard for me because I was right out of high school and I thought I knew a lot and that I didn’t need a tutor or to stay after for assistance. And then I went to a new college thinking I was going to get a better degree in medical but turns out it was only for medical admin clinical assistant not to become a nurse which I have always wanted to be ever since the age of 5 so i left North shore to go to a college called Gibbs Boston that I graduated from in 2011. Down below is a list that I will be taking to keep my gpa above a 2.0 and getting the best education that I can get
• Attendance: I will make my college like my everyday style I will attend all of my classes even if I am sick or not feeling good so I can get all of my assignment for that day. Make school part of your family’s daily life. Work together. Know your stuff.
• Study time: I will take notes while in class and review them at home for 4-6 hours a day. I will eliminate lifestyle distractions. Schedule my study time and organize your class materials. Take every extra opportunity to study with a group, partner or even stay after with the professor to ask questions or even to go over some materials that they went over that day and I won’t be afraid to ask for help even if it’s a stupid question
• Time management: I will get a calendar, and write everything down assignments, classwork, or even test & quizzes. Write down all of the Schedule times for classes so I won’t be late for classes and to relax before classes so I am not too tired to not pay attention in class. Get to classes 20 minutes so you can review for up and coming chapters for that day. Go to the campus 25 to 30 mins before so you don’t get stuck in traffic or get caught up in an accident or anything. Plan for the unexpected
I will be a fulltime student taking 9 credits but I will be working less amount of hours compared to when I first at North shore community college and working 2 jobs while attending college which is very hard for me. The job I have lets me leave after my job is done while getting paid the same pay so I can afford my student loans.
My goal is to finish my college education. I will take the following steps to help complete my goal:
I have been approved for education leave at my place of employment and can leave during work hours and attend class while keeping my full-time pay.
I will not enroll more than 9 credit
I will manage my time wisely so that I can balance my family and studies together.
College has always been important to me but more so now that I have bills and I can’t pay for them because I am living pay check to pay check. I would be very grateful for another opportunity.
i have a degree at gibbs already so u think i don’t have anymore money that’s why its on hold but the advisor said its because when i was at this college on 06 i didn’t get and hold a 2.0 i was a 1.9 because i wasn’t taking college serious now that i am 33 i am taking it seriously because its my career i don’t want to be suck at this job the rest of my life help me plz
David- you may be 33 but your syntax is that of a fourth grader.
Please- you are either too lazy to proofread, or do not understand the rules of standard written English. Either way- get some help (maybe someone at work?) to proofread/edit your last version of your letter before you send it.
And does 9 credits even qualify you for the aid you are looking for?
I have enormous sympathy for your situation but you keep posting and reposting a letter which is filled with grammatical errors. So it makes it hard for us to envision you successful getting a BS degree when you don’t know how to punctuate.
We are trying to help you, David. Nursing isn’t easy. It will be difficult for you to maintain a 2.0 GPA with your current writing skills. Attending any college before you address those issues will be a waste of time and money. Eventually, you’ll run out of aid. Unless you can afford to pay for college entirely on your own, you need to rethink your plan.
Some of the people offering you advice work at colleges, so they know what they’re talking about. There IS a limit to the number of credits you can take at a community college and still qualify for aid. There’s also a limit to the total number of semesters you can get federal aid (Pell grants). I think it’s 12 semesters (6 years of full-time study). Your posts are difficult to follow, but it sounds like you’ve used at least 3 or 4 years of aid already.
Nobody is saying that you shouldn’t attend nursing school. But attending before you acquire the skills to succeed is a mistake. It doesn’t matter if you squeak out a 2.0 the next two years; if you can’t pass your state boards, you won’t get a license. One of my sisters is a nurse. Nursing school involves lots of studying, writing, and testing. Students who pass the boards and get a license have to complete a minimum number of continuing education credits every year in order to keep it. You need to properly prepare for that.
Do you have an adult learning center near you? If not, does your local community college offer remedial writing courses? You need to learn to write before you return to college full-time.
North Shore Community College offers introductory writing courses. If you want to show them you’re serious about doing what it takes to succeed in your studies, work on improving your communication skills.
You can find the courses by searching for “ESL writing.”
"CSB262 - ESL - Introduction to Academic Writing
Noncredit
Recommended to help low intermediate ESL and Basic IV students learn how to write correct academic English at the low intermediate level for preparation in taking academic, credit ESL classes at the intermediate 1 level, and to generally improve their writing skills.
OP, you’re not listening.
All the posters here are saying the same two things: the letter is too wordy, with the wrong explanations. And, your English is faulty.
It’s North Shore Community College.
The more you post these versions, the less I understand the real issue.