Plot Devices We Can Do Without

Parent Cafe
1

<p>Movie and TV screenplays rely so much on some real hackneyed devices either because they think it is cool or the writer has put himself into a corner. Examples:</p>

<p>The hero is held prisoner by the bad guys in an office building or some sort of complex. He’s locked in a room. However, the room has an air duct large enough for a grown man to crawl around in it, without falling right on through. Then the hero finds the right way to go the first time, reaching a place where he can crawl right out of the building with very little effort and make his escape. Hey, Kate Moss would have a hard time crawling through most air ducts.</p>

<p>The bad guy is the worst shot in the whole world, missing the hero several times at close range. Frustrated and out of bullets, the bad guy hurls the gun at our hero. The gun bounces off harmlessly and the bad guy is quickly captured.</p>

<p>Other examples?</p>

2

<p>How about thinking of this as the ten things we learned from the movies?</p>

<ol>
<li> Horses can gallop practically forever.</li>
<li> Bullets all make the same “ricochet” sound when they hit a rock. Or a piece of metal. Or even a wooden building.</li>
<li> Villians in sinister-looking vans can drive faster than heroes in muscle cars and European sports cars.</li>
<li> Storm troopers and Nazis are terrible shots.</li>
<li> You can drive a car into any number of large, stationary objects and walk away unscathed.</li>
<li> Everyone is good looking, and the vast majority of people are really, really, really good looking.</li>
<li> All teenagers look like they are 23.</li>
<li> No matter how the heroine looks in Scene 11, by Scene 12 her makeup would have been magically repaired and her hair will be perfect.</li>
<li> Hardly anyone goes to the bathroom. Ever.</li>
<li> People spend all day having adventures, not going to work.</li>
</ol>

3

<p>Very good :)</p>

<p>How about when the hero jumps into the car to chase the bad guy and the car starts moving without the ignition being turned?</p>

4

<p>I was imagining a scenario in which House misdiagnoses a patient, who comes back and takes him hostage, and then the hostage negotiating team from that new show negotiates, but someone dies anyway (or lots of them die), so the CSI teams (from all three shows) get flown in to consult with the anthropologist from Bones… </p>

<p>Or alternatively, they all get sent to some obscure island off Africa to compete for a million dollars.</p>

5

<p>Hair and makeup are also perfect at the gym, when woken in the middle of the night, during sex, while crying, and while being kept hostage.</p>

<p>Don’t all girls work out/run/play sports with their hair down and flowing behind then?</p>

<p>Not only do all teenagers appear 23, all women appear under 30 or, for the real old maid, 35.</p>

6

<p>When a man and a woman are in bed together naked, the sheet always manages to cover him only to the waist while covering her up to her armpits.</p>

<p>Also (think back to the Lord of the Rings movies), falling from a great height is rarely lethal, although the victim tends not to show up for at least a half hour.</p>

7

<p>The doctor(s) spend all day diagnosing/treating/managing one patient.
My dream day.</p>

8

<p>My favorite is that any doomsday device, EMP-generating what-have-you can be reversed if only the hero can get to it in time and reverse the polarity. Apparently everything from laser guns to toasters runs on polarity.</p>

9

<p>Everyone using a keyboard can type approx. 500 words per minute, accurately, and their internet connections are faster than the speed of light. Oh, and of course, anyone who is computer savvy can hack into any top-security or government database, anywhere on the planet.</p>

10

<p>I can do without every plot device shamelessly derivative of the latest news tragedy, but masquerading as the “writing” of some screenplay artiste. Just the other night one of the CSI/Law&Order/Without a Trace types did a newly married man overboard on a cruise ship. We just had that story IRL within the last x months.</p>

11

<p>I think the hope is that if the pace of the action is fast enough, viewers won’t note the huge holes in the plot until the movie is over.</p>

<p>There’s is little need to eat or sleep for the duration of the plot.</p>

<p>Small children need little attention, leaving their parents free to carry on life as if they didn’t have any (think Friends).</p>

<p>Mothers of teenagers are only about 35 themselves.</p>

12

<p>The show that used every silly, crazy plot device conceivable, but somehow made it work - Gilliagan’s Island. The magic was lost when they made the follow-up movies though. Some highlights: Ginger’s never-ending supply of beautiful gowns and the Howell’s giant footlockers, all brought for a three-hour trip; the professor couldn’t fix the boat, but he could make a record player out of bamboo; the radio broadcasts that always had something to do with that day’s episode…etc, etc, etc.</p>

13

<p>A man can look any old way (see “Jim Belushi”), but his love interest will be beautiful (see “Courtney Thorne-Smith”).</p>

14

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</p>

<p>Actually, John Kerry proved this concept to be true. He and his fellow Swift Boat squadron incurred “withering fire” from both shores of the river and not a single bullet even hit one of the boats. So, perhaps Hollywood is correct in this matter.</p>

15

<p>I am a shameless sci-fi fan and it always bugs me when you HEAR things in space (space ship “engines”, lazer-weapons fire, explosions, etc). </p>

<p>ARGH!!!</p>

16

<p>Also, people on TV never really end phone conversations like us normal folks do, by saying “goodbye”. They just hang up. Just watch…it’s true!</p>

17

<p>I’ve noticed that, too, CMM. It’s so weird.</p>

18

<p>ok, Dadguy-I love this thread. One of my favorite shows on TV in terms of guns, chases, etc. is 24, which takes place in “real” time. </p>

<p>I worry so about the characters though, because they never eat or drink anything. I just know they are terribly dehydrated! Also, they often desperately need medical attention after being burned, shot, knifed, sprayed with chemicals, hit in the head, gagged, electrocuted, hung, grabbed by the hair, </p>

<p>Add to this having their computers hacked into and consumed by viruses, losing their cell phones, saving the president, dodging nuclear bombs, chemical bombs, and car bombs! Ok, I have seen people drink things, but they are usually spiked with poison!</p>

<p>Poor Jack! But then again, he’s sooooo macho!</p>

19

<p>come to think of it, they never sleep either!</p>

20

<p>So I’ve got a new plotline. How to smuggle exploding liquids and radioactive materials that can be put into food onto airliners.</p>

<p>It’s pretty simple, really. Snowglobes.</p>

<p>I just brought one back (without harmful substances) through Reagan National and no one said boo.</p>