I’m not sure how accurate that website would be because of the way I’ve seen minorities counted. For example, when my kids were in elementary school I was in the school office and overheard the secretaries counting minorities. They seemed to be doing an awful job. I am 100% Hispanic. Born in South America to South American parents. Moved here young and am pretty brown. My husband is a mutt. But a white, blond mutt. My kids have an “English” last name. One of them is fair skinned and a red head. One is light brown and dark blond. The third is dark skinned with dark brown hair. Is only the youngest a minority? None of them counted as such. My brother, however, having kept his Spanish surname has five hispanic children. Including the two freckle faced red heads.
There was a family in the school that had moved from a non English speaking European country. But they were white so were not counted as minorities although they didn’t speak English. While the black kids, born and raised in our affluent community were minorities. We had many Asian families. Some that had been here forever and whose children spoke perfect English as did the parents. Other Asian families had emigrated recently. Parents spoke little English and children were learning. Both were counted the same way.
It made no sense to me. I think we need to stop counting.
I am white and I worked for many years with a black personal trainer. She is a beautiful woman, very strong-willed and fiercely independent. Definitely one of the most interesting people I’ve ever met. During those years, we’ve got to know each other quite well, and, although we were not friends, we were definitely soul mates, and could discuss freely absolutely any topic, including racism. These are several rules I’ve learnt FROM HER.
Do not stereotype – you have Absolutely. No. Freaking. Idea. what a particular black person is “supposed to” think or feel. Just like whites, all blacks are different. And it is extremely annoying (and stupid) when whites make certain assumptions or expectations based on color.
Respect black people’s space – they may not be interested in dealing with you. If you want to become friends, you need to earn it. (Hint: being a non-racist isn’t enough)
Do not patronize. Do not try too hard. Do not look or act overtly friendly for no apparent reason No matter how good your intentions are, this is offensive and weird.
Your black friend, or a black friend of your child, is not an accessory to show your neighbors how open-minded and unbiased you are. And yes, they can tell the difference.
“One of the most important things to do as a non black person right now is to listen to black people.”
This this this! This is #1. We need to have a seat and listen when people tell us about their experiences. Then we need to believe them and not substitute our judgment for theirs. Most of the time, all white people need to add is, “I hear you.”
We need to search for and root out the racism within OURSELVES, not just the people around us. No one who grows up in America fails to internalize it. And we don’t get cured; it will creep back into our subconscious if we think “I’m done” and stop learning. Realize that we are going to make mistakes, and it doesn’t make us evil. Learn from the mistakes.
We also need to speak up in white and mostly-white spaces. Politely tell the MIL why you don’t want to hear those ideas and why you believe they are wrong. It’s not the job of the one black person in the workplace to respond to that questionable comment. White people need to step up and do that. It’s our job.
I’m glad I stumbled on this thread. I would like to share a quote from the Dallas Memorial that I hope more people will take to heart.
President George W. Bush
This quote made me pause when I watched a recording of the service. Fighting racism requires both self-reflection and the ability to put oneself in another’s shoes.
The ability to speak English is not what makes you a minority. If you look white, you’ll be treated as white. If you look black you’ll be treated as black, no matter how rich or well-educated you are. Remember the professor who got arrested for entering his own house? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Louis_Gates_arrest_controversy
I believe the map is based on Census data, which is self-reported. Obviously it’s not going to be 100% accurate, there are plenty of mixed race families, but it’s a start. Looking at our town, some neighborhoods are very integrated, but many are not.
@3bm103 your kids can choose to identify Hispanic or not, it’s not a race and it doesn’t matter what your last name is.
Identifying by race/ethnicity gives a very rough snapshot of a community. It’s not the be all and end all.
@mathmom My problem with the whole thing is that they didn’t ask me. Or anybody else attending that school. They just decided by themselves, whether from the last name or the looks of the children, how many minority children there were.
I still say we’d be better off if we stopped counting. Does it matter whether my children get counted as Hispanic or not? Not to me.
Don’t you think this is a two-way street? I think sometimes something happens and “we” don’t even dare to speak up and ask why or question how we are to think about it, so we just have to make it up ourselves. And maybe it’s a negative thing and then we internalize (and maybe generalize) a negative response. But we can’t fix it because we’re the bad ones.
“The basic problem is that racists don’t think there is anything wrong with being a racist. Period.”
That’s right. But part of the reason they continue to think that is that other white people don’t tell them that it is wrong.
“Don’t you think this is a two-way street?”
Sure, but white people are already getting heard. Everyone in the USA hears white people’s viewpoints and experiences all the time. Black people couldn’t avoid them if they tried. That’s not true in reverse.
I don’t agree that any group is the “bad ones,” but more importantly, why couldn’t “bad ones” work to fix a problem? Everyone can be anti-racist if they want to do the work. That starts with educating ourselves, which is an ongoing process. That’s what the thread is about.
This is a nice thread but honestly it leaves me disheartened. This forum is mostly middle income educated parents, and yet this thread hardly has any responses. If this population doesn’t feel motivated, I don’t hold out hope for the general population. This tells me most folks will not change behaviors and it will be business as usual until the next shooting. Sigh…
I’m not sure what there is to say, honestly. We all raise our kids as best we can to be as inclusive as we can. We have as inclusive a group of friends as works for us, and things turn out as best they can. My friends are of varying ethnic groups, as are our neighbors. Most of them are of similar socio-economic status as we are, but not all. Fighting racism/sexism/agism/whatever else -ism, in the abstract is challenging. We can each tackle it when we encounter it as best we can.
To me, a lot of the issue is exposure. When your best friends are from varying ethnic groups and varying sexual preferences, you learn that folks are basically very similar and a lot of the prejudices evaporate or never take hold. It’s like “South Pacific,” when Joe Cable sings “You have to be carefully taught” (when he explains prejudice to Nellie Forbush).
One thing I noticed when looking at the dot map is that census tracts with mostly rental housing can differ from those with mostly owner-occupied housing. This is because those living in rental housing turn over more quickly than those living in owner-occupied housing. For example, in an area where a “new” group has been moving in in large numbers for several years, some of the census tracts with mostly rental housing are solid for that group’s color, but census tracts with mostly owner-occupied housing show a mix of that group and those groups that were living in the area before the “new” group started moving in in large numbers.
Of course, in the early stage of such migration, the rental housing could be more diverse as member of the “new” group move into the rental housing, while the owner-occupied housing has mainly whoever was there before the migration.
Perhaps more disheartening are votes and polls indicating that a large percentage of the population is pro-racism, and another significant percentage of the population does not object to it much.
Also, among the forum population, one can also observe the responses when the topic of a non-black person considering a historically black school comes up.
I hear all the time about negative experiences people of color have had with white people. Totally acceptable. You really think there is some black person out there with whom I could discuss a negative experience I had? How would that be seen? Even to hold the view that something was a negative experience is racist.
“The basic problem is that racists don’t think there is anything wrong with being a racist. Period.”
Recently from my experiences I think the bigger problem is people who are obviously racist who either don’t recognize it in themselves or are in denial, but adamantly claim they are not.