We have the marriage possibly ending after 30 years thread with lots of money matters discussed; the financial infidelity thread, and the how do your kids so their money thread. Lots of talk about financial matters.
Are you advising your kids to do a pre-nup? If your kid’s SO has big student loans? If your kid or their SO has earned a likely high paying job, JD, MD, finance, etc?
I’ve kicked it around with DH. … that is telling the kids it might be a good idea. Some friends of ours whose D got married last summer INSISTED their D do one, although they didn’t dictate terms. They have some stock/potentially some $$ and D was marrying someone divorced. Made the topic come up.
I’d like mine to think about it because of property I inherited/will inherit that I’d like to keep in the family. My Great-grandffather homesteaded it and my family of origin worked hard on it. My kids have it easy, but still I think they might have some attachment to the place. On the other hand, I’ll be dead so won’t really care will I?
As I understand it, student loans that date before the marriage are not the responsibility of the spouse, unless that person co-signed. Of course debt has an impact on marital finances anyway. http://www.usnews.com/education/best-colleges/paying-for-college/articles/2015/07/20/how-marriage-affects-your-student-loan-repayment
None of my daughters have considered pre-nups, though two of them are likely always to be the primary breadwinner. Dh and I started our marriage with nothing in the days before “pre-nup” was a word, so we aren’t qualified to give advice!
D1 told me recently that she was surprised how many of her friends are considering it. She said some are just putting it on paper there are certain things they have would not be part of communal property, like family heirlooms.
I figured it was none of my business. None of my children got a prenup. I would have been quietly disappointed if htey had but would have kept my mouth shut. My parents have a lot of money. They didn’t advise us to get one either. Now my children will inherit and I will also stay out of it. So far so good.
@esobay - why not just put the property in a trust? My grandmother did that with her property because my dad remarried and she wanted to make sure it went to him and then us (assuming anythings is left) when he dies.
Mine did not, and I also would have been disappointed. I also would have told them to question marrying someone who asked for one.
D1 and I did discuss this briefly while she was in medical school and I encouraged her consider signing one before she got married. She said that pre-nups were a big topic of discussion among her classmates with a number of her classmates signing pre-nups before they got married. Pre-nups were particularly common among her classmates who weren’t fresh-out-of-undergrad 22 year olds. Older non-trad students who had been thru a few failed relationships. I think because we live in a community property state where the value of a medical degree and any future earnings are considered marital property has a big influence on their attitudes.
D1 will getting married this fall and she & her fiancé will probably have a pre-nup. They won’t be combining finances, at least not right away. In part because they won’t be living together for the first 2-3 years due to career necessities.
I don’t think S and DIL have one. DIL paid off her student loans before they were married. They now make similar salaries. I don’t believe one of them brought more assets to the marriage than the other, so what would’ve been the purpose.
Pre-nup or not, it would probably be a good idea for prospective spouses to get to know each other’s financial habits and be ok with them, so that they do not become a source of aggravation or motivation for divorce later.
We didn’t have one back when we were married and I would respect whatever our kids decide WHEN and IF they are in serious relationships.
When we married, H had some equity in real estate with negative cash flow. We were earning similar amounts and coincidentally, I had about as much savings as his equity. I’d be sad if our kids felt the need to have prenups. To the best of my knowledge, none of my extended family has had any, and no divorces. My sis was a bit troubled by the significant ed loans her SIL brought to the marriage, but since the couple is happy, she is.
I will counsel my D(s) to have a pre-nup. Although I firmly believe that all money/assets earned during the marriage should be split equally. I would argue thatif D went into the marriage with $50K than if they should divorce she should get that money back and any interest that that specific money may have earned. I see nothing wrong with putting down in writing the expectations of the marriage. It forces you to confront issues that many seem to want to keep their head in the sand about, issues that should be discussed and decided before you actually get married.
I doubt my kids will do this.
I would never want to get married while preparing for divorce.
@MichiganGeorgia not to derail the topic! But half the property is in Dad’s trust and half I still share with my brother. Land can be a burden to care for and there don’t seem to be property managers for that, they want liquid stuff they can “care” for from their desks. I am working on making a trust to have enough money to pay the taxes so the land can stay in the family, but IDK what to do with the land itself.
Is the land undeveloped? Does anyone really WANT it? If not, perhaps it may be wise to sell and exchange for something that is actually desired, like rental property or a vacation place that can be rented out or lived in.
We didnt have one, but I can see the merit if one has a trust of other family wealth.
Our kids are likely to inherit some money from us. Depending on how things go with the docs treating for chronic health issues, we may do some sort of trust to protect our kids, but who knows what the future holds?
What is the saying - hope for the best, but prepare for the worst? I am in the “respect what the kids want” camp, assuming no huge difference in going in position.
Mr R and I were both flat broke when we married so no, no pre-nup and I don’t think I’d ever seriously consider one even if we were “of means.” Neither of us will inherit anything so nothing to worry about there.
Neither of our parents brought up a pre-nup with us. I’d honestly be pretty angry if they did. I just feel that it’s not really their business or their place to do that.
None of my friends have done pre-nups and I’d honestly be shocked if any of them even thought of it.