<p>Reading these posts made me realize that I would be inclined to be closer to my own D’s future children rather than my S’s, just because I would feel closer to my D than my DIL. Like greenwitch said, "I will be very, very careful about this when I’m a grandmother!!! "</p>
<p>Sometimes these situations arise because one sibling allows the grandparent to be a big part of the child’s life, and the other sibling limits access for one reason or another. It’s hard to love somebody you barely know.</p>
<p>That’s all I can say about that.</p>
<p>Some times its not avoidable. If some of your grandchildern are 3000 miles away or even overseas, you barely see them once or twice a year, the local day in and day out ones will certainly be favored.</p>
<p>My grandparents had 9 children, some of my cousins are overseas, it take a lot of efforts for my uncles or aunts to bring the whole family home for a visit. So basically, my cousins are just aquantances to my grandparents.</p>
<p>With my inlaws as I mentioned- they took early retirement so they could be the child care providers for their sil & daughter. They also were more attuned to their lifestyle- ( lots of trips to Disneyland- no comment about alcoholic grandfather- shopping as an EC), whereas they felt we were trying to rise " above our station", we didn’t need them for child care ( well we knew better- for one, plus, I chose to be a child care provider myself- so I wouldn’t need child care regularly, but inlaws made it clear they were not available even if H & I then wanted to < gasp> go out once in a while.)</p>
<p>So while I acknowledge that inlaws certainly were much more familiar with their other granddaughter, episodes such as inviting mygirls over for a birthday dinner, but then canceling it at the last minute because the * other* granddaughter couldn’t be there, was mean IMO, because it was part of a pattern to emphasize who the favorite was.</p>
<p>My kids and I are definitely the closest to my parents, I was the baby by a good many years and was not a rebellious hippie like all my sibs 
as I was in a different era. I have always been close to the folks and they have moved to our new locations when we have relocated. My kids were lucky to live nearby and have a great rapport with them and I am sure my siblings know that.</p>
<p>Yes, when I moved away and we both had little kids, my brother and his wife did not make any effort to engender closeness (they were left in the same town as the grandparents) I used to have family dinner every weekend with my parents & brother’s family, they never did that, they just let the kids be babysat when handy, but did not spend time together. Time spent together is what brings closeness.</p>
<p>My parents love all the grandkids, but they know my kids best. The day in and day out relationships create a connection, they know, really know who the kids are, rather than a Christmas letter version of them seen once or twice a year in a contrived circumstance.</p>
<p>My Dad was really bad about traveling, though my mother has been making an effort to both go visit and/or pay for others to come see her, which I really commend. But, yeah, my kids will always be seen that way.</p>
<p>The age differences are also a factor. There is 20-25 years between the oldest and youngest grandchildren, so the facts of life at the time of each childhood also affected the ability of everyone to bond.</p>
<p>“Time spent together is what brings closeness”.</p>
<p>Yes, that’s true, but it cuts both ways. In emeraldkity4’s post, we see grandparents who choose to spend more time with one family than with others. Continue that for awhile, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.</p>
<p>I really don’t have favorites with my own kids- and I don’t think my mother did either- although she would try to give us the impression that she did have favorites & that we each were the favored one.
With my inlaws, the issue wasn’t so much ( to me) ,that they did more, and spent more time with their other granddaughter- I didn’t * want* them around my kids- they didn’t like me, ever ( that came first BTW), and since grandpa is an alcoholic and since everyone except for my family pretends it is OK, I didn’t want my kids to think that was normal or acceptable behavior.
But for whatever reason- we would extend invitations and even the day before, they said they would be there & they weren’t.
As well as canceling on their end.
It was pretty hard because they live in town- but I got tired of being jerked around & while my kids loved their grandparents, I couldn’t stand to see them treated like that.</p>
<p>Ironically, both of his sisters have been divorced for several years from the SILs who were treated better, than my H has been.( since he had the bad judgment to marry me) 
While H & I are still married and are fairly happy, especially since he went through treatment for his own alcohol problem about 10 years ago.</p>
<p>I suspect his parents are perhaps regretting their past behavior, but now, not really a lot they can do to repair it- the girls are grown and busy with their own lives.</p>
<p>Greenwithc- that closeness comment, regarding my in laws, they are vastly more annoying to my kids who have spent far more time with them than to the cousins who spend less time. They are annoying to every one, I finally free to say that after some conversations with some of their lifelong friends; it’s really not us, it’s them.</p>
<p>So, in their case, the more frequent contact did not engender the affection and closeness one might hope for!</p>
<p>^^^I hear you!</p>