I find the unlimited power females have over males to be frightening. I would remind everyone of numerous highly publicized cases of rape that turned out to be fabricated. There are surely more that will never be exposed to be false and of course some are and will be absoslutely ltrue. But we live in an era where a girl can accuse a boy and he is instantly guilty. While this recent PEA case is disturbing to me it is mostly disturbing because of the idiocy of this reverend. The boy seems to be crass and boorish. The girl went with him to the basement. They knew each other. Why did she go to the basement with him? I suspect she liked him. Maybe because she was there with him , he thought they were going to mess around. He groped her. She can say anything she wants. He admitted he grabbed her. Personally that isn’t assault. However after touching her two times it apparently ended so I assume he got the message that she wasn’t interested in more? Girls have no accountability anymore in their actions in these many incidents.
Center writes: “The girl went with him to the basement. They knew each other. Why did she go to the basement with him? I suspect she liked him.”
I think Center’s imagination is overly active and seems to expect the worst from the females for some reason.
From the article:
"In fact, the evening had started out innocently when Chudi — until then a casual friend — invited her to the church to keep him company on his birthday while he was working a campus job. "
Male and female friends and acquaintances can hang out together without the female expecting or anticipating unwanted groping. Hanging out in a church, even the basement which appears to be frequently used, and keeping a friend company while they are working does not equal the message “Let’s hook up”. Even if Chudi expected something else, a no mean no. It should stop right there. I am sure any senior at PEA has had consent training in some fashion or another. In light of the Labrie case, I am sure this was discussed on campus at PEA.
Center writes: “He admitted he grabbed her. Personally that isn’t assault.”
Frankly, Center’s personal opinion doesn’t matter. The local police and DA in New Hampshire feel otherwise. That is why Chudi was ARRESTED and CHARGED with misdemeanor sexual assault. These trained individuals surely feel the evidence they have, more I am sure than any of us have read in the Boston Globe article, meets the law of New Hampshire’s definition of misdemeanor sexual assault.
Additionally, it doesn’t appear to be a first time thing for Chudi to behave this way, as the article states:
“Her friend eventually confessed that she had pushed Chudi away as he groped her in the church basement where he was working in September.”
Center’s son is an incoming freshman at PEA this September. As parent of a male student (and athlete), I highly suggest that Center and husband make sure their son is extremely well versed on what the letter of the law reads in New Hampshire as well as the PEA student code of conduct, as opposed to parental viewpoints on the matter. I made this same suggestion when Center previously expressed very similar opinions during discussion of the Labrie case, another New Hampshire case and trial.
I also suggest Center reread post #1675 regarding the current culture from the perspective of a current parent of the school. Without a doubt, in light of this current case and others, there is bound to be a needed increased focus and crackdown on behavior like this.
It’s apologists like this that perpetuate the “boys will be boys” mentality.
"Nearly 700 alumni of Phillips Exeter Academy in New Hampshire have signed a petition vowing to withhold donations to the elite boarding school until leaders crack down on sexual abuse of students.
The alumni signed a letter to the board of trustees saying they have lost confidence in the school administration over the issue."
"In light of those precautions and heightened scrutiny, alumni said they were staggered and furious to learn this week that school officials had not reported Ikpeazu’s alleged assault on Henry in the basement of the school church.
“There can be no illusions left about the academy’s breathtaking inadequacy on sexual assault,’’ said the petition. “After two major revelations of past incidents at the academy, and similar incidents at other peer schools, Exeter should have never been on higher alert. . . . Yet instead, Exeter’s most senior administrators could not have been more asleep at the wheel.’’"
Center, seriously if you have any difficulty seeing why the actions constituted assault, envision one man groping another in the way that was described and admitted.
Church basements come in a wide variety of types. The basement of my home church had a kitchen, the fellowship hall where meetings and dinners were held, a set of Sunday school rooms, and the baptistry. Hardly a sinister or dangerous-seeming place. I don’t know what is in the Exeter church basement. Perhaps it is only the furnace and water-heater room, and the young man was doing janitorial tasks. Still, accepting an invitation to keep someone company in a church basement? Sounds comparatively safe to me, on the face of it, and not like a response to a come-on.
in Center’s defense, and I don’t agree with alot that got posted by Center, the difference between what constitutes harassment and what a high school and college can handle and what constitutes assault that needs to be handled by the police and prosecutors can be a very fine line.
In the handbook for our high school the punishment for something like groping is stated as follows:
In response to mom of three boys: The male is stated to have groped the young woman under her clothing. I don’t think there is a fine line needed to decide about this. In addition, even if there were somehow a fine line that applied to this situation, the decision about which side of the line the incident falls on should not be made by someone (e.g. a prep school staffer) with a vested interest in deciding that it is just something that the school should handle.
Again, I think it would be telling if you consider the reaction if the incident had been male on male.
"In the handbook for our high school the punishment for something like groping is stated as follows:
Students who violate this policy may be:
Placed on a school performance contract
Suspended from school
Referred to the law enforcement agency"
None of which PEA initially did. Instead, all they seemed to do was extract some kind of “bread baking” penance from the accused.
Not sure if you were directed my quote back to me for some reason, but I already said I didn’t agree with the bread baking. I’m got no “side” on this, only the comment that the line between harassment and assault can be a fine one as a response to Center.'s posts Clearly the prosecutor’s office decided that this particular incident crossed that line, or there would be no charges and I believe I was the first one that posted there was a charge.
My point in requoting your high school’s steps for groping @momofthreeboys was to point out that the school’s administration did not take the reasonable steps your school has outlined for such an offense. The 17 year old girl had to continue to push and contact officials herself. To me that is unacceptable and I question whether PEA followed their obligations under their Mandatory Reporter role.
@doschicos thanks for the link to the article about the “no confidence” letter signed by the 600+ alumni. This article gives some additional information:
http://www.unionleader.com/700-alumni-sign-letter-threatening-to-withhold-financial-support-for-Phillips-Exeter
I think it’s worth noting that one of the organizers of the letter is an Exeter alum who just graduated from Princeton and will be a Rhodes Scholar in the fall. To me this shows it’s not simply a matter of unsuccessful alumni with an axe to grind who are concerned with the allegations per the suggestion that @Center made about Michaella having an agenda because her college acceptances weren’t on par with those of the accused.
Someone upthread mentioned that they were sorry at the thought that the Rev. would be fired as a “sacrificial lamb.” I don’t agree with that sentiment because from what has been written about the events, he was going rogue in dealing with it. Had MacFarlane or someone else above him in the administrative ranks asked him to broker the bread penance deal that would be one (very appalling) thing, but it sounds like he may have taken it on himself to handle the matter outside of the normal chain of command.
ETA - Mods - should the posts about the Exeter situation perhaps be made into its own thread? Not sure if we are getting too far off the topic of the thread, the SPS rape.
These cases are all very sad and certainly make one lose faith in the “System” that has been set-up to protect minors , more importantly, inform their families, at Boarding Schools.
And the penance break at Exeter!!! Unbelievable.
This year at Choate, there were a few third form (freshmen) girls who conducted themselves in a more than “Unlady-like manner.” You get the gist of it. As the mother of a girl, I would NEVER want my daughter to behave in the sexually aggressive manner that seems “OK”, and sometimes actually condoned by our current societal norms. I just thank my lucky stars that our son was not yet in the full zone of puberty and therefore was completely unaware of their behavior (we in fact learned of it from one of said girls’ roommate’s mom). As a family, I hope that we have instilled enough common-sense, respect your body-as-a-temple values in our daughter to protect her prior to her entering the BS world.
And NO, I am NOT stating that Michaella at Exeter was behaving badly. In fact, no one on this board, having not been in the basement with said parties, can make any assertions about her or the perpetrator’s behavior. I am just stating that sometimes, some girls DO behave badly. We used to call this “Slutty” when I was in HS. Is it called female empowerment now?
*penance bread!
@itcannotbetrue wondering if you have an equally demeaning word for the boys who are behaving in “more than an ungentlemanly-like manner.” Or do they just get a “bye?”
And yes we can make assertions about what happened in that basement. You must not have read the complete article - he admitted to the allegations.
@Harvestmoon1 --Firstly, your tone is aggressive.
Secondly, since you asked, yes, there is an equally demeaning word for the boys who act in an “Ungentlemanly-like manner:” Pigs.
I know, accountability is a hard pill to swallow these days.
If I had a daughter who was heading for a boarding school, I would check whether it was permitted for young women to carry pepper spray. I have also seen ads on Facebook for an extremely bright flashlight. There are also videos that show how to immobilize an attacker wearing a T-shirt. Basically, I would not count on the good conduct of my daughter as sufficient protection. Sadly, it is not.
Some time back, I was pretty impressed with HarvestMoon’s description of preparing her daughter to go off to school. Pepper spray, etc.
Hope I’m remembering correctly…
Really? You’d consider sending a daughter to a place where carrying pepper spray is required? What a sad state of affairs. I wouldn’t send a son to a place where any student feels like they should be carrying pepper spray.
@itcannotbetrue I do not think my tone was aggressive in the least. Are you feeling defensive? Perhaps you should go back and read your post # 1690. I think the last 2 sentences of that post were very aggressive and provacative.
And I am all for accountability. It has been the foundation of my parenting philosophy with both my S and my D.
First, the young man or “pig” as @itcannotbetrue would call him admitted the allegations and is now in the hands of authorities (where he belonged from the get go). So, it seems more likely than not that the girl’s account was accurate.
Second, @3bm103, as much as I would never send one of my own to a boarding school, being firmly of the belief that parenting should not be delegated to institutions, assaults can happen anywhere, including at your local public high school or next door neighbor’s house. Even the best and most protective boarding school could harbor an assailant. Not really fair to blame the schools for that, but it is fair to blame them for how assaults are handled once discovered.
Re 3bm103: I am not sure that there is any university campus (except maybe Wheaton College, and perhaps Caltech and MIT??) where it would be 100% unnecessary for a young woman to carry pepper spray. It would be advisable on my campus.
Personally, I have no plans to send a child to boarding school. But I recognize that there may be some family situations where that is essential.
If you read about the guide to St. Paul’s that was compiled by a student as an independent project, under the direction of the Rector of St. Paul’s (you can access information about this in the legal filing by the student who is suing St. Paul’s), I think you will be appalled.
Added: The need for a son to carry pepper spray is greatly reduced relative to the need for a daughter to carry pepper spray.
My real point was that good conduct (excellent conduct) on the part of the young woman is not sufficient to keep her safe. Pepper spray probably isn’t either, but it improves the odds.