Princeton Supplement Essay

<p>On Option 4 of the Princeton Supplement Essay, it says to use “a favorite quotation from an essay or a book and write about an event or experience that defined one of your values or transformed the way you view the world.” I decided to go with the “transformation” in this light-hearted but serious essay. Please give me any criticisms if you can!</p>

<p>BTW, there could be grammatical mistakes so I will apologize about that early on.</p>

<p>“We do not tread upon the poor little animal [the spider] in question (that seems barbarous and pitiful!) but we regard it with a sort of mystic horror and superstitious loathing. It will ask another hundred years of fine writing and hard thinking to cure us of this prejudice, and make us feel towards this ill-omened tribe with something of ‘the milk of human kindness’, instead of their own shyness and venom.” – William Hazlitt, “On the Pleasure of Hating”</p>

<pre><code>One hot summer afternoon, I had planted myself near my desk, my binder propped open. My forehead poured sweat, which seeped through my shirt (which was, unfortunately, black). The shirt had absorbed so much sunlight that my body became an oven, baking my skin darker shades of brown. Mentally exhausted, I rested my sweaty forehead on my desktop, realizing a second later that I had created a perfect resting spot for the hideous creature that lurked in my room – the fly.
The fly gently landed right on top of my papers, giving no respect to them whatsoever. Scrubbing its little legs together like it was trying to dispose of something onto my papers…but there was only one way to treat this insect – swatting it away. I threw my hands at the pest and began swatting like a madman at the insect. Seconds later, my hands swirled around like a whirlwind, and I became disoriented and frustrated. Attracted to my black, sweaty hair, the fly decided to rest its tired legs on top of it, treating my body like its home. A fly was no more than an annoying gypsy, so forcing it to leave me was a painful and annoying task.
The wretched creature discovered a wonderful path downstairs to the kitchen. It realized for the first time in its life that there was a world outside my small room. But to my misfortune, when the fly entered the kitchen, I was calmly eating my dinner. Darting towards my food, the fly lighted on my rice and from that point a gruesome battle of swatting and escape ensued.
The fly finally returned to the home of scorching light bulbs. Infuriated by it, I yelled insanely, “Stay in your useless lamp! You will probably burn there anyway!”
My mother overheard my yelling and calmly said, “Flies are pure. That’s why they’re attracted to the bright light. Remember Saavanth: Oko roju, oka eega peru…”
She narrated to me a story in Telegu. There was once a fly that forgot its name, and flew into a lady’s house, and asked her what its name was. The lady said she didn’t know, the fly flew to a barn and asked a cow, then it flew across the country, and the ridiculous tale continued. But by the end of it all, the fly asked the kings’ foal what its name was, and the fly had finally understood.
As I returned to my desk, I stared back at the lamp. Perhaps the fly did have the purest of intentions, and none of those were to hurt me. In that wonderful tale, maybe a fly was always buzzing around and questioning its identity. I happily shook the lamp and I released the fly from its home: it needs the whole world (which could very well be my house….) to discover who it is.
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<p>If it’s easier for me to PM anyone instead of reading the essay here, I’m fine with that.</p>

<p>well… it was fairly good as a literary exercise… hopefully no one reading it will have relatives in the holocaust and get offended by the gypsy line…</p>

<p>this is good I think I might borrow some of it.</p>

<p>How did this event influence one of your values or changed the way you view the world? Your writing is fine; you write well. I’m just not sure you answered the prompt.</p>

<p>I just copied and pasted this essay. I’m submitting my application tonight :D</p>

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<p>BTW, I didnt really copy it lol. I wouldnt do that. Considering my dad revises my essays for me, and he would easily sense that this isnt mine. Hope I didnt scare you, because that wasnt the intention</p>

<p>As the supplement, you spent too much time describing the anecdote, and not enough time explaining the quotation. You should be talking about how the quote affects you, or how it changed your way of thinking. Right now it seems more like you’re trying to tie it in with a story instead of answering the prompt.</p>

<p>As I understand it, the supplement is limited to ~150 words. Be very precise with your diction. I would probably choose another quote, seeing as this one isn’t going very far. Either that, or rewrite your essay to shorten the action and improve the mental reflection.</p>