<p>I would like to get people’s perspective on something that has my wife and me somewhat puzzled. Maybe it is a cultural thing but </p>
<p>Why cannot the mom of a 17 year old girl be in the examination room when the doctor examines her? And then the pharmacy calls to get our insurance information but will not tell us about the medication. I can understand with 18+ but this is a minor child. What if there is something (god forbid) seriously wrong - will they not tell us even then? Seem ridiculous that they wanted my wife to stay in the reception area even though our child was perfectly ok with her being in the room. BTW - this had nothing to do with sexual activity or anything like that - so this argument of will not talk in front of parents does not even arise.</p>
<p>I don’t know the law but it starts at 16. They treat them like an adult. 16-18 is no man’s land. They’re minors but parents have no rights and can’t get info. But they’re not actually adults so you still have to give permission for treatment. Ins co won’t talk to you even if they are hospitalized. But you’ll still get the bill and be expected to pay it. It’s not cultural, there’s something whacky with the privacy laws.</p>
<p>This must be something new. When my kids were that age, they could have a parent in the examining room if they wanted to – and they did want it. I offered them the opportunity to see the doctor alone, but they always refused, probably because they realized that I knew their medical history better than they did at that point in their lives.</p>
<p>I think having the child start to see the dr by themselves at about 14-15 or so is good practice for taking charge of their own medical care as an adult.
I did help them write up lists of what to ask.</p>
<p>I don’t understand why if your D wants a parent in the room the Dr won’t allow it. I even go into the examination room on occasion with my spouse if it is a visit that is important.
With my kids I started at a certain point asking them if they wanted me to come in. At their well visits I would go in for part of the visit and leave at a point so they could talk to the Dr about anything they might not be comfortable discussing in front of me.
My youngest is 20 and I still go in to the exam room when she sees her neurologist. The Dr office doesn’t mind.</p>
<p>I’ve never heard of it being a rule, but I think the default is to offer to let the minor come back alone and then the minor can choose whether or not the parent can come back. </p>
<p>Personally, I think it’s a good rule from a health standpoint as we want minors to be able to talk to their doctors openly. </p>
<p>As for meds- can’t you just get that info from insurance? </p>
<p>My girls still ask me to go to some of their doctor’s appts if they anticipate any issue. Some doctors do not like to deal parents and some welcome it. We tend to find doctors who are more caring and accommodating. When D1 needed a biopsy done, her doctor let me be in the room with her. When D2 had an ultrasound for a lump, I was also in the room with her. I was in the room for both of our girls’ first gynecology exam. They now go by themselves for their annual check-up. Recently when I had an issue with D1’s dental care, her dentist spoke with me.</p>
<p>I’ve never had that experience. Mom was always welcome in the room and she always knew what treatment I was receiving along with the corresponding prescription. </p>
<p>When my boys check in for their appointments, they are given a form which asks them to list anyone who should be granted access to their medical records. Since they don’t want to pay their own medical bills, they always right down my name…Only once have I had to use it. S2 had some blood work done and I needed to discuss it with the doc.</p>
<p>I do think at some point, these teens need to have at least a few minutes of privacy with the doctor because I’m assuming all doctors screen for sexual activity and/or drug use during routine exams. And many kids would not be honest with the doctor if their parents were in the room. But once that line of questioning has been dealt with, and the doctor is able to ascertain that the kid prefers the parent in the room, there’s no reason they shouldn’t be. But I can see some parents telling the doctor, “Of course my kid wants me in the room,” when in actuality, if the doctor asks the kid, they don’t. So the doctor needs a few minutes of privacy with the kid to determine that. </p>
<p>I wonder if your ped doesn’t take this more seriously than some others might. I certainly think if the 17 yo, or 20 yo or 40 yo wants you there that trumps. </p>
<p>That said, I do think it is about privacy of all sorts (including those involving sexuality/domestic violence/contraceptives etc). This is likely especially important when parents might have strict religious or cultural reasons that would inhibit open conversations with the MD. </p>
<p>I am 24 and my mom still occasionally comes back with me for all sorts of doctors, not even just the regular one that might know her. My fiance always does if he is with me. I tend to spend 30-40 minutes waiting once I am in the room so I like the company, my medical issues are not secrets and I don’t care if they are there. Never, ever been an issue.</p>
<p>Are you sure your D didn’t tell the doctor she wanted to come back in private, and told you that she had no idea why the doctor wouldn’t let you back? Just sounds bizarre. Maybe they had some pushy parents cause problems and they made the policy just to simplify more complicated family situations, but that doesn’t seem right. I don’t think I would be wholly comfortable being made to come back alone if I didn’t want to.</p>
<p>It doesn’t seem right to me either. Not at 17. I always went in with my daughter, not because I’m pushy but just because I drove her, we sat together in the waiting room, and they called her name and we went in. It never occurred to me not to go in. And honestly by the time we got to a Dr’s office we had already been through every possible at-home exam and conversation you can imagine. There really were no secrets. </p>
<p>Exactly. And if a kid comes from a controlling household or something, there is no way he or she is going to say “no, I don’t want mom/dad coming back.” Once the child privately establishes that it’s ok and it’s what he/she wants then the adult should be allowed back. </p>
<p>Ugh. Just a typo. No need for the glaring red edit -.-</p>
<p>ETA: Actually, I just remembered that at Planned Parenthood I was told that no one could come back with me at all. I completely understand the reasons for this plus the offices were really, really tiny. No where to have even had another person sit. But still nothing as far as a regular doctor that I can recall. </p>
<p>Maybe, I’m missing something here but if the parent clearly drove the underage child to the Dr. in the first place what possible secrets could they be there to spill? I’m not getting this, really. Anyway, the OP said it had nothing to do with sex… Although, since she’s underage I really don’t know why even that would be none of the parent’s business. I would find a new doctor. This is not the norm around here.</p>
<p>Starting in high school the pediatrician would start my daughter’s exam by talking to both of us to discuss any issues etc. and then would do part of the exam in private with just my daughter (she did talk to her about school, drugs, drinking, boys, smoking, etc.) I was then invited back for her getting any shots or to discuss any concerns. My daughter had bloodwork done at 18 and the doctor would only talk to her over the phone with the results.</p>
<p>I have no daughters, but if a doctor insisted that I leave during the examination of my 17 yr old daughter I would insist that a female nurse be present with the doctor during the exam. Is that standard practice btw these days?</p>
<p>I’m a pediatrician. At about age 13-14, I start talking a little about confidentiality and about privacy wrt exams. I say (always starting with parent in the room), “First I’m going to see what kinds of questions you and your mom have, then I’ll ask my questions. Then I’m going to do your exam. Don’t worry–nothing gross or weird, though I do have to check your privates quick. You’re getting to the age when you might want some privacy. It’s up to you if you want your mom in the room or not. She’s not going to see your privates. Maybe start thinking about it now whether you’d like her here or in the waiting room for that part.” Then I turn to the mom and say, “If she wants to be alone with me during the exam, things we talk about will be confidential unless she tells me otherwise and unless I think a patient is thinking about hurting themselves or other people.” When it comes time for the exam, I ask the patient what they’d like to do. “I don’t care” almost always means, “I want mom to stay in the room” and I say that out loud, to see if I’m contradicted by the kid (never happens). If the child wants privacy, I have mom step out for a few minutes. Have NEVER had issues with doing it this way. Privacy starts trumping mom in the room at about age 16.5 or so, some earlier, some later. It works well because the kid who wants mom in the room also never wants to talk about something private. And the kids who want privacy usually don’t either, they just want privacy for THAT part of the exam, lol. Which lasts about five seconds. </p>
<p>The above is for checkups, well child care and sports physicals. Obviously some things will require a different kind of exam. </p>
<p>@Flossy - seriously? You can’t see what possible secrets there are to spill? </p>
<p>Yes, the OP says it’s not sexual but in any other context you really can’t see any secrets? You don’t think any 17 year old has ever told their parent that they have been having stomach aches or something but is really worried about an STI?</p>