<p>One of the advantages to having a relationship with a dr. is that they may allow a child under the age of 18 to come in for an exam without a parent present. Our pediatrician was great about that. I always came for the annual physicals, but for something like a sinus infection or a flu shot, once my kids were driving the dr. would see them alone if I called first. Granted not all will, but our pediatrician was a solo practicioner who forged close relationships with patients and families. </p>
<p>And yes, there are federal and state laws (varying by state) that mandate kids of a certain age be able to have specific visits to a dr. without parental notification (usually about STDs or pregnancy). It’s to protect teenagers who are afraid to talk to their parents - better they be able to see a dr on their own than go untreated or resort to unsafe or illegal treatments. Sad that is the case, but in some families it is. </p>
<p>^ I have been going to a GP since I was about 12 or 13. I honestly don’t ever remember going to a pediatrician. I switched docs often and never had a relationship. None of them ever had an issue letting me go into the room by myself even from as young as 14/15. </p>
<p>Okay, but the OP said it was not about sexual issues. Can a doctor refuse to give information about an underage child to a parent. That seems wrong.</p>
<p>romani-- when D was over 18 but still on our insurance policy, Medco required her to have her own account – charges were passed through to the login I could see (Pharmacy, $27) but no indication of what the medication was. We had to go through some gymnastics with them to get the authorizations so that I could reorder allergy meds etc. for her.</p>
<p>What information would a parent need? Parents can “see” if they have an anorexic or overweight teen. Parents don’t “need” to be party to a conversation about sex or contraception - hopefully the parents have all ready covered it and if too squeamish, then easier for a physician. I’m trying to think of something I would need to know that the kids wouldn’t share with me from an annual physical. e.g. if they need a vaccination booster or something they have always come home with the paperwork in hand having gotten the shot they needed.</p>
<p>I have never run into this with any of my kids, with either seeing the Dr. or with getting info at a pharmacy. Of course once they turned 18 it did change. I have always given all kids the choice of whether they wanted me in the examination room with them. I wanted to make sure that my kids felt they could discuss absolutely anything with their Dr. without worrying that we would find out. I do usually go into the Rheumatologist with our youngest as he likes having a second pair of ears to make sure we are keeping on top of his disease. He did usually tell me it was OK to go in with him to other appts., but I always made sure the Dr. knew I was fine with leaving if he felt it necessary. </p>
<p>It doesn’t have to be sex related. My daughter just went through some major health issues recently and was diagnosed and treated for a tumor. The doctor who was treating her asked me to leave the room at one point, because the kind of growth she had could have been caused by drug use, particularly Heroin. Thankfully my daughter doesn’t use, but if she did and I didn’t know about it, I would want her to be able to give this kind of information to her doctor freely without worrying about my reaction. My hurt feelings and righteous indignation has no place in her appointment about her health care. </p>
<p>I’m pretty sure my S was about 13 when he decided either dad went with him or he went in alone. I didn’t even see him without a shirt at that age-he was terribly shy in that regard. Older D Went for appointments at her school clinic for both sports and regular appointments. She took herself to the regular doc and made her own copays from her freshman year on. If she was really sick, like when she had strep, she would ask me to driver her. She never had a serious illness that I needed to be informed of. Younger D is 14 and I was asked to step out briefly at the last physical (with a female nurse present) but was then asked to come back in for any last questions. She’s had the same doc since she was 2 and we’re fine with how it went. If she wants to start going in alone we’re ok with that.</p>
<p>@arabrab - interesting. I didn’t know that. I haven’t been on a family insurance policy in several years so I didn’t realize adult children sometimes had their own accounts. </p>
<p>I stopped going into the exam room with my son when he was about 13. He was never sick so the only time he saw Dr. was for his yearly camp physical. Dr. would then meet me after but just to touch base as there was never any medical issues to discuss. He has been going to an internist since he turned 18 ( he’s 20 now) and I’ve never even met him, though he is in same practice group as my and DH’s PCP. </p>
<p>When my girls were infants - age 12 or so, I always took them to their male pediatrician and always went in with them. When they started to go through puberty, I could tell they were getting uncomfortable. I found a new practice which specializes in girls aged 11-25. They are VERY thorough with the girls. They have a therapist who specializes in eating disorders/body image problems, and anxiety/depression, a nutritionist (for general nutrition but specifically trained in eating disorders), and even a massage therapist on call as a referral (if you need counseling, their therapists come to their office for sessions). They offer all kinds of classes from babysitting/CPR to Mom/daughter yoga. It’s a very holistic practice, and every year at their well checkup, they speak in private to the girls about sex, birth control, body image issues, nutrition, whatever may apply to that girl. My girls often told me in the car what they had talked about. When D1 had to go on birth control for issues not related to sexual activity, they nevertheless spoke to her about STDs and not counting on birth control pills alone to protect herself. When she had her first boyfriend, the doctor asked if she was considering becoming sexually active. D1 said no, but told me they nevertheless discussed the importance of condoms and the Dr. taught her how to put one on a model. When D2 was having problems with tampons, the doctor took a model of the female anatomy and taught her the proper way to do this. She was cured in one session. They talked about how to say no to drinking and drugs, about teen dating violence, etc. All these things I had discussed with my girls, but not every parent does, but even so these doctors still wanted to make sure they were covering everything related to girls’ issues in case the girls didn’t necessarily feel comfortable telling ALL to the their parents. I’m sure at some point both daughters spoke about things they never told me and I was just grateful they had a trusting relationship with these doctors because they were only going to get the very best of advice from them. </p>
<p>The philosophy of this practice was communicated in very clear terms when we first chose them. I understood going in that every appt. would start with me present and would end with me leaving them alone for a little while to chat. It wasn’t thrust upon me as a surprise, so maybe that’s why I never had a problem with it. I was informed of their medications and if any kind of medical problem or disease was diagnosed, I was notified (prior to age 18). I understood that confidentiality would be respected with regard to their private conversations unless the child was deemed to have a problem which could threaten their life, such as an eating disorder, anxiety/depression, suicidal ideation, etc. I guess any parent who would have a problem with their policies would not have wanted to be a part of such a practice to begin with, so I don’t think they had any push back. We felt very lucky to have found them. </p>
<p>Very long winded way of saying that this does not seem strange to me at all. </p>
<p>I have always given my kids space about doctors once they hit puberty. For my son’s asthma visits, I always stayed in room, because I wanted to make sure we were on same page about meds and treatments and such. </p>
<p>I would have liked to be in room when D got gardasil shots a couple of years ago, because she got erroneous information from doctor and nurse about shot schedule sequence that caused problems with scheduling later on. </p>
<p>D still asks me to refill prescriptions and choose docs and make appts even though she can, easily. We have always had good communication. It did annoy me when Kaiser cut me out of the loop when she was 16 or 17. Very private in terms of how they deal with teens, even though she wanted me to help her. It did cause some aggravation until we figured out how to navigate that. Fortunately no major health issues, which could have been problematic. </p>
<p>I think they go a little over the top about guarding privacy on one hand, yet, if she needed a flu shot or something like that, I would have to give permission. </p>
<p>Folks - interesting points. I have absolutely no issue if kids want to do this in private or if the parents feel the need for them to have privacy. A lot of your comments allude to these. My issue is that my wife wanted to be in the room - my D had no issues with that (again this has nothing to do with being sexually active or drugs) but the dr wanted her to wait in the reception. To provide some context, my wife is the one who is expected to take care of my D at home - how does this help the cause? And for the record, this is our primary care physician - we have been his patients for over a decade. </p>
<p>From a physician’s point of view, we want to develop a level of trust with our young patients. That starts with communicating to our patients directly. They have to feel that they can trust us and talk to us about anything. Especially potential poor choices. What we absolutely must have is honesty from the patients otherwise everything starts to collapse with diagnoses and treatments. When I see a patient with rotten teeth, skin marks, positive methamphetamine test but denies drug usage, there is no way I can successfully treat that patient without developing a level of trust.</p>
<p>As a parent, I found it weird that I was asked to leave the room when my then 14 year old daughter had an appointment with her pediatrician. I am fortunate to have a reclusive daughter who wants nothing to do with friends and has no secrets with me. The pediatrician wanted an opportunity to ask if she was sexually active. But when my daughter had a visit with her gynecologist, she insisted that I be present in the room. I insisted that she was prescribed birth control pills. Our rule is that all dependent daughters are on birth control pills unless there is a contraindication. No choice in the matter whatsoever. She had no problems complying but she thought it was weird that her pediatrician chose to ask such a benign question without a parent in the room. Then again, I have had young patients inform their parents about their pregnancies when they are in labor.</p>
<p>A lot has to do with the practice you choose. Nothing stops you from interviewing the practice and choosing the practice that allows you to be more involved. But understand that your involvement may diminish the discussions and the ability of the physicians to care for your children if they feel uncomfortable. Personally, we should strive to encourage our kids to have that private time with their physicians and to be proactive about their health. The physician should also know when to get you involved when significant issues arises.</p>
<p>I think it is weird she wasn’t allowed to go in, if child wanted her there. I would probably follow this up with a phone call to office explaining concerns, if I were her. </p>
<p>Yes, when I found them, I thought “OMG, why hasn’t someone thought of this before?!!” We were lucky to be one of their first patients. Before long, they were inundated with patients. I think at some point they had to stop accepting patients for a while. When you take your daughter there for an appt., it’s not a quick in and out. You know you’re going to be there for awhile, but you also know that’s a good thing. Of course, once they were driving, they didn’t need me to be there. My daughters and I are close, and though I knew they probably had conversations I didn’t know about, in general they were very open. If something serious was going on, I had confidence that they’d give their docs permission to call me, and that’s usually how it worked out.</p>
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<p>Yes, and I told her about that, and she of course remembered you!!! She’s awesome.</p>
<p>While I understand the privacy issue I agree with samurai. It’s over the top and assumes the child and parent have some sort of communication issue. Some do, no doubt. But, my guess is most don’t. Anyway, not allowing a parent in the room if that’s what the patient wants is not okay. And, 13 is very young to send kids the message that they are entitled to privacy from parents. Especially a girl and a mom. Boys are different. I have one of each that age and D would definitely want me in the room. S could be uncomfortable but that’s about puberty not sex or drugs.</p>
<p>The part I find especially troubling is prescribing meds to a minor and keeping that from the parent–unless the kid asked for birth control. Why would a doctor not discuss the meds with the parent?</p>