<p>Ds2 is a junior, and his HS has a junior-senior prom. He knows who he wants to ask and when I asked yesterday when he was going to ask her, he said his friends have all decided to wait until mid-April. The prom is the first weekend in May. I told him that three weeks is not enough time for a girl to find a dress, etc. He said they all know they’re going to go and could be shopping for dresses now anyway.</p>
<p>This is one of those times when I can’t decide whether to butt out – they’re 17 and going to prom, not you – or to keep saying something because this is the juniors’ first prom, they’re dumb boys and don’t know what all it takes for most girls to get ready for a big dance and this is a teachable moment about not taking girls for granted, etc.</p>
<p>Tell me what y’all think. I know all the moms and know we could gang up on our sons and make them ask sooner rather than later. Oh, and a lot of his friends are coupled off, but ds is not. They are in that stage where their friends know they like each other but haven’t made the relationship “Facebook official.” I wouldn’t be surprised if another kid swoops in and asks her.</p>
<p>Say it one more time, then butt out. Kids this age don’t realize the other sex perceives things differently a lot of the time. You might have to tell him that girls’ perceptions are sometimes different. He may need to be told that until she’s asked, a girl is wise not to assume she’s going. She is also free to say yes to another invitation if she hasn’t been asked. </p>
<p>Now, if you tell him that and he just smiles and nods, I guess you let it go.</p>
<p>I am the mom of two boys, sister of 3 more, and I hear you. Boys are so dumb sometimes :)</p>
<p>You might have success with the observation that it would be stupid if someone else asked his girl, or the observation that if he knows who he wants to ask, what is the point in waiting? I do this as a representative girl, not as mom. Or try the why do this on your friends’ timeline? Who is the date, them or her? But tread lightly. Boys are clueless but girls can be terribly cruel so the boys are entitled to caution.</p>
<p>In the end, though, you want to encourage but not insist, because you really can’t do it for him. If he has cold feet, or has already been rejected, your focus on the issue only makes it that much worse. Sometimes they really need you to model how to ask, that’s the sticking point! S2 is a senior with a gf of longstanding, and I did remind him that he needed to ask her to prom, just because every girl wants to be asked. And he rolled his eyes and said “I am not an idiot” and DH yells “yes, you are! all men are idiots when it comes to prom”</p>
<p>Prom season here too. Our juniors have said that it is WAY too early to start with prom invites and most happen mid-late April for a mid-May prom. Most likely the girls have at least looked at dresses, have an idea what they want and are planning on a weekend late April to prom shop anyway so if it is the norm at your school to wait until mid April, I wouldn’t worry about it too much. It’s the norm here to ask in a creative manner and usually photos get posted on Facebook, so far no invites here.</p>
<p>You’ve had a conversation about, and you’ve explained the girl’s point of view. This is one of those cases where I would ask myself, What’s the worst that could happen? Would he suffer physical damage? Irrevocable humiliation? Not get his first job because of it? If you’re okay with the worst outcome (he sits home moping and kicking himself), then I’d just let it be a teachable moment. It won’t be his first when it comes to dating.</p>
<p>What about reserving the limo and dinner reservations, as well as the tuxedo? What are the after prom plans? I interfered, and at about 3 weeks prior.</p>
<p>I would politely tell him that he is being inconsiderate and might end up with an unpleasant surprise and/or rushed arrangements. If he’s ok with that, I’d butt out.</p>
<p>I don’t want to tell you that in my bleary eyed state, I saw the thread title as “inject in butt or not?” And I mentally screeched “what? YDS? No?”</p>
<p>Thankfully it wasn’t that and I can move on with my day.</p>
<p>I would butt out…it might be the hard knock way to learn a lesson but butt out.</p>
<p>FWIW…he is right about dresses…my daughter bought her prom dress September of her senior year! I remember asking her…will it still fit? will you have a date? will you still LIKE the dress.</p>
<p>Answer was yes to all of the questions and she had a great time at the prom in her $99 dress!</p>
<p>If he is renting a tux, tell him that he may not have the right color vest/tie if he waits too long. If he asks the girl he can make sure he looks good at the prom. Appeal to his vanity (if he has any).</p>
<p>I was a tuxedo rental operator before retiring… I’d have him at least reserve/get fitted for his tuxedo and then add the color of accessories later. Hot tuxedo styles and, more importantly, smaller coat sizes that the majority of high school boys wear get all sold out during prom season.</p>
<p>This situation comes up a lot. Girl and Boy #1 like each other but are not FBO. Boy #2 asks Girl to Prom. Boy #2 knows she’s not “in a relationship with anyone.” If Girl is nice, she doesn’t want to hurt Boy #2’s feelings by stringing him along, waiting for a better offer. Does she go to prom with Boy #2 because he is the first to ask? If she declines and Boy #1 gets cold feet and never asks, then she is sitting at home prom night. </p>
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<p>Lots of regional differences. Last year many of my D’s friends shopped in January and early February. We went toward the end of February and D was worried that all the good dresses would be taken.</p>
<p>Here is what we found out. Most prom dress designers send only one of each size to a store - sometimes not even all the sizes. Once they sell out, the store cannot order another one of that particular dress. (I’m not talking designer here - I’m taking the Prom lines of the typical $200-$500 dress.) If the girl waits until April, the dresses will, in fact, be picked over.</p>
<p>Many smaller stores selling prom dresses even track specific color/style dress purchases by school so 2 girls from the same school don’t show up in the same dress for that particular school’s prom.</p>
<p>I’ll say as a male here, we don’t really think of proms in the same light as girls do. If you can help him understand things through a girls eyes, that might be helpful.</p>
<p>As an example, I asked girl #1 to prom, and then girl #2 came along and wanted to go to prom, so I asked her. Girl #1 wasn’t too happy when she found out that I asked a different girl to the prom after she already committed. That put me on the spot there - I didn’t think she’d really care that much and wouldn’t mind me going with a different girl. I eventually had to have a coin toss to figure that one out. Ended up going with girl #1. I think it worked out in the end as she’s now my wife!</p>
<p>IMO the main issue here is to encourage your son to be considerate towards the young lady he likes. That means giving her ample time to enjoy preparing for prom, planning her outfit, coordinating his formal wear with hers, etc. That also means putting her interests/feelings above the peer pressure from the rest of the guys.</p>
<p>What is their agenda – to keep the girls anxious and wondering?</p>
<p>On the other hand, it is his life, and his relationships, so after making my points I would have to leave it up to him re how to handle it. But I would first be an advocate for doing the right/classy/considerate thing.</p>
<p>He would not have shared the info on the plan with you had he not wanted ANY input.</p>