I think the promposals can be really over the top or just cute. At my kids’ high school, no one spends any money on them, and they usually are cute/clever little things. The very public ones, as far as I know, are usually dating couples. My son was invited to homecoming by a rubber ducky on his car with a note saying “I’d be a lucky duck if you’d go to Homecoming with me.” I see no harm in this, plus it was probably much easier for the young lady than having to ask in person (they weren’t dating and he had his promposal all ready for another girl, but happily said yes to the “lucky duck”).
There is no problem with promposals. It is the going to extremes like having a cop stop a girls car that is a bit much.
If boys have to come up with an original creative idea to ask a girl to prom imagine how much thought would have to be given to planning a wedding proposal. But I guess girls find this flattering and friends find the planning exciting.
^Well, and then the wedding itself has to exceed that Spectacle level–here comes Bridezilla.
Promposals and homecoming askings were HUGE at S’s high school. He went along with it but I think it was worked out in advance so the girl knew he was asking, just not when/how.
Personally I’m not a fan.
I know the friends love planning it because of the element of surprise. The majority spend very little money. I actually was VERY surprised to learn that most boys still pay for their dates even though they are just friends, with zero expectation of anything more romantic. With the prices of proms these days, I found this practice a bit outdated.
@garland My daughter watches this show called, “Say Yes to the Dress.”
I think it depends on the high school traditions. At some schools the promposals are very elaborate but at daughters high school it wasn’t that big of a deal. She didn’t go with a date but a group of friends. (boys and girls)
They spend very little and in many cases no $ at my D’s boarding school on the promposals. One boy wrapped himself up in a large box from a fridge that had been delivered to the dorm. Money is not a factor, at least at my D’s school. Kids seem to get a big kick out of the whole thing.
Nothing wrong with promposals per se, but you can make any nice thing go bad by being rude or insensitive.
^^^
I agree and that is why the boys clear it first with the friends of the girl they intend to ask. No one gets hurt and no one is put on the spot or pressured into accepting the date.
http://happyplace.someecards.com/prom-pleas/promposal-in-front-of-entire-school-ends-horribly/
This was unfortunate…
I agree they are too much pressure on all, but where they are the norm, what can you do? I was proud that my son had the guts to dump a bowl of lines on the ground in front of a girl and say "I’m not very good with pickup limes, but would you like to go to prom? Someone recorded it and I think every kid at the hs watched on YouTube. (Ps, lines are expensive this time of year, yikes!)
Patsmom, while I agree it was unfortunate, the boy should have done his due diligence. Maybe he was just cocky and thought anyone would swoon at the chance of going to the prom with him. Maybe it was ultimately a good life lesson for him and a humbling experience. But we will never know the back story…
And that’s my objection in a nutshell.
As a mom of 2 girls, from a high school where only the most popular kids do the “promposals” it’s hard to watch all the girls who don’t get asked or don’t have the “big ask” watch the others who do. And it’s a very large percentage who don’t. Not begrudging the fun for those who have the excitement, but it’s hard from the other side.
Well, no, they are not always checked out ahead of time through friends. Think about a surprise big dance ask at the beginning of class one day in front of your teacher and 30+ other students. Think about this coming from a boy you hadn’t dated, with no warning. And then think about how much learning happened for my D the rest of the day. The boy who asked was a lovely young man, but it would have been so, so much better to ask in private. For both of them.
@movemetoo Is there some reason only the most popular kids can do Promposals? It’s just too easy to do.
I’ve often thought the Drama Club should do confidential Promposal consulting as a fundraiser. For $40, the nervous (asker) gets some brainstorming on how to do it and some rehearsal opportunity. Of course, the Drama Club faculty advisor should review each plan for appropriateness.
At my kid’s school, attention-getting promposals aren’t common. It’s usually the “power couples” who do it.
When my now 19 year old - just home from freshman year at college- was in HS promposals were only being done by dating couples. Two years later I watched as 17 year old D2 and all her friends were promposed to- those with boyfriends AND the big majority without. Many of the boys apparently got together, discussed who would ask whom and then the girls all knew in advance (and then presumedly could give the thumbs up or down about their date) so the surprise was about when and how the promposal would happen, not would he or would he not ask her, or she say yes. It’s a smallish class- 175 and the kids in this small town have been in school with one another since kindergarten so it the whole process in general was pretty easy going, fun and casual for the most part. My daughter opened the door to find a dog there with a Prom? Sign on it, then her guy friend dressed in a jacket and bow tie with flowers came over and basically that was it. Promposals stories went around and the Kids all had a great time at the prom.
That said, I am amazed that in two short years this has grown and totally worry about what the expectation for their weddings will be!
At least at D’s school it’s not only power couples and girls ask boys too, sometimes without the whole promposal thing. Two of D’s friends are going with other girls who are friends, and several girls asked boys who were thinking of not going because they weren’t dating anyone. But even between last year and this there was an uptick in promposals.
My 15yo D would love a promposal. She goes to an all girls school where they are not common, I assume because of the logistics. I think they can be fun with the right preparation and effort. I would hate to be a boy having to plan and execute it though.